Stage 2 Sisters Club
Comments
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I was supposed to go back per PS within a week which would have been last thursday! Luckily the girls in his office kept me off thru monday 😛. It'll all b good, one step at a time. Just not looking forward to train and crazy people and the walk to & from. But it is what it is - gotta make lemonade when u get lemons!!!!0 -
I just found this thread today and I am so glad. You all are so open about what you are feeling and going through and I really need that. Not one of my friends or family have ever been through BC and they do not understand. In fact, the last time my parents came to visit I had a really bad day and cried a lot. They were so upset that I was not "being positive" or "strong" hat they called me when they got home to tell me I would never get better with this attitude. Like everyone, I have good days and bad and I am entitled. Now I feel I cannot talk to them about my feelings so I am glad I have you. My husband has been great, though.
This has been the first week post BMX that I feel really like my old self and now tomorrow morning I will start my first AC treatment. I am very apprehensive about it, but I know it is necessary. My husband will be coming with me.
I did not have expanders put in during BMX due to BS concerns about radiation interference. Now when I look at myself I don't see how there will be any room to have them placed as the skin is so tight. Do any of you have experience with starting reconstruction after all treatment.? I know I am far from that time but I just don't see how it will work.
I am sorry we had to meet under these circumstances but I am glD you are out there! Hugs to you all.0 -
smrlvr: good luck on starting your chemo cocktail tomorrow. I am sure you will do great!! It definitely is OK to cry; I think that many of us have done that too. Your human and what we're going through is a surreal experience that none of us planned. I can't offer any thoughts on reconstruction, I'm not there in my treatment yet. But, there are some threads here that talk about reconstruction. I'm sure you could find info there. Stay connected and glad you found "us".0 -
welcome smrivr. I'm so sorry you have to be here but you have found a good place to be for support. I'm sorry you had such a rough visit with your parents and you are totally entitled to have your moments. I know I have had mine! I think you need to cry to properly get thru all this because it is a grieving process. Most days I am okay but there are some days where I just got so overwhelmed by it all. And I find that many just don't get it or just make you feel bad or worse so I stopped talking to people about it. Or at least I only say what I think they want to hear and let out my real feelings here!
I actually did okay with the AC part of my treatment. My WBC always tanked and I was delayed a couple of times but once I found someone who learned to manage it well, then I was okay. It wasn't pleasant but it was manageable.0 -
smrlvr,
Your parents are among those people who believe that attitude can affect survival rates and they want you to be safe. Attitude has no affect on survival. This is a common misconception. Have them read this link. It addresses several misconceptions.
http://www.cancer.org/treatment/treatmentsandsideeffects/emotionalsideeffects/attitudes-and-cancer
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Notself....this may be true, but I think attitude can affect one's willingness to undergo therapy that can save their lives. I know this from a friend who has declined such treatment. She may be OK in the end, but statistically treatment would have given her a much better chance of living a long and full life.
Attitude can affect one's willingness to exercise, and that has been shown to have a significant impact on risk of recurrence.
Most of all, attitude can profoundly affect one's quality of life post active treatment. I believe I am cured, but if my cancer should come back tomorrow, I have lived these past four years to the fullest (vineyard camping, anyone?). I have done new and wonderful things with my life and career. The last two years have been great.
If I had thought that my life was essentially over.....well, guess what, it would have been. - Claire0 -
Whether or not you are positive or not will not affect your ability to survive. This has been scientifically proven. However, like Claire said above, attitude can, sometimes, make getting through treatment a little easier. It can help keep you moving forward when you think you can't go another step. For me, anger was a terrific motivator. I was pissed off and it kept me pushing forward because, dammit, I wasn't going to let this get the best of me.
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It doesn't matter to me whether attitude has an effect on survival or not. None of us is going to live forever. What's important is how we chose to spend the time we have. I remember being obsessed with getting information and reading about BC when I was first dx 6.5 years ago. For years I'd spend an inordinate amount of time on the boards and the net reading about bc. I was stage 0. And when I was dx again this summer one of the first thoughts I had (once I could think clearly) is that I wanted those 6 years back. Six years of worrying when I could have been doing something else and thinking about something else.
This time around I am determined to try my best to put this behind me and move on with my life. I do have nagging thoughts in the back of my head that probably will never go away, but I really don't want bc to take anything more away from me and my life than it absolutely has to. Having a positive attitude means one can move on, make plans, and live life without being afraid. Why would someone want to be negative in this situation? How would that help? I'm not trying to be unrealistic; I know I have a life threatening disease which could "come back" and kill me. But I also know that may not happen (actually the odds are that it won't), and I am choosing to focus on that. And if bad things do happen, at least I have spent my time not worrying myself to death.0 -
I agree how one reacts to loss is important. Suffering is a mental reaction to circumstances and one can move out of suffering through acceptance of things as they are. Suffering can cloud one's entire life.
That being said, everyone, especially those who have been diagnosed for less than a year, has a right to mourn the loss that breast cancer brings. The biggest loss is that feeling of being Ok, of being healthy, of being safe. Tears are completely appropriate sometimes. No one should lecture another about how they should feel.
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Absolutely tears are appropriate at times, and so is swearing, and so is throwing things, or crawling under the covers (all which have been done by me!). I think the thing to watch out for though is; if you feel you can't move on from it after a certain amount of time, then it is a good idea to get some help. In the short term; if you can just get through each day, you are doing great. In the long term, the experience can be an incentive to evaluate your life, really appreciate what is good about it, and to make whatever changes that will give you a better quality, more enjoyable, and more purposeful life than before. Here is a quote that I like:
It is what it is. It becomes what you make it.
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Very well put ruthbru! Everyone has their own way of coping and if you haven't lived it you cannot understand. I hate when someone says "i know" - no u dont! When u have BMX, then yes you will know.
But staying positive can get u over the bumps in the road. Ultimately, it's whatever works for u - exersize, faith, girls night out - whatever helps you get thru it!
I've learned to just not reply any more when someone says something stupid - silence speaks volumes!!!!
Hugs to all!0 -
For a newbie, just getting diagnosed and haven't started chemo yet, I think that the "attitude" may be more fear of the unknown. I know I was scared. Once you have the first one, then you get a better handle on what to expect and then some of that fear goes away.
We are all at different stages and I think it's easier to look back than to look forward.
Smrlvr, I hope your first AC went okay.0 -
First of all I wasn't trying to lecture anyone on how they should feel.
Breast cancer is very scary at any stage. I myself was so frightened by my dx that I spent years afterward obsessing about it. I got it again *any* way so my point was, that for me, I am trying not to go down that road again. Maybe I'm in denial; this time around instead ending up with a slightly altered breast, my entire torso was pretty much mutilated. Instead of taking a daily pill I tolerated very well, I'm getting chemo and dragging myself around in a wig. There are times when I tell myself "if only this hadn't happened, my entire life would be different" and I have to push myself out of that thinking quickly before I get very upset. I'm shocked at my lack of a breakdown; I haven't had a good cry yet. Many people process things differently and I would NEVER deign to tell someone how to feel and how to react. I'm simply saying how I am trying to handle MY situation.
I think ruthbru was spot on when she said that if one cannot move on after a certain amount of time then maybe they should look into getting some help. In my case I was just beginning to move on when I got dx again. I feel that for me I have no choice but to stay positive even when it is my nature to "plan for the worst". Believe me deep down inside I am just as gutted and worried as the rest of you, but I've learned the hard way that how I feel isn't going to change my cancer. So I've decided that trying to stay positive, for me, is the best way of living.0 -
2timer - You wrote beautifully and I agree with you. Each of us handles this differently. I never cried either. I have no idea why, but I didn't. I just plunged into what had to be done and focused on each day. Now that I am feeling stronger again I look back with a sense of amazement at what I went through physically. While I did not have a mastectomy or BMX, I still went through surgery, chemo and radiation and had to put my life on hold. I am glad to be alive and healthy and hope it lasts a while, but I also know it might not. If I get diagnosed again, I hope I will handle it with your grace and positive attitude.0 -
I have been mostly lurking on these boards, but am glad to see a forum for Stage 2. I've gone through chemo, rads and now on Tamoxifen. Here's my question for you fellow stage 2-ers. Since I had a lumpectomy, I have mammos every 6 months. My MO mentioned that because of my grade and Her2+, I fall into a gray area on whether or not to include MRIs in the screening. I'll discuss this further with her in January. The advantage, of course, is finding a potential recurrence at its smallest. The disadvantage would be the high chance of false positives (I had 3 MRI biopsies that were benign after my initial diagnosis), extra worry and cost. My insurance pays, but I would be responsible for the deductible, since it'll be the first of the year. Anyone else given this option? I'd love to hear any feedback you can offer. Thanks!0 -
2timer,you are so right in your comments,as is everyone. And helpful also! I know I have mourned my old life but I have a much greater appreciation of it now and I intend to enjoy it. First AC was yesterday and I left with a headache that turned into a migraine. Better today but still have the headache and loss of appetite. Trying now to figure out what I want to eat. Good luck to everyone this week,0 -
See if you can go to a clinic with 3D mammograms (they are new). My doctor says they really catch most things & will eliminate the need for MRIs as a routine screening for most people (I just asked him this very question on Monday when I was there for a checkup).
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I have been getting 3D mammos for the last few years. That imaging is probably why my bc was caught when it had not been caught the previous year, when they did not have 3D.0 -
I have cried once during the process and that was when the BS's office called to tell me the results of my Oncotype test. I saw the name on the caller id and was a nervous wreck. Fortunately my BS' nurse started the conversation with good news....so I relaxed. Low oncotype score, non-aggressive cancer and the tumor wasn't as large as first thought. I had a lot riding on that score..chemo vs Rads. My score was 11 so I had 33 Rads treatments. I cried when I talked to the nurse. I have kept my game face on so long so as to not scare my husband or son that I wouldn't allow myself to cry. Actually my DX wasn't that big of a surprise thanks to the Radiologist so I was prepared for THE call. We are all different and we are all the same in that we have the C word. I think we will always look over our shoulder. I am not as obsessed as I was in the real early going because I was tired of talking about it. I will be 3 years out in January 2014. Stage II, Grade 1. Had a lumpectomy and currently taking Tamoxifen. I wont even pretend that the fear of recurrence is there but it doesn't control my life like it used to. I still get anxious before my Oncologist visit but even more apprehensive before I have my mammogram done; that will never change so just have to live with it. Diane0 -
Hi All,
My Oncotype came back high, so no dodging the chemo bullet. Oh well, it was a slim chance at a reprieve.
Mjsgumbas, how is your week going?0 -
edwards - I also put on a brave face for the sake of others as far as tears go.
Being in the middle of treatment, I am struggling with side effects, a lack of stamina and drive, and sometimes also feel like life is on hold. Treatments haved messed up my hormones (I think this is common), so I can be on the verge of tears or have weepy days. I don't bemoan but don't tell people "I'm fine" or "I'm okay", because people around me will expect me to run faster than I physically can if they think I'm fine. I just keep thinking things will be better after treatments are over.
smrlvr - I'm sorry your parents were insensitive. They probably have good intentions. I also receive well intended demotivational advice from mine.
Most people don't get it. I know I didn't get it until I got it myself.
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atlbraves - so far so good going back to work. Thanks for checking - its alot better than i honestly expected but i miss sleeping in
Hope everyone has a restful painfree evening!0 -
I always told people that I was 'hanging in there'.
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Mjsgumbas, I loved not having to hear my alarm in the morning and being able to take naps at will.
It is amazing how first-hand experience really shifts how you navigate things. I am sure I have said some highly insensitive and dismissive things to folks who were going through something, though it certainly wasn't my intention to be that way.
My mom drives me batty because she will always say "I know you're going to be fine. Suzie Q and Patty P. had breast cancer and they're fine." Ugh...so not helpful or supportive.0 -
She may be saying that to reassure herself.
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you got it, Ruth!0 -
I have been reading all the wonderful posts. I have completed my chemo last month..... Yipeeeee I had my implants put in and I am currently dealing with an infection. The breast cancer journey was awful for me with everything you read on theses boards I have pretty much have been through it. I was positive and negative through the journey. Now that I am feeling better I want to start living my life, but still having setbacks with infection none of the drs will release me back to work due to the infection. Which I understand. I am ready to live my new normal life. I don't want cancer to consume me and me to succumb to the cancer. I still have physical limitations from post chemo side effects. I want to interact with the world again and really don't know where and how to begin. I guess I am just afraid which means I have succumb to the cancer. Maybe theraphy is what I need to express all these feelings out of me and learn how to live my new normal life. Any ideas or feelings how you felt once treatments were over?0 -
Hi togetherness, I am so glad that your reaching out. I felt (and sometimes still do) feel like a hermit. I think that it was worse in the begining when I didn't want to see anyone let alone tell anyone about my new diagnoses. Now as I am going through chemo (I have one more left!!) I am feeling mentally stronger. I really had to force myself to begin doing things. Slowly I am getting back there and it is helping me to feel more "normal" again. I am acclimating back to my old life. For me, the more I do this the better I feel. Sure somedays it is harder that others with all of the med side effects etc...but it can be done.
Right now since you are still off work, you are probably isolated and that doesn't help. I think that a therapy consult would be great for you. Also, don't be ashamed to as for anti depressants if your doc thinks that you may be suffering. What your going through may be a situation depression time (and rightfully so).
You truly have been through the roughest times (diagnoses, chemo, surgery), if you can get through that you can get through anything. Good luck always....
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welcome to the board togetherness and so sorry you have to be here. Sorry to hear about all the infections. Hopefully it clears up soon so life can start again.
The post chemo period for me was hard because I wanted to be back to normal but I had a new normal that I had to deal with. And it was not an easy one to deal with. It helped for me to go back to work, to be around people but it was also hard because then everyone sees your changed appearance and I couldn't keep up physically and that was hard for me mentally. That part I wasn't prepared for. But now I've come to terms with it. I think our emotions still constantly change even after the treatment part is over.
We are here if you need a lift. We go thru different stages during this journey and this board has been a helpful to keep me going. You have been so strong for so long that sometimes I think our strength starts to crumble a little under all the pressure. Feel free to talk your feelings out here or pm me if you feel more comfortable. It does get better with time and once those infections heal, you will be back interacting with the world. Hugs to you!0 -
Welcome. Togetherness. I also had an infection in June of this year and it was a huge setback. 11 days in the hospital and a month of antibiotics fused in through my port. It's hard but try and keep your head up, you will find a lot of support here. As hard as it was to go through, I am now doing very well and in fact going to have my nipples reconstructed at the beginning of December. good luck and best wishes to you.0
