2013 Survivors!!!
Comments
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Scottie In your pocket also-glad everyone else is losing weight so I can get my tubby little self in there with them! So we can count on drinks with you around happy hour then since your appt is at 330!
Juneau sorry for the rotten day; this friggin BC brings out such lousy emotions at times plus the diet- you're a strong lady! How did the drs visit go? You know I won't be making the trip but in planning I wondered if you might figure 2 weekends and take a poll as to which would be better and get a more accurate head count? Might also poll to see if there are any others that won't be coming for sure. Sounds nice though!
Oh my gosh Ramols you have been thru so much this last year, both physically and mentally with this damn BC , while trying to juggle those darling little ones of yours PLUS having to be rescued during the storm -I truly don't know how you held it together. If anyone deserves to feel sorry for yourself and have a meltdown every now and then it is you. How are those adorable little guys anyway?
Websister when I grow up I want to be just like you-I guess since I'm older than you I should say in my next life I want to be like you-lol. No you just seem to have it all together. I'm definitely with you on the idea of allowing yourself a treat after so many days so you don't feel "deprived"
McCook I am so sorry your surgery was delayed. I think I needed to get my squishees to mentally try to get myself somewhat "back to normal." Because I had so many skin issues, mine are scarred up not so nice looking things, but they are mounds on my chest that fit in a bra that feel normal to me now and look normal with clothes on. I won't even go into the difference in comfort. I know you have that other issue right now but as far as the frozen shoulder, my TEs had become so uncomfortable towards the end and my shoulder really hurt. I swear it was because my TE was pressing on a nerve under my armpit or something; plus I just carried my shoulders differently because of the weight and discomfort of my TE's. Anyway the good news is I have none of that with the squishes and hope you'll have the same result. In the meantime I will pray that you have good results on your scans Friday.
As far as test and doctor anxiety, I completely understand the anxiety involved and feel for you all. Due to the fact that my mom had BC when I was a teen and my own propensity to lumps, I had to alternate mammos, sonos and MRIs every 6 months, since my late teens. I had my first excisional biopsy at 18. I had such "test" anxiety that even though I had clear margins after my lumpectomy last year for BC, I decided to go the MX route to reduce my anxiety and need for testing. (not to mention that I still had some LCIS in one breast that would have required 3 to 6 month survellance plus it eliminated my need for radiation). I also chose saline implants over the more realistic silicone to avert the MRI testing on the silicone that my PS said I would need every 2 to 3 years. Drastic yes, but like I said I had so many mammos and biopsies since I was a teen, that after all the stress from this BC and waiting on results that lead to the diagnosis, I wanted to minimize my need for drs appts, testing and doing it all again as much as I could. Although I miss my real girls sometimes, they kind of became like two-faced friends-you love and hate them at the same time. Fortunately I am very much at peace with my decision now.
Tazzy wow I don't get that 6 month wait on the test. I think my MO may have pushed for mine to be done quickly to determine what route of treatment I would take but they were back within 2 weeks. As it turned out I was BRAC negative but told them to take my ovaries, boobs and anything else out that could cause me issues anyway. lol (part of my self-implemented medical anxiety reduction plan)
GMAFoley Ofcourse you are very welcome to our group- like you said you're alive and kicking! That's what we're all about. We are good at taking turns with some of us kicking a little higher some days than the others and feeling a little more alive than others on certain days, lol -but we're all grateful to be here and share an understanding of the ups and downs of this dang BC. What music that must have been to your ears when the tech said they would see you "Next Year"-that's great and Scottie thats what we will be drinking to as far as your mammo goes this afternoon. "Next Year" - that alone sounds great because someone is actually planning for us to be around. That makes us survivors for sure right?
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For those of us that have a hard time with mood swings, what has helped me stay human is Ativan, it smooths out things for me from the darn tamoxifen.
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Scottie - with you today
Chrisrenee - good for you! Your friend's walking program sounds like a good one. I start at 2.5 now and progress to 2.8 at incline of 3 during workout - baby steps but progress.
Tazzy - does it really take six months to get the results? Is it just the BRCA gene they are testing for or are they looking at other possibilities?
Aruba - loved the pocket!
Gmafoley - you are more than welcome to join and as has been said, you are a survivor
Marian - how are you doing?
schatzi - glad you found us
Ramols - sending healing hugs ((()))
Mccook - also sorry to hear about the delay in surgery. Is there any improvement happening with your shoulder? Enjoy your travel next week and wishing you luck on Friday.0 -
What music that must have been to your ears when the tech said they would see you "Next Year"
I don't really trust what the Radiologist says though... My IDC was found by me, the mammo didn't pick it up.. so in the back of my head I wonder if they missed something like the first time.. sorry today is one of my down days, and I am still staring at the bottle of tamoxifen.. I had so much trouble with the AIs, just not sure I want to try that too.
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Well finally this 'english' Canadian is off to work today. Woo hoo - grown up clothes and not pj's/or fleeces
I've only skimmed over the posts - chatty bunch of women we are.
gma; wonderful to see you here - bloody right you are a survivor.
Yeah 6 bloody months eh? Maybe I will email her and make sure I heard it right then. Everyone has questioned the length of time.
Hugs to all, have a wonderful day and in the words or Ramols - go find your happy today.
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In the waiting room at my Doctors. Have on big pockets!
2fried - I agree, the only way I'd get into a bathing suit is over clothes. Doubt I'd change my mind. My grandfather was from Oklahoma. Guess I am officially an Oakie.
Welcome newcomers. The more the merrier-
My stomach is in my throat.0 -
believe- we are right there with you! Everything will be fine. Let us know what's going on. Is this a follow up visit?
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This is the kind of swimwear I'm wearing these day. Love it. Not affiliated, just a pleased customer.
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Ah - Cindyl - do they sell the body with the clothes??? If so, sign me up. It is pouring here today and still working on paperwork. Need to get "arse" up and moving to get something physical done. Oh I hear Olivia Newton John "Let's get physical" though I don't think that was the "physical" she meant.
Cute stuff they sell. I'm just a big chicken to order clothes on line just because of the fit.
Believe - we're there with you. Do your pockets feel heavy?
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Believe we are all in your pockets too! Hope the doctors visit goes ok. Got the idea of the the swimsuit over clothes from your bra over the workout clothes. We should come up with a line ofcute undies and swimsuits to wear OVER our clothes. lol We could call them "Overalls" or "Cover alls" and give a whole new meaning to the term!
Cindyl those clothes are cute but I'm kind of like luvmygoats, getting the right fit particularly around my butt these days is challenging. I too would buy in a minute though if the figure comes with the clothes!
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Do enough swimming and you can have the figure.
Nothing I wear looks great because I'm dealing with the LE, so I just go with what I like and avoid mirrors.
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trying to catch up today - Thanks for all the support for Friday:)
Scottie and Believe - think of you today! In your pockets!
Tazzy - hope work is going well! PJ I would have pick:)
Gma - Of course and Welcome!
Ramols - how are you doing today? Thinking of you!
Cindyl - I will have to check that out looks like I might like that website!
2fried - That is interesting about the saline because my sister who had implants went with saline for other reason but I liked how her's turned out. My doc was trying to convince me to do Silcon but I am gearing toward saline because of some personal reasons and medical. Who would have thought I would have to make the dam decision about boobs! I was the only one of my friends seriously that have not had a boob job and I always bragged about how I like my perky C cups. Well heck the laugh was on my huh:) Can't I always switch them out in the future if they don't feel right? of course and pay dearly but wouldn't that be an option? heck what is one more surgery?
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Cindy I wish! If I could look like that these days, I'd swim 24/7 but I think my figure is what should I say to be kind to myself- ah.. how about a bit" too mature"! lol A little more exercise and less snacking would definitely help though. That's a bummer that you got the LE. Do you always have to deal with swelling or pain or is there anything that helps?
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Avoid mirrors, and you too can have a better figure.
The swelling and pain comes and goes, but it's always there at some level. My arm always looks like a balloon, sometimes the balloon is deflated.
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2friedEggs. I also have LE - it is a lifetime process and I always have to be on my toes... I only have minor LE in the upper arms and torso, but the flare ups can be bad.. if you would like to know more about it this following link will explain the ins and outs of it. http://www.stepup-speakout.org/riskreduction_for_lymphedema.htm
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So I am going to read through and try to catch up and respond. I have my cell phone to read and my PC to write so hopefully I won’t miss anything. (is that what you ladies who always manage to respond to everyone do?)
So my appointment with my BS was great – SHE’s great! I thanked her for being the only Dr. willing to tell me what to do, and not skirt around it when she told me “if I were you, with this oncotype number I’d sucked it up and do fucking chemo.” Perhaps she even saved my life. (I cried)
We talked about my fears of recurrence and she said in the 8 plus years she’s been in practice in the cancer center (specifically breast cancers) she has not seen a recurrence in a patient who presented like me. She gave me an RX for an MRI later in the year.
Next we discussed my diet (in detail – what I’m doing) and how pissed I am that I’m doing the right things and haven’t lost an ounce. She told me to pick one or the other if I want to lose. Either fruit or complex carbs like brown rice, grains, etc. Don’t eat both in the same day; and now that I think about it when I lost am my with counting calories last time I cut the fruit out of my diet for the most part and BARELY ate a single carb. So I suppose counting alone won’t work. *sigh*
Then we just bullshitted and talked about my hair (or lack thereof) and how great this look looks on me. (in fact I’m getting tired of people telling me I should keep it like this.) I showed her the photo of when it came out and I was in the tub. I’ll repost here. It’s pretty powerful for those who have not experienced it first-hand. She and her nurse practitioner were a bit shocked by it.
I walked out feeling better and was off to one of my 12 step meetings (for those of you who haven’t been here too long – I’m a recovery and have been for over 6 years) – only to be met by a friend who told me my old best friend from my former life (who had come into “the rooms” for 90 days about 2 years ago and answered my prayers) had overdosed last Friday. I am attending his wake tonight. Can I just tell you how broken hearted I am?! I have prayed for him every day for 6 + years. I cried when I saw him 2 years ago and was saddened when he disappeared and went back out again after his 90 days (with his then pregnant girlfriend).
We are all fighting for LIFE. EVERY DAY with ALL we have. What I wouldn’t do to have a healthy body again. Yes, I too abused myself, but the frustration and difficulty I have since my BC diagnosis to have compassion for the new comer who is still stuck in the grips of addiction, who throw away their life (as so many do) by ending up in jails, institutions, or like in Tommy’s case dead. It makes me SO FUCKING ANGRY!!!!! …and then I cried. I cried for all of them and I cried for all of us. Life/Death, Misery/Happiness – it’s a choice sometimes isn’t it? I never understood that. I always thought I was a victim. But no more…I am not a victim! But no more…I am not a victim! I will fight THIS fucking disease and I will continue to battle my demons and do what it takes to never pick up a drink or drug again and end up dead like my friend Tommy.
I’m sad today ladies…. And the salad, egg white omelet and beet/carrot juice w/ coconut water and flax seed meal (made from my juicer) isn’t helping my spirits. I want CHOCOLATE or SWEEDISH FISH! So I work at Party City/ Party Packagers in Canada – in the Corporate office and we have piles of the bulk candy around. I have an unlimited supply of Swedish fish right here….. the TOURTURE!!!
Cowpower: thanks … yes no rest for the weary, right ladies?
Marcie47: insurance should cover your prophylactic. If not, write them a really harsh letter. That would be seriously fucked up!! Did you get a specialty bra to hold it in so it doesn’t raw and rub off your underarm? I had to go to a specialty shop for them to configure a bra for me that would hold the pad for my left breast over the last 6 months. Since I had a UMX and went bigger, my left breast was considerably smaller before my exchange. In fact I threw that damn bra away afterwards! The built a specialty pocket that is slid into. It had stiff sides so that it didn’t shift. If you don’t have one you should investigate.
Scottie: I’m there in your pocket too… is it too late – nope still have an hour!? Thanks for your words of wisdom regarding my feeling at the Drs. We have a saying in the rooms “time takes time” and I suppose that’s what you are reminding me of. Thanks!
Tazzy; I’m surprise you didn’t have the BRACA test when you were first diagnosed. It might have changed your choice for treatment (Lump vs BMX)… and 6 months! That’s crazy!! Mine took 6 days! Hang in there sister. And you have to make the retreat…. We might have to start a get Tazzy there fund if not. I’m looking at a long weekend so no vaca time is needed for most of us. AND Have a great first day back at work!!!
(LADIES: I’m thinking perhaps we should push back and plan for September/October so that more of us have time to save to actually come?!)
Websister: (see above about dates – maybe we will push back- your thoughts?) I’m with you… I always do 1 cheat day where I don’t count anything and just eat. I don’t binge of course, but I don’t stress either.
Ramols: ask for gabbapetin for the hot flashes. It has given me back my quality of life. I worked my way for 100mg 3xday up to 300 mg 3xday. I don’t really get hot flashes anymore. Now they are just minute warm flashes. BAREABLE – the hot flashes… not so much. I know it’s only one item on your list – but for me, getting rid of those has completely changed how I feel. I can now go a few hours without feeling like a cancer patient (as long as I don’t look in the mirror.
Mcook: I love you! Thank you… Your description of how we feel describes the book I keep mentioning to you all (like a broken record - and I know you all remember what a record is) YOU REALLY SHOLD GET IT!!!!
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Dancing in Limbo: Making Sense of Life After Cancer. Glenna Halvorson-Boyd, Lisa K. Hunter: Wiley, Oct 9, 1995
I immediately wanted to recommend this book to my patients. [It] will serve as a roadmap to help cancer patients anticipate feelings and stages of the coping process. It will help demystify the complex and often baffling set of experiences on the uncertain path of cancer survivorship.
--Elisabeth Targ, M.D., Geraldine Brush Cancer Research Institute, California Pacific Medical Center
An intimate and inspiring account of the authors' real-life experiences of surviving cancer. The authors provide a straightforward account of what life is like after the whirlwind of doctors' visits and radical treatments comes to an end.--------------------
Regarding your exchange surgery – what are they waiting FOR? You said they don’t know when your shoulder will get better. Are they waiting to find out about your collar bone?? That sucks!
Chrisrenee: don’t let her kill you! That would be counterproductive now wouldn’t it?! And be careful what you tell a health conscious friend…. Remember misery loves company. And I was like you… all my friends had been lifted, replaced or reduced… I LOVED my perky B’s. I think that comes with not having had children.
Marianelizabeth: LOVE your new avatar and your beautiful smile!
GMAFoley: Welcome… welcome…wecolme!!
2Fried; I’m in Florida in 10 weeks. I will have to figure out when we are going to Orlando so we can get together. And yes I get the two faced thing. Think I mentioned it last year on the 2012 Sisters thread… my friend got us tank tops (she got her dx 3 months before me and had a BMX as she is BRACA1) – anyway they say, “yes they’re fake. My real ones tried to kill me” LOL I wore it to see my PS and she laughed (and took a picture of it!).
Believe; hang in there and keep us posted.
Cindyl; I thought the same thing a luvmygoats… does the hair/ boobs and body come with it too!?
OK I MADE IT TO THE END of the thread!!! YAY!!!! That took an hour.. my entire luch hour! Shit- we gotta stop chatting so much. I can feel the love but my eyes are crossed from squiting at my phone for the past hour. (kidding)
SO here’s a picture of my hair now. My friend made me sit in he chaire to trim/shave the neck line and she ended up trimimg it up. there was actually HAIR ON THE FLOOR WHEN SHE WAS DONE!
She didn't touch anything above the ear as that is what I am trying to grow in to meet the rest. AND she put some product in . Yes PRODUCT! I've been using Johnson & Johnsons Head to Toe for so long... Just wanted to share. Xoxo back to work for me.
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McCook I do like my saline and I have decent projection which I am happy about but everyone talks about how the silicone are so much more realistic to the touch. I don't know, I touched the "samples" but I couldn't tell much from that. One lady on BCO pm'd me that she has one of each (got them at different times for different reasons lol) but that she likes her saline side best because her silicone one was always colder but her saline one stayed body temperature. She said she didn't notice much difference otherwise. Who knows, but yes you can swap them out later if you don't like them and your doctor can probably do it as a revision so that it's covered by your insurance. I had my "revision" to larger and fuller implants about 3 months after my exchange. That is the only thing though that I can't emphasise enough-since cup size doesn't always seem to translate in these implants, make sure that your doctor knows exactly what you want.I stressed over and over that I didn't want flat pancakes that I had seen others complain about and she got me great projection but the size was an issue. My PS version of "big" and my version were completely different and therefore I was so dissapointed after my first exchange surgery. Maybe had the rest of my body been much smaller they would have been "big" but with my body size they seemed so small.She never questioned doing a revision to make them larger. The size and look of mine now would be great if I didn't have all the scar tissue etc that I have from adhesive reactions from my dmx. The PS assures me though that alot of that will fade over time.
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Juneau have to run but just saw your post right b4 mine. I'm so sorry about your friends overdose and death. How sad. I'm very glad the Dr appt went well and your hair is looking great!
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thanks 2 fried that is great info I get to meet with her tomorrow so I am going to ask.
Juneau - buying the book:) Sorry to hear about your friend:( and right back at cha! Awesome prospective today in your message! Love to hear that
Thank you! I will let you know when I start reading the book!0 -
Thanks for those who checked on me today. I am in a better place mentally. Physcially - aside from being tired, my body feels better every day. Alas all the men in my house are sick again and of course mommy is tending to everyone. That meant a lovely 1am date on the porch with my croupy 4 year old and very little sleep. But - I still managed to find my happy. As my lovely neighbor just dropped by with a roasted chicken and mac 'n cheese for dinner tonight. Learning to accept help and appreciate it (without feeling weak) has been one of the most valuable lessons I've learned in this BC journey. And I am so excited for the time I'll be well enough to give back again. My most recent hospital stint got me thinking about patient advocacy and what I might be able to do some day. We'll see...
Tazzy - I know there is something beyond the basic BRCA runs that they can do, and it can only be done in the one place with the patent. And I think that one can take a seriously long time...
2fried - wow, what a medical journey you have been on. Inspiring to have you here and so positive!
mcook - i know you were looking to hear how exchange surgery went. I'm fairly certain my "incident" was a fluke. So that aside - this surgery is WAY easier than the first one. Fingers crossed you'll get a date soon. My unveiling is tomorrow. Woo hoo!
websister - hoping your mom is doing ok and that you're feeling good
juneau - Your post moved me so today. Wish i could give you a big squeeze in person. I don't know if you feel or see it, but you seem to have grown so much over this journey. When I think about your posts in the early days pre-surgery, compared to your posts now, you seem so much wiser. Not saying you weren't wise then - but I think there has been some kind of transition for you through all of this. Take heart in your successes and what you have going for you today. And damn girl - you look fantastic!!!
I also wanted to share something with you all here. Not sure who here believes that those who have passed can communicate with us. I like to. My sister-in-law went to a medium party last night. And much to her surprise people came through to her - for me. The detail the medium gave her about my recent hospital drama and upcoming tests was hair-raising. I was comforting myself through this journey by hoping and praying certain people up there were watching out for me. But now I feel like I know for certain that they are. So know that all of you have at least one guardian angel somewhere out there holding your hand through this journey. While the rest of us here hold it virtually. To those I've missed in my post - big hugs and lots of love!
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Ramols - last summer our friends brought food over every Friday while I was at treatment. At first I was all "oh you don't have too" then I realized if they didn't it would be take out for 5 days! Another friend would send trays of food from a local restaurant. It was a nice gesture from a couple with big hearts!
Juneau - #1 if one more person says to me "oh your hair looks great you should keep it that way" I will shave their heads and see how they feel when I say the same to them! #2 I am so sorry about your friend. I've never known anyone in recovery but I do know its not easy and everyday is a challenge. I tip my hat to you! #3 that picture was powerful and I must say damn girl you got some kick ass legs!
As far as the bathing suit picture it made me giggle because my sister is a melanoma survivor and has to wear outfits like that at the beach and water parks. We call it her ninja suit. Cue the spy movie music!0 -
Karen's: lol! I like it... Can I use it too?! The shave their head retort? Made me lol....
2) those are my old legs... 20 lbs lighter. Need to get those baby's back! But yes, powerful photo. Gives me the chills when I see it, and it was me.
No one brought me food. In fact I got a bit of a resentment toward some friends still, but I'm working on letting it go... It's only hurting me.
Ramols; stop making me cry girlfriend!! THANK you. I hope I've grown. We both have though haven't we? A forced education on life, love and the persuit of happiness...REAL happiness not the kind on a clothing rack, in a bottle, or at the bottom of a bowl of ice cream.0 -
Hi Ladies,
Just a note to let you know I'll be on vacation for 10 days. Will keep all of you in my thoughts and prayers and will look forward to catching up when I return.
Cheers!
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Juneau use away!
301724 have a great time!0 -
Juneau, so sorry to hear about your friend. You are very strong and you have shown that ... Now breakdown and have a few Swedish fish.
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Gals.....thank you all for your love and support today......climbing the stairs at the clinic
was tough with all of you in my pockets, but I figure the exercise was good and maybe
won't get on the beast tonight. Enjoyed happy hour with you all, but please Tazzy you have to start going easy on the beer....lol
It really was a piece of cake (oops sorry) painless and the techs were wonderful and sweet with me.....such a wimp.
Juneaubugg....my condolences for your friend..
PS don't throw away those pockets as I have to see my GP next Wednesday for results.
Marian....love your avatar.....and yes, what a beautiful smile.
GMAFoley....yes welcome......be prepared to laugh, cry, as well as getting amazing support and advice here from these crazy, wonderful women.0 -
Juneau, thanks for compliment on Avatar. I would have done it ages ago but had to go to an Apple one to one class this AM (for other stuff) to figure out how to do it. I wrote it down too as memory sucks. Also I recall that same sort of bathtub picture but did not take a photo. For me it was disgusting for a few days. After A/C my hair grew a tiny bit but now that is falling out too so tiny hairs again around the place. Not so bad though at all. You have an amazing ability to write to us all while still working full time and I so glad your time with your BS was good. Though then so sad for you and the loss of your old friend who chose a different path.
Websister, thanks for asking how I am. Still lots going on though I am feeling way better since New Year's. Not sure but am on a med for yet another unmentionable gynae issue and since then no more low grade fevers and way more energy. I even went snowshoeing yesterday.
I am a survivor but unlike most of you, I still have a long way to go. Two more cycles of Taxol but saw the PS last week and big news. After much soul searching and discussions over time with BS, MO, RO and then PS, I am having surgery before rads. I even got a date last night and my UMX, axillary dissection and immediate reconstruction with T/E (and using Alloderm as a support) will be March 5. PS says he will do a fill during surgery in hopes that there will be enough elasticity during rads. This is the only reconstruction in the cards for me due to past surgery scarring and no fat anyway. So really no choice unless no recon.
Then the healing followed by radiation. PS says that he will not even consider the exchange for at least 3-6 months after radiation. So I am looking at next fall for the exchange. Almost 6 months now.
Off for a walk with my son.
Marian0 -
Marian....you have a ways to go yet, but we are all here with you so I know it will
all go well, I'm sure. How could it not, with all these crazy, wonderful women behind you, and yes, you sure are a survivor.0 -
Juneaubugg - so sorry about your friend. I hope it gives you some comfort in knowing their is another Angel in Heaven. I love your pictures and that you were able to post . Technology is wonderful - especially when it works. Your hair is looking good! It so thick and I love the color. I have to dye mine.
I also read posts on my phone. Wish I could pull pictures from the camera on my iphone but I haven't figured out that feature - yet! My iPad says the Cookies are wrong, or something like that, so I can't write on it to this site. My tiny phone - lets me answer but only if I sign in.
My Doctors appt was fine. Now I am back to the waiting part for test results. I know you will all keep mind busy with your wonderful posts while I wait. Get this - they only did a mammomgram on my left effected breast. They said I have to come back in three months to have them both done, grr. Was that so they could bill me twice? Oh well. I took my 800 Motrim before the appt. so it wasn't any more painful that before. I am sure a man designed that machine.
My full Pockets REALLY helped. Thank-you all for your prayers, support and love.
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Believe.....glad to hear about your appt. you and I have to play the waiting game now....I'm hanging on to those beautiful pockets.
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