Maybe a dumb flat question?
I had surgery Monday. Modified radical on the left and simple on the right. This may be a silly question but will my chest become more flat instead of concave? I am having a very hard time processing what I see under the bandages right now and try not to look because I just cry when I do. Will it look any better? The surgeon told me it would be flat. Not concave in some spots and lumpy in some. Is there any hope?
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Oh DeliriumPie!
I am so sorry to hear that you're having a rough time with the way you feel your chest looks right now. I know it's a tough time, but it is very early days for you. It's still pretty raw.
There are many women here who have made the same decision, no to reconstruct, who are on this forum and are embracing being Flat and Fabulous. There is a Flat and Fabulous page on Facebook too. I am sure there will be others who will come to support you and answer your questions.
Try not to let your imagination get the better of you before you have actually seen the result of your surgery.
If I may suggest something, there is a great website called breastfree.org which was started by one of our members. It has many photos of others, like us, who have decided to not have reconstruction. I am a Uni, just one breast removed, and I have to say that there has been quite a change in the way I look, in the 7 months since I had my surgery. I have been exercising and have built up my pec muscle, I do have a fairly concave area too, but after all the swelling dissipated, and my skin became more nomal, I have just accepted it. It isn't as obvious as it was soon after the surgery.
I spent quite a bit of time looking at pics to get familiar with how I'd look. I was also quite used to the look because my Mother had a Radical Mx in '94 and I took care of her at home when she became ill with other issues.
I wish you all the very best, please let us know how you are doing! (((((HUGS))))
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It takes a bit to wrap your head around it all. Try to think positive, that the cancer is being treated and killed. Yeah you, you are doing great.
I am concave, but it honestly is not so bad. I am not happy with it, but the doctor did what he had to to get clean margins, and this is a very positive thing.
Scars certainly improve as time goes by, I can hardly even see the scar 18 months out, and 2 tank shirts layered and you can't see the concave.
Be gentle with yourself, you are allowed to cry, cancer is terrible, but also begin to send yourself strong good messages, you are doing this to take charge of your life. The Flat and fabulous group on facebook can be quite a thing to eventually make you smile, women embracing their new (flat) selves, embracing life no matter this cancer crap that was thrown our way.
Keep posting, it will help you come.
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As others have said, it's still early in the healing process. I was suprised at my concave-ness intially. It looked like my breasts were unplugged from my chest. I also had some lumpiness. But 2 years out, these things have dissipated. Lumps are gone, no longer concave.
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Thank you for the kind words and support. I've pretty much stopped looking for now. I am staying with my grandparents for a week or so so that they could help me after surgery. They are really enjoying me being here and taking care if me. I really thought I would be in worse physical shape than I am. That being said, I want to avoid any big breakdowns in front if them. So for now I try not to look or think about it. When I get back to my own shower and bed I think I will need to have a good big cry and then be able to move on. I think once I heal too that it will be easier to accept. On top of seeing a deformed me I also see the stitches and dried blood under the steristrips and puffiness. So that doesn't help me from feeling hacked up. Focusing on getting better for now and getting ready for rads. Trying not to dwell on the pending pathology report and questionable ct results. Moving forward with the help and support of you fine ladies! wishing all a nice weekend.
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I had bilateral mastectomy in September 2012, so almost one year away. I am sorry you are going through this, and I know how hard this is. I had a very difficult time looking at my chest after surgery. The concavity is so much more than what I expected. To answer your question, I have noticed over the last year my chest is definitely less concave. I think maybe some of the fat and collagen move back into the area and has smoothed it out a bit, but there are still two small concave spots where my breasts were removed. I also notice some thickening under my breast area, perhaps scar tissue, and that does tend to accentuate the concavity. I see my doctor again in September and she has mentioned I could see a plastic surgeon to have them smooth out the scarring to help with appearance. It does seem to look much better than it did right after surgery. It's a difficult adjustment, and I am not sure I have completely adjusted, but I do not want to get implants. Hope this was helpful. My best wishes to you for continued recovery and your question is not dumb at all.
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Delirium-Can you go for walks. I see you're from Texas, so it's probably hot out. Maybe wander thru a shopping mall. I was told I couldn't drive for 1 week following my BMX. So I did some wandering around aimlessly. But it felt good & helped with my spirits. I think I probably walked 4-5miles/day during that week. I just couldn't stay indoors. Hopefully you'll get your drains out soon. I remember mine hurting quite a bit. I tried retaping them(sometimes helped). I went walking anyway because those darn drains hurt with rest, walking, sitting, trying to sleep.
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It is pretty hot most days although yesterday was unusually cooler. So I say on the patio must if the day which was nice. I do long to walk but I think it would give my grandma a nervous breakdown. I can barely get to the bathroom and back without her checking on me. I have been walking in circles in the house at night. But fresh air and some scenery would be great. Maybe it will be cool enough this evening. So far, my drains only hurt me when stripping them. It feels like I'm being stabbed in the chest with a giant knife and the pain doesn't go away for hours. My output was pretty low last night and almost nothing this morning. So that makes me hopeful that I can get both if them out on Tuesday. The numbness is the worst right now. The back if my arm down to my elbow feels like a big dead peice of meat just hanging. And my chest, especially the spot in between where my breasts were. If I touch it too much it just makes me nauseous. The bs said that could last for years. Not pleasant!
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Yes your breastbone will be tender. It hasn't had anything touch it for years! I still pull the placket of my nightgown up so its just fabric and not buttons when I sleep. But it doesn't make me sick.
Would your Grandma go for a walk with you or maybe sit on the porch while you walk? Walking helped me tremendously.
Have someone rub your back and shoulders. Not like a massage but gently. That helps.
The drains coming out will be the best. Then you can start stretching and massaging. Both are very important and help with all the sensations.
You made it thru chemo. I think that's the worst. I was mainly bored and annoyed with my surgery. You will be amazed how much better you feel 3 weeks post op.0 -
Thank you zilsnot. I did get both my drains out yesterday and it did feel much better. Relieved a lot of tightness in my chest. I also came home tonight, with much protest from the grandparents but feels good to be home. I also got my path report yesterday and now know that I will have to have more chemo in addition to planned rads. Boo.
Can you tell me about the massaging? What where how? I got instructions for the stretching exercises but no one has mentioned massage.0 -
Congratulations! It must feel good to be free of drains and back in your own bed.
The doctor didn't say I couldn't massage but he didn't tell me about it either. I learned from these boards and felt better with doing it. You may want to ask. Just use the palm of your hand in circles. There is probably a you tube video. Or you can get a referral to a physical therapist.
When is your next appt? Are they going to change your cocktail? How long were you on chemo?
I'm doing chemo now. Have one more round then a scan then? Hopefully no more chemo. But do have rads in my future.
Good luck.0 -
I would just stretch for now, massaging too soon can delay healing as tissue needs to settle
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I didn't massage right away. Stretches first. Don't want to over do it. Sorry I didn't make that clear.
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Thanks for the tips Zils and lily. I will ask and check out YouTube for sure. You can learn how to do anything on there! I went to the MO yesterday for a new plan and she examined me the same way as always. Ouch! I noticed later though that the discomfort was less, so maybe massage would be ok. It is back full blown today though. Mornings are very rough. I'm very concerned about LE but every time I ask any if the docs about it they brush it off. I have soreness in my forearm now. Is that normal?
As far as the new cocktail ( gosh I feel like a real cocktail today, miss that), I am planned to start again on sept 11. MO wants me to do a Halavan clinical trial. They are testing it as adjuvent therapy, as it is currently only approved for metastatic treatment. I brought home the info to read and will probably sign up after my RO appt on Tuesday. Halavan can be used at the same time as rads, which is nice, but if course there is no data on if it is really a good idea or not. But if the RO approves it, I will not argue since it will get me done faster. The Halavan is six months of treatment!
I'm supposed to go back to work on Monday and I am dreading it. Not that I am not anxious to get back and get my team under control but I am having serious issues with leaving the house. Not only because it is such a process now. But none of my clothes fit right due to all the weight I've gained and the odd proportions I have now. I can't get a good look with the foamies and with no boobs to compensate I have a Buddha meets uncle fester look. I've also discovered that all of my work clothes are lower cut than I thought they were. I also just don't want to deal with people. We'll see how that all goes.
Thanks again for all the support. I do feel quite alone in the world these days and you guys really help that.0 -
Scarves to camaflouge the area? I think there's probably a forum about dressing. Not sure how casual you can be. I've heard yoga tanks are comfortable, maybe top with a short sleeve woven shirt left open to create a layer? I couldn't wear my normal size right away since I had a hard time with bending my node arm but I am in them now. Look for ruffles or gathered necklines. Maybe check out a resale shop to get a few new things to carry you over. Confidence will your best accessory. I am flat and yes clothes fit differently.
I am with you in Buddha belly and Uncle Fester look. Put a light bulb in your mouth and we'll have the perfect costume for Halloween. Aunt Fester:)
I don't even notice the baldness when I go out. It's too hot and I'm bald at home.
If you've been going to work during chemo, this shouldn't be too difficult. Some will be sympathetic, some won't know what to say but will try (and maybe say dumb stuff) and others will ignore you. The first 10 minutes will be hard. Just smile big and go on. Be wary of fatigue. You may hit the wall but being busy will help this go faster.
As far as LE, it feels good to massage your "bad" arm up. I did this for a little while in the beginning. Now I just rub the stingy spots on my sides whenever. I too worried about LE. I do know there is a big forum on that and you tube videos. I can't remember where I saw pix but I found it very helpful to see her good hand/arm vs the bad one. The bad hand/fingers were smooth and plump like a baby's. Not sure how helpful that is.
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Buddha meets Uncle Fester!! Oh you ladies make me happy. I thought I was the only one.
My best mindtrick when I feel disfigured is to remember that no one really cares how I look. And the people I want to impress are hands down glad I'm around. (They're also glad they don't see me with my shirt off, but they don't have to know that.) Being naked was brutal for a while, but I swear: a new, very special kind of self-love and appreciation takes over.
Sad? Sometimes. Strong? Always. I'm going to start scar portraits soon. Just doodling. Explore how I look on purpose. See what happens. Maybe there's a bigger reason behind all of this. But you are NOT alone with your grief! We're all there, too.0 -
Happyracoon I love your outlook. I trule hope I can come to be that positive. Accepting the fact that no one cares what I look like is a hard one. I've known that for years but just can't let it go. One of the meanest things my ex husband said to me ever (and he didn't intend it to be), was one time we were in Vegas and I was taking longer than he would have liked to put my makeup on. He was nagging and ended up saying "no one is going to look at you". Which while entirely true, really hurt my feelings. I was in my mid twenties at the time. So even though I know it doesn't really matter because no one cares, I've always wanted to give my best effort.
Zils: good tips on the shirts. I need to be business casual to professional in the office. My team loves and supports me. But I need to be able to meet with clients and look the part. Just around, i have been wearing a sports type bra to protect my chest with a tank with a built in bra to hold my foamy thingies, then a button shirt over. The problem with that is that up close you can see the tops of them poofing, unless I button up to my nose. But it is fairly comfortable.
As far as people saying stupid stuff, can we write a book? I've scanned through the very long thread on here about that. Can that be a new komen commercial? Just a bunch of clips of survivors saying stupid things people said? I think that would be great! I have been very selective of the clients I have that I share my dx with because I'm afraid that while they would be sympathetic, they might worry that we wouldn't be able to get the job done or that they would be doing me a favor by calling someone else . I decided this week to share with one that I know is a dingbat, just because she is putting some really ridiculous demands on us and then told me maybe I could get a refund on some of my pto since I was having to work for her while i was Off. Then. she told me to enjoy my vacation. So I just felt the need to drop the c word on her and that I was actually on medical leave for two weeks. First words out of her mouth: "remove wheat from your diet". Now there's a great idea! Maybe that will fix everything and give my boobs back. Heck, why did I bother with chemo? I just needed to remove wheat! Hahaha. It takes all kinda of kinds I suppose.
Sorry for the ranting, I'm bleary eyed from working (yes on that lady's order) tonight and am taking a break for a minute. Wishing everyone a pleasant Sunday.0 -
Sheila, you are one beautiful girl! WOMAN, I mean. I've been thinking about you since I read this thread. You go girl! WOMAN, I mean.
Folks are so scared of cancer and deal with that fear by making up rules that work for THEM. I KNOW I was one of those "shouldn't have eaten wheat" people. In that sense, cancer has been a great teacher for me, because I no longer believe there are simple answers.
Fact is, it's very common and unconscious that beautiful women are expected to stay up on a prettiness pedestal. "Looking the part." I feel I have been robbed of that kind of power. But I'm having fun down off the pedestal with my new identity, because I've noticed that I really REALLY love the friends and strangers who are drawn to me with my new freedom/look. (My profile photo is 3 years old, so I look WAY different now. My hair is super short, grayer, and my face has aged about 10 years--no kiddin'. I'm sporting the menopausal vibe a decade early due to tamoxifen. But I know not to complain because I am dxmn lucky!)
These people are nice to me because THEY are nice, not because I look nice. I'm ok with that for now.
I refused to go back to the classroom after my surgery, and still haven't made it back. But maybe that will change again?
Sometimes I have glam fantasies of the old days coming back, but usually that just makes me sad. So I stick to what is happening right here right now. Every once in a while, I try to dress up and look sexy, but it doesn't make me very happy. I can't STAND prosthetics. Maybe one day? I do like how empire waisted dresses look on me. Sexy, no. Comfy, yes.
I am getting used to the weird things people say. I can tell they don't mean to be weird or hurtful. They just struggle to fit my new life into their paradigm. What a gift it is to suddenly, out of the blue--after just one phone call the day I got my diagnosis--to feel less self-righteous and more compassionate toward people I used to judge, "They should just do this or that..."
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Thank you so much happyracoon. I do not think if myself that way, but know I can pull off a decent photo every now and then. To be very honest, I try to overcompensate for things that I have a hard time changing, ie my weight or rosacea by being meticulous with things that are easier to do like makeup, nails, clothes, and fabulous shoes. Starting my career in staffing as a legal recruiter, I learned quickly how biased people really are toward appearance. The too firms in Dallas don't want any fat or ugly girls answering their phones much less working for the Partners. Recruiting being a commissioned job, you also learn quickly to determine a clients profile of what they like to look at. The joke in the office became that I somehow had the prettiest applicants in town. It was because I learned to screen resumes and phone interviews for "pretty". But it made me so sad to know I couldn't submit a very qualified person who was smaller than myself because I knew client so and so hates fat girls. It was truly eye opening for me, coming from a family who accepts everyone for who they are. I'm now in a different segment of staffing and it feels great to make submits based on skills and experience. Of course in this line, my sales staff competes against "the big boob girls who bring cookies" as quoted by more than one of my clients. Sadly, it makes the world go round. Sorry for going off on that tangent, it's just so in my face everyday.
I have gotten to the point that I feel like mr potato head, besides the similar shape I have taken on with my belly now, lol, it's like I have to add a new peice of fake every week. First the wig, then the lashes and brows, now the foobs. All just to have some resemblance to "me". I know, as you said, I am lucky and should just let it all go and be at peace that I am alive and fighting this beast called cancer. It is hard. I so envy the ladies I see out and about with no head coverings. They look so strong and usually happy. I always imagine them to have your same brave attitude: This is me, and if you are someone who deserves to know me, you will accept it and love it.
I am working to get there, this disease has already changed me in a few ways, so it could be around the corner. For now, I have given up the fake lashes anyway. Baby steps. :-)0 -
Did you take the look good, feel good class? Not sure if its just for chemo or booblessness.
I think you are a very strong woman. You said "boo" to more chemo. I would have had a temper tantrum even though I know it's saving my life. You are going back to work after 2 weeks. I'm still at home. I think work could be beneficial but I'm tired and saving my energy for my two kids (1 and 4).
When I worked in a factory, the part I worked in had strict requirements, special head to toe garments, hair nets, only certain brands of makeup, deodorant. People elsewhere looked at you strange but I was part of a family and didn't care. You are now part of a new family. Be confident and strong. We're behind you and this is the fight of your life. But you gotta do what you have to to bring home the bacon.
Confidence will come. Just fake it for those you have too. Then come home and treat yourself by crawling into pjs first thing and whatever else makes you happy. I don't know about you but chemo has limited my taste buds.
Just be very careful to not overdo it at work. I think it's early yet. Maybe half days? Or some crazy slippers to put on under your desk? Was it Corki Roberts that wore frog slippers?
I would love to see a kormen commercial about dumb sayings. Do you know anyone to suggest it to? I've heard dental work, sugar but the worst was invitro.0 -
Good evening.
Gosh what a first day back at work! Pure chaos for 12 hours straight. Staffing is always the first sector to feel the economy coming and going. Let me tell you that it must be coming with with a vengeance. I am beat and still have a bit more to do from home tonight. I'm beat! Darn inconsiderate cancer, last year this time would have been way better timing.
The first thing I do now when I hit the door is yank my wig off. That makes it much better. I go bald at home. That was a challenge initially because I didn't want even my bf to see me, but I got over it quickly. I did take the look good feel better class. It was for makeup and head covering tips. The instructor got a little huffy with me because I refused to take off my makeup wen thiugh they tols everyone you didn't have to if you werent comfortable. I told her nothing in that bag was gonna be enough to cover my rosacea back up. I still followed along and was respectful but I could tell she was irritated with me. Lots of nice freebies though.
Staying home with a 1 and 4 year old sounds like work! Are they both home with you all day? Today was the first day of school here in Dallas. And I think I heard a sigh of relief in unison about 8:30 this morning.
I don't know who to suggest the commercial to but you just have me another idea: how about a lot of different women with the same dx listing off all the things try did wrong and ones who did right. Then saying cancer doesn't discriminate. For me: sugar, wheat, gluten, cell phone in my bra, smoking, a period of heavy drinking, being overweight, stress, sunburn... But I have seen plenty of ladies here who say they did all the right things. Maybe that would give people some perspective.0 -
O Honey Pie, I did all of those, too. Add long term Prednisone and cortico steroid use to treat asthma.
I've started growing organic veggies since cancer and can say it is such a TREAT to hear the plants call "Mommy" when I step into the garden. Instant cure for today.
I'm sorry about your hot wig. They should put cold plasma liners in them.0 -
Oh I forgot a biggy, continuous birth control use for the last 17 years. Proud of your garden. That's so nice. My grandparents do that and my mom can bring plants back from the dead. I have what I like to call a black thumb. Lol. I can't cook or sew either and they are both state fair champs. I often wonder if I was switched at the hospital as a baby. I think maybe I could cook if I tried but it takes too much time. I like the recipes with like three ingredients. My husbands best quality was that he did all the cooking! He was pretty good at laundry too. I now eat too much cheese and crackers and fast food. I took a warm shower and feel like a new woman now. Still tired but pretty impresses that I changed my drain site bandages all by myself. I have a lot of swelling around them though. Must have had too much activity today. This girl is going to bed! I can't wait until I can sleep on my side again. Goodnight!
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Amazon or JCPenney sells a boomerang pillow that's helpful for sleeping on your side.
Glad you made it thru your first day back. Amazed at your stamina. I would have needed a nap. Be good to yourself.0 -
Well I've gone backwards in progress. At my BS appt Tuesday she took off all my steri strips because they were irritating my skin too much to heal. Ouch. Now I have to change bandages twice a day with antibiotic and try to leave uncovered and go topless a few hours a day. I went to a client site for a few hours after that appt. yesterday I went for my rad simulation ct. After I got my port accesses for the contrast and changed into a gown and laid on the really I comfy table. They asked why I had bandages on. Then decided I wasn't healed enough to proceed. So now we have to try again in ten days. It is scheduled for the same day as my first chemo treatment. Didn't go to work after that because I was exhausted and didn't make it today either. Not that they haven't bugged the heck out of me all day. Lol. I have to go back tomorrow though because I have some people on pto. My incisions look really gross and chest is so sore again. Boo. How is your week going?
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I overdid it too and still not back up to speed. Want to do things but have no umph. Not even enough energy to get out of bed at night to take my meds. Going to try and do better tonight and hope that helps tomorrow.
Sorry about your incisions. I'm surprised they are doing rads and chemo so soon after your surgery. I had chemo pretty quickly too but maybe this new stuff isn't as bad.
Hopefully my last round is next week and then a scan 3 weeks later and hopefully rads and not a different cocktail. I'd like to have some time to recup and get to feeling better. Just an extra week or two before rads. Have no idea how many or how long. Hoping chemo has done its job.
At least you'll have a long weekend to catch up with yourself. Take care.0 -
I'm sorry to hear you're feeling that way. Hopefully you had a restful night. I am concerned about doing rads so soon but I think I will have at least three more weeks before they begin. I sure hope I'm healed up by then. I had to go to work today and it kicked my butt. When it was finally over I clipped my car mirror with my elbow on my bad side and it hurt so bad I felt like throwing up. Oooooh it was bad. I was happy to see when I got home that I hadn't ripped anything open and no extra bleeding. I was sure that I had. I have a lot of work to catch up on this weekend but at least I can so it from home.
I hope your scan is all good news. Is your current treatment for the mets?0 -
Yes. My last scan was 95% clear. These last two rounds are to clear up a few stubborn spots. Then rads to get the part that was wrapped around the vein.
I didn't nap today and still awake so must be better.
Is your elbow still hurting? If you overdo, you experience the claw. It will dissipate same night. You can also feel the iron band, like a too tight bra. Mine resulted from sweeping or picking up the baby. Sometimes lasted into next day. I used a warm towel on my chest and stretching helped it.
Don't work too hard. Take a nap! Be good to yourself!0 -
Well I tried to nap when I got home. No good. It did feel good just to rest a minute anyway. My elbow was ok, it was that it jerked my arm back right where the worst part of my incision is. I don't think I'm any more sore than I have been this week. I now have had pain in my back directly behind this area since I woke up this morning. I guess I'm just a mess. Lol. Do you mind me asking where your mets are? 95% clear sounds positive news. But I don't know anything about it. Just my own fears about mets that the docs don't want to hear. Hoping this treatment knocks that other 5% out for you. Can't sleeeeeep.
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Delirium Pie, I have been following these posts and find you absolutely amazing!
I am so glad Zills is here for you, she is amazing too, with all she has to do. She knows all about the treatment side.
I am just blown away that you're managing to work in a stressful job so soon after surgery.
It is all so new for you, it really takes some time to get on top of it and get your energy back. I'm so sorry you hurt yourself, like you need anything else to be hurting right now.
Take care, and try to rest as much as possible. I am a believer in getting the chest exposed to the sun and air for a little time every day. It really helps. Gentle hugs to you!
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Hope you're sleeping now. Maybe a cold pack or massage for back pain. Plan for a nap after lunch everyday for the next three days. Dr. Zill's orders:)
My mets are in the lungs. Found them when lump was being checked out. Had no symptoms except lump but thought it was benign since I had one in same location before. Also have no history of bc in family and had yearly MRIs. Can't look back and wonder. Must conserve energy and look forward.
My BS did say that chances for recurrence is low and that number is cut in half since we are watched so carefully. Haven't asked my MO for prognosis. Want to be positive and not calendar watch.
You've got alot on your plate. Hopefully you won't have too much time to worry. Middle of the night is the worst. But there's always somebody on these boards.
Stay cool and rest!0