new and future flat sister, with questions
Comments
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Zills, it's hard to know how to deal with this Mom. I know when my Mother got a bit "in my face" I could reason with her, but this old girl is a tough one.
I'd be asking Mom to take the kids out, a lot, and leave me to it! I understand DLLP's concerns, but we all know we can manage, if left to our own devices. Not having the distractions of the children and the Mother in the tiny house would have to be a good thing...right?
Elective surgery, yeah right, what planet is she from?
Zills, thank you for the updates, and give her my love. Tell her it will get better...promise M x0 -
"I am having bleeding complications. DLLP wants someone watching me so I do not lift things. Said she would take the devil himself." Not sure who's watching her this week or what bleeding complications mean. Sees BS tomorrow.0 -
I am going to finally give in and show my ignorance here what does DLLP stand for ? I am guessing something like Dear Long Time Loving Partner?
My advice to bobo would be to hire in some short term help (for lifting anything cleaning etc) and I agree with M have the mother take the kids away to do things with them so Bobo can rest.0 -
Having newly joined this group, I don't know bobo or her mother, but from what I can tell, not having her mother there would be best. Mine is likely not as bad as bobo's but I refused to have her make the trip to Toronto during my recovery since she would have stressed me out, but I was lucky that DH could take a week off. I think bobo can be trusted not to lift things, she wants her body to heal. Since DLLP needs to work, ideally, there would be another friend (less invasive than Mom) coming to visit once a day, or something like that. Another ideal situation would be to have friends around that she can send her kids (or one of them) to for playdates (not sure how old her kids are).
Fiaranch - So sorry to hear about the water leak, but thanks for a good rant! You're lucky that your DH seems to be handy! Good luck with this, I hope the damage is not too extensive.0 -
maybe tough love for mom? Setting rules, if mommy dearest can't deal, then have her get out?0 -
Fiaranch, I have been looking at that DLLP for so long, now I now can't remember exactly, Dear Loving Life Partner, I think.
OKaaaaay? I need more info on the bleeding. What's that about?
If it just a matter of someone making sure she does not lift anything, I think it is just a matter of promising not to lift anything, while alone, and sticking to it. I know we all overdid it, but none of us were downright silly if there were complications, there is a difference. Bobo won't do anything to jeopardize her recovery.
I know if it were me, I'd go troppo if there was someone hanging around watching me all the time. A little help with the housework, which was already arranged, for a month and a little help with the children, surely that's what Grandma is there for, should make resting a bit easier. Am I wrong?
Hopefully a visit with the BS tomorrow will shed some light. I am in the bag, 'cause I need to know what's happening and I think our girl needs some good old "gutter gums" backup. M x0 -
We all have asked it!! DLLP stands for Dear lesbian life partner.
She asked me about her mom too after giving me a long list of things the woman has done the past week... all were disgraceful. I know I am going to sound cold-hearted.. but frankly I told her to cut her out of her life for the time being. People will keep acting in a certain manner if you allow them to, just because it's your family doesn't give them the right to be abusive.
Fia.. sorry to hear about your waterworks
Watching War Horse.. made me cry!0 -
spookiesmom and otceb, posting at the same time!
I agree about the tough love, but don't know if it is possible with this Mother. Poor Bobo, the last thing anyone needs is Mother issues when you are dealing with this crap.
otceb, I think that's great advice too.
Our Bobo started this thread some time ago. We were all non reconstructers, but Bobo recently decided, when her surgery was approved, that she would in fact have reconstruction. Whether the recon is the reason, or the fact that she wasn't well before her surgery, and was then Dx with a virus that has kept her pretty well under the weather since getting home a week, or so, ago we don't really know what's been happening. Naturally we are all concerned about her because she has always been there for us. It means we are all speculating on what's going on, but really won't know till Bobo is back on board and filling us in.
I hope that may give you a bit of an idea. M x0 -
Trust me to get it wrong! Sorry, I told you I couldn't remember! LOL
ldesim, I agree with you. People only act the way they do if it is tolerated and they are never pulled up on it. I think it is often Family members who do it, you can choose your friends, but not your family!
Oh my, the scene with the barbed wire was horrendous. M x0 -
then lock the da$m doors to keep her out. Nobody should have to put up with that crap, after this type of surgery, we know that. And from your own mother!!
OFF WITH HER HEAD.
Sorry, in a crappy mood myself.0 -
Thanks for the clarification Idesim, I say we all get together and start sending her mother several ecards similar to the ones below (I picked a few of the nicer ones for start) LOL
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Oh Fia, those are so fitting! Especially the 2nd one lol.
Sorry you are in a crappy mood Spookiesmom, I seem to be in one myself as well... and I agree wholeheartedly.. I told my mother to stay home when I was going through chemo because she is a negative influence... and I knew she would bring me down and cause a scene in the hospital and alternate between being rude to the staff and crying about how terrible this all is.... . etc. She showed up that first day of chemo and I threw her out, I felt horrible doing it even now I feel horrible, but I had to do what was going to give me the best chance of getting through the treatment. It was the first time in my life I stood up to her having let her bully & manipulate me for years. Since that day, she has been a lot more respectful because I made it clear I would not tolerate the nonsense any longer. It's a shame it had to get to that point and I'm not proud of it, but it had to be done.
M, yes the barbed wire was awful.
I wonder what the bleeding complications is all about... she's really having a rough time of it, this is just awful.
GB, love the outfit, sounds like you'll have a busy week opening packages!
Cancer of the vulva.. wow.. I have not heard of that one before.. that must be so painful
I too do not have the same stamina and it really pisses me off. Glad you are not paying the price today from yesterday's overdoing it!
I have pain on the top of my rib too.. when I press there it is sore... I still get fluid in that area from time to time and that's what I think the soreness is from... I brought it up to my MO in Oct and she said it was normal and nothing to be concerned over. I will bring it up again when I see her on Wed.
I forget who brought up the 80 lbs from Tami. I don't know if I can blame my weight gain on Tami or not, but I have gained 23 lbs in a year. Some of it from the steriods I got with chemo and the rest may be from either Herceptin or Tami. Its like an innertube of fat around my middle.. it's just gross.
And yet another Monday looms before me.. blah.
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My mom has been gone almost 10 years. She would have stood upside down and whistled Dixie if it would have helped me. Think Edith Bunker type.
Women like mommy dearest annoy the he$& out of me on a good day, and this isn't a good day. So I'll borrow another threads title and STFU0 -
I'm in the bag for tomorrow too! Really worried about this bleeding issue.
Spookie, I said a page or so back that bobo and DLLP just need to lock the doors and not let her in! I really think that is the only thing they can do. Or move!!
Send Mommy dearest to her brother's and only allow her to come by to pick up the kids and go out somewhere with them.
I have been wanting to watch War Horse for a long time. Is it on Netflix yet? I haven't checked in a while.
Fiaranch, yes, those cards are a good start. 2nd one especially.
I have been having a lot of prickly sensations on my chest. I have to rub it to make them go away. Annoying..... I also have a pinkish rash around all my scars. It is where I have been putting either the Vit E oil or Mederma or Aquaphor. I had been alternating them. I am going to stop all of them for a while and see if I can get rid of this rash. I actually had a bit of it when I went to the MO in Nov before I started the Aquaphor. Seems to come and go. I need to pay better attention to see which is causing it.0 -
I had a class with a woman from Florida. She said she was in Seattle because she was getting away from her family and she ran out of land here.
I think Bobo and DLLP should lay down the law to mommy dearest. I think she's too self centered to stay away, even if it makes her mad enough to stalk out. She needs a written list of what she can do, eg. take the children out, fix dinner, wash dishes. And a list of what she can't do, such as wake up Bobo if she's napping, discuss Bobo's surgery, describe her own health problems (which are WAY WORSE than Bobo's).
Also use the magic phrase: I feel ______ when you do ______. You're not arguing about whether it's good or bad, you're just stating how you feel. And you can continue to repeat it if she protests. I understand what you're saying, I'm just telling you how I feel about it.0 -
ldesim, I know what you mean about the "innertube" in the middle! I call it my "steroid gut", ugly!
I can't begin to tell you what this poor woman has been through with this cancer, that I had never heard of either. Firstly, she was misdiagnosed for "3 YEARS" by her gyn who insisted she had herpes. This caused a heck of a problem with her husband of 40 years, who was having to defend himself and prove himself innocent of an affair. She was sure there was something not right and was referred to another gyn who had it biopsied straight away. It was thought to be pre ca, but the path after showed a microinvasion. Another biopsy, I think, showed another small pre cancerous lesion, so another new specialist/ Professor who is an expert on this, decided to do the radical surgery that she has just had. Bloody Gyn who checked it at every yearly appointment and didn't do anything should be shot!
ldesim, could you report on what your Doctor says about that rib pain, I have it on my list for my next appt in January. I am feeling it bad today. I have been threading more fairy lights in the trees and had to get into weird positions to do it. It is a weird one, I can't actually find the spot, but I sure can feel it if I bend the wrong way.
Spookiesmom, my Mother passed in 2003. I was a trial for her in the 70's, but she would have been fantastic, if she'd been around for this surgery. I had a caesar when I had Bec and then years later had an ectopic pregnancy which was a similar surgery. My Mother, and often Dad, neither drove a car, would travel on 3 trams and a long walk, both ways to get to my house every day to help me out with Bec. Mum could be a bit controlling, but I really appreciated her so much. I was so glad I could be there to take care of her when she had her radical Mx and full Axillary clearance in '94. She had other health issues after that, and ended up with Dementia, eventually having to go into care. Bec and I lived our lives to a roster for a few years, making sure one of us was always there. Bec was at University, but she never complained about helping her Grandma. I really feel for anyone who doesn't have any connection with their Mother, but sometimes it just has to be that way.
Wren, that's a very good point, "I feel" is the way it has to be stated. It is much less confrontational and "feelings" can't really be attacked.
gB, why don't you try going off all the things you have been using on your scar, and just use pure Olive or Coconut oil for a while. Then introduce the others for a week, one at a time and see what happens. That is how my allergist challenged my allergies. It works pretty well.
Fiaranch, I love those cards too! M x0 -
Ate too many cookies, didn't nap and stayed up too late. Had a sad spell last night and didn't want to go to rads today. Three left and I'm balking? Need to walk and eat something healthy! But all my favorites are gone so there shouldn't be a repeat.
Rads is standing room only today. Glad I'm almost done. Some sad cases coming thru.0 -
Hi everyone! well guess what we are in a heat wave in ND.. going to be 30 above!! but wont last long only till the weekend. Had a good weekend tho, the concert was great and yesterday went to my great-nephew's 2nd birthday and he has 2 older bros.6 and 4! wild household but good company, pinochle games,(anybody out there that plays pinochle?) and fun! and of course good food. Later we went to the movie Last Vegas and it was funny and entertaining, especially to us that are getting a little older,, he he! 4 old friends head to Vegas for a bachelor party for one of the old guys thinks he is going to marry a 30 year old and he is 70!! Morgan Freeman was in it and I like him in almost all movies. War Horse is a great movie and I sure would think it is on NetFlix.
Idesim, I hear you about not having the stamina I used to have, that really bothers me. Weight gain as well, I always say looks like I ate an innner tube! Please share what dr says about rib pain, better today but yesterday was a bummer.
Spookie.. my mom would have been like yours, dont get in her way to help her daughter... I mean anybody! we did the traditional mother/daughter dance when I was teenager acting out but we were close and I was there to help her always, only one with her when she passed away.
Fiaranch.. love the cards, doubt if mommy dearest would get the message tho.
GB, hope the rash problem gets solved.. I was going to suggest coconut oil too, But maybe Ariom is correct to just not anything for a bit. She always has the best advice!!
Wren, speaking of good advice.. yours is the best for bobo and mom.. good thinking.
Zills, hang in there.. almost done, what a great feeling that must be for you, even tho you dont feel it right now.
Hope everyone is doing ok and dont get too stressed out by Christmas plans. Not me this year, taking it easy and slow.
Hugs to Bobo for her appt today, hoping she gets some relief soon! Where is gramwe.. we need another baby update,,, and weasel report! love her posts.0 -
oopps, forgot to ask for your help... I somehow have lost the address lists of you gals, I know I put it away some place safe and sound,, well guess what?? cant find it! Zills I do have yours and Ariom yours, except could you tell me the last name and the zip code or the last numbers on yours, cant quite make it out! if you want to private message me that would be fine.. thanks gals, I really hate when this happens! and it seems to happen often anymore.0 -
Me again, Geez.. well here is who I found.. Wren, Idesim Gramew, Grammb and Ariom, and Zills, not sure where the other page went! I am a loon!0 -
ndgirl, I was just wondering if I could find my list before July 4th.0 -
I was thinking about the mess on my desk and remembered visiting a friend in Oakland. DH put his pen down on her dining room table (big one with stacks of stuff) and couldn't find it. Her husband said, It's gone forever, just go get a new one. And he was right.0 -
Hi, I'm trying to remain calm until my appointment with the BS later this aft to get my full diagnostic.... it could go so many ways. We'll deal with whatever it is, nothing I can do about it!
Wren - yes, you had the best advice, good to keep in mind for all conflicts. But sometimes tough to remember in the moment, for me anyway!
Zills - funny, I had a cookie binge yesterday too but don't have your excuse of a baking party! They were these delicious italian almond cookies, mmm. But yeah, all gone now. Good luck with rads, you're courageous.
Ariom - can't believe to imagine what your friend has gone through, I'm glad at least it was finally properly diagnosed and treated.
ndgirl - I'm so happy you had fun at the concert! Sorry, no, I have not heard of pinochle (but then again, I'm not "in the know" with many games!).
gB - I hope the rash is getting gradually better.
I hope everyone with rib pain feels better soon, and I hope bobo's appointment goes well!0 -
Otceb - Hoping your appointment goes well , keep us updated !!
I know we are all anxious for a bobo update
Zills don't feel guilty I had a chesse binge and Wren I will be making the oatmeal cookies over the next few days
M , I still have the freaking claw today ............. so I am taking it easy . OMG your poor friend I cannot imagine
ND we are having a heat wave also I am so glad as the cold really does hurt my "plucked turkey breast "
GB so sorry about the rash
Spookie hope your mood is better today
Idesim I am at least going to try and blame weight on tamox :-)0 -
In the bag for Os appt. waiting is the hardest. Once you know, you can get a game plan.
My "area" is sensitive right? I have some "sun" on my back. Techs say it won't get worse. So yesterday, a big whopping 30 degrees, I'm going topless. A little chilly so I tie the blanket over my shoulders. The kids thought that was cool and had to have one too. I tried to cook dinner that way but had to get rid of the blanket. Good thing I wasn't frying anything!
Today I thought I'd wear my DHs zip up fleece to give me more room under my arm. It's clean but there's white dog or cow hair on it. There's paint or caulk or drywall mud across the belly. There's weld burns on the back. Of course I noticed none of this until I was in public. It also gives a good view of my burn area. Top it off with red pants and an ACDC beanie. I'm rocking the radiant boobless look!
No snorting Granwe! I think you tried cooking or grilling topless this summer. A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.0 -
I'm so F*ing mad........ We got to the hospital to be told "ah, sorry, somebody forgot to call you to tell you that the appointment is rescheduled for Thursday"................ I was friggin' fuming. The results are not ready "oh, it's a lot of tissue to analyse"..What? I'm not the first BMX patient, no? I was only B cup, not that much to analyse? At least they should know how long it typically takes to have results for a BMX patient? And they say they're not sure if they'll have the full results on Thursday! And this hospital (breast center anyway) is then closed for 2 weeks for the holidays. They better have the results on Thursday. Anyway, I hate when I'm all psyched/ready for something, in my mind important enough, then it all changes like this. I'll get over it, it just means 2 more days of unknown, I guess pretending I don't have BC (except boobless!) and just working on physio.
Zills - thanks for the laugh!! I can just imagine the blanket (mommy is a super hero!) and the stained fleece!
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Otceb... what? how can they "forget to call"? so very unprofessional! Don't these people get it? We are in limbo and hard as we try our thoughts are always on the outcome. Let them know how that made you feel!! sorry you have to wait some more days.. damn.
Zills, not only Granwe will snort, bet we all do!! how funny, love those stories! But you are a super mom with or without a cape!! Cant wait to hear how your little ones enjoyed Christmas. Thinking about princess and boy at bobo's house! hope she can let someone know how things went for her... better than otced I sure hope!0 -
Wren, very good advice. Just hope it will sink into Mommy Dearest's head.
Ariom, I am not going to put anything on my chest for a few days. Then I'll try your plan. It is a little less red today, but still quite noticeable. I wish it was warm enough to go topless in the sun that we are having today. But only 40°F with wind making it feel colder. No topless here for a while.
Thanks fiaranch, hopefully just leaving it alone a few days will clear it up.
otceb, that is just so wrong!! It is so hard to wait for that final report, and then to have them pull something like that. I know because I had to wait 4 weeks for my final final report and it wasn't fun. My MO said at week 2 post ,that I wasn't going to need any other treatment than the BMX but still the final dx was hanging over me. It was sent to Beth Israel Hospital for a second opinion. My original dx was DCIS w/microinvasion, it came back IDC Stage 1 (because of the invasion) Grade 2. Still no further treatment needed, but a little more than I originally thought. They d@mn well had better get you in this week. It is not right to make you wait over the whole Holiday Season!
LOL Zills, love the outfit!! My biggest thing I forget to check is being covered with cat hairs. My Boo is long haired and sheds a lot even though I brush him every day. That stuff is attracted like a magnet to my fleece jackets and pants. Sometimes I get in the car and look down and my pants look like they are growing hair. I need to put a lint roller in the car!
Hoping to hear some bobo updates soon. And OG updates from gramwe too. Thinking of both of them alot.
Hugs!0 -
Wow, the thread is undergoing something of a renaissance, thanks to our new members, otceb (we will need a nickname for you, I think), and Fiaranch. Fiaranch, is it actually FL ranch? Do you have a ranch in Florida? I am just hoping against hope your forever house is near mine.
I can't tell you what it has meant to have up-to-the-minute texts with advice about my MD (Mommie Dearest). Yes, M, she is coming Friday. I have already told her not to come. Wren, excellent advice. You know, I have even said, Mom, when you talk about your cosmetic breast reduction sx in relationship to my bmx, it makes me feel very bad and upset. They are not the same," but she just says, oh, sorry, I thought they were. So scratch that excellent communication technique off the list.
Yes, M, she's coming Friday and I don't want her to come, and DLLP won't let me pull the plug, plus our princess would dearly miss her, even though it's pretty clear MD does not prefer her, but rather prefers W boy. In fact, I was just registering MD's Starbucks card, and asked what password she wants (now that she is a sudden starbucks fiend), and she said Oh, I'll just use the same one I have for all my accounts, it's [Wboy's actual name]333.
OTceb, are you waiting for results, and they gave you that runaround? Watch out. When we are in the bag with you, none of those things will happen. You have caught me at a weak moment, but ask the others. I am famous for getting myself thrown out of hospitals all over the country. And Granwe is even worse than I am? How is the OG's hand? I have been worried about him. I hear hand sx is quite painful.
Now, M, am I to understand that you are getting your dog ear repaired? And when? I wholeheartedly support this enterprise. And when is your company? So sorry I am not up on the calendar. AT LEAST there are only TWO rads left for Z?! What color should her mani/pedi be?
Oh how I wish I could lock windows and doors and not let MD in, but I do not think that is an option for Christmas time. Moreover, do you know my brother, who lives here, has not even called me to ask how I am? Or sent me a text? Or soup? Or nothing! I am pretty hurt. Not that I was expecting quid pro quo. But it seems he doesn't care very much. If we didn't have the new people here, i wouldn't feel so embarrassed. But I am very much tossed to the side with my 'elective sx.' I guess they think lx with rads is 'elective' too.
The bleeding is a tiny bit of skin necrosis. I see the PS tomorrow. The BS thinks it may be okay. I am really hoping for no more sx, obviously. The PS is out of town for two weeks after tomorrow. Hoping the skin is actually not rotting off. That's just what I did not want to happen.
Ariom, you did a great job of explaining to our newbies why I have not been kicked out of this group, even though I am not flat. It is a big surprise to me that I am not doing flat. And I must say, right now, I do not recommend recon in any fashion. Ran out of pain meds and had to wait six hours for DLLP to get home. That was not a pleasant time. Even though I have been weaning myself down.
So, I'm in the bag tomorrow for rads, 8 a.m.! I have PS at 8:45! And otceb -- is that standing for off-track betting -- when is your appt? I'm afraid someone needs to explain what we are truly like in the bag. And Idesim, peeing myself about how your phone went in a Christmas tote and died! I am now convinced that I want us to live near each other. I will never bicker. I will always appreciate you. ND, I miss you and I miss ND! Wren, I am sorry I can't follow -- are you getting a new F kitty? I know Boris went to his forever home? gB, have you sued Idesim for zulily addiction? Guess what? I am returning everything and I get a store credit! XX0 -
otceb! I am F'ing mad right there with you. What are these people thinking when they change these dates on a whim, and then intimate that they may not have all your results then either. I would be doing the dance of the "Humpy Back Spider" right there in the office if they dared to make me wait another 2 weeks.
I love to leave these people with a parting line like, "I hope you never have to face this kind of fear, and long wait!" and once I said to a Doctor, "How will you feel if I am right about this?" when he wasn't willing to authorize a simple test for me. It did turn out to be negative, but he never denied me any tests I asked for after that!
I went nuts, when I had my Biopsy and the specialist clinic, which was only open on Tuesdays was closed the following Tuesday. It should have been my results day, but was closed for the F'ing Melbourne Cup, which is a horse race that stops our nation! I had to wait 11 looooong days for my results. Same thing after my surgery on the 19th Dec, I was supposed to wait till mid January, but a bit of infection in my incision had the Surgeon open his office to see me, and he had just received my Pathology results that morning, so I got the good news earlier than expected. It was such a relief.
Zills, I can see you as "Wonder Woman" naked from the waist up with a super hero cape. I love that!
I, of course would have set fire to the kitchen!
I am sorry you had the sads, but gosh, not surprising. You're nearly there though, and I am in awe of you!
How funny, you in the contractors fleece, with all the stains and even weld marks, you make me laugh every time I try to imagine it.
Fiaranch, that "Claw" is a prick of a thing! LOL Take it easy and it will go away, overdo and it's back. It is a little painful reminder of what we are allowed to do every day. I have found it let me do a little more and then a little more, now it is just a really OTT day in the garden that it will try to take over again.
I need to report, I got bitten crazy by Sand Flies when I was dragging the sprinkler around. I thought it must have been Mozzies, but they are on my scalp, and behind my ears, gross! The locals tell me that it is Sand Flies and they are much worse than Mozzies. Great! The itch is unbelievable!
nd girl, I did the same thing. Lost my list, but the "Record Keeper", our lovely Zills saved me!
Hi wren, and gB!
Bobo, I wait for news of your latest appointment. In the bag for you! I hope things are improving at your tiny house.
Love to all...M x
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