Moving On......After the Flap
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Congrats, teacher!
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Lili-Ri - I came pretty close to blowing off stage 2. I seriously didn't know if I could summon the energy for another go around of being poked and prodded and bandaged. I was also on the fence about nipples and almost managed to convince myself that I could spend the rest of my life with my Barbie breasts. Almost. I even postponed several appointments for my procedure - so my Stage 2 ended up being 15 months after my Stage 1.
But - I am SO glad I did it. I hadn't realized how much my dog-ears had bothered me until I didn't have to feel them anymore. And I love love love having nipples. They are five weeks old, and very pretty, and today was the first day I didn't cover myself up when I was standing in front of the mirror drying my hair.
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Janet,
Motivating post. I'm like you, dreading going through another surgery, but it is so good to know its worth it in the end. My surgery is being delayed 6 months because I'm waiting till I finish the herceptin treatments. Till then I'll keep thinking how nice it will be to have nipples again. Thanks.
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Janet, I'm so glad you are happy with your decisions and outcomes. I think I'm done with tats and just have one little procedure to do in two weeks to repair a couple things in my ab scar. I'm really dreading the compression. From diagnosis to final repair will be almost three years. It's a good thing I didn't realize in the beginning that it's a marathon, not a sprint. However, I am really looking forward to being done and welcoming 2015 with no recon. left to do!
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Like Jeannie, it will be a little over three years from diagnosis to being finished with recon. Because of some radiation burn scar issues, it's taken many more surgeries (Stage 2a, 2b, 2c...) to get where I need to be--my PS doesn't want to do too much at a time, and yes, it's been a slooowww marathon. It has all been worth it. I'm happy to say, I can no longer carry my cell phone behind my breast prosthesis; it's all me now! Happy Thanksgiving to my U.S. sisters!
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Teacher, thanks for sharing about your pepperoni. I was wondering how you wear a bra with the tattoos, mine get done this Tuesday. Part of me doesn't want to bother.... That may be weird but it has been such a tough past few months with family issues.....
Thanksgiving was emotional for me, lots of gratitude but also a wake up call as I stepped on the scale and have gained 14 lbs since pre surgery. Went to lunch with a woman who has lost like 45 lbs since pre surgery. Sigh. All our experiences are different- for me the last 4 lbs came from stopping exercise and getting lazy since daylight savings time so I started again a few days ago and will keep plugging.
Sbeliz, you have had a long road, I am glad you are getting to the place you are.
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Janet: Thank you for the inspiration to actually consider Stage 2. I hope that my PS does not think there is too much to do....but when I look in the mirror I see the assistant who was "cut in half" by the magician.
We have all been through so much, and I am thankful to be NED today.
I am also thankful for all of you lovely ladies....my secret club where I come for peace, wisdom and to help others.
Lisa
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Hi,
I had a pedicle tram flap on Oct 10th, 2014. I had problems with necrosis. Have been to the PS every week to have wound debrieded.
Has anyone had any issues like this. I am so discouraged as this will put stage two off, maybe forever. Marianne
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Teacher- two pepperoni slices- I laughed so hard.
Wow Katy and Jeannie- 3 years- I complained about my one year of 4 surgeries. It is a marathon for sure. It is so nice to say it is done.
I had my excision last Thursday and still waiting for pathology. I have stayed busy and feel this will all turn out just fine. Thanks for the PM's and kind words.
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Hi Marianne: I had to endure debridement on my right breast after DIEP due to necrosis after radiation. After a weeks of appointments, I asked about a skin graft. My PS agreed and used one of my dog ears. That was in August, and it is still healing. Maybe this is an option for you. Lis
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Marianne--I'm so sorry you're enduring this setback. Please don't lose hope that things will turn out beautifully. It's a detour, not a full stop!
Consider asking your PS about a wound management therapy that my PS has used several times for me--hyperbaric oxygen treatments. It promotes healing, and for me, prevents my surgical sites from turning into cellulitis (which happened a couple of times).
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Janet, I felt the same way, and am now SO glad that I went ahead with stage 2 and had the nipple reconstruction. Although I was feeling down in the dumps for about a month after both my stage 2 surgeries, it was well worth it. Who knew having nipples could make you feel whole again?!
It's been a year since I was diagnosed with a recurrence. Yesterday when we were decorating our house for Christmas, I was having so much fun with my husband and daughters, and then I started to remember the sadness I felt this time last year, knowing I was about to have the BMX. I told myself not to go there, and still enjoyed my day, but I think I'm going to have to fight this a bit over the holidays. Just need to be thankful for how far I've come and where I'm at now. Hugs to all of you!
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enjoyevrymoment - I did not wear a bra after tattoos. I had bandages and was told no pressure
Jmb - I'm with you on fighting the events of last year. For some reason stage 2 was the worst for me due to allergic reaction and extensive liposuction bruising, and the emotional feeling that I should look better than I did.Then opportunity came up to get tattoos and I wondered if I was ready. It was emotional and I didn't know what the pepperoni slices would look like, but I have to say that they are gorgeous! I was told to use the ointment to for as long as they were scabby and today is the first day they have have looked perfect. (10 days) I smiled when I got out of the shower and saw saw my normal-looking breasts.
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teacher, that's great! I'm excited to get mine but have to wait until April. I didn't know they will scab. Not all tattoos scab, do they?
Was wondering if the rest of you have people contact you when they or someone they know find a breast lump. It's happened to me a lot since my first diagnosis 5 years ago. I was always willing to be encouraging, but right now I just don't feel up to it. Someone I don't know well messaged me on Facebook to tell me she's freaking out because her 20 something daughter found a very large hard lump. Actually her obgyn found it at her annual check up. I told her chances are it's not cancer, and tried to encourage her, but I just didn't really want to be her cheerleader. I suppose it's just too soon. (Sigh)
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jmb, I don't know if all tattoos scab. I did bleed quite a bit. I had not asked about aspirin and take a low dose daily, which I should have stopped prior to tattoos. It also took about two weeks for the color to settle and they look really good. There are a few spots that will need touch up. That will be done at my PS's office whenever I am ready to deal with the care. Maybe spring
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Interesting, teacher. I'm glad to hear your experience. If I bleed, I won't be alarmed now. Wish I didn't have to wait... April seems like a long way off.
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jmb- I think we all are in different places and there are times I can encourage others and times that I do not feel as strong to do so, and both are ok. Helping others gives at least more meaning to going through things, but as you said we can't always be the go to girl for every single person 24/7.
My tattoos were done on Tuesday by Mandy at UPenn (who was very nice) and it is truly so different to see the color there.
I only applied scant amounts of bacitracin as directed, no bra the first day with a loose top which I covered with a light jacket, then a loose bigger bra for work and no bra around the house. Healing nicely, in my case not actual scabbing like when you cut your knee or anything, but a thin sheet almost of probably a little bit of dried blood which is already starting to break off, I am just astonished how much things look normal. I have not washed there, there is no infection or any redness. The color selection is interesting- who knew there were so many variations with areola/nipple color? I do wish I had taken a picture of my old breasts because really you don't remember what the color was before but I know that things look very normal to me now. (what is normal anyway I guess right?)
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jmb - It's hard to 'not go there' when it comes to memories and anniversaries. It's a hard door not to walk through so good for you for trying. However, sometimes the effort to keep that door shut is exhausting, and it's better just to open it once in a while and peek inside.
It's a strange time of year so don't be too hard on yourself about mixing in some sadness or difficult memories in with the festivities. Your family will still have a great time.
And about being a cheerleader? Ha. I get that - I go through a lot of times where i want to hang up the pom-poms. Other times, I can' wait to strap them on. It really depends on the day/month/year and even though I like to think I'm a good person, there are times where I absolutely cannot summon up the proper words or emotion. It's especially hard if you don't know someone well.
One thing I found helpful when I was waiting for my results was being told to wait for the facts. A friend told me not to react to anything that is 'invisible' and just to wait until we know my story. And further down the road is the fact that cancer is ' a word, not a sentence'. (That's the title of a book I was given)
So, go easy on yourself. We spend so much time pushing ourselves to do things we don't want to do. And act in ways we don't feel like acting. And saying things we might not feel. Sometimes when I'm dealing with people and they have a little cough and they're complaining about their partner or their bad hair, I make myself smile, but inside I'm thinking, 'I dont give a sh*t'.
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Thanks for all your advice. I had my breast wound debrieded for the third time yesterday. The wound is much smaller now and looks ike it will close without a problem. Next PS appointment is Jan 6th. We will discuss stage two at that time. I talked to the NP about tattoos vs nipple reconstruction. What do you all think? Marianne
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Yesterday I took treats to my PS and his staff because his office is across from a mall I wanted to walk to see the Christmas decorations. He and his med assistant asked if I could spare a couple of minutes because they wanted to see my needled 3D artwork. I reminded them I didn't have an appointment and would be in in early January. My PS smiled and said it could be a Christmas gift for him. Then he and His med asst critiqued her work and decided I will needs bit of touch up. They were both pleased with the look. Me too!
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Sorry, I just want to vent !!!
I had my 'exchange' on Dec 4th...And, not happy with the way I look and feel. The implant doesn't feel any different than the way it felt when the expander was in place. The skin and muscle from the flap is still so tight and I feel numb on that side from having had the lat flap. The scars are unsightly - If I had to do it over again, I don't think I would...Also, the PS can't guarantee that the implant won't move out of place from having had radiation therapy. (I had major skin breakdown as a result of radiation). I wish there was such a thing as a crystal ball !!!!
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andi, sorry that things haven't gone as you hoped. I see you posted on the 15th. Any improvement since then?
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jmb5, I appreciate you asking...I'm sorry that I had the venting session...No improvements - feels so tight as if I was wearing an iron bra, if that makes sense. My dermatologist actually asked if I was massaging the area - I haven't been told to do so...I don't think that would help anyway...
Hope everyone on this board had a nice holiday...Andi
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andi, you go ahead and vent anytime. We all need to at times, and I think this is a safe place to do it, where the other ladies understand. I've heard that term, iron bra, before on the message boards. Sounds pretty awful. No idea is massaging will help, but I know my PS told me to massage areas of scar tissue.
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Andi, my iron bra got much better with time, a lot was swelling which did take quite a while. When I came home I was wearing a stretchy bra that was 42 and now I am in 38B. They look more natural and less like hamburger patties too. (did I say that but just being truthful)
You really can't tell how stuff will be for a while. When you have been through so much it is hard waiting for that day but on the other side it will be awesome!
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Anyone have any advice for eating healthier? I really need to change my diet and cut out the sweets and processed foods. I am not overweight, but I definitely don't eat healthy, and I worry that I'm putting myself at risk for another cancer in my future. I am not interested in becoming a vegan and doing something extreme, but I know I need to do something. It probably doesn't help that I don't enjoy cooking. I'm just so discouraged. Wish I had a chef who could prepare healthy meals and snacks for me.
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enjoyeverymoment, you made me laugh with the hamburger patties
I do thank you for the advice I know I just had the exchange a few weeks ago, I guess I'll have to wait and see. jmb5, I'm a vegetarian (not a vegan - can't give up my dairy) - but, before I made that change, I used to substitute hamburger with ground turkey and ate a lot of grilled chicken and fish. It's also a good idea to try new veggies - like using spaghetti squash instead of normal spaghetti noodles...And, cut zucchinis (length ways) & hollow out and add black bean salsa - bake or grill - its delicious...I also feel that no one should deprive themselves for their weaknesses, just eat in moderation...
Let's Have a Happy New Year !!! Andi
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andi, I do love black bean salsa. I really need to start collecting recipes for healthy snacks and meals.
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Andi is right on with poultry and fish. I have beef occasionally. Cutting processed food was key for me because of sodium and all the additives. I still enjoy sweets sometimes, especially around the holidays but now it is time to get back on track. I've been making chili and tacos with ground turkey for years and my husband has never noticed the difference. I still do meat loaf half and half because he did notice that. We also have lots of veggies.
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jmb5 - Yay for turkey! I'm an infrequent cook but the one thing I try to keep on hand is homemade turkey chili. The turkey and bean combination is comforting, and good for you. Add some shredded sharp cheddar, and it's super-delicious. I make a huge pot and then freeze it in single or double portions. I also went through a phase where I made homemade vegetables soups (potato leek is a fave) but I haven't done that in a while, but it's on my to-do list for next year.
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