STEAM ROOM FOR ANGER
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Well I can no longer work and am on SSDI now (only 60). My job was way too stressful and could not handle with everything going on. Can't even drive myself either so dependent on others already. Worked for a jerk of a boss anyway who claimed was "understanding" all the time and then decided to bring a computer set up home to my house to set up in my dining room so I could work from here!!! Just because she wanted to work 18 hours a day did not mean I did.
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SO glad this week is over - diagnostic mammogram and appointment with my BS yesterday. Both went well and I always enjoy talking to my BS, who is a fun person. Today was my 6-month CT for the Ghost of Kidney Past. While in the blood prep room, the nurse jabbed the IV needle in at a weird angle and blood spurted all over the place, including on my last decent pair of khaki pants! 😠 They mopped me up, got the needle in, then got the scans started. When it was time to add the contrast, the damn thing popped out of the IV and I got a second spatter shower, this time right across my eyes, my shirt, and all over the pillow! So they had to pause the machine, mop me up again, and poke a new hole in my arm before continuing. 😠😠 Then I had an appointment with the urologist, thinking it would be a quick "Hi, looks like you're doing great" that I get every 4 - 6 months. Nope, Ghost of Kidney Past has a stubborn little passenger that has switched from stable to growing a couple millimeters since December. So now I get a PET scan next Friday. 😠😠😠.
Four days into June and I am really sick of this month already. And I really miss my dear friend who died in January because we always entertained each other with medical mishaps. 😥😥😥😥
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Oh, Alice! What an experience. I'm so sorry! You must have looked a sight walking out of the scan with blood splatters everywhere. I hope you have a totally uneventful weekend!
Carol
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Oh Alice!! So sorry! Hope the weekend and PET are quiet.
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Alice, maybe save that look for a Halloween party. Get a friend to go as a Dr?
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Alice: Try table salt in tepid water to get the blood out of your khaki pants. Unlike peroxide, it will not bleach your pants. Sorry you had such an eventful day and that your passenger is not an issue; just a hitchhiker? Ghost of kidney past right out of Dickens and maybe just an apparition. I hope the rest of the month goes better for you. May was my"shit" month and this month is not looking much better.
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Thanks, all. @Betrayal, they cleaned me pretty thoroughly before I left; I guess they have a lot of experience with bloodstains there!
@Nopink2019, you have my kind of humor. There's a shirt I've wanted with a bloody zombie bite right where a kidney would be and the text "I'm fine!"
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AliceBastable, I know how much you miss your friend. At least you have all of us to entertain with your stories about medical mishaps... and with this one, you outdid yourself. What a mess, literally and figuratively! Fingers crossed that the nasty bugger hanging on to Ghost of Kidney past is just an over-achieving harmless little fellow, trying to show off.
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Oh Alice................
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one of my kids has suffered a setback and I feel like it's my fault and if I'd done things a bit differently a few years ago we wouldn't be here now. Sorry cryptic but it's not my story - just my mama guilt and sadness. Shoulda woulda coulda thinking
alice - wth. that sounds like a very dark comedy skit. fingers crossed for the pet scan
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Moth - (((HUGS))
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AliceBastable...Good grief. What a bloody mess. I know you miss your friend and I am sorry for your loss. I will be thinking about you Friday and so hope you get good news about it.
moth....Having been there with one of my kids I understand your feelings. It is hard, very hard. It took a lot of time for me to get out of that "shoulda coulda woulda" thinking. Parenting is not for wimps.
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Moth, It seems I'm always doing the shoulda woulda coulda thinking for my youngest daughter. While I lose sleep she is doing better. All of us who are mothers wish we could have done some things differently. I know you are a good, kind, intelligent, person who did the best she could.
Alice, I have enjoyed reading your posts. With fingers X for a good scan.
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I guess my bloodbath and sticky shower were pretty absurd, but I sure wasn't about to let the Klutz Krew know it was funny! I just hope my mask didn't hide too much of my stern glare! 👹
Right after I thought of my friend who is no longer here, I thought of all of you and how grateful I am to have a collective of friends in this forum. We are Breast Borg! We feel each other's pain and sadness and happiness and frustration and fear.
Moth, I think I've seen you admonish people for blaming themselves for getting cancer. That holds true in many other life situations, too. But when it's one of our own having a problem, sometimes the mother bear instinct turns inward and we blame ourselves. I think it makes us believe we can fix a situation if we deem it's us who caused it in the first place.
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peace
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Jeezz Aiice What a nightmare??? Hang in there is all i can say
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oh my Alice! Sending positive vibes for an unremarkable PET.
Moth- no words, just wishing you some peace
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Alice - what a day for you! This is a great place to vent because there is understanding. I hope you at least got an oh gee I’m sorry.
Moth - don’t beat yourself up. Can’t change what was in the past. If we only had a crystal ball, we all would have done things differently. You made your momma choices with your heart and mind and that is the best we can ask of ourselves
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oh moth. I had an "easy child" and "challenging one". Feel for you. Hugs.
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Moth, sending you love and encouragement. I have one who's most challenging. When he was in his teens, I told him I knew he would be just fine as an adult, he just needed to live to get there (I wasn't kidding about the living part, he made a lot of unwise, very risky decisions).
And just when I thought yay, he's through all that, at age 40 he decided to stop taking his meds for epilepsy, doesn't think he has it (WT everloving F, was not aware he went to medical school), thinks his seizures were all from his diabetes.
Alice, no words. Tell that friend of kidney to eff off.
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moth, I'm sorry...
Alice, I'm glad you saw some humor in the situation. I have a friend who works at our airport. They had a disaster drill a while back. He was one of the "victims". Was fixed up to be bloody and torn and otherwise maimed. He kept his "outfit" on and walked into a 7-11, I think it was, and asked if they had a Band-Aid. The guy behind the counter about croaked! Then my friend starting laughing and told him it was just a get-up for a disaster drill. I'd love to have the nerve to do that.
Hoping for a quiet weekend for everyone, unless you want a wild one. Then, go for it, I say!
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Moth, I’m sorry you’re struggling. I know that feeling. My daughter has disabilities related to complications during my pregnancy with her, and I will never really stop feeling guilty. We get by and do what we can do, but I’ll always think I should’ve been better
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Alice - I am sorry that you had such a bad experience with the IV. I refuse to go back to one imaging center because they insisted on using my arm that had lymphedema because the other side had lymph nodes removed,but no swelling. I asked them to call my oncologist, they refused. 4 techs with 3-4 pokes each could not get an IV to stay, so I ended up getting an ultrasound guided IV. At another center they have always been willing to use the unswollen arm, and have never had a problem getting an IV in. Blood - dharma textile detergent worked for me, but it was the first wash after blood stain. I do not know how well it works on stains already treated. https://www.dharmatrading.com/chemicals/dharma-professional-textile-detergent.html
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Hi moth,
Being a mother is a heck of a ride sometimes, isn’t it? We think we should be able to notice and prevent so many things that might make our children’s lives difficult yet we can’t. One of my dd’s had something very traumatic happen to her at age 10. It resulted in quite a few years of nightmarish events and more grief than I thought I could handle. Through lots of hard work and therapy, which she still faithfully attends, she has come to terms with what happened and though that will always be a part of her she has learned how to not let the past dictate her future. She is now 31, married with two children, getting a Master’s in social work and starting an internship. Guess what? Although I don’t let it show I still worry about her and I still feel guilty about somehow not having to have been able to prevent the trauma in the first place. Those feelings have softened and diminished over the years but I doubt they’ll ever disappear completely. Take good care
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Moth, a close friend once said to me, when I was fretting over a decision my older son was making, " You raised him to let go of your apron strings, now you need to let go of the other end." Those words have come back to many times over the years (both sons are in their fifties). That phrase has been helpful to me, hope it can be for you.
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If only we could forget or not dwell on our mistakes as parents!!! Many a night I lay awake thinking of all the things I did wrong... regret is such a waste but we keep going back to it.
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Starting the week off with a heat wave. I've hated heat since menopause 10years ago. I woke up in the night sweating sleeping right under the AC. Maybe it's my heart? It's broken as you know. My mental health is taking a hit this week. Did not get down to the bay cottage, everyone is too busy, and I'm not going there just to go. Seeing the place unfinished will just make me more anxious. What if I can't get it finished without hiring someone and going way over what the original deal was hubs made with these people? It's just insane. Not normal. None of it. Had to counter with cleaning the oven at home, also scrubbed my living room area rug which came up really nice. I have 4 chairs to spray paint that will be going to the cottage, I will try and get those done this week. Will see if plumbing can get figured out soon. I'll feel so much better once I have water, but right now, nothing and the season has started. I might not get it done. At times I want to just walk away. Ugh/sigh.
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Hi ctmbsikia, Don't be so hard on yourself. This heat wave and being on hormonal therapy is a double whammy. I used to love being outside in all types of weather. Everyone is complaining they can't get things done or they are at the end of line because Covid caused such a backup. Now even with lawn care there isn't enough workers. Can you get in touch with these contractors and ask where you are on their schedule? Maybe, trying to get everything done this year is just too much. Somehow I know your husband would understand.
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Thank you flashlight. I am trying to keep busy with other things to compensate. I've already went into hysterics once over this thing, I don't want to do it again. Thing is we are the help. The owners give us the materials. Hubs was the GC on ours and a cousins he built right next door. Now, I'm relying on the family next door, and friends to help finish and you know how that goes. Everyone has an opinion, or they are willing to help, but then are too busy.
My son is really the huge help but he is working double time at the moment. Another farmer has a broken baler so the guy he works for has picked up their slack. I took him dinner the other night last week as he was in a field nearby, so I took a ride with him in the John Deere. Something very peaceful about being out there. Once he's caught up hope to get cranking again at the bay.
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