Ladies in their 30s?
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Jillian, you said it. That IS some real bs. Please share more of your story, if it helps you. We'd love to hear it and know you more.
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Jillian, just read some of your recent posts and found your story and beautiful picture of you and your baby. Thanks for sharing and I am so very sorry.
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hi all
first post in here. im 31yr old single with stage 4 bc mets in lungs.
Have had an up and down fortnight. Saw my oncologist and he was really happy with how my bloods looked. Dont need to see him for three months!! He also said he wants me to consider getting my ovaries taken out. Have wanted kids for ever so im struggling with whats the right decision...
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Hi Melp. Welcome to this group. I am sorry you had to join us. If you aren't ready to have your ovaries out or even broach that decision, you can shut them down with Lupron or a similar drug. It has the same effect but is not permanent. The stage 4 diagnosis is more than enough to handle at one time. Having to make the decision about your ovaries on top of it is just rough. No need to rush the decision. What other treatment is your doctor recommending? Hormone therapy?
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Melp... I am in the same boat as you! I was diagnosed almost 1 year ago with the original staging at 2. Took forever to get a PETscan scheduled and was restaged to 4 a few weeks later. I wanted to be a mom so bad. I had planned to start a family in 2016 and was going to have eggs frozen... My first onc told me, that option is gone!! I was more angry and sad about that then the Stage 4 diagnosis. I get the shot of Zoladex to surpress ovaries. I thought about an ooph, but I too feel like that would be so final... Makes me sad.
Monika
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I wanted to revive this thread, as I have been feeling down this week and it is easier to open up and be honest to myself with complete strangers.
For the newbies who don't know me, I was diagnosed stage 4 de novo in May, 2014, 6 days before my 33rd birthday. I originally had mets to my lymph nodes, sternum, and lung. As of now, there are no signs of remaining cancer in those spots, however in Feb of this year, they found 7 lesions and significant swelling in my brain after numerous seizures. My last MRI in April, after having gamma knife, showed significant shrinking, so things are looking up. 2 weeks ago I was able to happily celebrate my 35th birthday with 2 different surprise parties (one at work and one thrown by friends and family).
I have recently noticed a huge increase in the women on these boards announcing and/or celebrating new grandbabies. Also a lot of them announcing that their goals are to see their kids graduate high school or college. And while I am happy for them, it makes me sad for myself every time. As a single woman, who had her ovaries out due to treatment at 34, I know I will never be able to have a grandchild, let alone a kid of my own.
It just further reminds me how different we are from both the people in our own age group and everybody else in the stage 4 community. Especially for me, as most of women here in their 30's appear to be in a relationship and/or have started a family already. This week, I just feel like I really have no place to belong and very lonely.
I think, in all honesty, it is due in part to the changes my brother (my only sibling), sister-in-law, and one year old nephew are making this week. They bought a house and are moving from the NYC, where I saw them at least 1-2X a week, to a suburb about 40 mins away. While they have a room all picked out for "auntie becca", part of me is scared that between work and the baby, and since I won't be close, that our daily lives (as well as my cancer life) will get in the way. I am worried that I'll get left behind or forgotten about. Especially since my sister-in-law's brother (her only sibling) and his wife, just had a baby, so my nephew has a cousin now, so they will constantly be having playdates and baby things to bond over and I'll just be the sad maiden aunt who they take pity on.
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Becs, this horrid disease! How I do hate everything it steals from us. I am in the camp of those who hope against all hope that I will at least get to see my three daughters ages 12, 10 and 7, graduate from high school. I'm sure it's not all that realistic but since I don't get to live to my 80s, I think it's a fair request. I think that maybe then they'll be able to cope a bit easier with the loss of their mom. Your greatest anguish is not being able to have children, which reminds me to be grateful for what I do have. My greatest anguish is the thought of leaving them and causing them so much pain. Not long ago my 7 year old could not sleep...was beside herself crying because Charlotte had died (yes, the spider from our bedtime story). She simply must be older and hopefully a bit less sensitive or I fear ruining her. Hopefully others in shoes more similar to yours will post soon as I know that is what you are looking for and I do completely understand the need. I feel it too.
On a different note, are you still on gem/carbo? I am but am having to delay a lot. Platelets. I began about the same time as you.
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Oh Becs, hugs.
Even though I'm married, my husband and I have never gotten to experience married life without the dark cloud of cancer hanging over us...hell, I was wearing my wig at our wedding and our "honeymoon" was one day because I had to get back for my weekly Taxol/Herceptin. While other young newlyweds buy houses and make lists of baby names, our young married life has consisted of infusions, surgeries, scans and LE treatments. Instead of our bedtime table being filled with books on renovating a home or what to expect when you're expecting, it's covered with pill bottles...chemo, Femara, anti-seizure meds, Zofran and Immodium (very sexy). And his job takes him out of town so much we don't see nearly enough of each other...but it has excellent benefits so we put up with it.
The kid thing is so hard for me. I've said before that I still hope to have a family either through adoption or surrogacy. My medical team has been supportive and knowing that it's likely possible (if complicated) gets me through the days full of birth announcements and FB bump pictures. But I also know that if I do make the kid thing work, I'd be trading one heartbreak for another. I think the joy will be worth the pain - for both me and for any children I might have.
I guess I needed to vent too. CANCER SUCKS
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I know how you all feel. I found out 10 months after I got married that I had cancer. We were going to wait two years before trying to have a baby. Those two years past in September. It's hard to accept that I will never be a mom. It's hard for me to be happy for others that are having babies. I don't want to be that person but I just can't be happy for them. I have a couple of friends who are pregnant or just had a baby and I just can't talk to them. Of course this is all made worse by the fact that my dog passed away last week. I hope you all find peace with all this. Take care.
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Becs,
Same boat here. Imagine my best friend insisting on picking me up from chemo, even though I already had someone else driving that day. She shows up with her husband and toddler, and share the news they are expecting again. Yep.
On the bright side, I do have an amazing sister, that is going to send her 7 year old along with our mom to spend the whole month of July with me. My heart is already melting.
I wish you are able to continue enjoying your nephew, it's not the same I know, but it's a pretty amazing thing.
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Thanks Ladies. It is nice to know that I am not so alone! I had childhood leukemia and underwent 2 years of chemo while going through the end stages of puberty, so doctors were never 100% confident in my ability to have healthy children, but knowing that is 100% now has really hit home.
I admire you with young children. I can't imagine working and then having somebody else to take care of and relying on me. I can barely take care of myself! Plus always having to remain positive in front of them must be beyond difficult.
Now that I am on a chemo regimen that has allowed my hair to grow back, I really would be interested in starting to date again, but thought is just so overwhelming. I wouldn't even know where to begin. Guys our ages are mostly interested in things I won't be able to give them. I just come with so much baggage that most people would not want to take on in a new relationship (if it was reverse, honestly I wouldn't want to start something with somebody in my situation). Plus between working full time and being a cancer patient full-time, I barely have time to see the people currently in my life, I don't know how I could fit dating in there too. But walking into an empty apartment every night has it's pluses and minuses. Sometimes I am glad I can just be left alone, but sometimes I wish someone was there to great me or just give me a hug.
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I know a single woman who had a child post Stage 4 dx. She had her eggs frozen and used a sperm donor. Her daughter is around 2.5 now. Obviously, it is a tough thing to do and is expensive but not impossible. I heard of a man in an article recently who had 3 kids post Stage 4 diagnosis for another type of cancer. I also know someone who had a child after BC and after ovary removal. She had frozen her eggs before her ovaries were removed.
Becs, don't sell yourself short with dating! Everyone is looking for something different and most importantly, humans seek out companionship and someone to love and connect with. Those end up being the most important things. If you meet someone who connects with you, he won't care about all your "baggage". If you met a man you loved, would you not love him if he had Stage 4 prostate cancer? It wouldn't change things for most people but would only make them appreciate every moment all the more. If you want to date, you deserve to do so! I don't have experience dating post Stage 4 but did date when I was going through chemo with Stage 2 (when I was bald with tissue expanders and no nipples) at 30. Honestly, when I told them about my dx, it made them connect with me more. I met my husband around then. I got married less than 6 months later. Things would have been the same for him if I was Stage 4, except that if I were Stage 4, he probably would have tried to marry me after 1 month.
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My obgyn recently married a man with stage IV prostate cancer. I learned this as we crossed paths in the infusion room during my initial bc treatment. Her wedding was two weeks away at the time. Love is love. It doesn't always care about practicalities. Yet, obviously cancer adds a complex dimension.
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Wow... Loss of motherhood has been so tough for me over this past year. I was diagnosed from the start stage 4 and rushed right into treatment. No time to freeze eggs. I am so heartbroken and feel such a void. I am also single...and dating has been so hard! Is adoption even plausible for us? Is it selfish to even consider it? I battle with that. Thanks ladies.. It is so hard to talk about this and my emotional loss of motherhood with all my friends who are moms or expecting.
Monika
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Hi everyone,
I'm new to the community although I've been viewing posts for several months now. I was diagnosed with mets in August 2015, and I've managed to stay pretty positive up until now. I had a radical hysterectomy about 6 weeks ago and am taking Femara and about to start Ibrance this evening. I just got a call from my MO that my tumor marker more than doubled in the last two months from 33 to now 77. I'm wondering if anyone here experienced anything similar but had the marker decrease again after hysterectomy. Thanks for any help. You ladies are such an inspiration.
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Hi Stephie11mc-
Welcome to BCO! We're sorry you find yourself here, but hope you find this community to be a source of support as you go down this road. You are not alone!
The Mods
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Hello, Stephie! Glad to see you posting but sorry that I don't have any info for you. My onc doesn't use tumor markers at all so no personal experience. I do know that they can fluctuate for other reasons besides the dreaded progression. Did your onc give any possible explanations? If not, ask away. I try not to hold back any questions, though I do often think of them after the conversation is over. A lot of times I save them for next time by writing them down but other times I can email or call if I need an answer sooner for peace of mind or whatever. Best to you!
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thank you for your encouragement! It's good to be a part of such s wonderfully caring group
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Hi I'm 39 (and pre-menopausal). I was on tamoxifen after being stage 1 then I was told to stop taking it once I was diagnosed as stage IV (bone mets) May 24, 2016 (after a +ve bone scan on May 16). I started Zoladex on June 3 while we were waiting for me to get my CT scan of the rest of my body, which happened on June 16. I found out from the CT scan that I only have bone mets right now. I get my next Zoladex shot on June 30, then I start Letrozole, Xgeva, and Ibrance on July 12. He doesn't want to start the Letrozole, Xgeva, and Ibrance until after about a month of starting Zoladex. All of this waiting for treatment is driving my bonkers. Does this all sound about right? Just seems like such a long time from diagnosis to starting everything full throttle.
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I'm feeling blah right now. Maybe I need to quit FB. Too many kiddo and baby bump pictures. It reminds me that everyone else in my age range have these perfect lives and I'm the only one left behind..
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Oh. man. I think I needed to click on this link. I, too, have a hard time reading about other people's babies (even though I'm so hppy for them! Just jealous) My husband and I were trying when I was diagnosed de novo with bone mets (we waited too long, and that was my stupid decision). In a way, I know it's a blessing I failed to conceive when we were trying because with bone mets in my spine it could have gone very badly for me...but it's the biggest regret of my life.
I'm 39 now and about to age out of this thread, but I feel like this is where I am finding my people, you know? Because of the things I lost because of cancer (like my ovaries and hope of being a mom) that you ladies relate to so well. Thank you for sharing and listening.
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Oh I can so relate... Been having serious baby fever!! Grieving that loss has been a long one. I thought after one year, I would be better about it. Nope... Not at all. Hugging you all!!
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Hi everyone
Just wanted to post here (First post ever!) to tell you how i really find support in this thread. I'm 23 and diagnosed end of februari 2016 with inflammatory breast cancer and a lot of liver mets. Sometimes it still doesn't feel real. The comments posted here are so true and i can totally relate to the grief from a baby you'll never have.
PS i'm not a native english speaker, so sorry for any mistakes
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Welcome, Casper! You will find a lot of great information and support here.
Well, all. I am officially aging out of this thread in a few days when I turn 40. It has been 10 years since my early stage diagnosis and over a year and a half since Stage 4. I wish you all well and I will miss this thread. I still feel "young" even though I am going to be 40!! It is funny, most women feel depressed about turning 40. I feel so proud to have made it another decade.
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JFL, congrats on the big 40! Doing anything big to celebrate?? That is one of my goals, to make it to my 40th birthday. I was diagnosed stage 4 de novo 6 days before my 33rd birthday, so I feel like hitting 40 would be a big thing.
I totally get how you feel. Most of my friends and I all turned 35 this year, and basically all of my friends complained about how old they felt. After about the 6th person said this to me, I let them have it. I asked would they still feel old if somebody told them there would be an 80% chance of them dying within 5 years? Would they feel like they had a long life or would they feel robbed that they were not going to be able to achieve most of life's big milestones? That brought them back down to reality really fast.
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jfl, happy birthday!
Indead, a birthday and getting older is a totally different experience for us. I'm thinking about celebrating more than one birthday / year. Maybe every three months or so? :P
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Congrats to JFL and Ms Tee for aporoaching 40, but I guess the long-ranging consequences of having cancer so young are so long-reaching that you never really age out. I could by some miracle live to 100 and part of me will still be 28 forever, dazed and wandering around the broken rubble of my life, trying to pick up the pieces..
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Hey, Casper! I have lots of liver mets too and wanted to let you know about the liver mets thread if you haven't already been reading there. It is a very active thread with lots of wonderful ladies (of all ages). Come join us.
To all, I am 39 and I was feeling like I was getting older but as soon as I was dx with breast cancer I felt immediately so incredibly young! Too young! So shocked. I look at older people now with complete envy. Somebody somewhere on these boards has a signature with a quote from someone who proudly states how many days old she is (give or take a few) instead of years. My age is now an accomplishment. I just love the idea of getting older. Cancer changes your perspective so much!
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I am feeling so stabby reading people on FB complaining about being pregnant during summer. Yeah, be glad you can get pregnant without risking your hormones killing you before complaining!!
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Hi ladies,
I'm so happy I found this particular thread for young women and mets. I was diagnosed last year Stage IV de novo at the age of 38. Because I'm ER+/PR+/HER2-, none of the fertility clinics agreed to freeze my eggs. 1.5 years later, I am thankfully very stable (lots of regression/improvement & stability). I am now entertaining going off of Tamoxifen and Lupron to freeze my eggs. My oncologist is mildly tolerating my fertility ideas. I am consulting a fertility physician in New York.
Has anyone who is hormone receptor positive frozen their eggs after their Stage IV diagnosis? I really need some good success stories! Please share!
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