STEAM ROOM FOR ANGER
Comments
-
Ronqt1, you say that the first surgeon is not a partner of the second surgeon. Did you give them permission to discuss your case? Did you give permission for your records to be given to the second surgeon? If not, didn't they violate HIPAA? And wouldn't it be great to see their faces when you point that out? But really, what I would do is not give them permission to discuss or release your info, and don't sign for it to go to the new surgeon. Instead get personal copies of everything in your file--you have a right to them--and hand-carry what is needed to the new person. This is so he can't write a snarky comment that will follow you. And see someone who is not in the same group if you can. I hope this is all possible with Medicare. So sorry you have to deal with mean people on top of everything else.
0 -
Good rant, 7 of 9. They gave me a 3% chance of recurrence by three years. I did all the "right" things. What did I get? Liver mets.
0 -
Ronq, Shetlands right. I took my endocrine doc to task and he was pissed I went to Moffitt NCCN for my thyroid care b/c they were screwing up at home. He wrote a snarky letter to the Moffitt doc. Every visit since that snark as come up in conversation. I should have reported him to the county medical board for intervening in my care. Plus, I didn't usually collect his notes. But the day after I saw my PCP. The endocrin's note was there. Pure fiction. Very complete, but nothing in that note compared to what was discussed. Big lesson.
I always got MO note's Early on the doc entered a serious wrong dx. Took me > 6months to get it out. Wasn't easy. Took allot of firm follow-up and a bit of threatening.
0 -
Sas sorry you had a problem unfortunately I have encountered doctors that don't behave professionally. Many premadonnas out there. A good doctor doesn't intimate.
0 -
Thanks, Meow.
0 -
Thanks Meg2. My friend had a very aggressive form of ALS. He was diagnosed in mid November and dead by January 3rd. His breathing became compromised very quickly and he could not swallow so could not eat. He was in ICU for 5 weeks and then he died (and it was a blessing as his mind was PERFECT but he was on a vent and awake and aware and he must have been so very afraid!) so at least it was quick...sigh.
Stage IV ladies, you keep beating as many odds as you can and rant as much as you want! My prayer is that someday, they find a way to keep you alive for your full life span, whatever that would be. I pray for this every single day. I lost one of my best friends to this disease in 2000 at the age of 36 and ever since, it has been huge on my mind and in my daily prayers!
My diagnosis left me feeling vulnerable despite the great odds the stats give me and doing rads and taking an AI. JustJean proves that just because you start out on the low end of this f&&%^ing disease does NOT mean you are safe.
Hugs to all who are facing challenges from this beast. xoxo
0 -
This is incredibly small compared to what is posted above and I feel guilty for changing the topic, but I just need to get it off my chest....
I got a bill at the beginning of October, from a provider for a service date back in June when I had my mastectomies. It is for $644 - I check my estimation of benefits log and it says it is not patient responsibility. I still call the provider and the insurance company to be sure there is no error, they tell me no error and they will get it taken care of - don't give it another thought, so at that point I don't. I receive a second notice at the beginning of December telling me if it is not paid in 10 days it goes to collections. I call the provider and the insurance company - everyone assures me that it is taken care of and not to worry - It will NOT go to collections, I write my conversation notes and re-file the statements. Yesterday (my daughters 13th birthday) during her party, I get a 'pleasant' call from a debt collector regarding the outstanding $644!! Not to sound holier-than-thou but never in my life have I dealt with a debt collector - I was mortified, they made me feel like a villan of the highest degree and would not believe a word I said - horrible.
So, I make many calls to the insurance, to the provider, back to the insurance, the debt collector and again to the provider - no one views it as a big deal and no one is sorry. My hubby was furious: he knows I fastidious with finances and they cause me the greatest worry. He is ranting and raving like a loony , I am so upset. I have to call the provider back, I get a new woman who just says ' we dropped the ball. Completely messed this up:Oooops,sorry! I have a confirmation number for you and you will not receive another call or letter regarding this matter." Urrrrgggghhhhhhhhhhhh. How can I trust you? How can I trust any of you? I have more notes to ensure follow up in the 15 days it takes to reverse the filing!! I have another bill for $7500 for the geneDx test panel the surgeon ordered - been going around the mulberry bush with that one too, since September. One department says they sent the information, the other side says they don't have it. I was told it will be covered 100% but it takes time to 'figure it out.' Whaaaat??? If you are going to pay the damn bill, just pay the bloody thing.
My husband is union, we have AMAZING, like unbelievable benefits, for which I am eternally grateful. My upset is now not really over the bill, the mis-understanding or the debt collector calling, instead my heart is sad as I know that many here must have to fight these (much harder) billing disputes with these ridiculous people: monthly, weekly or worse: daily - for tests, for treatments, for prosthesis, etc.etc.My angst lasted all of an hour, I have an email confirming that it was a mistake and has been taken care of, it is likely resolved....I'll check to be sure. I don't class myself as sick: I did not have chemo, have no SE's from Tamoxifen and did take long to recover from my surgeries, again for now, I feel lucky (read: guilty). I know that many have a treacherous time with long treatments, feel horrifically sick for months and have lasting effects, coupled with the heavy financial burden I know is put on many families through this disease. How can you be on chemo and fight these people?How can you be sure that your policy is serving you like it should be when your brain is foggy with dx, chemo, rads and fear?Or more to the point WHY do they have to fight these greedy SOB's? What about for those who are stage iv - do they have to claw eyes out to get what they need? What they deserve to be comfortable and pain free or to get a chance of NED? Why should they/we have to deal with such insignificant crap and added stress (that's bad for cancer, right?) Is there anything out there to help those people? Do they take donations?
Just thinking out loud, thanks for listening........
0 -
Ranting-- Mad as Hell at so many things--don't know where to start but I'm going to talk about what got me going now besides my botched up looking chest that suppose to have been reconstructed with my disappearing reconstructed nipple or the daily exhaustion and pain after being on my second AL with still at least two and half years to go, So let me tell you what's got me steamed now. Six months ago this guy came into my life through Christian Mingle. Finally something great... He told me his wife had died of Breast Cancer and he was sent to be in my life. I met his family--he met mine. He was wonderful to me; we communicated daily--every day for in the morning and evening he would text a greeting and I love you. We went on mini trips, dinner almost weekly, lots of talking and then came the Saturday before Thanksgiving. Came to my house, we watched TV, talked, laughed, cuddle for two hours. He left me that Saturday night with a hug and I love you. He was suppose to meet my youngest son on Sunday. Well, I got a "Dear Jane" text right before he was to come over on Sunday saying it was over and Goodbye. How hurtful and embarrassing to explain to my son. Hell, I was so confused-myself!! Another text followed saying he would not accept any communication with me ever again. However, he would send me a letter telling me "why he was sent to be in my life" and I should read it although there would be no more communication with him. Immediately, he blocked me from his phone, text, and email. "What the F--k???" This is the guy I was intimate with --that met most of my family and spoke, text or email two to three times a day with me for six months . I believed he loved me--Am I stupid or just so badly in need of some normalcy in my life-I was blinded? Did I tell you this guy lives only a mile away? So-so very angry, I grabbed a trash bag--bagged up all of his 'leftovers' at my house along with the unopened letter that I received two days later (I marked it---refused--return to sender) dropped that in the trash bag too, drove it to his house while he was at work and tied the trash bag to his front door. I am so angry, hurt and can't get pass it and I have no closure. Did he leave because of the Cancer--because of the one breast or what? Was he tired of being the "Saint'? He left me feeling like a criminal or a freak or something. I'll never know because he won't talk to me--in fact the last words spoken was on that Saturday night (Love you) twelve hour before the Dear Jane text. Who blocks someone they say they love. I swear we never even argued! My friends said I should have read his last letter to see who he said "sent him to me"-- Well whoever sent him to me must to have been evil. I am so angry-- I started to even suspect my friends. My friends wanted me to read the letter so bad-- but why would I read his letter if he won't communicate with me. Mad as hell I am!!! My friend called what he did--- Ghosting. I'm 62 years old and never heard of the word besides that is 6 months of my life I gave up. Who does a cancer survivor like that? Why would he carry on with me for 6 months and even get involved with my family and drop me in such a cold way. Made an appointment with a therapist. My emotions are in turmoil--all over the place. The Appt is in a couple weeks. Da-m just can't believe I am dealing with this kind of crap after all I have been through. Just so angry--going from crying to screaming to just being plain old mad. Okay so that's my ranting for the day!
0 -
Dwill, so weird. No wonder you are confused, angry and hurt. Good for you for going to counseling for help understand and cope with this crazy situation. I think you did the right thing not reading that A-hole's final note. Stop wondering about what you did because you did NOTHING.
Hugs, MsP
0 -
Dwill, the guy is psycho. I actually love that you refused his last letter, he obviously wanted you to read it. You denied him the satisfaction. So sorry this guy came into your life, there are much better ones out there.
0 -
Shetland Pony...3% .....why couldn't that have been a lotto ticket? Liver? What. a. crock. As I sit here in the office typing away I can hear some damn animal in our walls...probably a mouse. I am working hard to try to save my life, but will work just as hard this weekend trying to kill this little f'er. As if I need an animal crawling around crapping in my walls, drawers. Whatever. I hope you are doing better and your name means you have a horse(s). I love horses....
0 -
Dwilli, I loved Meow's response, she so totally nailed the situation. " the guy is psycho. I actually love that you refused his last letter, he obviously wanted you to read it. You denied him the satisfaction. So sorry this guy came into your life, there are much better ones out there."
My first reaction was the phrase " Don't get mad get even"
Then a second reaction snuck in. 1. Put together a letter to him of exactly what you want him to know, about how hurtful and crazy his action was. Many elements in your above post apply. But a direct to him letter is important. 2. Take a copy of the above post and your letter to him to your counseling visit. For me sometimes my best writing is on a Friday night with some wine. Barriers dropped. Sharpness ensues. Like now LOL.
How this will help? Your words directed at him define the hurtfulness he caused to you. The above post defines how you are trying to understand his insanity and coping with such abuse. Both will help the counselor. In a first encounter, a therapists goal is to define the need. The two, post and letter to him, will do it. The counselor will guide you what to do next. If you feel comfortable to share with us, it will be interesting.
Love you Dwilli, Hugs
New thought. 3. Make a synopsis of what you know about the course of his wife's illness. We think his action is deranged. This synopsis may help the counselor put the puzzle pieces together.
0 -
Englismummy. The record keeping that you are keeping is solid. If you look at the Just Diagnosed _ Get Prepared thread I suggest different ring binders. Insurance is one. Putting explanation of benefits together with billing>>collection statements keeps it organised. You are already documenting date/ time/person and what they say. Good job. Now make it work for you.
With each contact tell them you will take action if this negatively impacts your credit. The reason this is important is our credit scores affect us in so many facets of life that we have little knowledge. A negative report may take a year or more to recover from. THAT causes you economic HARM. Mistake or not. If it causes you economic harm, you may have a financial recovery in a lawsuit. The threat of a lawsuit can make them straighten up. But you have to have the documentation right.
If after the first contact another negative thing happens, send a certified letter outlining how this has negatively impacted you. File copies always.
Consider enrolling in creditkarma.com. It's free. Check your score ---say weekly and record. It'll show if a negative report was made. If your score goes down after there report that they identified was a "mistake and don't worry about it", that's economic harm.
THEN in all future contacts you have words to use------------i.e. "You have negatively affected my credit score, that causes me economic harm. Needs to be corrected or you will be subject to false reporting because you said it was a mistake. That's illegal."
See where I'm going with this. They are attacking you and admitting they are wrong. Legally they can't do that.
0 -
Clark Howard the Consumer Warrior has been talking about a new collection agency scam that is becoming prevalent in the USA. He is the best at protecting us. Been listening to him since 1990. His web site is a wealth of info on so many things. Suggest all do a review of his site
0 -
Englishmum, before all the trouble.........my bc and my Dh's lymphoma. A standard thing on a day off maybe one to three months I would do an insurance day. Regular life stuff, not cancer. I once fought a 13$ bill just b/c it wasn't right-----for about two years. I was an irritation and loved being an irritation. All the documentation was right. They finally wrote it off. Made everyone a little bit crazy----13$. It was the principle.
0 -
7of9, I am doing well right now, and yes I do like horses. And ponies inspire me because those cute little guys can survive under harsh conditions. So, yeah, now that I beat the odds in a bad way, I have to beat them the other way and live a long time. May we all.
0 -
Okay, I am feeling a need to vent and hope this is the right place. It's been a long time since diagnosis, surgery, rads & starting AI so maybe my brain has finally had a chance to slow down and think about all this. But tonight I had a huge sad moment when I remembered that shortly after my diagnosis my husband started having heart issues and we spent most of an evening & night in the ER. His comment when they told him he was staying was "at least it's not cancer." I know he didn't mean anything by it. To him since I had my diagnosis & plan my cancer was "taken care of," but now it makes me so sad that he didn't and still doesn't get the impact of this. My sister died from this so this really hit hard.
Thanks for listening.
0 -
ORknitter, I am sure he didn't mean it to hurt you. You ought hear some of the insensitive things that come out of my husband's mouth sometimes. I think he doesn't want you to be worried about him.
Are you a knitter? I love to knit and crochet.
Lynne
0 -
Lynne, he does say things occasionally without thinking. I really didn't give it much thought until now. I think I am just settling into my new normal so my brain is processing everything. He's still a keeper!
And yes I am a knitter! I started when we made a 1000 mile move away from family and friends. Now I can't imagine what I did before. I tried to crochet an afghan once, it came out a bit trapezoidal but it matches one of our daughters cats so she laid claim to it.
0 -
Meow, Mspharaoh and Sass, So glad you understand why I refused to read that letter. It is my one satisfaction- that and the fact that on the trash bag I staple his name in large white letters and tied it to the door facing the street where all the neighbors could see it and it would be the first thing he saw as he drove up. There are so many things that should have told me he wa different. He told me he never ever got mad At anyone he would shush if tried to talk about anything he didn't want to talk about he was ADHD but hehe often spoke about how different his brain worked and knowing him should help me understand my students . Sas-good suggestion about the letters Haven written 4 letters and posted them I doubt he read them but I told I'm what he did to me. I have electronic copies of each letter I'll take it with e to the therapist I'm tired of hurting and being mad Well my IPad isn't cooperating can't ke up with my typing will write later!
0 -
I don't know why I let comments bother me so much. I had mastectomies for cancer in both breasts. I'm in the minority because I chose no reconstruction. Now a relative has the same type of cancer. She told me her doctor said having a mastectomy would be like cutting off your hand when only your finger is hurt!! But to me that "finger" could kill me! I respect others decision to have a lumpectomy, but feel like I have to defend my choice.
0 -
Marie, scr*w them. It's your body, your decision. You did what felt right for you and I assume your doctor agreed with you.
I had twice lumpectomy, guess what, it's back for the third time. Do I wish I had done mastectomy? No, because at the time I took the decision which felt right for me.
0 -
Marie, just know your decision was the right decision for you. We all approach our diagnosis differently.
0 -
Marie711....good for you!!! I never got nipple surgery or did fat grafting after implants though I would have liked to. Was too afraid of recurrence and messing with a good thing. You know what? I now have a regional recurrence! I had BMX though BC only in one side. NO REGRETS!!!! I was envious of the women that could get and did get lumpectomy and rads. Maybe if lumpectomy had been an option I would have gotten rads instead of BMX clear margins - oh you don't need rads. Now....rads! This disease is frustrating and scary enough without one more damn outsiders opinion - especially offensive ones like the cut off the hand statement.
0 -
Great tips, Sas. You are such a brilliant resource - you do so much for the people here, I am sure many appreciate your candour and humour. I do have the binder, creditkarma etc. as I said I am cuckoo about keeping our finances straight and to the penny. I like the 'negatively impacting me financially' statement. My hubby would have no problem engaging a lawyer. Ha! Glad I am not the only that disputes the pennies. I do too. It always seems someone is trying to take more than they are entitled to: we are a one income family, and just like any other family - pennies count. Having said that, is there a charity or organization that helps people with BC pay their bills when they can't afford them? The adults in our family don't do gifts but instead, pool that cash to make a donation to a charity. I'd like to give to something like that, any ideas or suggestions.
Oh and Marie, I felt the same way, having to defend my decision.Well, not any more. Everyone (not that many people know but almost all that do, outside of family) has said " why on earth would you get a double mastectomy - such a rash decision?" Nope, nothing rash about it, it was a completely calculated decision, based on the information I had from the Dr's and knowing myself, being 100% honest with myself (hence, I reconstructed). But I just tell them, "because that's what I wanted - when you get bilateral B.C. at 41 we can talk about what's really a rash decision. 'Til then, STFU." Grrrrrr. So easy for people to judge when they have never encountered anything like this. My husband tells me I got new boobs with matching sassy pants! Please or offend, he's a straight shooter whereas I've always been a pleaser. Your choice, her choice: the same or different: we are all individuals - we all make our own choices and I for one, don't regret the path I took, seems you don't either, so that is as it should be. Each to their own - although if I may say, I find her Dr's comment a little flippant.
0 -
How often do you do that? Maybe it'd be worth it to pay someone for the day
0 -
Englismummy, thank you for such a nice thought, certainly a day brightner. Counters the few that I've gotten, that took out my jugular.
MONEY, get a Social Worker consultation. They are the keepers of the list of resources for everything. Mine gave me a list that had organizations with phone numbers. Some national and some local. My Dh got 5000$ grant from the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. Plus, the local chapter of LLS was 150$. We used every penny. Then there was a local charity that covered only two counties. We each got 2000$. That was a total of 9150$.Every penny used.
He got 1000$ the next year. I got 1000$ the year I was dx'd with Thyroid cancer from the same organization.
Each organization has they're criteria for approval and how the money can be spent. The local charity specified it had to be spent on non medical bills i.e utilities, groceries, property taxes. LLS was all related to medical stuff.
Most cancer centers have Foundations, again they define what they will cover.
Healthwell Foundation helps with meds. http://www.healthwellfoundation.org/
If found an old post that had even more ways to find money that I had forgotten about. I left it intact and just reposted the whole thing
0 -
This is an old post regarding finding money
May 28, 2010 03:30AM - edited Aug 15, 2013 07:50AM by sas-schatzi
It sucks to have to go through this, but not having things organized to your usual level of organization just adds to the stress. The amount of paper that starts flowing your way can be daunting. Having some idea of how to manage can help.
I can add a newly learned item. Check with the cancer center that your working with to see if they have anyone assigned to apply for grants for whatever you might be eligible for. We found out 4 months after the neulasta copays were building up that our cancer center would do the paper work immediately after we said we were falling behind in payment because new insurance didn't cover it. Now they are all covered YEAH!!!! that amounts to close to $ 2000.00. good luck!!! Please post any new ideas or links to assistance money.
Edit:6/6/13 Found two new web sites that are a must to review. One is on saving money on drugs. Start with 'home" page , then the really helpful page is the "First time users" Pg. Link is to home pge.
http://www.needymeds.org/index.htm
This next link is dedicated to most of the need to know info regarding work and cancer. BCO has much information on the main board, but this link is much more expansive
http://www.cancerandcareers.org/en
Per my resource: This is how to make the needymed.org website work or other resources work for you while receiving cancer meds in a cancer center, SPEAK UP and let them know you need financial help, best to do when you have initial contact with CC. What they then do, if they are connected like mine, they go through their resources the same we would, but would be contacting as a a provider. Grant money or assistance can be available under all kinds of circumstances. Do not assume you make too much money or b/c you have insurance, money is not available. If say you get turned down initially, rechecking with organization is a good thing to do should you're circumstances change.
Edit 8/15/2013: submitted by Shellshine. Link is to a website Re:Soccial Security Disability
http://www.disabilitysecrets.com/social-security-disability-breast-cancer.html
0 -
"Englismummy, thank you for such a nice thought, certainly a day brightner. Counters the few that I've gotten, that took out my jugular."
Sas,
I have never posted to this thread before but got a good chuckle out of your comment. I've had a few posts/pm's that went straight to disembowelment and wishes for progression of my bc. Just a few mind you, but pretty crazy that people even think like that. Never thought I was a lightening rod for such vitriol, but I can only shake my head and even laugh, in the end. How can we have such bitterness and hatred for folks we don't even really know?
0 -
exbrnx - I have seen posts from both yourself and Sas countless times, they are ALWAYS reasonable and well put together, often involving very relevant research.Unfortunately, the internet does seem to provide somewhat of a 'mask' for vitriolic, vindictive personalities and I guess B.C. can bring that to the forefront? I believe many who post such nasty things (here or anywhere else) are individuals who generally wouldn't say 'boo, to a goose' in the real world. Hence my 3 children have very limited access and engage in NO social media. Please keep doing what you are doing, I for one, am most appreciative.
0
