STEAM ROOM FOR ANGER
Comments
-
shorfi, letranger, beachbum, and the rest, my heart is there. I miss the old me also. not just what I could do but the unending faith, forgiveness and optimism that I had. I am at the end of my first bout, I'm sure it will come back. I am SO hateful and unforgiving. "be patient, it will get better", I have been told this and I really think we just forget or give up on what we were. I didn't expect to come through this with out issues but really. I am 8 months past TC chemo, and on my last herceptin, my hair is barely an inch long, my vision has deteriorated, my teeth are breaking off and the shooting nerves in my fingers are just it. the challenges of finding clothes that will look ok with the fake homemade boobs because the scars and chest wall are so sensitive still make me crazy. I asked for help from medical team about my arm and chest wall and am told to got without my boobs, why don't you go without your dentures!!!! I did go out without them by accident and I saw the look on the persons face. they were staring so I told them I got drunk, woke up in the tub covered in blood missing my tits. the body snatchers got them. i know how uncomfortable i am with myself so i try to not make anyone feel odd around me. after big chemo i got myself back to running, then i struggled to get back again after the mastectomy but my arm is even worse now after radiation. when i said something about it they said radiation doesn't make it worse it was the mastectomy. I feel like I traded my life to be alive, and I have no one to blame but myself. I can't even begin to verbalize my anger.
0 -
Keep it going dumbass, get it out.................course we'd rather pour it over their heads.
0 -
Hi Dumbass,
This was posted by Bluebird a couple of years ago. I think it may help with your skin sensitivity problem and shape problem. Don't usually like to post solutions here. This is for ranting. Sent you a PM, but this may help a lurker, so, did decide to post this here. These things get lost in time if we don't keep passing them on when someone may need them.
Bluebird144…NJJoined: Apr 2013Posts: 39313 hours agoBluebird144 wrote:
Knitted Knockers Charities is a non-profit that exists to provide free patterns for knitters and crocheters to be able to make knockers and help mastectomy patients get freeKnitted Knockers made by volunteers.
I love my Knitted Knockers! They are light and soft and warm. Unlike my silicone prosthetic which is heavy and cold when first worn, then it later causes me to sweat.
I wear my knitted knockers inside a regular bra or tucked in the pocket of a mastectomy bra. They are beautiful, and a godsend to those of us with an uneven mastectomy scar.
Knitted knockers website:
0 -
Dear dumbass;
You say, "I feel like I traded my life to be alive, and I have no one to blame but myself. " nu -uh! You can not blame yourself. You follow the treatment plan and the SEs follow that. We all want to be alive, and hope that things will subside and get better. Some of us do and some don't. Me? Well, onc says I'm depressed so offered me some anti-depressants. Sometimes I take it, but mostly I don't. I prefer Ativan and a nap. Yup, all the pain you are describing, I hear ya. I has double mast with tissue expanders and ended up losing one implant due to an infection. Now I have one implant and a scarred up side. So I use an adhesive prosthesis. I'm used to it now. Sometimes I don't wear it and wear a lovely long scarf or a chunky sweater. Does the trick.
Did you have lymph nodes removed? If so, ask to see a lymphedema specialist. My lymphedema developed after my implant removal.
I hope you continue to share your feelings. We all understand. Sending you love. Letranger
0 -
I am a believer that treatment should not make us feel like sh@t. I hate being at war with cancer. Let's get a cure so we can feel good and live life.
0 -
I'm with you Meow
0 -
I remember a day 3 1/2 years ago when I felt really, really good and healthy...
0 -
A very good friend of mine was just diagnosed with ALS (Lou Gehrig's Disease) and his prognosis is horrible. I am gutted. He does not deserve this horrific disease that will kill him over the next year or two. No one deserves any of these f-ing diseases. Why is it we can fly to the moon but we still have diseases that are so awful killing our friends and loved ones? Why? Thanks for listening.
0 -
Thank you! Really but there aren't enough words or time!
0 -
Seriously, thank you all. I know you have stood in my shoes. I know I should be so grateful for this especially hearing about April 46 friend. We can do amazing things, man on the moon, our cars almost drive themselves but we can't figure out how to make us better. I am still angry. Pissed.. whatever. Thank you all. I hope you all find peace. Or get a peice.
0 -
I'm so sorry, April. I just cannot imagine what your friend, his family, and all who know them (you, for instance) are going through. Absolutely heartbreaking.
0 -
What if when asked the stupid things we are asked, we responded with answers that were just as inane as the question?
Question: What caused your cancer? Answer: Tooth paste
Question: Why did you get cancer? Answer: (tailored to a common thing , belief, action of the questioner) I was a scout.
0 -
Maybe I'm the last person to have heard this, but it's like Rachel wrote this for us.
Rachel Platten's https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xo1VInw-SKc
Lyrics to Fight Song
Like a small boat
On the ocean
Sending big waves
Into motion
Like how a single word
Can make a heart open
I might only have one match
But I can make an explosionAnd all those things I didn't say
Wrecking balls inside my brain
I will scream them loud tonight
Can you hear my voice this time?This is my fight song
Take back my life song
Prove I'm alright song
My power's turned on
Starting right now I'll be strong
I'll play my fight song
And I don't really care if nobody else believes
'Cause I've still got a lot of fight left in meLosing friends and I'm chasing sleep
Everybody's worried about me
In too deep
Say I'm in too deep (in too deep)
And it's been two years
I miss my home
But there's a fire burning in my bones
Still believe
Yeah, I still believeAnd all those things I didn't say
Wrecking balls inside my brain
I will scream them loud tonight
Can you hear my voice this time?This is my fight song
Take back my life song
Prove I'm alright song
My power's turned on
Starting right now I'll be strong
I'll play my fight song
And I don't really care if nobody else believes
'Cause I've still got a lot of fight left in meA lot of fight left in me
Like a small boat
On the ocean
Sending big waves
Into motion
Like how a single word
Can make a heart open
I might only have one match
But I can make an explosionThis is my fight song (Hey!)
Take back my life song (Hey!)
Prove I'm alright song (Hey!)
My power's turned on
Starting right now I'll be strong (I'll be strong)
I'll play my fight song
And I don't really care if nobody else believes
'Cause I've still got a lot of fight left in meNo I've still got a lot of fight left in me
0 -
Sas, Thanks! I haven't heard that for a while.
0 -
0 -
You've all seen this I hope....
0 -
Marijen, thank you for the link. I knew of it but never watched it to the end. Powerful!
0 -
marijen made the link hot
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QDQ0FjP7J-c0 -
Thanks sas-schatzi! Well I guess no one's steaming tonight....
0 -
yes, thank you for the link. I shared it with everyone, whether I thought they wanted to see it, or not. I guess that was getting my rant on. Lind
0 -
I'm steaming tonight. Just mad. Don't even know how to explain my anger. Trying to remember this will pass. My strength will come back, boobs will be rebuilt, hopefully my energy will become somewhat normal. But dammit! Ugh. Patience has never been my strong suit.
Seeing my classmates continue on and listening about graduation. I was in Cisco certification courses when all this chit began and had to drop because I started chemo almost immediately.
My kids. All this has affected with them. My family, my friends, those who have stuck around and those who walked away
My mom. My job. My MIND. My faith in others. My trust. I know tomorrow is a new day. But tonight I am just not ok with any of this. Chit sucks.
0 -
To my boss,
I've been back to work full time for 3 months. During those 3 months I had pneumonia for 6 wks. I'm sorry I missed one day at work. I've also had doctors appointments on average of every other week because my last mammo showed something new that needs to be watched. Your phone call to my cell on Friday really threw me off as you knew and approved my vacation because you said if I didn't take my vacation days I would lose them. Your comments about me needing to live up to my potential when I come back cut me to the core. After 19 yrs with the company I somehow expected a little more. I didn't tell you that the SE from the drugs I take cause me to feel crappy every day and that my marriage of 24 yrs is so wobbly due in part to the hell we've gone through this past year. So here I am on vacation for the holidays and I'm thinking of you. Thank you. I think it's time for me to put ME first and you dear boss can BITE ME
0 -
I have no support system. I think that upsets me more than anything. It makes me wonder why I'm going through chemo. It makes me sad.
My son and his family live with me. They live here for free and yet they are the biggest slobs in the world. After a family dinner, I'm left with the cleaning, like I was after Thanksgiving.
My daughter lives 30 minutes away. I don't see her or my grandson very often. Once in a while , she'll text to ask for a recipe or something.
My husband was abusive, everyone thought he was so sweet. He lied about me and I don't have any friends left. I'm also from another state another reason .
My brother is the only one who calls me almost every other day. He cares, he gets it but he's out of state.
I drive myself to chemo and sit there by myself each time. I have two more treatments for a total of six. I drive myself to all my appointments, do my own grocery shopping, etc. it just would be nice if I got some support from my kids, some understanding. I'm tired and exhausted. I'm weak I feel like crap. They are clueless.
I decided I didn't want a funeral because no one would come.
Thanks for listening
0 -
Bump
0 -
I F-^<#|€G hate cancer!! I F-^<#|€G hate it, hate it, hate it!!!
Cancer does not discriminate. It attacks without regard to age, sex, religion, income, education, or lifestyle. If you haven't had it, your odds of getting it are 50-50; either you will or you won't. Further more, your odds of dying from it are also 50-50; either you will or you won't. No one is immune, unless you already died of something else.
I am so F-^<#|€G angry that there are children who will not be celebrating this holiday with a parent that the greedy disease took from them. I am angry that there are children worried this could be the last holiday they celebrate with their parent because of this disease. I am angry because there are parents who have or will face the unthinkable; the loss of a child to this disease.
While I am very grateful to have excellent health insurance, I am F-^<#|€G angry that because of the greedy cancer b@$+@|} we are struggling financially. After years of financial discipline, our daughter's college fund is depleted and our IRA's are underfunded because it all goes to medical expenses relating to cancer.
I am just F-^<#|€G angry and I'm just F-^<#|€G tired. I might be less angry if I was the only one in my family affected by this disease. I just F-^<#|€G hate that we will not be able to financially help my daughter with college.
I just F-^<#|€G hate this disease.
That is all. Thank you for "listening". You will now be returned to your regularly scheduled program.
0 -
I'm 35 and single so my thought has been I need to work to make sure I have decent insurance. I can't go on my spouses, there isn't one.
I haven't had to see the doctor as much as some of you since I didn't have radiation or chemo, but it's still tiring.
I had to make a tough decision to quit my last job because it was too far and got crazy while I was out having surgery. My thought wasn't only about interviewing it was trying to plan my exchange surgery with a new job, figure out if my doctors are in the new insurance, thinking about appointments.
Speaku.g of COBRA I don't know if anybody knows the answer. My exchange is set for January and I'll be covered under my old insurance through COBRA.
In Feb my new insurance kicks in so I won't have cobra anymore.
If my surgery is in Jan but they don't bill until later, I want to make sure that my old insurance will still cover it because it occurred while I still had them.
I'll call to find out, but wanted to see if anyone knew.
0 -
I am so sick of hearing people say lifestyle and healthy living will prevent breast cancer Surprise it doesn't .
0 -
I found an interesting Netflix series over the weekend. Chasing Life. About a 24 year old with leukemia. She is put through the wringer with chemo and clinical trials, loses her hair, needs a bone marrow transplant. I marathoned two seasons. And after a while it became clear that she could never relax, was always worried about what came next, if it would recur when she was in remission, would she die tomorrow. Made me realize this is not worth complaining about too much. It really took a toll on everyone around her, especially her best friend, ex and husband (who died of brain cancer). She has a mother with endless energy and a sister finishing high school. Season three is in the works on ABC somewhere, haven't found it yet. It's worth watching to get some perspective. However, I don't know how anyone that sick can drink so much : )) Thought that was unrealistic.
0 -
I agree! Hindsight is 20/20. What about the here and now? Sorry but it's too late
0 -
Unbreakable, there is no pre-existing condition clause anymore. Cobra should cover it in January, however it's a new year so you'll have deductible for 2016. New insurance will start coverage in Feb. and it will have have new deductible, too I think. That's a bummer. New insurance may have different coverage benefits from okd insurance but still no pre-existing problem. Hope that helps a little
0
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QDQ0FjP7J-c