STEAM ROOM FOR ANGER
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Well, if she got falling down drunk, it would provide cushioning.
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A wedding dress of pads? That's one way to get the vows to ....stick! HA HA I kill me!
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Alice, I hadn't realized how much accommodating I'd done for all the copious amounts of bleeding I did until after I had that hysterectomy. I found tampons everywhere--in every purse, backpack, both cars, our bathrooms at home, multiple drawers at work, I mean EVERYWHERE.
I also recouped the cost of the deductible for that surgery in one year by not having to buy tampons. That's how bad it had gotten.
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Stopping in to wish you all a good holiday weekend. Try to enjoy!
This week was 1 yr. that hubs passed. My daughter and I took the day off. We went to visit him. Received some texts and a few cards. Can't believe I made it. There were some really hard times and dark thoughts. They are getting less and less now as I just learn to live like this. I can do it, I think.
Daughter is moving in with the boyfriend. Took another day off this week to help her with stuff. Only she will move things twice. She is out by June 1 and not into new place until end of June, so guess where the stuff came? You guessed it, my basement! It's temporary. My work horse son brought the big stuff last night. I'm a little pooped today. Get out of work early today though! Yes!
My older brother called and he had a conversation with my son regarding getting the plumbing done at the bay cottage. So grateful to have a plan, although I feel bad that a lot of this work falls on my work horse son. This is all the kid does, work! The weather is not cooperating this weekend, do not think we are going. Maybe by Father's Day I will have water. Hope I didn't just make another unrealistic goal but I have to try. Keeping busy and hope to get in there this summer!! #sigh
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I'm here because I have an increasing risk for diabetes because of my hormonal treatment. I have a high A1c and high cholesterol. Im basically prediabetic. My numbers were quite high before my cancer diagnosis and now that I was on AI + OS for 5 years and now Im on Tamoxifen. All of these meds disrupt my endocrine system and lower my quality of life.
My freaking Oncologist never asks for a Metabolic Panel....ever! In the past my previous oncologist did so and checked my liver function and vitamin d levels too. I really appreciated this because it allowed for understanding of how my medicine is working and how its changing my body.
It seems like some Oncologist only care about lowering a patients cancer risk with these terrible meds and leave it to the primary care physicians for everything else. Its very irresponsible.
Im thinking of creating a list of (realistic) expectations from my oncologist and communicating them to her.
What in the world is wrong with some of these Dr's.? If a patient is obese and has other risk factors obviously the medicine they are prescribing is lowering the quality of life.
Im soo annoyed.
And now that I have decided to take Tamoxifen only I dont like any of the side effects form the binders/fillers used in the oral Tamoxifen. Im testing it out for one month and will switch out to liquid if I dont like the side effects. Somehow the nurse prescribing the medicine thought I was being particular but I dont care its my body and they dont have to deal with these side effects.
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edj3
It's been 13 years for me and I'm still finding them here and there! I left the work stash when I left years ago and I hope others have gotten good use from them. I like to imagine newcomers wondering who the Tampon Fairy was - complete with pads with wings! Or should it be wings with pads? At the rate I was using them (2 super-duper tampons worn together per hour with a double layer of super-pads per hour), it was probably one of the major household expenditures. Hubby insisted on a vacation that last year before I knew I had cancer, so I was still gushing, and I had an extra huge tote bag stuffed in the trunk for a week of supplies. I was more paranoid about that bag being stolen or forgotten than any other luggage. What a way to live! 🤬. But he really did need the vacation because his job is insane.
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there are some threads which I feel reach out through the screen and just hurt me so much. It's not them, it's me but still. & I wanna feel happy for people doing well but really I'm mad it's not me so then I feel bad that I feel mad and geeeeeeeeez and I feel like a shitty person doing cancer wrong because I'm not all cheery and happy for others. I'm jealous and angry and just so so so mad that my dreams got cut short.
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Understandable, moth.
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moth, you saying that helps people just as much as threads that brim with happiness and accomplishment, with everything we wish we had and felt but dont. I struggle alot with what your describing. Those who struggle need assurances too that it's ok to struggle and it doesn't make you a bad person or a bad representative of cancer just because you do struggle. With as many people as you help on the forums, newbies with questions etc, you do alot to help others, you represent well. You really do.
On a side note, about the not washing vegetables thoroughly enough causing my cancer comment from stepmother, last night the diddy "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes!!" entered my cranium.
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jinx27 you might want to follow with you primary doc. If you are still in "pre-diabetes" right now they can help monitor you and make sure you get the lab work you need ordered. With walking a little (even in the house walking in place works) and a sensible diet low in sugar you might ward it off without going on oral meds. My DH is diabetic and and even just walking helped him lose a little weight and get off insulin he was on and go on oral meds. Best wishes to you.
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There are so many damn emotions tied to this f—-ing disease. NO ONE, AND I MEAN NO ONE has any right to question the way any of us feels.
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All feelings are valid. Every last one.
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GoldensRBest...I like the way you phrased it much better than the way I did. So I second what you said.
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Jinx27--I hear you, and that is absolutely a valid complaint. How freakin' hard is it to order a metabolic panel with the same damn blood draw?? You definitely should speak up to your MO about that. And as for the nurse...pfffft. You are absolutely entitled to "be particular," it's your damn body. I'm steamed on your behalf.
Moth--what a poignant post, and one many of us can identify with. We all struggle with the "WHY ME" and though we really are happy for any BC Sister's success, it's still envy-inducing. I was so mad at being diagnosed with IBC I kept arguing with my oncologist. I don't freakin' WANT to have the worst freakin' kind. I breast fed my babies, I lived healthy, I'm old, what else do they want from me?
So yeah. We get you.
Goldens-- right on, girl.
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bcincolorado Thank you, I purchased some really nice walking and running sneakers, I think with a little weight loss I might be alright. Its just being on the other side of my weight is hard, especially with the way my medicine makes me feel. Too tired to care about working out etc.
Once my Lupron wears off Im gonna hit the ground walking lol Thanks for hearing me out. Ill also make a note to go to my primary care physician.
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Jinx27, your MO not doing metabolic panels could be an insurance directed issue. My MO does a lot of my bloodwork, but not anything connected with my mild diabetes; that's done by my PCP. I always assume certain things won't be paid by insurance if it's not done by the doctor's they want.
Moth, you are SO helpful and patient with people! I know you've seen me get a bit, ahem, testy with some people, and you're one of the nice ones who comes in with a much kinder way to make whatever point I fumble with. I frequently marvel at your ability to see past your own circumstances to help others. If anyone needs and deserves a place to vent, it's you!
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Moth: you vent as much as you damn well please. Tonight I kinda think this is a journey we all share but some have gone ahead and some are trailing behind.
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Moth, I may have made one of those happy posts you speak of and I am very sorry if I caused you pain. You have been through the ringer, and cancer has taken so much from you that it's absolutely normal to feel cheated and angry. I admire your sincerity, recognizing that stage IV cancer brings out such an unruly hodge-podge of feelings and it's not all hope and positivity and cheerleading. Your feelings are valid, and real, and they don't make you anything other than human.
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jinx27 I totally understand your frustration and the tiredness as well. There are also some "sitting workouts" you can do on AARP if you are not a member it is worth it. They have a ton of videos you can do sitting even. Easier workouts as well. You can pause when you need to and sit when you need to. No pressure and can do at home and be safe at home. Most are 10 minutes long. Some are from RBG's trainer and I like those a lot myself. Best wishes.
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Moth, that was one of the most concretely human posts I've read in a long time. Respect.
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Jinx - I'm sorry that your oncologist is not paying more attention to your overall health and the risks that SEs pose. My oncologist does do regular metaboloc panel, but I felt like she blew off my concerns for diabetes, blood pressure. lungs etc that Afinitor could cause. I am not now at risk for diabetes, but concerned because of Afinitor and family history. BP did go up with Afinitor.
The panti-liner ballgown? Was it decorated with a pearl string made of tampons?
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moth: I hear you!! I went to your blog and read previous posts before your MBC dx. It made me sad and angry for you. Dreams and promises dashed to pieces on the rocky shoals of Cancerlandia. I hate the MBC drug ads. " Living in the moment" is better than the " new normal" but it still stinks. It gives the wrong idea to those who are friends and loved ones of women with MBC. How come your hair is still so thin, why do you have a rash, how come you have no energy? Why can't you take a pill like the ads instead of IV? I am glad that Canada's broadcasting standards don't allow for pharmaceutical ads. But I watch a lot of American networks and they are full of women in choirs, opening wool shops, generally having a great time of it all.
I have to take breaks from the board and threads. I want to have 10 years like some, I am terrified of things going sideways fast like others. But I find the ladies here (and BSandra/Salius) to be a great support group and I am sure no one wants to cause anyone else emotional pain.
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I do not have mets and those commercials annoy me as well. I have already known a few people who have died from this disease already. There is no "new normal". They act like as if there are not bad side effects either which I know is not true either. Drug companies should not be allowed to advertise ANYTHING if you ask me. If it is not a cancer drug it is diabetes drugs. Then the come the lawyers advertising for lawsuits about people who died from the drugs!!!!!
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If they spent the advertising money on research we might be farther along. I hate them too.
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I don't understand the commercials either. I don't understand the eat plant based diet. There's people that do all the right things and still get a cancer diagnosis. I watched a documentary on Netflix (The C word) This Doc had brain cancer, lived through a recurrence, and then he started with the less stress, eat right, exercise and I forget what else!? There were 4 things. Anyway, he lived for 25 yrs when given 1 at diagnosis, but he still died as the disease did progress and it did kill him. Did I just waste over an hour of living to watch this? UGH
I can sympathize with the anguish of knowing you're StageIV, and as you can see from some of us early stagers, the fear of will it come back? I still wake up everyday longing for my husband, but everyday he is still dead. It is really hard to make these life changing adjustments. Whether it's disease, grief, divorce, whatever. I keep coming back to taking it a day at a time and taking a break from the forums to do something else. Good idea Elderberry. I have no appointments in June. Going to try it, because if I had a choice, I would never go to a doctor again.
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Would that not be nice? I do have a good medical team for my different things and my husband's. Still do not want to see them every couple of weeks and let them poke me with needles again.
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jinx, have your pcp order it. My pcp does my lab work now since I'm 5 years out from really needing an onc and onc gets copies of labs.
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Please say what you mean and mean what you say.
“Your health is the most important thing. This is all dumb work stuff”. Can’t turn into “woe is me, I dealt with stuff while you were out”. Or “you’ve been sick longer than I thought you would, and now I’m done.”
I get it. It’ been hard.I’m not the only one going through things. But it’s not like I’ve been off partying.
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Some people are so rude about it really at work. They have no concept and think you have surgery and will be back at work the next day or something. Nope. Get annoyed at the medical appointments you have to leave for. Time off work. Even though you are using all your time off and sick time. Worked for some real jerks myself. Feel for you!!!
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NotasCalm & bcincolorado - I really feel for you. I believe most people do not have a full understanding of the number of tests, appointments, scansetc that are needed to try to maintain your health with a reasonable QOL. It sucks to be using your PTO for medical visits rather than enjoying a vacation. Hang in there.
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