STEAM ROOM FOR ANGER
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Just another thought: Who pays for your health insurance? You or your husband?
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CM2020, I could not agree more with what everyone above this post has said. I don't know what the fuck he's so busy with. Sounds like bullshit to me. Please reach out for help. You deserve it. Super big hug
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nopink,
What you wrote is very, very important! Both of my dd’s had periods of difficulty, especially as teens. I believe that growing up in a household with an alcoholic, narcissistic father and watching me spend years trying to “make it better” was more damaging to them than a divorce. My older dd was 22 and younger 16 when we divorced. I wish I had done it years before. I am very happy to report that both dd’s are now wonderful human beings, responsible professionals and mothers themselves. It was rough sometimes but I couldn’t be prouder 😊💗 but I still have some guilt over setting such a bad example for them.
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Cm2020, none of my business but do you have bank accounts solely in your name? If not, get one and start saving. My first husband luckily left me when my children were very young and it would have been easier if I’d had a little something of my own. Assets have a way of getting entwined in a marriage
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cm - my heart aches for you. So much solid advice from folks here. Please keep us updated on your path through this nightmare. Peace
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Thank you all very much for the support and love. Your kind words have meant so much to me.
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oh Cm2020 your husband is an expletive! Being too busy I agree sounds like he is checked out. Have you suggested seeing a marriage counselor? We did this pretty early on in our 35 years and it helped me understand his issues. Most of which stemmed from an awful childhood and his mother remaining in a bad situation. With 7 children. It was hard work especially raising children with minimal damage. It ended in death but at least very lovingly and not resentful. Hardest thing Iever did. Best wishes to you. Here to help if needed. You will be surprised what you can do when you think you can't!
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I am going to add one more piece of advice. Please check your state laws regarding divorce and assets acquired during a marriage. Property, bank accounts, investments, etc are community property in some states. Simply opening an account in your name only is not only pointless but can be interpreted as an attempt to hide assets. You need to understand your state's laws so getting an attorney is very important in preventing you from unintentionally making things worse. Take care.
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cm2020, I'm no counselor or psychologist, but I've seen it happen before...the husband decides he's done and checks out. The wife begs, pleads, cries, cajoles, accuses, assigns guilt, and nothing works. The husband feels trapped and pulls away even harder.
Then, the wife takes back her life and self-worth and just releases the husband to go his own stupid way. She gets counseling. She finds a good divorce attorney who will advocate for her. Finally, she's happy, confident, moving forward in life with new purpose and direction. Only then does the worthless husband, finally seeing the love and family that he walked away from, wants back in. Too late, though. What he thought was a clinging helpless rag turned into a beautiful, confident woman.
I'm not saying this is your situation, or your future. I am sensing, though, that you need to somehow gather your self-worth and confidence and not play the victim to his neglect. Whatever that looks like.
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Yes, check your states laws regarding assets. I wasn't suggesting that she try to hide money. m sorry I didn't think about states having different laws. Good advice though exbrnxgrl. A bank account in your own name can help your credit score though. Once I was able to separate and build my own finances, my credit score improved greatly. wasn't suggesting that she try to hide money.
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cm2020, you've been given a lot of good advice on this thread. Let me add my two cents from the perspective of a (long-retired) divorce attorney, as well as that of someone who went through her own divorce.
Speak with a lawyer now! There are many attorneys who provide free or low-cost consultations. You can often find them through local women's centers or bar associations. If there is a law school in your area, they may have clinics that are staffed by students (supervised by local attorneys) that can offer assistance. You need to ensure that you are aware of the specific requirements of your state. A local lawyer can tell you what you can and should do to protect your rights. Even if you are interested in preserving your marriage, it does not hurt to understand your rights in this situation.
Take care of yourself. Just as the airlines advise you to put on your own oxygen mask before helping someone else, you must care for yourself now if you are to be able to care for your child(ren). If you have trusted resources, take advantage of them. Your family, friends, church etc. can offer assistance in many ways. You do not need to mention divorce to them. Just let them know that you are struggling at the moment (your cancer is reason enough) and that you could use their help. There are many things they can do for you - accompanying you to a medical appointment, shopping, cooking, cleaning or just meeting for a relaxing walk or meal. If your cancer center provides access to counseling, that might be another option.
There is no way to know what your future holds. I understand how terrifying that feels. Stop and take a deep breath. Then begin making a plan. Make sure that your (and your daughter's) day-to-day needs are met. Then gather the information you need to make an informed decision regarding the steps you want to take next (including, but not limited to, discussions with your husband, marriage counseling, separation, etc.). You do not need to make any immediate decisions; time can be your ally and you should feel better when you know your options. Wishing you strength and peace …
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I wish I was in a condition to read more hear and support all of you. I'm here today cause I'm in pain and pissed.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my bone scan in another hour. Just finished CT. I see MO on Thursday and they refused to draw blood for labs on Thursday, even though they've done it before. Against policy. Huh??? BS. Since when?
I was hoping to save a poke as I'll get another on Monday as well if things go as planned. Who wouldn't want to save a poke. I don't care about the needle, it's the vein. I get they don't want a contaminated sample but really????. Take it first then. Duh.
And as if that wasn't enough. The guy in CT didn't tighten something before adding the contrast and much ran down my arm. He said he always has that problem if patient comes from nuclear lab with an IV!!! Almost had to get repoked but radiologist said enough got in.
I have to wonder if this is the same guy that once before didn't apply pressure when he withdrew IV and I bled all over my shirt. Oops.
SOB. So often people screw up. So so often. I know we're all human and I make my share but I don't need it added to the present pain. Might be my mistake today was not asking in nuclear med before IV if they would draw but they said it wouldn't make a difference. Huh? Then why did they do it before???
I'm holding it together pretty good. No doubt I'll have a good cry later.
Thanks for being here.
Gailmary
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Gailmary, sounds like you're up against some real corporate types who hide behind 'policy' when they don't feel like remembering that they are a service industry. I am sorry for all that you are going through and I would cry too. Hugs.
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I have pathology back from the endoscopy. While I am so glad to not see anything like cancer, I'm just never going to be the same. Ever!! As many of you well know, that pisses us off, right?
Health anxiety has kicked into gear, I have a breast MRI on Friday morning. I hope they find a good vein in my right arm. Labs and MO at the end of this month. New GI doc appt in 4 weeks. Oh, and a dentist appt in between. I'm just getting a cleaning, not doing any dental work what so ever! Oh, and let's throw in the Primary doc I better not get blind sided by any of this. Clinically anyway. Already preparing myself for the stop the coffee, alcohol, Nsaids, smoking, etc. But if I want to, I'm going to. Just not to the extent I was in my prior happy life. Guess I should ask to have B12 and Zinc levels checked if that's not part of the GI visit.
Part A: "Stomach, gastric biopsy" Reactive gastropathy. No evidence of H.
pylori. See note. NOTE: The possibility that these histopathologic features
could be related to NSAIDS or other physicochemical stimuli should be considered
clinically.
Part B: "Esophagus, Schatzki's ring, biopsy" Fragments of squamous epithelium,
no evidence of eosinophilic esophagitis.
Part C: "Distal esophagus, biopsy" Fragments of squamous epithelium with
prominent parakeratosis, no evidence of eosinophilic esophagitis.
Part
"Mid-proximal esophagus, biopsy" - Fragments of squamous epithelium, no
evidence of eosinophilic esophagitis.Dropped 5 lbs. in the past week. Could be worse right?
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Hugs to both of you today. You need them.
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gailmary, sorry that you had a stressful day! official guidelines do not support drawing blood from a peripheral IV. If someone did it before, it was an error. Nurses can draw from a PICC or a port or a central line but not from peripheral IVs https://www.allinahealth.org/-/media/allina-health...
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JKL2017, Just rereading posts. You gave really good advice.
Gailmary, Stupid saying but... hang in there.
Ctmbsitka, glad to hear no cancer. I always jump to the Conclusions at the end of reports before I look up each word that I have no idea what they mean. That sentence doesn't make sense be u know what I mean.
My chest ct is tomorrow ... hoping they can get a look at the thing growing on my clavicle as I think it's getting larger. The chest ct is for lung nodule. I also have at least 2 or 3 dr appts very month til Oct. Signed myself up for a bridge at the DDS but I told him if I get a bad cancer report we will skip the bridge. I use to feel sorry for old people with all their dr appts. Now i'm one of them. AND i'm not that fing old!
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CM2020, I'm right there with you. I get a ride to a procedure if I am getting anesthesia, that's it. No other discussions or support. On the way to the hospital to get admitted for a kidney stone removal, 3 months after DIEP flap, he called me a hypocondriac. My kids are 14 and 16. We are basically co-parents living under the same roof.
ctmbsikia, I have a throat condition too. I have a lump in my throat for 8 weeks straight now. I thought I had thyroid cancer, biopsy came back benign. ENT said it's not bad enough to have throat surgery, and its not they type they do dilation for. I found on my CT scans I have a hiatal hernia, none of my drs. told me. Now I'm waiting to see a GI.
KID1919, good luck!!
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Kid1919-best wishes for an unremarkable CT scan!
JRNJ so sorry to hear that. In a way I'm glad I don't have to worry about relationship junk anymore. I do still miss him and wish I could share some of this stuff with him. You guys are it now. I do so appreciate having a place like this to get out the fears, anger and whatnot. Thank you everyone (for the millionth time!). We'll have to share our GI experience.
My daughter is my emergency contact now. Already fretting over asking her to go with me for the dilation procedure which will be when she's back in school at work and will have to take off to drive me. She doesn't mind of course, and I doubt she will be agreeable to me asking someone else, but this is where my head goes. My son has stopped by almost nightly to see how I am. I am better. Just slight ringing in one ear which I think is more depression, my meds not working, or just stress. Seems better today so far, thankfully. We are all taking a vacation day tomorrow, I can't wait to get out of my own way and relax. If even for a day.
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I'm mad! I have finally been given a gyno appoint, mid September!!! It boggles my mind: started to bleed end of June - and did so for a month! - plus worrisome pelvic scan findings and yet all that not serious enough to warrant an appointment anytime sooner then in two months! I so wish I had the option of private health care. I'd rather pay out of my pocket than simmer in worry like this! Thankfully, the bleeding has stopped, along with the pain. So I'm trying hard to lodge into positive thinking: it's nothing bad! Not knowing for sure is maddening! My MO wants to switch me to an AI, just like that! I can't even begin to think about starting on a new pill, new SEs... And how can I start on something else when I still don't know what's what?!?
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Sorry Rain. Are you in the US? I'd tell the MO to chill out and if it were me, I'd stop the Tamox for now and wait and see what's up. It seems to wreck havoc on ones uterus. A month or two shouldn't be bad, but I digress the wait you have is agonizing!! Ugh Hope you stay well til then.
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JRNJ....I am so sorry! Many hugs. It is such an extra burden and crappy position to be in.
KIDI919...I am thinking about you today.
Rain88....I second everything ctmbsikia said. Also waiting until mid-Sept. is just asinine. Can you get put on a cancellation list? Maybe call every single day asking if they have any cancelled appointments for the day?
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Ctmbsikia, I am in Ontario, Canada. Health care in Canada is provincial; and while the quality is great, as my experience goes, it really takes a long time to get to any specialist. (To give you an exemple, once my gyno-ob retired, it was impossible to find another one. All my calls were basically answered with "So & so doesn't do run-of-the-mill stuff. You don't qualify." So no gyn. for me ever since.) My MO is great, I like him, but he can do only what he can do. He put in a refferal to an ambulatory gyn. a few weeks ago and I heard from them only today and only to be told of an appointment two months away! I am off Tamoxifen since the end of July. My MO believes all the bleeding was from it and that's all there is to it, no need to worry. Of course he cannot know for sure. I don't want to get lulled into a false sense of security; not when the scan showed my endometrium at 22mm, 18mm more than normal, and the differential dx was hyperplasia and neoplasme. It isn't right to have to wait so long!
Thank you for your response. I hope you are doing well.
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Cm2020, what a good suggestion! I will call and see if they can put me on a cancellation list. Thank you!
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I'm sorry you have to wait so long for an appointment, Rain88. It really sucks. But please don't think it's any better with private insurance. I've waited as long as three months for an urgent gyno appointment and I have top of the line insurance. It's unfortunately becoming more commonplace for certain specialties like gynocologists and dermatologists.
Good luck. Hope it turns out to be nothing serious.
Trish
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Rain88....In addition to having them add you to a cancellation list, I would call regularly to check for cancellations. Some offices are better than others at actually contacting people off the cancellation lists, so calling regularly will increase your odds of getting an appointment sooner. You might want to ask the office whether it is better to call first thing in the morning or late afternoon (for those that cancel their next day appt). Good luck to you! I hope you can get in much sooner.
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Trish, there is really nothing else I can do, but wait. Thank you for your kind words.
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RANT ABOUT INSURANCE! Okay, so my rant is not so much for me, but for all women who are breast cancer survivors and have to fight with insurance companies for what they deserve! My issue is getting a new prosthesis and bra(s). Technically covered under my insurance. But no details to be find on the website. 4 phone calls in to the company, and I twice get a list of durable medical suppliers who do wheelchairs and such. I finally get to speak with a nurse case manager, who says, I’m so sorry, the online company(that I found via my own research) is not in our network and so you would have to cover the cost of the out of network deductible on your own. There was literally one mastectomy supply provider in my area, and they are open 11-4 Monday-Thursday. Like that’s helpful when you work full time. So I told this nurse case manager, on the recorded line, please send this recording to your senior management because your company is all about the patients “working with you to find cost savings options and here I have found a cost savings option and you are not working with me. You say my care is covered but clearly you don’t want to make it easy for me.” I can afford to buy my own prosthesis but some women cannot and how dare an insurance company basically tell me that my needs do not matter. Ughh!! Makes me so angry for all the women who are surviving this horrible disease having to fight every step of the way.
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Agree and nor should you have to do so. You may want to refer them to this law:
https://www.cms.gov/CCIIO/Programs-and-Initiatives/Other-Insurance-Protections/whcra_factsheet
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