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Maybe a dumb flat question?

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  • bobogirl
    bobogirl Member Posts: 2,083
    edited October 2013


    Your QVC shopping is making me smile!

  • georgie1112
    georgie1112 Member Posts: 104
    edited October 2013




    Suggestions on looking at my new flat chest for the first time? I am taking it slowly as I've noticed, I am much more lumpy than I imagined. My ribs stick out and the area where my boobs were isn't as flat as I'd imagined... How do you handle accepting your new body? The bandage came off yesterday and I can't look at it without clothing. I ran my hands over my t-shirt. I still haven't showered as I just got permission yesterday but am afraid to look. I'm still just 9 days after surgery with the dang drains still in.


    Georgie

  • spookiesmom
    spookiesmom Member Posts: 8,148
    edited October 2013


    take a deep breath, swallow hard, open your eyes and do it. It's not easy, but you can. You've come this far, the only way is up now.


    The drains are a PITA, but will be out soon. There is still swelling in the area. It will go down, and won't look as awful to you. I can't talk about recon, didn't want it. I'm flat, no foobs either.


    Hang in there, it does get better!

  • kt1966
    kt1966 Member Posts: 1,021
    edited October 2013


    Hi,


    I just had a PMX 2 weeks ago. I had my first MX 10 years ago, so I thought I knew what to expect when I looked at my chest for the first time.


    I have to say I was shocked at how prominent my sternum looked...


    But I'm getting used to it (after 2 weeks!)...also at first you are still somewhat swollen & bruised & as it settles down it will look better.


    I think its a shock, then you do get used to it - there is a bit of a grieving process to go thru.


    I did think for a bit 'what on earth have I done!', but I am happy now that I did get the PMX. No more mammos- yay! No chance of bc hiding in my dense (no longer there) breasts!


    Good luck & enjoy that shower


    kt

  • DeliriumPie
    DeliriumPie Member Posts: 1,186
    edited October 2013


    Georgie. I'm so sorry yor going through this. Like someone said, take it at your own pace. And if you need a big cry, have it. You are mourning a loss after all. Once I was able to be on my own and have a big pity party cry by myself, I felt much better afterward. Nothing changed, but acceptance I guess. Also as time passes, it does settle down and look better. Drains out will be a huge relief. They are like a ball and chain. Also you are probably in more pain or discomfort than you realize and that is such an emotional drain. Around day 12 post op, I had a breakdown when my bf was helping me change the bandage where a drain had been. Pulling the tape off hurt so bad and I just thought, my gosh, I'm so tired of everything hurting! When will this end? All the little sticks and pokes and zingers really add up. But it passes, it did for me anyway. I wish you the best of luck. Keep us posted on how you are doing. This site and this thread in particular have helped me so much. Knowledge is power and these ladies who are willing to listen to every rant, ramble, and random thought with only kindness and support are so comforting.


    I had Halaven #3 and rads #11 today. And a visit to the bs, and the mo NP, an the research lasy and a zillion labs, and weekly ECG and X-rays. It was a long day! The NP said she would prescribe ambian for me but I know I won't take. I'm so stubborn. I told her I would try it then I guess she forgot to give me the rx. Oh well.

  • georgie1112
    georgie1112 Member Posts: 104
    edited October 2013


    Sorry for the delay in responding. Am really not so good at figuring out where these posts are on this site! Haha... Was trying to find where I posted this and finally found the "search" button. I peaked at a tiny bit of my scar and it didn't freak me out. But when I was changing, I didn't intend on looking but I saw the whole thing. ARGH. Looked not so good. I'm not remembering bruising cause I just looked for a second but there is a scar and sad indentation where the boobs were. Found myself crying briefly a few hours later but just for a minute. Don't think I am dealing with this very well but guess it will happen and everyone handles it differently.


    Then after looking, I went to work for a few hours yesterday and dang it if they didn't send a photographer to take pictures of me teaching:((( My FIRST time being out with the new foobs and I pray they won't post the photo... OMG. At least I had makeup on, trying to look better than I felt. But my drains were lumpy under my pants and the stupid fiberfill pillows were lumpy and high. When I got dressed they were in one place and then when I got home, they had inched up so the pads were slightly visible from the side. Hope no one saw them!!!


    Today I went to the foob store and got a bra and different foobs that don't look like round flat pillows. Even the lady there said the foobs I came into the store with (that were photographed) looked terrible.


    Spookiesmom, don't know what PITA is but my fluid output is still too high to have the drains removed this week:( Not one day until 30ml but getting closer! But thanks for your thoughts. Taking deep breaths are important. I may not look again for awhile. Good to know they will look better. The contours are just so lumpy. Guess I hoped for something sort of smooth and flat. What sticks out for me are my ribs.


    KT, I'm glad to hear it is getting easier after only 2 weeks for you. Yes, I am so happy that my boobs are gone. WAY too much stress and even though the doctors said my breast changes would slow down as I aged, it just wasn't so! Changes were actually speeding up and I also had crazy dense breasts. They always were finding things and I was running around getting new tests and freaking out. I am glad I made this decision. I want to live.


    Deliriumpie,


    You are almost half way through your rads. It will be great to have that behind you. Just passing along that 100% pure aloe vera was my friend during radiation. I'm sure I will be going through some grieving. Maybe I am in the shock phase, cause mostly I am numb. I may go to a support group and see if that helps. Will pass along that melatonin 20mg per night is recommended to me for breast cancer AND sleeping. Do see an integrative naturopath if you want to pursue that. One that will work with your oncologist. Ambien's side effects sound scary to me.


    Appreciate the support and yes, I am a rambling queen right now. That is how my brain is working. The ladies on this site are amazing, generous and kind!!! It helps me so much.


    Georgie

  • DeliriumPie
    DeliriumPie Member Posts: 1,186
    edited October 2013


    Georgie. The bra rides up and te foobs ride up with them. I have just recently been healed enough to wear my silicone weighted ones. I liked them so much better. Except that I ordered them online and they are two small. That and my "mini boob" that the surgeon left around my port makes me quite lopsided. I need to get two different sizes ones. I should go get fitted but I don't want to make that investment in something that I plan to be so short term. Although with the new treatment plan, I guess a year is a long time. I believe spookiesmom meant "pain in the ass" PITA. If you click add to favorite topics at the bottom of the page, it makes it easier to keep up with your posts. Sounds like your making some progress. Don't feel rushed. While I've gotten over looking at it, I still have trouble touching. I'm doing better now that I have to slather on the creams and oils every day, but it took a very long time for me. In the shower I would use a poi fans body wash and just let the suds run over because I couldn't stand to touch.


    Some humor for the night; I discoverd about a week ago, for the first time, that my arm pit was relocated to my chest. I guess that's what I get for not really examining things. While I've been appalled with the extra hair I've been growing in unwanted places like my face (I guess from chemopause?). I was truly appalled to find a small patch of coarse hair near my left incision. Especially since I've been instructed not to shave in that side during rads. Anyhow, I pouted for a few days and analyzed the area with increasing confusion. I then realized that it was part if what used to be my armpit. In fact, a small scar that I thought was from surgery turned out to indeed be my axilla biopsy scar. Right smack where my boob used to be. What the heck!? I truly hope this is something that can be corrected during recon. I hate to think of adding shaving my boob to my daily routine.


    The back pain is coming on and my skin is in fire with chemo glow. Feeling another long night ahead. Peaceful wishes ladies.

  • kt1966
    kt1966 Member Posts: 1,021
    edited October 2013


    Hey DeliriumPie,


    I had to smile about the armpit hair in the wrong place!


    The good thing about rads (for me anyway) is that it stops hair growth! I only have to shave the bit of my armpit that wasn't exposed to rads :)


    So it may not be a problem in the future!!


    Georgie- I hope you are starting to feel better


    hugs


    kt

  • spookiesmom
    spookiesmom Member Posts: 8,148
    edited October 2013


    HehHeh yes I meant pain in the As$


    I was told after rads I wouldn't sweat on that side anymore. That the radiation destroys the sweat glands. And that was true! But what's weird, I didn't sweat on the other side either! I went through the whole central Florida summer dry in my pits. The rest of me sure wasn't LOL


    And no hair growth on either side. Strange!

  • DeliriumPie
    DeliriumPie Member Posts: 1,186
    edited October 2013


    oooh spookiesmom I can only hope! So far my hair is holding strong everywhere. I didn't have any hair under my arms or down under during chemo the first time. This time not so lucky. Leg hair hasn't slowed this time either. I still had to shave my legs before but less often. And it seems those months of quick showers have made me laaaazy! If rads could help me out at least on the left where it is too scary lumpy to shave anyway and the boobpit, that would be awesome.


    So I got a puppy last Saturday. I don't know what I was thinking. For one, I know I was thinking he was not a puppy. The lady at the shelter told me he was two. I kept saying gosh his feet are big and she kept on saying I know it's weird because he's definitely an adult. He was just so sad and looked like he needed love. I couldn't resist. I knew within a day that there is no way this boy is ire a year old. If that. He is all puppy. What have I done? He was neutered in Tuesday and is wearing his lamp shade still. He's just an adorable mess. And already seriously on Reggie's nerves.

  • georgie1112
    georgie1112 Member Posts: 104
    edited October 2013


    DeliriumPie,


    OMG... can't believe your surgeon pulled your armpit hair over. Surely they will fix it. It helps to read the process of what you are going through. I can touch my chest with clothing, but not without. Used a microfiber to wash so I didn't have to touch it.


    Sorry you are going through chemo. You might as well find something to wear for another year that is comfortable. I went to the hospital and they gave me some donated cami cause the first one I bought is so uncomfortable. Though it was cold tonight and I ran out to the store with quilted coat and scarf without any foobs. They were burning up tonight and it was great not having to put all that stuff on.


    Hugs,


    Georgie

  • spookiesmom
    spookiesmom Member Posts: 8,148
    edited October 2013


    Ohhhhhhh a puppy! Puppy breath! Ahhhhhh Nothing like it! What does he seem to be? And his name, besides pest?


    A brother in law saw some people giving away pups. He asked what they were, was told Chiuaua sp? So he got one. Named him Taco. Pup grew a bit. Ever seen a Wiemaraner? Yep, dead ringer for one. Sweet dog though.

  • DeliriumPie
    DeliriumPie Member Posts: 1,186
    edited October 2013


    I'm really excited about some bras I found this week. I have been struggling with the foobs trying to escape out the top of my clothes and wrestling with them an avoiding getting close to people taller than me. I read about others liking the genie and ahh bras. So I ordered two genie bras which was over $40. They have a pretty lace insert that I thought would be pretty with lower cut tops. Well they are very pretty and I shoved the fiberfill foobs into the modesty panel pocket. No more foob cleavage. However, a couple hours later though, after doing some cleaning, I sat down and my chin could rest on them. They has also turned different directions in the pockets. Boo. But I said all that to say that I found what seems like a genie bra knockoff by Delta Burke at Ross. 2 pack for $9.99. Did the same thing with the pockets and wore it all day yesterday then most if the day today with no issues. Yay! I need to get back out and buy more before they disappear.


    The shelter lady says Toby is a border collie mix. They named him but he doesn't know his name yet. So I could change it but I think it suits him. I keep calling him random names to see if he perks up at anything to try to figure out what his real name was. No luck yet. A chihuahua growing into a Weimaraner, that must have even quite a surprise! I've always said I wanted a Weimaraner sine the movie best in show. Lol. Toby seems to have become an insomniac since his surgery. Darn the luck. I'm hoping once he gets his lampshade off and can get in the bed with everyone else at night that it will help. Right now you can hear him roaming the house bumping into things and then standing up on the edge of the bed and whining.

  • Ariom
    Ariom Member Posts: 4,027
    edited October 2013


    Hi Delirium Pie!


    Just wanted to mention that you can open the foobs and put a little curtain weight or some change inside for them to sit better. I too wear the cheap Ahh Bra, and also love the Marika Mesh Sports Bra that is more like a crop top and covers more area so no irritation.


    I had an awful time in the beginning, when I would suddenly realize I had a foob up under my chin. It was able to work its way up and out. I also absolutely love the Amoena Mona MX bra. It is so comfortable, I wear it all day and don't notice the prosthesis inside it. I find I use different forms for different clothes.


    Good luck with the new pup!

  • honeybair
    honeybair Member Posts: 234
    edited October 2013


    I am padding up my old Playtex bras that actually have pockets already made in them with the foob puffy stuff from my MX camisole and look pretty good. My surgeon wrote me a script for camis and bras but forgot the prosthesis part. So will call her office tomorrow to ask for one. At first my foob breast was higher on my chest wall then the remaining one but I just hiked up the bra strap on left side and look balanced though I do sometimes pull the ride side down hoping I am balanced. I am glad I refused recon. I have been uncomfortable enough and having trouble staying asleep with just MX. Cannot imagine having both breasts removed plus more surgery. I have been going to physical therapy to relieve tightness and to get my reach back. I have lots of cording but think it will resolve with the massage they give plus the exercise.


    Radiation has become emotionally draining on me and it makes me cry. Are we picking up sad energy in those facilities or is it just facing this final journey in our quest to regain our health? I had the exact same reaction 12 years ago while undergoing radiation.


    Delirium... after my radiation 12 years ago, I never regrew hair under my right arm. It does strange things to us. And believe it or not am getting radiation in the same place plus my right chest wall.


    Had a reaction last week between radiation and a steroid injection to my right knee. My skin became pink on both sides of my chest and up both sides of my neck. My RO figured out what was causing it and I have had no radiation since last Monday. Am taking prednisone and my skin is almost normal. Never dreamed there could be a reaction between the two. So now it will be close to Thanksgiving before treatments complete.

  • DeliriumPie
    DeliriumPie Member Posts: 1,186
    edited October 2013


    I'm sorry your having a hard time honeybair. I do think there are some funky vibes in the rads facilities. I am starting to get used to it there, but I have my moments. And the staff there is very different too. The MOs office and the chemo nurses are very warm but those rad techs have zero personality. I guess they do need to be very focused and they are always in a hurry. I swear that table never has time to cool off. What a shock for you to have that reaction. I'm glad your doc figured it out quickly and hope your doing better.


    The machine was broken for me on Friday. So I am now another day behind. I'm really starting to feel the effects on my treatment side. My skin is doing well but it sure feels crunchy inside. I know I need to drink more water, but it's hard sometimes. The ps office called me a week and a half ago to follow up. She said "looks like you should be almost finished with radiation." It made me very sad to say yes I SHOULD be but I just started and go ahead and put in your notes that I have more chemo now and call me back in February. Back in July I was thinking I would be done with treatment by mid October. Oh well. One day at a time. Hoping for no more delays for you and that your done being cooked in time to cook turkey.

  • Zillsnot4me
    Zillsnot4me Member Posts: 2,122
    edited October 2013


    I start rads next week. Any advice? My right side is just skin, bones and scar tissue.

  • georgie1112
    georgie1112 Member Posts: 104
    edited October 2013


    Zillsnot4m3,


    I used 100% pure aloe vera gel. It helped. You can use the plant or find the gel at a health food store.


    Georgie

  • spookiesmom
    spookiesmom Member Posts: 8,148
    edited October 2013


    For a while I was using Ocean Potion. Had aloe, calendula, tea tree, and lidocaine. Your RO should be watching you closely. Will rx as needed.

  • honeybair
    honeybair Member Posts: 234
    edited October 2013


    Resumed radiation yesterday, 12th with 16 more to go. I have solved my dreading the ordeal problem by counting my blessings while inside that machine. Amazing what this little mind trick is doing for me. Hope my brain can use this strategy for the next sessions.

  • spookiesmom
    spookiesmom Member Posts: 8,148
    edited October 2013


    Honeybair


    The daily drive wore me down. On the table, when the machine started I'd say over and over DIE CANCER DIE


    hope it worked!

  • DeliriumPie
    DeliriumPie Member Posts: 1,186
    edited October 2013


    I finally had my 13th zap yesterday. The machine was broken on Friday and Monday and still not working properly yesterday. Try said it was not working on one of the "energies" my treatment requires. Apparently this is an energy everyone uses for bc because everyone else came and went yesterday while all us bc ladies sat. They said they had to replan our whole treatments so that we could get treated that day with only the one energy. I got there at 3:30 and didn't leave until nearly 7pm. They gave us $10 walmart gift cards. Just how often does this machine breakdown, that they keep a stash of Walmart gift cards in hand? Anyhow, really feeling it today. Like a deep muscle "burn" over the whole area. I don't have chemo until 2pm today. Yay! I get to have a lazy morning.


    Zils- I'm not very far in, but my skin is great so far. I use argan oil in the morning, a cream called Remedy right after treatment and at bed time. Sometimes I use aquafor at bed time if I am running low on the Remedy. And like they always say, drink lots of water. I am struggling with that one. What day do you start? I'll be thinking of you.

  • Zillsnot4me
    Zillsnot4me Member Posts: 2,122
    edited November 2013


    Start Tuesday. Drinking enough will be my problem too. Did you say you got rescue cream at Walgreens?

  • honeybair
    honeybair Member Posts: 234
    edited November 2013


    Up again in the middle of the night. Between surgery and radiation, will I ever get a full night's sleep again?


    My lab tech shared the best preventive measure for preventing dehydration: vitamin water with electrolytes. I have discovered one called Zero and the company makes many good tasting ones. It costs 79 cents per bottle when purchased by the case at Sam's Club. I have more energy now and don't feel quite so washed out as I did after drinking all the water that I have since beginning cancer treatments. It is called Zero because it has no calories.

  • DeliriumPie
    DeliriumPie Member Posts: 1,186
    edited November 2013


    good luck tomorrow zills. I buy the cream from the pharmacy at my cancer center but I just found it on amazon for a bargain. I pay $9 for the 4 oz and they said they could order the 32 oz for $42 but it's $25 on amazon. http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B005EB8I86/ref=mp_s_a_1_2?qid=1383607853&sr=8-2&pi=AC_SX110_SY165_QL70


    Sorry honeybair. I know what you mean. The nights are terrible. The more tired I am the harder it is to sleep too. Especially now that I can never get comfortable. Thanks for the tip on the water. I definitely need to check that out. Washed out is the perfect description.


    I missed another rads tx today because the machine is broken again. Seriously? Wth

  • spookiesmom
    spookiesmom Member Posts: 8,148
    edited November 2013


    I know what you mean about the machine being broken, or down, or needing to be programmed or something! I went in the PM, they always called way before my time. Then I felt like a kid playing hookey. WooooHoooo. Free day!

  • DeliriumPie
    DeliriumPie Member Posts: 1,186
    edited November 2013


    I knew something was up when I first started and the nurse told me not to count down my treatment by weeks, only by each treatment. She said some people get upset if they miss one because they have to make it up. I said oh no I understand that but thought it was odd that she had to make that point. I see why now. I'm a week behind schedule since starting. Baaaa

  • spookiesmom
    spookiesmom Member Posts: 8,148
    edited November 2013


    True, you want to be done with it, not drag it out. If you really raise a fuss they may be able to work you in on the other machine, if there is one. My machine went wacko a few times, then my skin was so raw and weeping they gave me a week off. Then did the boosts, then the last of the regular rads. I thought I'd NEVER get finished. I wanted to just quit. I was so down in the dump. My RO talked me through it all. Wonderful doc.

  • Zillsnot4me
    Zillsnot4me Member Posts: 2,122
    edited November 2013


    Never thought about the machine being down. I will be pissed if I drive all the way to town and it's not working. Maybe I should ask but don't want to jinx myself.

  • spookiesmom
    spookiesmom Member Posts: 8,148
    edited November 2013


    They usually called if there was a problem. Do you have a cell #?