STEAM ROOM FOR ANGER
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Thanks for listening. I too stopped drinking wine over a year ago worried about it causing a raise in recurrence risk. I wouldn't have enjoyed it anyway with the slightest doubt in my mind....still, the one bitch at work actually had the never to suggest that by me eating a Lean Pocket (Um, Lean, low fat chicken) that due to my processed food intake, this was why I was , "well, like, um, you are recovering from cancer". And she goes to a tanning booth! Such bull...
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Ummm . . . nothing against your sibling, courageous on her year of sobriety and all, but that does sadly fit the stereotype of an alcoholic, recovering or not, the world is supposed to revolve around them. To cope, just a suggestion, either find an Alanon meeting or get a book on strategies for dealing with an alcoholic loved one. You just have to smile and nod sometimes and let the strange outrage and taking offense go by, the words I used to use were "I hear what you're saying." Then just keep being nice and protect yourself. I've never heard of someone expecting you to celebrate their sobriety... I can see their AA friends all getting together or that kind of thing, but expecting people to drop everything for their special day just doesn't make sense ... keep a clear head even when you're in Wonderland. Hopefully over time as she gets more sober time in she'll branch out and see the world from more than her perspective.
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Hah! I found where Sass went!
I was just thinking about what you wrote MEG... Don't pay any more attention to any of the "family" that says stupid things to you! I don't care if it is immediate family or in-laws.... all the same.
Either they embrace us or they don't.... They are only into their own selfish lives, and if you don't go along with their every whim, then they will chastise you for it.
I know all about alcoholics.... raised around it, both my Dad, my Grandpa, and then my FIL... And DH gave it his best shot until I finally "broke" and ran away..... Came back 5 times.... and this is now 14 years later.
I never believed alcoholism is a disease... because if they would just QUIT, then it would be over! It isn't like a "disease" like WE have/had... not like cancer, or any of the other horrific diseases people live with, that WON'T just "go away"..... Alcoholics are "sober" until their next drink.... It is tearing apart more families than any other man-made "disease" in the world. It's a "habit"..... like smoking..... I quit smoking, because it was hurting me.....
For them to say ANYthing to you about being selfish is just down-right absurd! You should be proud, young lady! Proud for all you've been through...(alone) and raised 2 boys, lived an honorable life, doing it all on your own.
You don't NEED negative people in your life.... I don't care WHO they are!
Shame on them for even trampling on your standards and life! YOU are an honorable person.... Walk proud!
Hi 7of9.... you doing okay? Just hang in there.... People make a lot of mistakes with us.... even our Doctors....
And April..... It just makes you mad when people go beyond your trust.... My SIL did that too.... She told "our" SIL that I had breast cancer.... I wasn't even going to tell her.... But SHE blabbed.... So I get a call, with that fake crying crap, about "are you going to die?" I MEAN! I said that's exactly why I didn't call you Carol, (you lame half-assed brainless fool!) I assured her that I was going to have surgery..... blah-blah..... It's now over 6 years later..... still do not talk to HER, nor the other one!
DH has an okay relationship with his Brother, but I don't have to go out of my way to talk to either of those untrustworthy women.
Morning egg-roll..... Yes, My Mom went to Alanon for YEARS.... And spent the rest of the time crying and trying to "fix" Dad.... SOMEtimes they make it.... Mom always said she'd rather have him part of the time than not at all. So she stayed.
Sorry..... at my age you can't help but be cynical... You gals take good care.....
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Agree with every word Chevy.
Want to tear my hair out with these drink dependent people. .......Just get a life you care about and maybe you'll stop drinking...........
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Chevy, been working all day on a new pain thread. Face is numb and legs are swollen. Decided to go play. DBF feel asleep. Chit
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Beautiful, I love fireworks. Happy New Year everyone.
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Ladies, thanks so much for sharing your thoughts on my post. Much appreciated, I do understand the depths of despair that alcohol can create for humans; children of alcoholics, spouses, parents, siblings, etc..and do have compassion for anyone facing the devastation it creates in families and relationships.
The whole of the experience was just so frustrating; being made to feel like I had somehow failed my family when I've always gone out of my way to do the exact opposite and then to be given these labels of selfish or marginalizing suffering or lacking compassion just seemed so odd especially after having gone through my own cancer war.
It helps to hear the insight from your own experience in dealing with this - I do wish her the very best and hope against all odds that there is no relapse for the sake of my brother and their 3 sons. My hope is that this is behind us; I did not back down at all when these accusations were thrown about. I defended myself with all my might and I do feel at one point during the discussion there was some realization that perhaps there was some over-reaction on their part. I went from being sad about the situation to angry at how and why it all played out, it seems some good old communication early on from either my brother or SIL could have avoided the entire situation...alas emotions run high when families are dealing with trauma.
It definitely helps to vent and share with the people who understand the most. I find strength among you BC warriors, for all our faults and short-comings we are unbreakable. Thanks for allowing me to share in your strength. May you all have peace and calm in the New Year.
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Meg, I just read your post, and I can really relate. It's hurtful when people put things on us when we are already trying our best just to keep our heads above water with this disease and all it entails.
My SIL who lives on the other side of the country just informed my MIL that we ( my husband and I, but really me, because I'm the one who does the shopping and mailing of gifts and remembrances in our family) didn't "acknowledge" her husband's birthday. " A card would have been nice, " she said. Never mind that we just sent them several lovely and expensive Christmas gifts, as we do every year. We had a recent death in our immediate family, which has been traumatic, I'm dealing with my 87 year old mother with early Alzheimers and I have Stage IV cancer! SO SORRY I FORGOT A CARD! Sheesh. I really think some people just are not able to put themselves in other people's shoes. I'm not perfect and I can only do so much. What is annoying is that I don't have the chance to defend myself because she doesn't tell me this-she tells her mom, who tells my husband, who has no idea because he's never sent a gift or card to them in the 40 years we have been married. It's always been me.
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Sandilee, your husband shouldn't have said anything to you and can help by sending a card himself. Like you say you are dealing with stage 4 cancer and your mother
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Sandilee.... Meow is right.... You shouldn't have even been told.... People like that are not worth your time or energy.... and "in-laws" can be so snotty and back-stabbing whenever they get a chance.... I always felt like the out-sider among DH's family.... And just deal with your OWN problems.... I feel bad for you.... I won't ever say too much to DH about his lame-brain brother, or his wife.... but he knows how I feel. I could do without ANY of them. I think I would have your DH send out gifts and cards to his OWN family!
I could get beer at cost because I worked for Coors.... So for over 25 years, I picked up the beer from trailer-sales for DH AND his Brother! Finally after I retired, and got a newer car, I said "Okay, now YOU have your Brother come and get YOU in his TRUCK, so both of you can go out and get your beer.... I ain't no beer-hauler! This was almost 10 months ago. And if they want beer, they can go GET it! Heh, heh...!
I remember taking care of my Grandma.... I was the only one she had.... she didn't remember anyone else anyway.... keep your Mom close to you.... and take good care of yourself!
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I posted on a thread I started: I am not a Villan nor an Adversary: Here goes: I decided to place it here to express my feelings for the surgeons with no feelings:
northern, NJJoined: Nov 2009Posts: 765ronqt1 wrote:
Hi having been on the boards on and off for about 6 years and unfortunately still dealing with issues dealing with scar tissue after mast I have stayed with one PS who has worked with me the entire way. Unfortunately he recommends I take out the implant to give myself a rest and relief, not sure of what will happen. To make a long story short, I called another more current microsurgical skilled dr. who shares space, not a partner with him. I had a tentative appt. First, his office calls and reschedules. I did not like the way the staff person spoke to me. I worked for attys most of my life and my skill and dodging calls and excuses are par. Anyway, my appointment for this dr. was reset for Jan. 6. A few days ago at 6:20 in the evening my cell phone rang and me completely unprepared and unrelaxed answered to a maniac on the other end are you so and so who called me a few years ago. I said no. Well, I spoke to your dr. and I understand you are end of the road with your situation, and you are on Medicare. How do you think that I can get rid of the pain you have. I said with your microsurgical skills, something new perhaps. He said Medicare does not cover microsurgery because they deem it unnecessary. How did this idiot know I might had have the cash to cover it. Anyway continues what do you want from me. All I said was your practice is all about a women's appearance. I continued with all I wanted was for you to examine me and to see if anything was wrong but never mind I won't bother you AND HE slammed THE PHONE down. I am a patient with a problem,not a criminal, not a villan nor an adversary. Apparently my present dr. told him about my case him my problems with the implant.
These doctors are not there for us with, only when it goes their way, if there is a problem, they deny it, make like we are crazy. Again, the best kept secret of the breast cancer world. I cried all night, called my dr's office the next day but my PS is on vacation. I had no other appts with my PS except to remove the implant which he knew I am desparately trying to keep. POS all of them. MONEY IS THE OPERATIVE WORD. I have been at this game too long. I did not ask for cancer, I worked all my life, taking care of a now sick husband. Again, money is the operative word.
Thanks for listening. PS when I started on the journey I had a PPO great insurance and two years ago went on Medicare.
As an update as of today I called another group, JUST waiting if he gets intercepted by any doctors or if there is a warrant for my arrest going around the drs. for not healing well. This morning I was so upset with this and other stuff that I took the molding off the garage when I tried to pull car out so I could see therapist. OY>
Dx 10/9/2009, IDC, <1cm, Grade 1, ER+/PR+, HER2-Hormonal Therapy 10/30/2009 Femara (letrozole)Surgery 10/30/2009 Lymph node removal: Right, Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy: Right; Reconstruction (right): Tissue expander placementSurgery 3/10/2010 Reconstruction (right)Surgery 8/2/2011 Reconstruction (right): Nipple reconstructionSurgery 10/3/2012 Reconstruction (right)Surgery 12/1/2012 Reconstruction (right)Surgery 2/25/2013 Reconstruction (right)Surgery 7/15/2013 Reconstruction (right)Surgery 11/20/2013 Reconstruction (right)Surgery 6/13/2014 Reconstruction (right)Surgery 9/10/2014 Reconstruction (right): Latissimus dorsi flap0 -
Hi (my rant) above will not make sense because:
I copied and pasted (forgive my English) my rant and it is now completely illegible. Sorry.
Depression doesn't cover all basis with the above. Dealing with hubby with alz. this is my impossible dream, me and him. No help at all. Just ranting......
Hugs,
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Sandilee ~ that just stinks. I just don't get how people can get so stuffy about something as minor as a Bday card. At some point these people have to grow up and play adult and realize that they won't always get that card or attendance to a party or whatever they are looking for to be validated. What crap, you have way too much going on, kudos to you for getting out those Christmas gifts! That takes major energy given what you have to deal with and do in addition. Does this women even have any comprehension of what you are dealing with!! And she's complaining about a card, for f's sake get a life people. I don't know how we get people to understand without breaking something over their head's and pouring the information in so it sticks. Shame on her for lack of support for you.
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Ronqt, what a first class you know what that doctor was. So unprofessional. I hope you find a better plastic surgeon you deserve it.
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Rongt.... Are you locked up yet? I can't beLIEVE ANYone would talk to another person with so much hatred like that! They should be reported and then shot at sunrise... or immediately!
That whole TEAM is acting like a bunch of little-girls in a school yard, trying to bully another girl! There is just never no excuse to that kind of behavior !!!! He should be reported to the medical board... or just shot...
But then you would have no-where to go, without thinking He is somehow in the picture.... and hounding you forever. You COULD post reviews of him online! He is no better than this "supervisor" I had one time... I "disobeyed a direct order".... See, another friend had given me some of his Mexican recipe's to copy for myself. So while there was NO customer around ANYwhere, I copied one at a time. Supervisor Dhead walks in and sees this. He said "Put those away, and don't do it while you are working!" EXCLAMATION point! So then I put them in the drawer, and pretty soon I said to myself," Oh why the hell NOT."... I started copying again...... but I didn't KNOW he was spying on me, by looking down from a balcony.
He called me upstairs!!! OH MY GOD I WAS IN SUCH DEEP CHIT! He had my files out, he ranted and raved, and said I could fire you right this minute, and he RANTED and after about 15 minutes I was just sobbing!!! I promised my 3rd born that I would never ever DO such a dastardly thing again... and I left his office, beaten and bewildered....
I told another supervisor that I was quitting... I wanted to transfer to another department... I was just SICK that someone would treat me like that. I didn't get that much punishment when I was a little girl!
They transferred HIM out of that department! HAH! That B-tard! So I didn't have to shoot him after all.
YOU are fighting for yourself... You need help, and are only trying to find someone who will listen, and advise.... Maybe not shoot him yet.... I'm thinking things will change and you will find someone who will help you!
So just hang in there.... I understand.....
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ronqt, sandilee, meg2, 7of9 and others, just sending an understanding hug. Honestly, I don't understand some people at all. I don't get it. Selfishness is a HUGE pet peeve of mine and so much of it is around us.
My good friend died Sunday. He has had a rough few weeks and now he is gone. ALS is a horrific disease. It takes everything except your mind.
Men have walked on the moon yet people are still dying from diseases that should be gone. Cancer should be long gone. They managed to find a vaccine for polio and small pox etc. Why are they taking so long????? I sound like a petulant child but that is how I am feeling today!! So there!
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Sandilee, shame on your husband for passing on your SIL's hurt feelings! And shame on husbands everywhere who don't take their family responsibilities to acknowledge birthdays, handle gift selection and presentation and overall planning and hosting. My husband is the absolute worst and I am just going to use this forum to rant a while. I select all the gifts, wrap them all, send out all the cards, make all the phone calls, tend to the sick and needy, plan all the parties and celebrations. The only connection this dude had with his very small family was because of me. I'm exhausted after the holidays and that dude didn't lift a finger. I'm also sick of hearing people tell me that it is all my fault my husband is a slacker, that I should have put my foot down. In fact, being blamed for his terrible behavior and selfish ways makes me even more steamed.
I have two children and I am happy to report that both of them are equal partners with their spouses when it comes to family interaction.
Rant over!!! And may the younger generation do away with this kind of crap.
MsP
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Today is an horizontal, shitty day. I came here to rant and just feel sorry for myself. I got the 2nd part of the 2nd chemo today. Tomorrow I'll get neulasta while I definitely don't want it. They all want me to be strong and don't want to see me crying. Today is a fucking crying day. I hate having cancer. I hate having cancer for the 3rd time in 7 years. Yes, today I'll say: why me? I was going on with my life, twice, feeling happy and great and now this. A serious, bad, agressive, fast spreading cancer. We're talking about trials, bad prognoses and no future People are planning their summer vacations, I can't even plan for the weekend due to the chemo. Cancer all over the breast and I was feeling healthy and active before I found out.
Thank you for letting me cry without judgment.
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Ditto.... I hear you MsP.
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Hi all, thank you for your responses. Well, today I was hoping that my PS would have called me to apologize. Yeah right. Phone did not ring today. So after 6 years of loyalty I assume he can't be bothered with me anymore. Out of his life. Nooooo because my insurance medicare and AARP both declined the botox that had to be injected to keep my boob calm and hopefully calm down the nerve. Eventually I have to call the office if they do indeed bill me. here I go ranting away sorry, typing from another computer because when I was on line today I lost my AOL.and connection microsoft 10 ate everything up. Love you guys of course we do not know each other, but I thank you.
Chevyboy,Meow, Saz, April:I am probably on my way to be committed. My poor husband with Alz is just trying to comfort me and only upsetting me more. I don't know if I will be intercepted with another visit to another ps in the hood here. Oh well.
Now I have to get into the kitchen, Dog got sick today too so add that to the mix. LADIES, HAVE A GREAT NITE. LOVE YOU ALL, WHEN I HAVE MORE TIME I WILL GO THROUGH THE RANTS.
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Group hug.
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MoreShoes, I'm so sorry. Cry all you want, then ask if you can get the Neulasta at home and inject yourself rather than have to go back to the cancer center.
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thought this fits here.
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April ~ so sorry to hear of your friends passing from ALS. My niece's MIL was diagnosed with ALS at the exact same time I was diagnosed with BC. What a horrible disease, the first time I saw her after the devastating news for both of us she asked how I was doing and said she was praying for ME...holy cow it really hit home that my diagnosis could have been ALOT worse and since then I've tried to be humble about having BC and knowing that other BC warriors have it way harder than me and that any cancer warrior is really living up to that title. This stuff ain't easy! This lovely lady is struggling just to breathe and may not live much longer...just so tragic.
MoreShoes ~ some days you just need to rant, rave, cry, scream and yell to get it all out. Sometimes we just get stuck with a crappy day with chemo and drug side effects and Drs and Nurses and who ever or what ever reminds us that we are or have been so sick. That one day hopefully leads to a better day and then better months ahead. I hear where you are coming from, we'd all rather be someplace else than here!! Sometimes all you can do is crawl under the covers and bury your self until tomorrow. Hang in there and I send you gentle hugs from WA state in hopes tomorrow will be better.
MsP ~ I'm single and most days have no problem whatsoever with that status...especially when I hear husbands are not living up to their potential. That family better appreciate you!!
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MoreShoes....that is complete BS! 3x in a lifetime is too much. You got the shaft! Though before jump in on your rant party, there was a woman from the horse barn I used to frequent who's sister got it 3x and beat it... I am back in this f'in boat for the second time in just under four years. 20% chance of recurrence my ass. Also what the hell is with this ER+ is a good thing, best type to get? Um, it came back and by the way the tamoxifen I was on (just found out) gave me a friggin 5 cm mass (they are thinking fibroid) attached to my shitty uterus. I am having more lymph nodes removed (you know the ones that were clear last time?) and my ovaries out (you know, the ones that were good for you to keep and just take tamoxifen, it will handle any recurrence). I contacted my gyn surgeon and told her she'd better take every damn girl part I have left out of me.
Planning vacations? Hell, I've got my list of lawyers and accountants to call and double check my will and beneficiaries are in order so my six year old isn't screwed over by my replacement someday (my husband is only 39....he's human for heaven's sake). You should NOT have to go through this a third time. Go ahead bawl, cry, kick, yell and scream. Maybe we can hear each other if we go outside on this crappy cold Ohio night. I will take a full 12.5 ambien and promethezine and try to get some rest....you do the same and try to kick this thing in the ass tomorrow. Today is a wrap.
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Geez 7of 9..... Great post for MoreShoes! You guys have been through so much.... Sorry for all the heart-ache, and for all you both are going through....... There's just no reason.... no need.... it takes the life right out of you.........
How us women can go through so much pain and still keep trying to move on..... I'm glad we have this place to feel comforted, and connected....
At least we have someone to talk to, even if we can't make you "feel" better ...... Take good care..........
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7of9, good post! 5x for me and now Stage IV. I have plenty of rants I have gone through over the years!
JJ
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