Lets do a Sh*t People say to Metastatic BC Patients
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Well, at least Breast Cancer is curable nowadays.
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You breast cancer patients have gotten all the focus and so now you have all the best drugs since Komen and pink is everywhere you look. (that person almost got punched but I counted to 10 and walked away)
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You don't look sick to me.
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Me: I have to leave at 4:00 for a pet scan
Boss: (eyeroll) hmmm
Me: You know I get sick of being a patient
Boss: Yeah, well I get really sick of you being a patient too.
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I am so happy you beat it!!
Janis - absolutely can't wait to see your video.
Jen
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Oh I forgot, when my mother found out she said, "I told you over and over you should have stopped taking those damn birth control pills"
And when my dad was doped up for a surgery, he told me, "Your amaze us on how well you continue to do. Your mother and I thought you were a goner for sure".
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Apple, that comment has now defined callous and insensitive to the nth degree.
My parents keep saying that I' ll be fine and my dad is always sending me articles about advances in cancer tx. It's very hard to explain to him that promise in a test tube or in animals takes a long time to translate to people, if ever. My younger sister died 4 months after being dx with uterine cancer. I was dx 5 months after her death and bone met was found 4 months after that. I can't get upset over their fervent belief that I will be fine. They are in their mid 80's and couldn't bear the loss of another child. It sounds awful but I pray that they pass away before I do. Caryn0 -
DAMN YOU, Lance Armstrong!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Im not running or riding a marathon because of you, okay????????
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I don't know why this upsets me as much as it does, but everynight about 7:00 my husband puts my MIL on the phone. She always asks how I am - I say "okay" and try to change the subject. Then she says "but you're a little bit better, right?" I answer "no, it's the same" Then she says " you know I'll feel better, if you feel better" (who gives a sh*t if you feel better, is what I'm thinking) I so dread this conversation - it would be so much better if she just visited about everyday things. I have tried to explain to my husband that I can't do this everynight - he thinks I should just humor an old lady. When is it my turn to get first consideration?
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I think after 3 years of this I've gotten to the point of being OK with the ridiculous statements...at least they are TRYING to be hopeful, cheer me up, and TALKING to me. At least that is what I keep reminding myself. Right now I'm having more problems with some of my closest friends and certain people being MIA this whole time. I've even gotten some messages from friends saying, "Oh, so and so is really sorry they haven't been around for you, but they are having a really difficult time dealing with your illness emotionally." Wow...how do they think I'm doing emotionally? I feel like a lot of people don't want to get too close to me anymore. I've also been talking to a lot of fellow Metastatic ladies and ALL of them have used the word "lonely" when talking about what's going on in their lives.
Funny thing, is that I had one non cancer friend say to me the other day that her feelings were hurt because I was spending all my time with my "cancer friends". What?!!!! Most of these "cancer friends" are ladies who are coming to MD Anderson and I'm just trying to make their stay here better by taking them to dinner, etc. NO ONE wants to be in a strange city by themselves with nothing to do or no where to go.
Geez!!!!
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The onion comments are funny. My DH's Dad ate onions all of his life to keep the cancer away. He was diagnosed with liver cancer and died within 3 months. Liver mets scare the hell out of my DH, but we joke about how I need to eat more onions to beat this cancer. I'm tired of people telling me, onions and garlic.
When I had my children, they told me that if I breastfed my kids for 6 months, I cut my risk of cancer in 1/2. I did it with both kids, so I should have cut my odds of getting cancer by 100%
But breast cancer is the best cancer to get because it's so easy to cure.
My MIL told me on numerous occasions, "I was just beginning to like you and now you are dying.". DH and I have been married for over 10 years now.0 -
I think we may need to start a new thread:
Sh*T In-Laws Say....
P.S. I am kind of glad to be single after reading some of these!
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Wow, these comments really drive home how people are lost in their own worlds - its so sad that you have to 'be there' to 'get it'. My most favorite, strikes me as totally funny, comment was from my mother who had just discovered a couple of her 80 year old friends had cancer (one had DCIS). She said this to me knowing that I was no longer NED - I was first diagnosed stg 4 in my forties.
I think its unfair and awful that first you have to get old and then you get cancer.
The saddest thing was hearing my husband say I was no longer at all attractive to him but that he felt sorry for me and still cared. He didn't seem to be in a mean space - just a self-absorbed justifying it as 'honesty' space.
Words and the ignorance of others though are such a small thing in the biggness of this journey and the even biggerness of life :-) I do try to remind myself to be grateful for the amazingly wonderful things folk have said and done for me.
Sophie
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My favorite: after my mastectomy and subsequent recurrence......
"See you should have had both breasts removed.....that's why it came back."
(note: my untouched breast is still cancer free!)
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Diana, that's a strange little game your husband and MIL are playing with you. He talks to his mother every night? I love my son, who is now 25 and been out of the house for four years now - but I don't talk to him EVERY day. I text him every few days and maybe talk to him a couple times a month, and we are close.
I think in your case, at 6:45 every night I'd go lie down and take a nap. It's his mother, let him talk to her.
The worst ones are the people who don't say anything. They just disappear. Plenty of those.
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Or "Why don't you ever call to let me know how you are doing?" Uhh, if you want to know why don't you call?
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(name) had breast cancer. She just celebrated her 5 years. She is a real fighter.
I guess I'm not a fighter.0 -
Regarding hair loss-" At least you have a nice shaped head"
Regarding weight loss " Wish I could lose weight like you" - My response "I don't think you really want my diet plan"
Two different women at the lab in my oncologists office approached me to say " It will get better "- guess I look particularly bad that day
Mari
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After a great response to chemo, my now ex-husband said to me: "maybe it wasn't cancer after all".
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You've finished chemo, so you're in remission-right? As soon as your hair comes back, you'll be back to normal.
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asparagus will cure you. (by a friend). ask her please don't send me any more of this bulls_ _t
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I think this one only stuck with me because it was said by someone who should have known better, and it still upsets me when I think about it for very long.....
"What are you going to do when you retire?" (I'm 43.)
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Father-in-law -"It's probably nice not to have those things in the way anymore." In reference to my breasts.
Also the old, "Your color looks so good."-like I should be looking like a zombie.0 -
"Chemo sounds just like pregnancy, you're tired and nauseated."
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From a co-worker "No matter what happens, I know you'll do it gracefully"
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Yamamam, hysterical--just start trippin alot and say I've lost my gracefullness---Darn gravity.
Some of these are really so funny when u'r reading them----
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"Chemo sounds just like pregnancy, you're tired and nauseated."
OMG!!!
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"You know the drug companies have a cure for cancer, they are just making to much money off cancer patients to let it be known"
An acquaintance from church called and was talking to me about my cancer and a class she had taken on foods that were good and bad for us; ask me questions and then said she wanted to send me something and that she felt could help me but she wanted to know if that would be ok. I was expecting a devotional type book. The book is in the basement but the title is something like "How to Cure Cancer - what the doctors don't want you to know"
Tuesday night at a retirement party for a friend and former co-worker, another former co-worker said to me at the end of the evening as we were leaving -"Raw almonds". I am sure I had this strange look on my face and she said, "Raw almonds will help kill the cancer cells and cure the cancer. You have to have them raw, unprocessed and chew them up very fine".
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Well, I laughed so hard over the chemo vs. pregnancy comparison, that I spit out my finely chewed almonds. Now, I must go and find all of those in on the conspiracy and get them to spill the beans on the cure. Caryn
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I've said this before on another thread but it still amazes me...an older gentleman at the supermarket was staring at me (noticing I was bald under my scarf) for like 10 minutes until I finally had enough and looked right at him...at which point he said. "tsk tsk.... You're a smoker, aren't you."
What?! (for the record I've never smoked)
I also got told, "you just need to live long enough for them to find a cure...it won't be long--I'm sure of it!"0 -
I am slightly afraid to ask these questions and I'm sorry to intrude on your board, but some of the statements/ questions that are mentioned are really concerning me. My Mom was just diagnosed with breast cancer and right out the gate they found it in every lymph node they tested and Liver, bone, lung. Really small spots. Am i wrong to think that my Mom could be here for 10 years or more?? Is it wrong to think that the meds are getting better and to continue to raise as much money as possible to help find a cure?? I want to know if I am offensive to my Mom/ unrealistic or clueless. But God, i want to believe that the treatments will get better and better every year. i didn't know that people found it offensive to talk about things down the road, but i am noticing that my Mom sometimes says "if i'm still here" and that kills me.
Also, is it constant Chemo? I feel so lost!! Why don't the doctors explain this to us. I want to be supportive for my Mom and I have to believe that she is going to be with us for years...
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4ever4mom We are not disrespecting what cancer is, we just make fun of ourselves sometimes--U can't always be serious.
But this is terrible for u and u'r Mom but don't forget she has a team of Drs. working for her and they do do wonders now. So many new things to try and I'm sure u'r mom is looking at things the way she chooses--when u hear all that it's totally scary for her. U sound like u'r truly a caring dgtr so u'r scared too. But let the Drs. put their plans in action for u'r mom and just be there to support her. And never give up none of us know what the future holds for us we just go day by day like so many people. I wish u 2 the very best.
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Smoking. Ha ha ha. That's hilarious.
I can't believe I've been eating asparagus all of my life because I like the taste. I wish someone had told the cancer.0 -
"Well you sure look good!" I would't mind that one so much if it was followed by a sincere desire to know how I'm really feeling. Anyone who knows me, knows if I don't look groomed and I'm out and about, it's over for me!!! Someone please call that proverbial bus to come and hit me when i step off the curb!!
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