The Hermit Club
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Hi ladies I have been reading your posts and thought I would join you. I am not really a hermit, but I have spent so much time at home since my dx I feel like one. My treatment ended in May and I have been getting on with life. I had a busy retail store where I worked quite often seven days a week, decided to sell it and take an early retirement and promptly found out I had breast cancer. Which explains why I was so exhausted at work.
Lily anxiety and depression is awful, after my dx I downloaded a meditation program on my iPad and it really helped. I still use it when I want a nap and just tell my husband I am meditating. What is vit.B12?
Maidentired , you are right people do not understand about being tired, I sat all day yesterday after cooking for four days straight, and I am thinking I brought this on myself no one asked me to do it.
Hi to the rest of ladies jazz, dsgirl, mags have a great 2016
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Hi Lookingforward, what a great name, welcome to the Hermitage. As you might expect, we are pretty quiet around here. I'm a hermit by nature, as some of us are; some like you became hermits when dxed.
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Maiden- I have been away but just re-reading your post. It is nice to hear from you, and I remember you from when you were here and going through treatment.
No one prepares us for how long it takes to feel better after treatment. I am three years out and still get tired so easily. I was away for the long holiday weekend and flew home from CA last night, and just felt trashed today. Our energy is just not the same after all this, and there are many other SEs we all deal with on top of energy issues.
I have learned going through this that people don't seek to understand our experience. I had a few people who were not great during the whole dx and treatment thing and not much better after. I found the first year after treatment, some people acted like it never happened or treated me like I had the flu or something! They were quick to want to move on to whatever they wanted to talk about, focus on, etc. I have had to limit my time around people like that as I have gone on, and have had to let go of some of those non-empathetic friends. I don't need their expectations in my world. I more than once heard "you are all done with that now." I hope they never have to go through it, but if they do, they will quickly find out your world is forever changed.
Friends are one thing as we chose them (or not), but family is harder. I have a sister who puts a lot of pressure on me to do too much. She has always been very OCD and pushes herself hard and thinks everyone around her should be the same. We had BC at the same time as well. She is right back to running around like a maniac, and I have slowed down to pace myself. I have had to tell her more than once I am not putting my health at risk by over-extending myself anymore. One would expect she would get it better than most since she had it too, but we are very different post cancer world.
I am sorry to about your mom. Missing certain people around the holidays makes them hard to enjoy. I hope you were able to create some simple pleasures for yourself. You do your holidays the way it works for you. Other people can have the experience they need. I think cancer teaches us to put our needs first for a change.
Lookingforward- I am glad you found us and glad you were able to take early retirement. I am self employed (consultant) and have had to slow down with my work since bc. I try to take projects that don't have me traveling and allow me to put my health first. Working takes a lot out of a person. This is a slow moving thread, but we all like it here and glad you found us!
DSgirl- nice to hear from you too!
Mags- I heard OK lost power today with the ice storms. Are you okay? I thought of you as I was watching the new tonight.
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well mags I live in Canada , it has been bloody cold here for the last few days. It is starting to warm up that's a Canadian joke. I am married and have two adult children. My husband and I became empty nesters a year ago when my 29 year old son bought a home and moved out ( arms up in the air cheering). My husband did not and still doesn't handle my Dx very well , my son because he was still at home was a great help. My daughter is getting married next summer and we went wedding dress shopping last week with her future mil . She got a lovely dress and did not go over the top price wise.
I am very crafty , I make and sell Christmas crafts and I also quilt. I used to do farmers markets and craft shows years ago , before I bought my business. I like to keep busy and was very bored during treatment and decided to do a few x-mas shows. September was a turning point for me and l felt pretty good , almost normal. I volunteer at an auxiliary hospital in the gift store and I am with the women's auxiliary, we raise funds that go directly back to residents. Lind
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Jazzy, we were fortunate to not lose power – it's the weight of the ice on the lines that knocks it out. In my area most lines are buried so we do better. DH worked from home as did most of his company. Those that made it in got a free lunch. It's a great company. Anyway, the sun came out late in the afternoon. Temps in the 20's tonight so it will all refreeze. Upper 30's tomorrow.
Lind, you say your hubby didn't handle your dx well. How did that manifest? I ask because mine hasn't done well with it either.0 -
mags
My husband is very sensitive and does not deal with bad news well. The morning I got my dx he was beside himself, he also passed out in the surgeon 's office. I tread very softly around him about cancer ,in case I upset him. Does your husband react the same.
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Jazz I missed your post. I did like being self employed and wished I did it when I was younger. You don't realize the strengths you have until you are older, with myself it was confidence that I had the ablilty to run a business. I do miss working, but you are right about going at your own pace. Having time to enjoy life is far more important then working seven days a week. Hope none of you are around the awful storms, stay safe
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Lookingforward- I have always been able to do just about anything I wanted. Traveled a lot with work in my youth, an adventurer at heart otherwise. But post bc, I am not the same person. I work 4 days a week on my projects, keep Friday's for my own needs (house cleaning service, doc apts, etc.) Now I feel I have better balance in my life because I have made it so. I am in my mid 50s and single, so I need to be working for awhile yet and need to do my best to stay healthy to do so.
I am sorry you ladies have had problems with your DH's not dealing with your dx well. I was not in relationship at the time of my dx, so did not have that to deal with, although I had my fair share of family and friends not taking is well. I came to realize that fear around this disease causes people to either dismiss it, ignore it, or judge how we get through it. Does not make it any easier for those of us going through it though, right?
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jazzygirl
You have the right attitude, love that you have found a balance between work and pleasure. My husband is self employed and is now saying he is semi retired. We are picking up my son and his girlfriend and taking a ride outside the city to a diner for lunch. The sun is out , so it will be a nice road trip
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We have both dealt with so much cancer in our families and the one thing they had in common was, they all died. This is not my first bout, I was dxed with late stage ovarian cancer in 2011 and miraculously when th pathology on my ovaries came back it was negative. I use the word miraculously because that is what the doctors agreed. But we dealt with the rough stuff then, I thought. It wasn't till recently that I realized that he is still seeing the Damocles sword hanging over us, and why. His mom, his uncle, our brother in law, my three uncles and one aunt, all different kinds, all died. So for him, cancer is and always will be a death sentence, and I don't know if that will ever change. I had hoped the cancer support group would be helpful but it just seems to keep reminding him. And I know his own health is suffering from the strain.0
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Mags- I can so understand your DHs fear with the family history.
I had 2 scares with possible late Stage ovarian between 2007-2012. Both negative. First BC scare in 1999 which was benign. Then something finally came back positive (ugh).
Looking- enjoy the drive 😊
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I found out today that I have huge lumps right by my sternum, at least 3 one of them a good 2 inches long, hurt to the touch, they were tiny a few weeks ago and i just thought they were fatty lumps, also v painful ribs.......no appointments available at normal doctor for a week
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Mags I can understand why your Hubble is fearful. I have a lot of cancer on my side , my mother passed away from pancreatic cancer and my mil from breast. One of my younger sisters was dx 6 months after me , luckily not as advanced and she is not her2+ but she 's still stage two . I was very healthy, had not had a prescription drug for over 20 years. The dx came as a shock. I take nothing for granted now and I am very happy to still be here.
Jazzygirl what symptoms did you have in regards to the ovarian scare. I would not know what to look for, I was not Diligent enough in my breast cancer dx.
Lily I sorry to hear this. Did you just notice them today or have you been having problems. Take care.
My ride to the diner was enjoyable. My son and his girlfriend were quite impressed with the food. She wants to do a feature on them for the magazine she works for. Lind
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Lilly- it could be a lot of things, including scar tissue. I have a lot in my breasts from the surgeries and they have changed with time. But anything like that should be checked out. Can you see a breast doctor instead of your family doctor? A week is a long time to wait for this one.
Lookforward- first time was heavy bleeding 2X a month. I was pre-menopausal and they suspected fibroids. I had laproscopic surgery and that was confirmed, but they found a very swollen Fallopian tube and could not see my ovary. Long story short, I had endometriosis in that tube.
Second time I was very ill with stomach problems. My PCP thought it was some kind of nasty GI infection. They did a CT scan and saw a huge mass in my abdomen the size of a grapefruit. They told me it was probably Stage IV ovarian. I had just been to the gyn the month before and there was nothing there. None of it made sense. I saw a oncology gyn who did open abdominal and found my appendix had ruptured. My body had formed an abcess that caught most of the infection, otherwise i would not be here writing to you right now. zi ended up with a TAH because of all the infection.
I was in the hospital for 8 days and never been sicker in my life. I did recover, but it was a long process to get healed up from all that.
I had my bc follow right after. Two surgeries 6 weeks apart, followed by rads. I honestly thought I would not make it through any of that.
After having an acute and chronic situation back to back, both life threatening, I take nothing for granted myself.
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jazzygirl.
Wow that is quite the story, I would imagine the recovery from that would take some time. I am glad you are here, I have read some of your posts on theother threads. You are very kind and supportive to the other members.
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Lily, sorry to read your news. Are you able to see some other doctor? The holidays just seem to complicate getting appointments etc.
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Lily, one thing I have had a lot of experience with is called costochondritis. It's an inflammation of the connective tissue of the ribs. I've had it since 2008, but the breast cancer (particularly the surgery and rads) have made it so much worse. The spot where my top rib joins the sternum has been sore and swollen for a year or more. The other night the cat jumped up on my chest and I yelped. Rose chased the cat away. The cat was traumatized (and so was I). There are lots of things that can cause costo, for instance upper respiratory infection with a lot of coughing, lifting something heavy, even bending the wrong way.
Lind, I think we have hit on something important with our hubbies. Both lost their mother to cancer. My sweet MIL was throat cancer, and DH was with her when she passed. He has never recovered completely from that loss. His grandmothers and great grandmother lived to mid 90s. But he is not really close to anyone but me, no close friends, etc. So as strange as it sounds to me, he's terrified of losing me. I'm 9 years older, and we knew these days would come.
My ovarian cancer scare was a bit different. When I was in my 20s & 30s, I had a few ovarian cysts. Hurt like heck, then burst & get absorbed. So when I had the pain in 2011 I recognized it. Difference was, I was 10 years past menopause. If you're not ovulating, what forms a cyst? Pretty much only cancer. A vaginal ultrasound showed massive cysts on both ovaries. You know the look on the face of the tech and how they treat you change when they see it. My PCP called on her afternoon off and said, see a gynecologist fast. We have friends for many years, he's a gyn and she's his nurse, so I called her. He did the exam, saw the ultrasound. Late stage ovarian cancer. Sent me to a gyn onco, she confirmed. Couldn't biopsy without rupturing the cyst and spreading through abdominal cavity, so surgery. Complete hysterectomy. Pathology reports no cancer. Doctors agree miracle.
Are you pre- or post-menopausal?
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Mags
Both you and jazzygirl have been through so much, I can understand why your poor husband is concerned about you . I am well past menopause heading towards my senior discount. My husband and I have been together a long time, I was married at twenty, we been very lucky and have had a good marriage, just like you Mags.
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no chance of an appt anywhere earlier.......
Very interesting, I had TAH followed by second surgery that re opened wound 3 weeks later due to internal bleeding and infection, five years later breast cancer......
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lily, I am reaching out to say ... If you need a call, I will call you. You are not in this alone
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WOW thank you both......funily enough I don´t feel that scared more resigned to whatever will be.....I have so many pains and things I never know and can only cope by tuning out but my physio can feel the lumps easily and see them too ........I just feel so tired its been relentless for 4 years now (I first got suspicious Xmas time four years ago then my nightmare came true)
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My hubby also lost his Mum to cancer. Just 13 weeks after diagnosis. We were both with her when she passed and it was far from peaceful. You couldn't have wished to meet a more kind, giving, loving, generous woman. Hubby was born on her birthday so they shared a special bond and he has never really got over her passing.
Hubs and I met first year at high school. We were just 13. Married at 19 and the rest is history. His focus has always been me, our kids and now grandkids. He has never gone to the pub after work or spent weekends golfing; always preferring to be with me. Our son now lives about 2 hours away and our daughter approx 4 hours. I am his world. My fears are for him; not for myself.
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Lily and Bosumblues
Hugs, I hope 2016 is a better year for for both of you.
Smurfette, sorry about your mil no one wants to lose a treasured loved one. We always worry about things we can't control, but I think that our husbands will do fine. You and your husband have a special bond it nice to see that you have passed it on to your children and grandchildren
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Happy New Year Teka! I hope your holidays have been wonderful!
My new year's mantra is "loose the attitude, and embrace the gratitude."
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Happy New Year, hermies!0
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Happy New Year-- here's to a happy healthy 2016
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happy new year everyone
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