new and future flat sister, with questions
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SGC, thanks so much for the wonderful word of advice and you have walked the walk havent you? So true about having a trusted friend that you can pour your heart to and that is what she did last night, she told me more details than I really wanted to hear, but I made sure she did not know that, I stayed cool. As I said before our kids grew up together and I said to her.. did you ever imagine that our little boys would have to endure so much pain in later life? she said .. no and they were both big hurts.. (our son lost his wife to breast cancer at age 42 and left him with 4 young boys), now her son has a hurt that will never leave. but that is life as the saying goes. I just feel all of us here are striving to stay alive and this depression or whatever makes a 16 year old take his own life...grrr. Does anyone think that when a celebrity takes his own life that perhaps young people look at this and see all the media/press they are getting or that it is an ok thing to do? Going through my mind after the tragedy of Robin Williams.
Zills, my stage 1v friend is going on 6 years, she is amazing as well. Her dh is just ok, kinda a jerk at times and she gets disgusted with him, still think after all this time he still is in denial.
Thank you everyone for the great advice and kind words... gonna be a tough next few days and much longer for the family, I think the real hurt sets in after shock wears off.
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Zills - I have a friend who has been stage IV for over 10 years. She even went to Duke to make sure our oncologist was doing the right thing. They told her that she was receiving the correct protocol and is doing well living with stage IV. Her DH is ok, sort of a jerk too. She does everything for herself and is raising her 16 year old granddaughter. Has had her for years! I adore her!
ND - you are correct when you said the real hurt sets in after the shock wears off. The young man who found my niece and nephew (and their mother) had a tough time with what he saw. I am sure that image will give your friend difficulty for a long, long time. I hope she will see a counselor. As great a friend that you are, it still must have been agonizing to hear the details, and I don't know how you kept your cool. I don't think Robin William's recent suicide made that young man think it was okay. I doubt he was focused on anything but his own grief/depression. It isn't a spur of the moment decision. Usually thought about for quite some time.
On a brighter note, my hair is coming in-in a curly variety of colors! Sort of like a multi-colored poodle/Yorkie. I will take it!! Susan
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Oh my goodness what tragedy and grief.
I was talking on my other forum last night, with others who have experienced suicide. It is almost the anniversary of my boy's suicide again, in October. It doesn't ever go away, I miss him every day. I can't even imagine what it would be like, to lose multiple loved ones in a murder. I am so sorry, Susan.
My Mother lost her Mother, to cancer, her Father attempted suicide because he couldn't go on without his wife and then he passed away a few days later, from the pneumonia he contracted, after being thrown into a concrete holding cell, when he was arrested for attempting suicide! It was the 50's and things were done differently then. My Mother's youngest brother passed away suddenly and they were all gone, within 7 months of each other. I was a new born and I don't know how my Mother coped with it all.
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Hey girls, I just found a group photo of all of us……..
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Zills, I am so pleased you got some good news. I'm sorry the scan is going to come around so fast.
Like ndgirl and sgc, I know a couple of women who are stage lV and are doing well, one is over 10 years and the other about 7. Hugs to you! M x
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Helenna! I love that pic...that's us!
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Love the pic!!!0 -
this morning's beach walk. I will miss those.
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ND words cannot express how sad I am for your friend and for you as well. You will both be close to my heart and in my prayers. Zills woohoo on the scans. Much love to all.
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ndgirl, I posted another post that has gone missing. I am so sorry to hear of your friend's loss,it is devastating and I can imagine how hard it was for you too, to hear it all. Knowing that boy all his life, meant he was a part of your life too. Suicide negatively affects so many people, they are forever touched, by the shock of it. Your friend was lucky to have you there. Hugs too you..M x
It scares me, how a seemingly happy individual can decide, this is it, I am going to do this right now. I don't know how much planning goes into it, I find it really hard to believe that my boy knew he was going to end it, while planning a holiday with me and calling me with details of what he'd arranged and asking for specific things to be brought over.
Like I have always said, I don't get it, never will!
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Ariom, how hard for you every time another suicide hits, never goes away.. maybe the hurt gets a little less raw but always with us, hope you have found some peace after all the years. I have been just sick to my stomach today, literally, but nothing compared to Jan and her son's hurt, boy life can be cruel cant it? But what doesnt kill us makes us stronger... or so the song says.
Thanks everyone, I just feel so comforted on this board, everyone of you gals are more than super!! love you all!!!
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nd, I am thinking of you and your friend so much. I am no expert or boss of you. But, you know, some people are just having incredible suffering. Now that sweet boy is not suffering. I can't know the depth of what he might have been experiencing. My heart goes out to you.
Helenna, excellent picture. Thrilled for Z, but understand the sobering aspect of the news too. Up in the night thinking of JSJ, who might be up too. Nearly out of pain meds. Can't decide if I should switch to advil or beg for more.
We have got to keep Glennie and jsj out of jail. Jsj is like underground railroad pillow thief. I always knew she was trouble
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I say, beg for more. That way, you have a backup if the advill doesn't work.0 -
"it has been said, 'time heals all wounds'. I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, (protecting its sanity), covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone."Rose Fitzgerald Kennedy ( a woman who certainly had her share of pain)
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Such sadness on the thread at the moment, I feel like we all need a long distance group hug xxxxxx
Zills, I don't want this to come across as a rant, I do like a good rant every now and again, but this is not one of those times. I am 3 years, 3 months and 19 days out from my Stage IV diagnosis, and I am NED for the second time. Stage IV is crap on a Chapstick. It sucks, it makes me want to scream, kick, cry, bitch slap people etc, etc. But right now, this week, this month, I am doing well. People will tell you "just stay positive". You know what? Staying positive has never killed a cancer cell that I know of. Staying positive MAY make you feel a little better, but it is not going to change the diagnosis. So when people go on and on about being positive, I need to close myself off, go blah, blah, blah in my head, and try not to deck them. Sometimes even people close to us don't know what to say to help. I have told them I am happy for them to say "it just effing sucks". Most other gals on this thread do not have metastatic disease, so cannot know exactly how we feel, especially having young children, but they are amazing, the support that comes from here just warms my heart. This is a special bunch of people. Anyway, i am going on a bit here, but I just wanted to say that you are supported, and we love you.
Ok, need to look at some cute puppies or something now.
Dawn xxx
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So glad you said all that Dawn! You're right, the majority of us don't know what it is like to be Dx stage lV and don't know what you go through with the Dx. We are careful, trying to not open our mouth to change feet and hurt the ones we love here, who do know, what it is to live with this Dx.
It is so 'effing shitful and it does suck, big time!
Let's do that group hug Dawn, across the ocean to our girls over there!
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Thanks M, I was kinda thinking of deleting that post, in case I hurt anyone's feelings.
Dawn. Xxxx
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I am with Glennie Bobo, take the Advil and see how it goes but get another prescription to keep in case you need it.
I am still smiling about the pillow theft!
JS, I hope you feel better and got the nausea under control! Sleep tight!
NDgirl, I am sorry to say it, but that feeling is going to be there for a while. I didn't really think that your heart could break, you know, how that statement gets bandied about, but I honestly know what it feels like now. There is no other way to describe it and there is no way to control the primal sound, that goes with it. It is awful.
It isn't anywhere near as consuming now, as it was in the beginning, but I won't forget how that felt.
I feel for both you and your friend, the process is a long and painful one. Hugs to you both. M x
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No way Dawn, it's all relevant. We are all here because we want the connection, to give and receive support. It is tight, we are important to each other. M x
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Dawn, I say, tell it like it is,,,, it does effing suck!! I'm not stage IV,, I don't know what it is like,, and I appreciate your honesty.((hugs))
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It's the pillow thief here. Good news is that pillow seems to be helping my shoulder issue,, bad news is that being home and going back on the desktop computer seems to crank it up again. Very bad news since my job is 8 hours a job on the computer. Gotta get this figured out,, but at least I am not waking up to screaming pain in my shoulder every morning,, so it's a start.0 -
Oh Bobo, you have finally figured out the truth about me. I say if you can't be good be good at being bad! Glennie, glad the pillow made it safely. I am feeling much better today, almost back to my old trouble making self *devious giggle*. Much love and hugz to all!
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Glad you are feeling back to your usual *evil* self!0 -
OK, I'm cranky now. When I had the mammo, she indicated that I had a microcalcification. Which sounded like a SINGLE one. I picked up the report just now."There is a loose group of microcalcifications over approximately a 8mm x 9mm area in the mid portion of the R breast."
A group???? NOT liking the sound of that at all. There are also some scattered ones and one cyst. And I have extremely dense breast tissue. Not just dense,, but extremely dense. **sigh**
Cranky,,,, where's the chocolate?
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Oh, well, now that you're back to your old self, we've all got plenty of naughty things for you to help us with...
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Loose group of microcalcs is good, Glennie, it is the clusters of tight packed linear ones that are suspicious. Microcalcs in themselves, are not an issue and as we age they are really common and benign. I still have scattered ones too and other macrocalcifications, which are of no concern at all.
I know anything that's seen in there, is scary now, I am wanting to see what mine are doing on the next mammo too!
Chocolate is good, Glennie! Chocolate comes from a tree, therefor it counts as salad!
Welcome back JS! Glad you're feeling better!
Bobo, I hope you got the pain meds sorted.
I ate too much crap yesterday, have a RA flare and reflux! Booo, that will teach me to OD on junk food!
Going to drag myself to the shower and hope I can loosen up...chat later ladies...M x
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Thanks, M,,,, I thought any group was bad,,,, it does say loose group.
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no need to delete. I'm not offended. I appreciate the support.
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Ava is happy to home on her couch.
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Aww, Ava's so cute!
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