The Hermit Club
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CS, I'm so sorry
The mamabear in me would want to call his parents and ask how they raised a little arzhole.0 -
Oh CS how that must have hurt--did it bother u'r son? I hope not. AWW u'r son is used to u and u are beautiful no matter what so he might just as well thought the kid was goofy. I know my grandson (u all know how close we are and now zI live with them) thinks I'm beautiful and tells me all the time--And beliee u me I'm not--but that's what they see cuz they love us. And some parents don't really teach their kids manners anymore and that's so very important in all of life and parents are too busy and don't see the importance of it.
Well tomorrow I'm not going anywhere again, but I am taking a shower and washing clothes (I hope) That enough for me that takes up most of my day--I'm so slow. hahaha
OK fun news (if I already told u I don't remember) my hair is short (now I like it) and all silver, not gray silver but I'm going to foil it burgandy how's that for an old lady. and it's still silky straight--it never was. so my dgtr will do it next week see I might not go out but I have ideas. hahaha
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It really bothered him. He told me that he said it a couple of weeks ago, but he was afraid to tell me because he didn't want to hurt my feelings.
We tried to tell him that the boy (aka arzhole - I like that!) just didn't know anything about cancer, much like our family didn't know anything about it a year ago, so he didn't know better. But that it is never right to make fun of anyone for the way they look.
I asked him if it would make him feel better if I wore my wig when I picked him up, but he insisted he likes my scarfs instead. I just hate that he may get the "cancer kid" label. Ugh, second grade is so hard.
Have fun with that hair camillegal! I had threatened to dye mine pink before my BMX as a sign of protest, but there just isn't enough there to see! Burgundy will be pretty.
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Aww CS, it sounds like you all handled it well. Your son is learning a really good lesson at a very young age.
If we lived closer (and left the house
) we would all go to pick up with you so you wouldn't be the only one.Camille, your hair will be fabulous! I need to touch mine up. It's jet black, 6 1/2 month post chemo pixie, with silver all through. Your grandson is just the sweetest kid!
In Abby's 3rd grade class today a girl shared that her grandma is a cancer survivor. The teacher said, "Abby, your mom is a survivor too." She said that she just smiled, but really didn't want to talk about it. We really don't talk about it much at home. It's like, oh take out the garbage and by the way I have a doctor's appointment. We've always been open, but don't overshare.
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Oh CS I feel so sad for u'r son, that other kid is mean. He said it before and has to say it again. That's mean. Well like markat said he's learning a lesson--altho young he'll never forget it and always be kind about looks of different people.
Well I'm glad u like the idea of my hair altho no one will really see it since I don't go anywhere. It will be my own ststement. LOL
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Markat, you damn near made me cry with your idea to go togethers to pick him up from school. Our own army.
Sounds like Abby is a lot like my son. He tells me he loves school because he doesn't talk about cancer there. He gets to forget it. Until that little arzhole brings it up. Grr.
On a positive note - he was elected to student council today! I am so proud of him I could spit!
Hopefully you can find somewhere to go, camillegal, after you get your new hairdo. You've got to show it off!
Sissydi - how are the rad burns today?
Kltb04 - how are you feeling? How did your appointment with the PS go?0 -
OMG CS he was elected to student council that is so wonderful--go ahead and spit, I just did too. See he'll be all right all the kids like him. That is so very important. CS this is the 2nd grader right--Do u have more kids.?
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I was so nervous for him. He was in Student Council last year, and it was such a great thing for him. It brought him out of his shell & he gained more confidence. He's never had a bully problem until this year. It's upsetting.
I've got my 2nd grader, then I also have a stepdaughter who is older and in college. She calls once a week to check in, but I don't think she quite understands the significance of it.0 -
CS---bullying is so awful now especially--it should be addressed in school over and over again. And i think parents should be notified and handle the problem with their child. It should not be tolerated. But unfortunately altho they are talking about it more and more it still oes on and my eart breaks for every kid that gets bullied because it is a big thing. It's things sometimes kids don't forget, Oh they grow up fine, but they remember who that person was forever. I know cuz my oldest dgtr was bullied, she was chubby--and when she ot older she purposeky went to some kind of reunion and was very nice but the ones that teased her it just happened they didn't look as ood as she did plus they had jobs that were awful. So she purposely threw it in their faces . I'm not sayin adults should do that but she did, She had and has agood profession and was fine with herself. But she never forgot.
That's why i always feel so bad kids are bullies and I want to slap them--I wouldn't of course- but I do understand how u feel. U'r son has so many kids tat like him and maybe u can remind him of that alot u know what I mean. It's harder to see u'r kids hurt than when we're hurt or hurting.
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Deliah - welcome to our club...sounds like you have had a rough go of it. Hope things will be better once your arm heals.
markat - what kind of nipple recon are you looking at? "real"ones or just tattoos? My insurance will
start over w/the calendar year. I will be sad because we are at 100% now and don't pay a dime for anything. Of course, we haven't actually paid for our out of pocket yet, we've just been billed for it. I can't believe your dd's teacher said that to her in front of the class. My Abby would have been mortified.Sissy - be careful not to go topless outside - the paparazzi might photograph you! lol.
CS - so sorry your son was subjected to that but so glad he was elected to student council. I think at a certain point, children's behavior can't be justified by "oh, he's just a kid" and they need to be taught that there is a certain way you act, behave, speak, etc...Second grade is old enough he should'nt have said that.
Camille - can't wait to hear how your hair turns out!
Well, the PS visit was short and sweet - and he pulled out the drains! After only one week! I was surprised. Pain level is much better, still hurts, obviously but not the continual, not able to sleep pain. I am just stuck in that place between needing to just rest and recoup and getting back into normal things. I have one more PS follow up Friday and I am going to ask him when I can start resuming activities.
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Kltb- so glad your drains are out! I swear those might have been the worst part of recovery, at least at a month they were! I'm trying to decide on real ones. I really don't think I want them.
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Klt---those drains feel so good when they come out--I'm glad for u --u must be healing nicely--but please take it slow this is not easy on u'r body and u might feel pretty good, but u'r body needs rest and non-commotion for a while (u all know I make up words) So take it easy-I'm not say become a couch potato like me, but just slow down abit and let u'r body heal.
Markat what going on for u'r thinking---r u changing u'r mind. Look I have no recon so I'm curious what goes on for all of this, I don't quite understand how it's all done, but I'm getting the jist of it now--It seems painful to me, but I don't know. I mean all the surgeries I had weren't painful after just aggrevating. But the other sounds like more pain is involved.
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Camille, I'm not really sure either. I think the PS takes skin from the mastectomy scar and creates the nipple. Mine seem pretty tight, so not sure how that works. Then, they can take a skin graft from your thigh to create an areola. I definitely don't want that part! I think pain wise it isn't supposed to be too bad since most people are pretty numb after the mastectomy. I'm just sick of anesthesia. It seems to take me awhile to bounce back after. Plus I haven't had any infections or complications so far, so I don't want to press my luck. I think my MO is going to let me get my port removed after I finish my Herceptin in December, so I could just have the PS surgeon do that while she's in there, but that's a whole other decision.
I did email Vinnie, the 3d nipple tattooist to see which week he'll be in NOLA in Feb. We go to Gulf Shores to visit family during Mardi Gras so we could always drive to NOLA if he's there. It would be a madhouse if it was actual Mardi Gras week, but that could be fun!
For some reason this is making me crazy. I have had to make very few decisions in this process, docs pretty much told me what to do. Reconstruction is the only thing I've really been given a choice about.0 -
camille - yes m'am, I promise to rest. I am awfully good at it.
Last night I went to bed around midnight, then slept til everyone else got up (kids/DH/my mom coming in to help get them ready). And I fell back asleep around 8 and didn't get up til 11:30. I am going to start next week getting up and helping with the kids at least so my mom doesn't have to either stay out here or come early. Dh can manage to get them to school if someone helps get them ready. markat - I am leaning towards tatoos - it all depends on what they (new boobs) look like - I still have the rads issue up in the air. If they turn out hideous I don't know that I would bother. I don't think I want a "real"/recreated nip, it just seems more prone to complications and issues. DH works with a guy whose wife is going through reconstruction aand uses the same PS and he takes the skin from the inner arm.
I know what you mean about decisions; I HATE making decisions...that is why this whole rads thing is driving me nuts - I want someone to say yes you need them or no you don't. I don't want to decide.
I may be nuts but letting oldest DD have a friend come home with her tomorrow - poor girl found out this week her parents are splitting up and her mom is the one leaving. There are 4 kids...S is trying to be a good friend and said that maybe if she came to our house for a couple days it would help her friend get her mind off things. It's not like I have to do anything for them...they are pretty self sufficient.
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Kltb that's so sweet of you to let her come over. Poor girl, I can't imagine ever leaving my girls. I know there are circumstances that make moms have to make that choice, but man... There was a friend of Katie, 7yo daughter that kept calling me during chemo asking if her daughter could come over. Um no. After the third time I think she finally understood!
I'm watching my precious Reds lose to the Giants. Wahhhh.0 -
Hi Lisa,
It's been a while since your post above but I've just come across it. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. They resonate a lot for me as I lost my mom earlier this year, and my job two years ago. Meanwhile, my teenage son is going through difficulties. Still I'm just reaching my 5-year window, which I'm happy about as I had triple-negative breast cancer. It's the light at the end of this tunnel, but as we all know, the tunnel never really ends.
All to say that you've had a lot of loss and sometimes, as you write, you need to be alone or be in places or situations that feel comforting. It's definitely hard finding new ways to navigate old friendships and start new ones. But I can tell you that it does get easier in the sense that you figure out what's really important to you, and that may mean some friendships changing.
Take care,
Emiliana0 -
Welcome here Emiliana---It's rough going thru all of this with young kids--u guys truly amaze me.nWell we are the ones that kind of stay in if we can, we 're not big on socializing yet. Who knows how long it will last LOL I seem to be in the most, but I don't have any kids younger tha in their 40's so no runnun' around for me. Just letting them take care of me more hahaha.
But it's nice here, everyone is so come by and tell us what u'r up to. OK?
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The Hermit Club...hhhummm...sounds like a place for me. I have grown rather fond of my shell over the years, it offers great protection. Can I join you? (Now that sounds contradictory doesn't it?)
Due to an array of reasons (excuses) I have lost touch with the outside world. I am not married, no significant other. My only son is grown. No family here in Florida. No one else my age at work. I have managed to loose contact with most of the friends that I did have. (Several years ago I moved to the north end of the county...and have not met anyone new up here.) I have no extra play/entertainment money. Sadly enough I have fallen into a habit of going to work and coming home, and just staying home, just me and my dog. Going thru the whole BC thing just exaggerated my isolation. (I can count the people on one hand that I have told about my bc. And I just past all the 1 year marks...) My shell is closed tight.
It is good to hear that I am not the only one living in a shell. I "think" about how I should go out, go try to meet some new people, try to make some new friends...but during all the bc crap, I LOST MY HAPPY and I can not find it anywhere.
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FLwarrior I'm sorry u lost u'r happy--u have to get unsad here. Under u'r circumstances it had to really hit u hard with moving and all. So this is a good place cuz we kind of gotten comfortable not going out unless we have to. Which isn't right, but U call it u'r shell, I call it my Island--I have all that I need right here--except the bathroom and I'm fine. Sometimes it's just such a big effort (for me) to get all ready to go out and if it's later I'm already tired so I don't go alot. So it's more comfortable for me to stay home with my cat---she sleeps with me and that makes me happy enough LOL. But welcome and someof the threads have very nice people on them, I said some cuz I just visit a few but I'm sure all of them do. So get comfortable rant, rave, cry, laugh whatever we'll be there cuz we might do the same. LOL
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FLWarrior - you summed up exactly how I feel "I LOST MY HAPPY and I can not find it anywhere."
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FL and Journey, I'm sorry you've lost your happy
I can relate about not having extra money. Cancer has sucked up all our extra fun money, between deductibles, prescriptions and copays every 3 weeks. All the extra cash goes to bills and kids. Monday, 3 of us have doctor appointments! Ouch!
I wanted to take the girls to see Justin Bieber next month and to stay in a hotel, but it's just not in the cards- stupid scalpers! I think I might be able to scrape up enough to take them to a pumpkin patch tomorrow, lol. Hopefully next year is better and I will be able to go back to my summer job.0 -
OHHH can I relate here. I used to live comfortably not havin a lot of money but enouh where I could indulge in some things. I worked and being alone I could stand on my own. But now--I lost my condo, my car and I live with my kids, but what's worse is my SIL who is in construction can't find a job--there is nothing happening in Sheet metal and he still stays in the union but it's pretty jobless around here. So we're in a mess. I've retired but this is not what I had in mind, nothing is right to me. My meds are expensive and I take all generics, my co-pays . Anything I do have oes for some medical thing. F*** cancer, it not only takes u'r body apart, but finances too. So it all sucks--no wonder why we stay in so much where can we go? LOL
My grandson is my joy poor kid---we fell asleep last nite and he was in my arms he's 8 but for some reason he adores me and tells me all the time even without boobs--cuz his pillows are gone and all he feels are bones LOL So I think we all have our time of sadness but we have to try not to cuz it shows to everyone else and our families hurt enough knowing all we've gone thru and what we go thru. And we are blessed to have families to be withus. And most of u really know how to type and I can't--oh and spelling is another trap I've gotten myself into. All of a sudden I can't spell. I always go over my grandson's spelling test with him the night before and I'm learning all over again and I've actually said this doesn't look right and it is right. Oh boy I need to start at 3rd grade level for spelling, beat that ladies. LOL
I hope today is better for all--each day is a surprize--not a party, but just unusual. I think I spelled that wrong. hahahaha
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Laughing at the spelling thing. Have such a hard time texting lately as I have to think about how to spell stuff -kids think I am so slow! Used to be a grammar/spelling queen. Not sure what happened.
I work at our own business, so don't really have much of a support circle of friends. Just my sisters and they have their own problems. Spend most of my day by myself - mostly like it, but need to get out more I think.
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birl hahahaha----we are trapped in this spelling thing together cuz I used to spell unbelievably well--now forget it. My own dgtr has made mention of it too. LOL
And the more we stay in--it ets easier and easier to stay in. That's not so good, but alot of my friends are still working too--they'll retire when they want to--so I can see them whenever but we're all to tired at night hahaha we're old.
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Camille, we can totally understand your typing and spelling!
My chemo brain is definitely getting better. The worst is still in my typing and writing. I used to be a really good writer, now I'm just terrible.
Welcome to our cave bgirl! What kind of business do you have?0 -
We keep bees in the summer and sell wholesale to retail stores. Keep the books, etc. Beekeeping with husband, but it doesn't seem to draw too many onlookers. Actually love being in the yards. Forces a Zen on you - bees are calm when you are too. Also live in city and enjoy the quiet - bees on farms outside of city. Miss it as I grew up in the country, hate constant hum of living in city. (about250,000 people).
Kind of became much more reliant on myself 19 years ago when we lost our infant son. Much like cancer, you quickly figure out who runs for the hills and who sticks around. So our social circle diminished a lot at this point. Also moved to city where husband grew up, so a lot of socialization done with his friends. Youngest just left for university so it gets easier and easier to just stay in. DH taking night course 2 nights a week and also referees sports in the evening as well as working 7 days a week for the last 4 months. So yeah, me, my couch, knitting, cats, it is all good. Also waiting for biopsy results again the last 2 weeks and it always makes me crabby, so maybe better to stay away from people.
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Bgirl, I'm so sorry you are waiting on biopsy results. The beekeeping sounds very neat! My girls are so afraid of bees, so we took them to a bee farm to learn the importance of bees for our food. It did help...a little, lol! Neither husband or I are afraid of them, so I'm not sure where they picked it up. I hope your results are good.
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bgirl I too hope u'r results are good and u do have an interest life on the farm. I'm glad u do find it relaxing. It's a comfort for u then. Don't feel guilty about staying in---when u want u'll be doing things again so it's all good for u.
And I feel so sorry u lost u'r baby--that's a very sad.
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