Life does not end with a stage IV diagnosis (really!)
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Illamae,
So happy to hear treatment works! I have bone, lung,and liver Mets. But scan liver had reduced the most. I want to plan a trip to Italy and France. I actually could travel most of the time. My dh is so willing. I so do appreciate hearing from you and that life goes on
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Illamae,
So happy to hear treatment works! I have bone, lung,and liver Mets. But scan liver had reduced the most. I want to plan a trip to Italy and France. I actually could travel most of the time. My dh is notso willing. I so do appreciate hearing from you and that life goes on
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Illamae,
So happy to hear treatment works! I have bone, lung,and liver Mets. But scan liver had reduced the most. I want to plan a trip to Italy and France. I actually could travel most of the time. My dh is notso willing. I so do appreciate hearing from you and that life goes on
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seeq and exbmxgrl
Thank you Sometimes it seems I need constant affirmation .
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positive2strong, my advice is to make plans to go to Italy and France. Just buy travel insurance. If your dh needs a little nudging, try bargaining with him. I do that with my dh. Dh wanted to buy a new fishing boat, so I said fine, then you can help me update the kitchen how I want it. I used to let him have his way so often, but now I make sure to get something for myself out of it, lol!
Especially if you have little to no pain and your scans are good, it’s the time to travel. Planning is part of the fun and is a great way to set your thoughts on something other than the obvious. I have times when I want to do nothing but stay home (the pandemic had something to do with that) and have found that giving myself a small nudge to be a bit more active works and I’m always glad I made the effort.
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Positive 2strong
I absolutely agree with divinemrsm. You need to travel and soak up all of the amazing experiences and create memories that will help you through the down times. When I was diagnosed Stage IV, with Mets to the pelvis and skull, it was decided that SBRT would be the best course of action. I thought for sure that I would miss a trip to Europe that was scheduled to depart 10 days later.
My team encouraged me to take the trip and I started radiation the day after I returned. I am so glad I did it. I had a wonderful time and it does help to offset the difficult things. Cancer takes so much from us that we need to do what we can to restore our souls for the fight.
My husband and I leave tomorrow on a road trip to a city I've always wanted to visit, and we have another trip (domestic, with a short flight) planned for February, and another road trip for early April. I hope my health will allow another overseas trip later next year, but who knows?
If you have the physical capability and the funds, then I say "You go, Girl"
Eleanora
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Positive2strong: Yes. Go. I am a reluctant traveller. I like going places, seeing new things but I really am an old wolf who likes the smell of her own lair. I planned to go to Glastonbury in August 2020 with DH staying home and spend a week on my own to celebrate turning 70. COVID got in the way.
eleanora: have great time on your road trip!!
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If your husband doesn't want to go, that's okay too! Don't wait around for him. Ask a friend or other relatives who want to go, someone who will enthusiastically travel with you. Or go alone, which is also fun!0
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If you have $ and strength and desire, I say plan a trip. My travel story was when I was diagnosed stage 1. DH & I packed for a 17 day trip rafting the Grand Canyon which we had dreamed of for a couple of years. Needle biopsy had shown cancer. Stopped en route for 1st visit to breast surgeon. I told her if a 3week delay was critical to my prognosis that I was DEFINITELY going, as I knew I'd never get another opportunity. She laughed and said "have fun, stop on way home for pre-op tests". Might have helped that she used to date a river runner. I'll admit I was very contemplative at times, but I kept the diagnosis to myself. Wonderful trip & great memories. I think the positivity helped me through initial treatment.
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Thanks elderberry. It was refreshing to be in a new environment and have new things to distract me. While I am very good about taking medication and following my MO's instructions, I need periodic escapes from the difficult reality we all live in.
Eleanora
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My latest passion is going to the cemetery to take requested photos of headstones. May sound odd to some, but it really is a thing! Through genealogy I learned about the Find A Grave website that documents millions of headstones worldwide. Volunteers provide headstone photos. (Some people have added tens of thousands of photos!) Some guy created the website decades ago and eventually Ancestry.com bought it. People can go to the website and place a request for someone to take a photo of a deceased person at a particular cemetery (I've done it for a few deceased relatives who are buried elsewhere) and any volunteer can go take a picture of it and upload it to the site.
There are numerous cemeteries near me but currently I'm focused on the cemetery where my parents and grandparents are buried. I've gone there since I was a kid, but walking through its many different sections now looking for particular headstones, I'm seeing the cemetery in a whole new light. It's quite beautiful. Some gravestones are like works of art. I'm not sure how to describe the feeling I get walking these burial grounds. I think it might be reverence. I love when I can find and fill a photo request. I've always loved taking pictures, long before social media, and with this latest endeavor I also get in some exercise.
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Did you see this pic Devine? From last year I think
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Since the subject of cemetery came up, I planned my funeral 5 years ago. To make it easy for my kids.
I am being buried in the cemetery of my childhood (me, too, Divine) where most of my family is buried
I will be buried with a grandfather who died a long time ago who I have never met.
Since he didn't have a gravestone, I bought one for both of us.
My name is on it without an expiration date.
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Parakeets- congratulations- such a good feeling to own your house. I ignored the remodeling with resale in mind critics- esp paint.
I have traveled a lot with stage 4- especially after getting used to a new treatment. I mostly feel quite good and my MO is very pro travel (with travel insurance) and is always willing to tweak my treatment protocols to accommodate. I do think go while you can, no-one (including people without cancer) knows what tomorrow will bring.
The psychology of stage 4 cancer is sometimes the hardest part to manage- as Devine says- support yourself and your desires, don't let others limit you.
I am 5.5 years out from stage 4 diagnosis. most of the time I have felt quite well.
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nkb, it's always encouraging to hear that someone is doing "well." Holidays can be hard. Will this be my last? No one knows, although that's true for anyone. We just have NED's evil stepbrother breathing down our necks, waiting to push us in front of the oncoming bus.
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Time to revive this thread. My semi-unlikeable personality has recovered from the dual ugly pm’s folks felt necessary to send and I’m feeling stronger. Having always been “different “ I have learned how to move on! Divine,our dearCamille said it well; I have learned, mostly, to fit in but I never truly feel like I belong.
So, speaking of moving, I have temporarily moved out of my house (I left on MLK Day) as major renovations are underway. I having been staying with my daughters, one in San Jose, one in Napa. They have been kind, generous, and patient. I am having new flooring installed throughout my house as well as remodeling the kitchen and the2 1/2 bathrooms. New paint and window coverings too. While I am very grateful to be able to afford such a major overhaul, it turns out that I am not good about living out of a suitcase. I really, really just want to go home! My little dog, Pumpkin, is also terribly out of sorts and thoroughly confused by our vagabond lifestyle. Poor girl! Hope you are all well and thank you for reading my privileged complaint.
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exbrnxgrl-Good to see you back! How long will you have to be out of your home? That would be so tough for me. I love travelling but I am always so happy to come home. I love having my own space and getting to do my thing without having to explain anything to anyone. I'm sure it will be nice to move back into your renovated home.
I've had a good day-it was beautiful here. I was out canvassing for a neighbor who is running for office-I actually enjoy that kind of thing, talking to people and just really noticing all the different types of homes in my area. My body was killing me after 4 1/2 hours of walking and climbing stairs but after some yoga I feel great again. I'm also excited b/c I have applied for a part-time, seasonal job and have an interview on Tuesday. What appeals to me is that it is seasonal so it's not an indefinite commitment and I think we get to tell them what days each month we are available to work, so I can still travel, etc. We'll see-I'm just happy to get an interview.
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Glad to see you’re back!!
I had the bathroom redone last summer, tub out, walk in shower now. Much better for these creaky knees. The dust was awful, had to go to DDs for shower, but so worth it. Enjoy your “new” house.
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Good to “see” you both! Spookiesmom, I am having my deep soaking tub removed and will have a nice big walk in shower with a built in bench seat and a grab bar. Sigh, that grab bar makes me feel old and infirm but I’d be silly to ignore reality. I have another full bathroom and will keep the tub in there, though it will be new. I know I will be thrilled with the end results but this vagabond life is harder than I imagined it would be. And again, I realize that this is a complaint of privilege.
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exbrnxgirl- I am so happy you are back. And I can so relate to your comment about mostly fitting in, but not really feeling like I belong.
We have had so many improvement projects since we moved into this house a little over a year ago...and still ongoing. Fortunately, we can go out to our guest house (not as glamorous as it sounds), if necessary, while the work is being done. It sounds lovely to have it all over and done in one go. It will be so nice to get back home, even if the visits are fun.
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exbrnxgrl- good to see you again. Your project sounds so exciting. Think of it as a camping trip and how wonderful it will be when you return home to (new) bathrooms.
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Hi fellow renovators. I was going to regale you with my reno tales but realized it might be like a novella and I would likely screw up somewhere and lose it all before I could send. So - maybe I'll try typing it in Word, copy/paste. If it is long and tedious you can just skip it and move on. My DH and I are calling it Our Year In Provence, except it isn't the south of France and it feels like a lifetime.
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Thank you all for the warm thoughts! Let’s give kudos to divine Mrs.M for the fitting in vs. belonging comment.
Nothing about the footprint of my house is changing but flooring (no more carpet 👏🏻👏🏻) all bathrooms, kitchen and all interior paint will be new. I just thought I would be a better vagabond and didn’t realize what a homebody I’d become. I’ll love it in the end but this living out of a suitcase thing has been no fun. Yes, this is a very privileged complaint!
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exbrnxgrl, we redid our bathroom several years ago. My DH had quit one job and had a few months before his new one started. We took the opportunity to redo the bathroom, which was a mess. Our house was built in 1910 and the bathroom had probably been done over maybe twice. We gutted it down to the studs, pulled up the floor, etc. We found a newspaper from 1940 in the wall. We put it back in the wall along with a current front page from the Wall Street Journal. It probably took 10 months to complete, since we (mostly DH) did all the work ourselves. It was so bad before, I'd lock the door when we had guests, and told them to use the back bathroom.
Fortunately, we have a bathroom off the den with a shower, so we weren't totally without a bathroom.
I'll try to post photos of before, during and after.
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It's great to see people doing projects, we try and pick one house-related project a year so this year is refurbishing the sofa and getting it recovered I would like to buy a new one but it would be wasteful as the one we have is in very good condition so going to get it recovered.
I was chatting to my oncologist nurse practitioner and telling her how it is hard is to frame what I say about my stage 4 cancer and how people still think it means you will drop dead in a few weeks, she said it's a whole different ball game now, lots of long term survives which was very cheering to hear but we all know things can change anytime so doing my best to live in the moment.
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I have renovated spaces over the years, but, one at a time so never moved out. the projects always took longer than I thought, but, were so lovely when finished! In our on suite BR I asked the contractor to put in a seat and a grab bar and he said- I'll come back and put it in when you need it- I said just put it in- both have come in handy over the years.
We will finally do the "sunporch" which has morphed from kids playroom to exercise room and has the original 40 year old carpet from when we moved in. I love when things work right- there has been a "surprise" in every wall or floor we have opened-
Sunshine99- my mother always told me I was lucky that my DH didn't know how to do anything- that I could hire someone.
Have a lovely day and hoping all the projects go smoothly.
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I think the home remodeling sounds very exciting. I can relate, as my house began as a massive fixer upper. We’ve done just about every home improvement that can be done over the years. One project was a complete kitchen re-do, which included tearing it down to the studs, eliminating a wall and changing the floor plan. We had a makeshift kitchen for three months in a spare room (endless take-out and microwave meals), so I know that feeling of displacement while waiting for better things to come. It’s all worth it but like someone said, it always takes longer than you think. Sunshine, the bathroom transformation is beautiful!
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My dad was a builder and our first 2 houses got his treatments. Walls knocked out, new walls, rooms added. I’d be washing dishes in the bathroom tub. But it was good investments. This house, we enclosed the carport for a living room, and more space. Dad and DH are gone now, and I’m DONE with renovations. I just need to find a handyman for the little stuff and a yard person.
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Wow! Hats off to those who were able to do reno work themselves or have a handy partner. I have no such skills, nor desire to be honest, so I will gladly pay someone else to do it. It’s pricey but I can swing it, which is why I call myself a privileged complainer😉. I am focusing on the end game!
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The saving grace for dh and I was knowing which home projects we could do ourselves and which ones we needed to hire a contractor for. Our kitchen was definitely hired out. When we installed a first floor bathroom-laundry room, we hired a plumber to install the water pipes and we were able to do the rest of it. We picked up skills along the way, at a time when there was no internet, Pinterest, Google or do it yourself blogs. I’d get hardback Better Homes and Gardens how-to books from the library and pour over them. Not everyone is cut out for the do it yourself route and that is perfectly okay. Thankfully we’re done with all the major projects for which I’m grateful! Now it’s just the occasional update.
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