STEAM ROOM FOR ANGER
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Cancer is the pits. Every scan gives me anxiety. Mamo on my "non-cancer side" today. They read while I am there. Wait while looked at by radiologist. Go back for more pictures. Sit and wait again. Then get taken into a "privacy room" to sit and husband called in. Now they want ultrasound done. Can't get me in today of course since so busy today. Now next week Thursday!!! I know they will read it and hope all ok but apparently 2 areas of concern now on my "good side". Stress while I wait in the meantime. Hate cancer and the waiting..................
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bcincolorad: I don’t want to sound insensitive, but your situation is my worst nightmare every year around November 10th. That’s when I have my annual mammogram. When I wait for them to tell me all is well and get dressed, I am so anxious I almost cannot walk. I have been called back. I have had to sit to prevent myself from fainting. The good news is that they get the second view results for me right away. Odds are totally in your favour. But I do understand the terror. I cannot describe it any other way. Given our histories, I think they are extra vigilant. If I won a lottery, I would design a screening clinic for bc that took you through all stages of dx in a single day. Along with dim lights, luxurious gowns, soft music and lots of volunteers who get it and have survived all kinds of bc presentations. What we experience is trauma on top of trauma. So I am sitting with you while you wait. And remember me November 10th (wink).
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my BFF has surgery for bc this Friday. I too hate this disease and the waiting.
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Beautiful pictures CTMBSitka. Pardon the pun but I did not "picture" you in Maryland. My daughter lives on the shore of lake erie which is where we saw an eagle last year. She is trying to get a pic this year but so far...
MKestral: It's awful seeing someone new that doesn't know your history! You get about 10 minutes if your lucky to explain what the heck is going on. Onco office tried to get me to see his PA this week b/c she had an "opening". I put them off this time (appt tomorrow) but I have a feeling that may not work for the next appt.
I have randomly decided this thing in my throat making me cough is a wire from a wire grill cleaner, Saw it on Monsters inside me. Which is a pretty good description of CA.
On a + note SIL rash is getting better on whatever they have her on so for upcoming camping trip this week she has decided to drink some blue lights with me. She gave it up in favor of smoking weed after it might have interfered with her previous chemo tx. We are known as the "blue light girls" as per our husbands. The small levity's that keep us going at times.
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Part of me feels like I should not even do screening any more. I have a terminal illness for another condition already and doing what I can to hold that one off. Why bother with the cancer one too? One of them is going to get me.
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bcinCO and TB90--I'm still in the midst of treatment for my "first" cancer (and hopefully ONLY), but after going through hell and back I can see how cancer patients have a type of PTSD over screening tests. I asked my PCP for some anti-anxiety meds to get me through my original diagnosis, testing, blah, blah, and it worked very well. If you haven't tried an RX for anxiety, I think it might help with "scanxiety."
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bcin: don't give up yet. I know things can seem dark BUT keep putting one foot in front of the other. My 93 yr old MIL likes to say we only have today so make the best of it .She was born with TB, her mother died of it when she was 18 months old.
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bcincolorado: I am so sorry! I wish I had words of wisdom... I think the only thing that keeps us going is hope, even if it is at times a faint slimmer. As hard as it might be, keep "showing up"! At least this BC beast can be kept at bay and, if only for that, it's worth all the effort. Gentle hugs and easy days ahead!
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TB 90: It had been an agonizing three months from dx until I had the pathology results. I really thought I would go mad! I will pray for you to win the lottery so we all go to your one day screening clinic; that would be a marvelous thing!
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I know there are reasons to keep fighting everything. Want to outlive my parents at least and would like to see grandkids graduate high school at least. Youngest is only 6. Need to keep fighting for awhile if I can.
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bc, I think you're doing great. I'm praying that you have years before any sort of progression. Sorry you have to wait for an US and I hope it will turn out to be nothing. I remember just after my husband passed I had the same feeling about continuing with tests and doctors. I thought what's the use?
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Trying to be calm. Thanks for the encouragement! Saw the actual report and there are 2 areas they want to check on the ultrasound. Last year there was one.
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Best wishes, bc.
Late hubs got more mail yesterday. I know I'm a little crazy, but this sort of thing just sets me off. A letter from the GI group reminding him that he is due for a colonoscopy. Um, no he's not, he's dead! Ahhhhh ! This is the same group I will be going to next month so when I'm there I will request they remove him from their computer. I trust they can do it without any proof. You wish there was a database somewhere that people could check these things. Still mad at watering the plants too.
I have a MO appt. next week. Just want to get it over with so this scared/anxious/nervous feeling would go away!!
Weather looks decent here, so going to the bay this weekend. Contractor that helped my husband build the cottages is coming on Monday. I took off work, maybe I can help him or at least get guidance and instruction on things I could try and finish. I also lit a fire under my son's butt by telling him I called a plumber! He says he's confident he can do it. I feel bad this job has fallen on his shoulders but he's young and he'll get over it! So, I need patience as I'm running low. With any luck water will be flowing soon. If not, I will be paying that plumber to do it. We'll see. Have a nice weekend.
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I hear you. I got a letter, or DH got a letter saying he was non compliant in ordering his meds. Pissed me off. Sent it back with big red letters
Ya think? Died March 29. And sent it back.
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We laugh since DH was executor for his parents. We get mail for them and they died almost 10 years ago.....and lived in New Mexico even! Not even same city! We love when we get notices how mother in law can get life insurance with no questions asked.
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Not sure where to post this, but I'm absolutely furious, so I'll park it here.
https://www.vice.com/en/article/pkbxmg/breast-cancer-patient-attacked-anti-mask-protest
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Alice - Those anti-maskers are insane and stupid!
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Arrest them all. I hope they catch covid, get intubation and the stuffing scared out of them.
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I live in LA and I'm so frigging tired of those morons. They are a tiny, tiny ,tiny percentage of the population and they think their views are the only ones that matter. They endangered my youngest daughter at a Black Lives Matter protest last year by refusing to mask up. The kids just double masked, sprayed a bunch of hand sanitizer at them and finished their march. I was very proud of them.
Whenever I run into them I point out that they're the reason Republicans have ZERO power at a state level here in California. Not one statewide elected official is a Republican. And that's what makes California such a successful state.
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There was an anti-mask/anti-vaccine protest here earlier this year at a mass vaccination site. Some of the protesters were bussed in from who know where. They had a COVID outbreak. Serves them right for forcing the vaccination site to close early.
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It's ridiculous and frightening that the anti-vax morons have politicized a health crisis. Well, their 🟠💩 leader politicized it, then it just snowballed into the current craziness. If this is the hill the fools want to die on, good riddance, but I wish they'd leave innocent bystanders out of it.
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Oh my. That is crazy! Were those people not raised to be polite to other people? I bet their parents would be ashamed at how they acted. I also think insurance companies and medical people should not be required to treat people who are idiots like that when they sick. Why should they take up resources for people who are compliant?
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I saw a young anti-vaxxer got COVID and ended up getting a double lung transplant. He refused a vaccine, and now he needs to take meds for the rest of his life.
I'm angry for the other patients who have been in isolation and waiting for a lung.
ETA: Add link to one example. This guy wanted to wait a few years before getting vaccinated. Qualifies as anti-vax given pandemic!
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To me is selfish and uncaring of others and those people should know better.
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I wonder if some people who initially refused the vaccine are afraid or embarrassed to admit they made a mistake. So they continue to refuse the vaccine and continue to dig in their heels rather than get the vaccine. I wonder if maybe a lower key and less divisive and less public shaming approach would be more effective? But maybe not.
I'm vaxxed but lack confidence in our public health officials based on their actions over the past year. (as well as some poor quality BC healthcare over the past 9 months). I understand the situation evolved as we gained more knowledge but I'm not entirely confident that some long term SE won't be discovered down the road. If I were younger, I'd likely take that into consideration
Our health system is clearly stressed, but I think part of the stress is due to how our (or at least U.S.) healthcare system is run. It is a business and the focus is on the bottom line rather than taking care of people. The frontline health care workers are stressed and lack support from their management. I realize this is not a popular stance on this forum and I respect that many of you have health complications that make you more suspectible to the virus.
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I think the call to vaccinate has been too low key. People who refused to vaccinate are feeling shamed? Sounds snowflakey. I don't really care.
There's always risk in any vaccine. It must be weighed against the risk of the virus. Dying isn't the only bad thing to happen. Double lung transplant is bad, and I don't want more lifelong meds. Long covid has symptoms that are similar to cancer treatment side effects. I've got enough and don't want more.
People who think I shouldn't be afraid of the virus are the ones falling for the weird conspiracy theories. I would have thought self preservation would overcome the insanity, but then I saw an interview of an anti-vaxxer about to be discharged from a lengthy hospital stay. He'd rather suffer through COVID again than take the vaccine. Wonder if he'll change his mind when he gets the bill.
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I mean, the vaccine is FREE! Maybe they should start charging if not vaxxed by September 1. Limited time offer!
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Insurance companies should not be required to pay for their if they refuse the vac either. There are people who honestly cannot get it because they are allergic but they are also people who would be careful as well and not catch COVID and isolate all the time. The US seems to be full of people who are just mad all the time and as we all know life is too short to spend it mad at people al lthe time.
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I just got cleared to get my 2nd dose next week. I've been following all public health measures since I'm not fully vaccinated. Doesn't hurt that I'm a homebody. The only time I'm indoors in a public setting is at my medical appointments.
I have no tolerance for people who don't wear a mask properly when required. Two weeks ago I reported a man who wouldn't cover his nose. We're in the waiting room to get blood drawn at the cancer centre. It's not a huge space, and he's among cancer patients! He ignored me twice, so I stopped by security on my way to see my MO. I let the security guy deal with him. If I had more time I would have joined him.
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I don’t know if I’m angry or sad or both. But I hate cancer!!! It has screwed up so much of my life right now!
My chest broke out this week (not a chemo week) and my arm. Kinda itchy. Don’t know if it is the sun or something I ate. But my kids and hubby are laying by the pool while I’m stuck inside because I’m scared if I get hot and sweat I’ll break out more and I don’t want the dr to give me more meds. I’m already having my body poisoned enough. I don’t need anything else.
I’m so angry. We canceled vacation, have not been able to enjoy our normal Summer , and life is upside down all because of Bc.
If they can fast track a vaccine for a virus why the hell can’t we fast track the latest drug from Bayer that shows potential for curing BC ???
If none of this is allowed just tell me and I’ll delete it. I’m just so mad! I want life to be normal. Or at least some version of it.
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