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Maybe a dumb flat question?

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  • Zillsnot4me
    Zillsnot4me Member Posts: 2,122
    edited October 2013


    haven't noticed the pec muscles yet. Tomorrow temp will drop 20 degrees so we'll see.


    The home page that discusses various treatments has a list of SEs for different chemo drugs.


    Going to try and have a lazy Sunday. Waiting on more rain. Want a good nap. Children up in middle of night.


    Take care.

  • Jennie93
    Jennie93 Member Posts: 263
    edited October 2013


    Sheila, I never realized how much I used my pecs until they cut part of it out!! The first time I was cold enough to shiver, a few weeks after surgery, ouch!!!! Who knew? LOL! I still have pain around the scar area and am aware of it every time that muscle flexes or I shiver. Which is way more often than I ever would've guessed before!

  • DeliriumPie
    DeliriumPie Member Posts: 1,186
    edited October 2013


    are you freezing Zils? Hope you had a nice lazy day. I have been lazy and dazy for two days. I did check out the chemo drugs page before I signed up for the trial, but it definitely pales in comparison to the invaluable personal experiences of how things really "feel" that I was able to read before. Thanks for the tip though. I am trying to keep really good notes this time, which I was supposed to do before but got lazy with. I am using the calendar on my phone this time so I can do it more immediately. Walking science experiment. Or laying, not a lot of walking going on right now. Lol


    Oh gosh Jennie. Thanks for the info. I was hoping these bizarre little pains would be more temporary. I've always loved the cold. Guess I better stock up on sweaters.

  • Zillsnot4me
    Zillsnot4me Member Posts: 2,122
    edited October 2013


    not freezing yet. Thinking we should stock up on undershirts to add an extra layer since we lost ours. Want to find a cute hat that is fallish. Too soon to wear a tobaggon.

  • mary625
    mary625 Member Posts: 154
    edited October 2013


    My pecs, especially the radiated side, feel bad every day, regardless of the weather!

  • DeliriumPie
    DeliriumPie Member Posts: 1,186
    edited October 2013


    I'm sorry Mary. That stinks to have a daily reminder. :-(


    Zils. I have a few hats if you want. I think they are called newsboy style. Try as I might, I just am not a hat person. I did go "topless" in public for the first time yesterday and today. I felt naked. Lol


    Halaven # 2 and radiation #1 down today. Feeling ok so far but anticipating a long night ahead. My qvc purchases from last treatment night started rolling in yesterday. Will try not to tune in tonight.

  • bobogirl
    bobogirl Member Posts: 2,083
    edited October 2013


    DP, you are making me pee my pants about the QVC ordering during treatment! What did you get?


    I say, Order On! You can always return it. :)

  • Zillsnot4me
    Zillsnot4me Member Posts: 2,122
    edited October 2013


    long night? Just from the chemo? Rads should be a piece of cake but not sure if in conjunction with chemo.


    I'm too busy rushing out the door to remember a hat. At least when it was warm. Now I notice the cold and stop and go back. Even at 5 pm since our trees are shading the driveway.


    I'm like bobo. Stuff can be returned if you don't mind the hassle. Whatever it takes to get thru the night.

  • DeliriumPie
    DeliriumPie Member Posts: 1,186
    edited October 2013


    let's see... During AC I found the liquidation channel. They have all kinds of gemstone jewelry and on Fridays and Sundays everything is under $10. They also have really cheap auctions on their website. To celebrate what I thought was my last chemo, I bought all of my team sterling gemstone rings. Then I decided I liked qvc and shopnbc better because they always have two hosts talking to each other. I find it soothing background. I tell my bf that they are my friends. Lol


    In the last two weeks I've bought some cute tunics, long lightweight sweaters, a Mally cosmetics kit, some genie bras, two dresses and some leggings. My excuse for the clothes is I need as higher necklines these days and I also seem to have gotten lazy and want to wear comfy clothes all the time. And hey, the proceeds from the Mally kit were being donated for bc research, so that's a good reason, even though I don't buy into all that, I'm a superb rationalizer. My favorites on snbc are isomers skincare and tarte beauty, great products! I bought tablemates to take to grandmas for after surgery, then liked them so much I bought some in a different color for my house. Oh the list goes on. I'm a born shopper. I just hate getting out any more. And after all, they are my friends! Haha


    Rads #2 today. Not so bad, but my skin is already really red. I am soo darn sensitive though. I blame the steroids for my post chemo insomnia, but it goes on all the time now. The first two nights are by far the worst though. And their exhausted I am, the worse it is. I did get to sleep by 1am last night though, which is an improvement. At least I get my one week break now. Starting to feel a little yucky today. The weekend was hell last week. Hoping I'm building a tolerance.


    Zils maybe you should stuff little knit hats in your jacket pockets.


    Have a great night ladies!

  • DeliriumPie
    DeliriumPie Member Posts: 1,186
    edited October 2013


    whine alert. Have to vent for a moment to people who get it. So I've been planning a baby shower for my sweetest little girl employee at work (ok she's like 22, but I feel old, lol). Anyway. We found out 2 weeks ago that she left her husband because he was abusing her while she was pregnant. She doesn't have anything, he isn't helping, and her family isn't going to give her a shower because they think she is wrong. She was going through all this and never said a word. She still does not know that we know now. And as you've heard of the drama in my office from people twice her age, it broke my heart because she is the only one to come in every day and not give anyone any sh$t. So I've already been disappointed by so many of our colleuges not wanting to pitch in on things and just being flat rude. So I decided I was going to just make it a great day for her and not worry about anyone else. I got her a crib and bedding and a bunch if things. Had to refinish the crib and have been working really hard in a lot of other little things. It's the only thing I've been looking forward to since this treatment started. I went tonight and got all kinds of fabric to make the canopy for the crib. As I was standing there wrapping gifts,exhausted from the day, I realized I can't be at the shower because I have to be at radiation on the other side of town. One hour drive at a minimum on a Friday. So I texted my director, who has been unusually unhelpful in putting this together, just to tell her how heartbroken I was to realize this. Her response was, I thought you already did radiation this week. Omg. She has already forgotten my new chemo schedule twice as well. No wonder she hasn't seemed to understand comments I've made lately about how overwhelmed I am by my new treatment schedule. I guess the new has officially worn off my being sick. Her response just sent me over the edge. So I've been sitting here bawling, at the "I want my life back" of it all. Or at least a few moments of life. First time that's happened since the night I started this thread. I guess I'm due for at least one per step on this journey.


    Director suggested I give her a gift during her lunch so I can see her open something? Really? I'm the one who has put this whole thing together and it is a surprise. I've already had to act like a mean boss by planning a "branch meeting" at 4pm on a Friday, so that she has to come back from her late afternoon dr appt. I want to see that little girls face when she walks in! Sorry, slipped into the whining again. Ugh! Gosh I want a drink. My drs never told me not to, but more info I found on here that they never told me. Maybe I shouldn't believe everything I read on the Internet, lol. Ok back to wrapping these gifts darn it. Thanks for listening.

  • bobogirl
    bobogirl Member Posts: 2,083
    edited October 2013


    Cancel the party ("branch meeting") and reschedule for when you can go!!! Can you?

  • DeliriumPie
    DeliriumPie Member Posts: 1,186
    edited October 2013


    I was able to call and change my appointment time to the morning so I could be there. It was a very nice party and she was suprised and overwhelmed with all that we did. A simple solution. I was just feeling beat down last night and wishing I didn't have to worry about all this treatment fun. A lovely but exhausting day.ayne I can sleep tonight. The first two days of this cycle have been easier than last week so I'm hoping that continues through the weekend.

  • Zillsnot4me
    Zillsnot4me Member Posts: 2,122
    edited October 2013


    I love baby stuff. How sweet and so generous of you. I bet she didn't know what to say.


    I get it. People understand surgery but chemo drags on. My friends and coworkers and family were great in the beginning but have accepted the new normal and life goes on while we still struggle. I'm not comfortable asking for help so we make do. Sometimes I think it's me. I know I've changed.


    Did you sleep? Xanax used to be my go to for sleep during steroid insomnia. Still can't sleep. Hot flashes now but have to start Effexor so don't want any conflicts.

  • Zillsnot4me
    Zillsnot4me Member Posts: 2,122
    edited October 2013


    Was told about heal gel for skin but it's a UK product. Not sure about ingredients or potential conflicts. My Jin Shin lady said to put your right hand over the area and your left hand on top of right and hold for 20 min. Can also hover hands if too sensitive. Is supposed to remove the heat. Also works for burns. I haven't tried any yet. Guessing my rads start in Nov.


    What about aloe? What did the radiologist say to use?

  • DeliriumPie
    DeliriumPie Member Posts: 1,186
    edited October 2013


    I slept on and off all day yesterday. I was even able to go to bed around midnight last night but then I woke up and couldn't go back to sleep for 4 hours just because I was so uncomfortable. Now I feel like I have the worst hangover ever. The brain fog I'm experiencing is maddening. On this, I just can't even care about what is happening or who needs what. I am really questioning my ability to work for the rest of the year. I've had thoughts of wishing I could afford to quit just so I don't have to think about any of it. This week is my break from chemo and I am hoping I get to feel recharged but with rads going, who knows.


    It's like pulling teeth to get to the rad peeps to tell me anything. They did recommend a cream called Remedy that they sell there (gofigure). So I am greasing up with that twice a day. The tech told me one patient also uses pure aloe. I have a big aloe plant. I was hoping I would feel up to going to the store today. I've used almost my whole tube of remedy already. I want to look and see what there is and pick up a couple of the things I have read about here like aquafor and canadula (may not be what it's called). I've been wondering about argan oil. I have not seen anyone mention it but it is supposed to be so good for your skin. At least that's what my "friends" on tv say.


    When do you start Effexor? Will you get a short break? Will your rads be concurrent? Hope you have a peaceful Sunday.

  • Zillsnot4me
    Zillsnot4me Member Posts: 2,122
    edited October 2013


    Effexor is an antidepressant. I was supposed to start it during chemo but my stomach wouldn't cooperate. It's supposed to help with the hot flashes and therefore sleep and obviously my mood.


    I've heard people take aloe with them in a cooler to apply immediately afterwards. I don't think any oil is allowed. A friend on another thread used aquafor. I used the target brand on babies and it absorbed pretty quickly. We also applied liquid maalox to take the sting out of diaper rash.


    If you go on STD, you don't get paid? Could you only work two or three days a week? Do you think you need to get your b vitamin levels checked but not sure if you can take a supplement during rads.


    Topless? Really? Where? You could always try it at work. Will make the boss and coworkers remember what you are going thru.


    Hang in there!

  • DeliriumPie
    DeliriumPie Member Posts: 1,186
    edited October 2013


    daaaang chemo brain! You would think I know what Effexor is, forgot until reading what you wrote that my mo prescribed me that for my hot flashes too. I had it filled but was too scared to start taking it. I chose to add only one new scary pill and went with gabapentin for neuropathy. Luckily, my hot flashes resolved about two weeks pfc. They haven't started again so far. Sorry for the brain lapse!


    My company is so small ans cheap. We don't have any type of benefits. I considered going part time at the beginning when I had I take a pay cut to qualify to receive treatment. But honestly, it would be overtime worry and responsibility on part time wages. I get so irritable on my bad days now, I just want to tell everyone to handle their own messes. Everyone says they want to help, but when it comes to something really useful that could be done, they scatter to the wind. Like you, I find it too much effort to ask for help. The couple of times I have asked for specific things (work wise) the outcome has always been disappointing. And I don't ask unless it is really important so that makes it even more of a let down. I am going to ask about the vitamins. I took b6 during act. I could really tell the difference when I got lazy with my dosage too. But the NP told me not to take anything this time. I was also on a rx vitamin d then. But it ran out and they never mentioned it again. They seem to forget things a lot though.


    I've been "topless" (wigless) to work and everywhere for the four days I was out of the house last week. The first day because I was feeling real bad and lazy. Then it was a nice feeling to not have to worry about it. I know it is making everyone uncomfortable but they just keep telling me how good it looks. My newest employee, who has been a dear friend for years, burst into tears when she saw me. She said it made it real to her, because she was surprised when she came to interview at how healthy I looked even though we had been talking all along about what was going on. She is one of the strongest people I know. She has been through so much tragedy in her life and she took this job just to help me. It made me sad that I made her sad. I have a new wig that I ordered in at the wig shop but I have felt too bad to go pick it up. I need to do that before I go back to work. I'm getting scared of the very real possibility that I may not be able to get through rads wearing a bra. Going out with no hair is one thing, but when I don't have my boobs on my Buddha belly is out of control! That ain't gonna be pretty.

  • DeliriumPie
    DeliriumPie Member Posts: 1,186
    edited October 2013


    oh Mary, I forgot to add that I think of you every time I get rads, lol, nice way to be remembered, huh? First it was because I wished they would play some music, even if it was Lucy in the sky with diamonds. It's so quiet in there and the sound of the machine unnerves me. So I think of that all the while I'm staring at the ceiling tiles. Secondly, on Friday, it was the first time that I had to stand in the room for a moment before getting on the table, because they didn't have it already set for me like they normally do. I realized I had never looked around the room before and it did look like the torture chamber you described. There were racks of at least 15 of the face cages and all other types of ugly things. I find the face cages very disturbing. One of them had a hole cut in it on the forehead. I really wish I had not had the time to look around. I also find it slightly comical every time the techs scurry out of the room before the machine starts. I mean I know it's obviously not good to be exposed to radiation, which makes it kind of funny to me that they strap you down and run. But I have an off sense of humor.

  • mary625
    mary625 Member Posts: 154
    edited October 2013


    Sheila--I'm happy that you think of me. I'd probably laugh the same way at them scurrying and running. I simply don't understand why they can't design a rads room with cabinets to keep those cages and butt holders in behind closed doors. It's like a torture chamber.


    I highly recommend the calendula that you mentioned. There are numerous brands of it, and you can find it at Whole Foods and the like. It has "First Aid" written on it. I think it's better than aloe. I also had a type of Eucerin. I tried to find one formulation without parabens, and I think I did. I had Aquafor but it is very much like the consistency of Vaseline, which I don't like. It also seems to have parabens, although I occasionally put it on cracked heels. I had very little problem with my skin and now you can't even see any discoloration. I used BioOil for about a year after treatment.

  • wirdgirl118
    wirdgirl118 Member Posts: 139
    edited October 2013


    Zills, I know what you mean about people knowing about the surgery part, but our challenge is open ended.

  • spookiesmom
    spookiesmom Member Posts: 8,148
    edited October 2013


    when I was on the table stareing at those white tiles and the machine would start I'd think DIE CANCER DIE. Every time. So far, I'm NED. Guess it worked, lol.


    My RO had me apply an OTC cream which I can't remember now. Stupid chemo brain. Then as tx progressed, I got itchey. Then REALLY itchey. I was using Ocean Potion, an after sun gel that had aloe, calendula tea tree and lidocaine. Then just lidocaine. Then my skin broke, I had a 10 day rad vacation and used silvadine cream x 2 daily.


    Rads did make me tired, some of it was from going every single day for 32 days. Some was simply recovering, or trying to, from all the other ca chit.


    If there's any way you can swing it, take time off from work. This is the time to be good to yourself. Hang in, it does get better!

  • DeliriumPie
    DeliriumPie Member Posts: 1,186
    edited October 2013


    Big cheer for NED spookiesmom! I've been wanting to ask about your name. I used to have a puppy named spooky and I think of her whenever I see your posts anywhere.


    zap #6 down. This is my week off from chemo and its still not agreeing with me. In other news, I got my period today. First time since march. I feel like I'm supposed to call my mom and tell her I'm a woman now. Lol. I waited a whole month to tell her about it when I was 12 and it hurt her feelings. Maybe it would make up for that. Ha. I have been on the pill since I was 15 and I think maybe I remember these terrible cramps and back pain from before the pill. Could explain why I've felt extra bad this week I suppose. My MO told me when I started treatment that I could keep taking the pill because I am triple negative. I still took it for a while but then got really paranoid and figured since I wasn't having cycles OR gettin any lovin that there was no reason to take the risk that it could be contributing. That's all I got tonight ladies. Oh, and I've decided to quit my job. Looking for how I am going to earn income. Maybe start some franchise thing. I don't know. It's scary but I've decided I need to breathe and learn how to be happy.

  • spookiesmom
    spookiesmom Member Posts: 8,148
    edited October 2013


    Spookie is a Maltese. When I got her, I thought if I let her hair grow to the floor, she would look like a ghost. And her bday is Halloween. She will be 4. Is one very spoiled little girl.


    Quit your job? Well, if you can without stressing too much, go for it!

  • DeliriumPie
    DeliriumPie Member Posts: 1,186
    edited October 2013


    that's awesome spookiesmom! So fun. Halloween is my all time favorite holiday! My little girl, well, big girls full name was spookshow baby, but we called her spooky. After we lost her, I clearly lost my mind with dog names: first came Guacamole, who looked just like spooky. Then Chitopilo (not chipotle) and Black Dog. The clerk at the vet thought I was disturbed. I had guacamole for 12 years before he passed. Even considering the things I've been through this year, that has been the single most tragic feeling moment in my life. I was holding him (all 80 lbs) and he was there one moment and gone the next. The two pampered princes stayed with my hubby when we split. I couldn't stand to separate them and in my heart I knew they loved him just a little more than me. My non dog loving friends couldn't understand why I stayed in my marriage two years after I had decided it was inevitible, just because I couldn't leave my boys. My current boy, Reggie, came with his own name. Wasn't he lucky for that?! Sorry for the ramble, I love dogs.

  • Zillsnot4me
    Zillsnot4me Member Posts: 2,122
    edited October 2013


    I love Halloween too. Am glad my break coincides with it. The boy missed out on a lot of activities this summer so didn't want to miss this too. We live in the country so go to my sisters about two hours away to trick or treat with the cousins. It's a big deal up there. They decorate yards (think pianos outside), rent cotton candy machines, churches pass out hot chocolate.


    So sorry about the period. It would make you feel yucky and zap your energy. My last one was June and I'm hoping it won't come back. I'm 46.


    Congrats about the decision. Just making one makes you feel better.

  • spookiesmom
    spookiesmom Member Posts: 8,148
    edited October 2013


    HehHeh no problem, I prefer dogs over people any day! What kind were they?


    What kind of franchise are you considering? That sounds like a lot of work too, but you're not working for "the man" then

  • DeliriumPie
    DeliriumPie Member Posts: 1,186
    edited October 2013


    that's sound like so much fun Zils! I hope you will be feeling well. When I was with my husband, we would go all out on decorating the yard. Complete with a lifelike cemetery and a real casket. The kids I'm the neighborhood would start in march stopping by to ask what the theme would be each year. It was a lot of fun and a lot of work too. I would be too worn out to do anything outside for Christmas.


    Spookiesmom, guacamole was a German Shepard And Alaskan husky mix. He had the most beautiful coat. Black dog and Chitopilo are pretty Mutty. I am pretty sure they are brothers but they look nothin alike. They are similar in height but Chitopilo is a beefy 60 lb boy marked like a beagle but with German Shepard ears, tail and size. Black dog is a skinny boy built like a greyhound in the back. I know he has some great piranese (sp?) in him because he has extra toes. But also has the German Shepard ears and tail. I love and miss my boys so much. Is spookie an only child?


    As for what I want to get in to, I'm not sure. I am trying to do a lot of research and am open to any ideas anyone has. I don't really want to do any selling. Marketing is one thing, but I've done enough selling to last my lifetime. I found some info about a corporate event planning franchise that sounds interesting. Obviously, I want something as low risk as possible. I should say that my bf works with me, well for me. So it is something we would go in to together and share the workload. I have to plan for him too because he came to this company to help me out and turned down a great job offer he was considering when I was diagnosed because he didn't want to leave me with the huge burden of a client that he is responsible for. I feel very guilty about that. I can't leave him alone there and bail. But of course that makes the idea even more scary, waging both of our incomes on it. He is so burned out though, and not getting any younger. His eyes really lit up when I told him I was done with this nonsense job. He used to be a contractor and built all of the Trinity Broadcasting churches and facilities in the US. So he is very handy. Flipping houses sounds like fun but talk about SCARY! Zils you are right. I already feel better having made this decision. I just keep thinking I am going through so much fighting for my LIFE, that I should make my life mean more than getting everyone their dang temps and always being everyone's fall guy. That has literally been my life for so long that when my doctor asked me one thing I enjoy doing, I couldn't even give her an answer. If I am living just to work this thankless job, I may as well just stop treatment and give up, because its not worth it. I want to live and learn how to be a fun person.

  • spookiesmom
    spookiesmom Member Posts: 8,148
    edited October 2013


    Spookie has a min poodle brother, KrisKringle. He's white. I'd sent her to the groomer last year for a bath, I just wasn't up to it. The groomer was fostering him, 4 days later he was ours.


    I really don't know anything about what you are considering. DH was self employed, I was a school bus driver. Lousy job, had good benefits.

  • DeliriumPie
    DeliriumPie Member Posts: 1,186
    edited October 2013


    a pair of Holiday pups, that's so cute. I would take in all the strays of the world if I could.


    It's viewers choice beauty awards on qvc tonight. Oh my. I had to come walk outside before I bought anything else. Did score some Christmas gifts though, And just a couple of things for myself, ahem.

  • DeliriumPie
    DeliriumPie Member Posts: 1,186
    edited October 2013


    too bad there's not a big market for personal shoppers.