STEAM ROOM FOR ANGER
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Yes Tosca, Bitch away! We all get it believe me....I too feel pretty abandoned by a LOT of people in my life including two sisters who haven't called me since my Dx. I have a SIL who texted me to say that when SHE had Stage 1 cancer with a lumpectomy, she went through hell and was not out skiing like me! I guess she is angry because I am Stage IV and so far have not had chemo like her, so thinks I am not suffering enough or WHAT?? Although I have never even talked to her about my illness, never complained or brought it up ever. Just an attack out of the blue. Yes, I went skiing with my family for what could have been the last time ever......so sue me. And, I HATE when people try and guess WHY I got cancer.
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That's a big reason why no family except my bro knows. They'd all be analyzing why I got cancer. Yes I'm overweight, diet not swell and don't exercise... but there are many people like me who don't get cancer. Thankfully none of them live near to drop in so I'm getting by without them knowing or I'd be going mad on top!
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artistatheart, your sister in law is, plain and simple, just a complete shit bag. Why any woman going through this disease would be spiteful about what pain another person is or is not going through...I have no words.
We got this miserable disease because somewhere we got the short straw, pure and simple. I can't stand the blame game, what value is that? I exercise, eat organic, am slightly overweight, but my mom is 150 pounds overweight, eats complete crap, has never exercised a day in her life, shoots insulin so she can eat candy bars, and yep, you guessed it, no cancer for her! I have no genetic mutations, etc.
I had a woman who was my close friend for eight years disappear through all my surgery and treatment. Now that it is all done, she wants me to put her in front of the people who stood by me in this process. Yeah, that is so not happening
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Yes, Italychick, I know this woman at work who drinks like a fish, smokes like a chimney and eats like a pig. She is loud, obnoxious, self centered and rude and does nothing but party her brains out. Yet she keeps tooling along. Maybe I need to follow her example! LOL! As far as the SIL she has been gunning for me since we joined the same family 29 years ago. I finally said enough and just cut her completely off, as did my husband, (his brothers wife.) Also, my former best friend who abandoned me after Dx finally decided to throw me a bone and invite me and Dh out for an evening with some tickets they had. As soon as we got into the event she walked off to go hang out with her "new" friends and left us hanging around awkwardly.....Another one to cut loose.
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I walked into the ultrasound room before surgery and saw two roundish long wires and thought I pity the poor person that has to deal with those, but of course it was me. They made me lay down on my stomach and put my boob into a hole and I still thought it wasn't for me, still. I asked them what was going on and they said the wires were needed to mark the spot for the surgeon.They stuck the wires in, it hurt. I swear noone ever told me about that. I already had my iv and they could have given me something for the pain, but didn't. I rant because I was treated like a piece of meat.
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ladsgma, Please, call the company in charge. tell them what you just described. Also, Tell them that you are calling your insurance compamy an lodging a complaint. Costumer service does make a difference. We can change costumer service
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Ladsgma.. I was treated like hamburger at my biopsy of alternate breast (turned out to be benign) but they drilled at least 3 - 4 inches through the wrong side of the breast to get to the questionable area. I screamed, there was blood everywhere and I let the hospital system have Holy hell for it. It was abominable and I say that having had two other core needle biopsies that went calm, smooth, professional with mild pain. You are right, we or our insurance companies are paying for a service and should demand it be done with dignity, respect, minimal pain and mental fear or anguish.
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OMG. Anything that causes pain they need to use some sort of anesthesia. They put me out before even inserting the IV before my sx as I was nervous. I would absolutely create the biggest stink so no way would they do that to someone else!
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My neighbor suffered horribly on that table with the hole you describe. They told her they needed to do another biopsy like that and she was crying. Who ever that A-hole is that designed that should put in a stockade and pelleted by rubbish. I have turned into a super bitch. I think I made a big impression at UW hospital in Seattle my PS told me they have changed a few things since I was up there. He called me a strong willed woman. I was kind of shocked that this cancer has turned me into a patient to be heard.
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Rant started. So angry at my brother and sister-in-law right now. Started over something so stupid too. I basically tapped him on the shoulder, can't remember what I wanted to tell him. He basically shouted WHAT! at me. I got upset and got angry at him and was upset and embarrassed because this occurred over Sunday dinner with our respective families. According to my brother, he is SURE what I would have had to say was not interesting anyway. He does not care I was upset. Sister-in-law told me not everything is about me. Because having cancer over the last year was something I really needed to have to become the center of attention.
The reason it really hurt me is that my younger brother is so closed off to people and outright told me he did not want to hear any more "medical stuff" several weeks ago. I even went so far as to STOP discussing ANYTHING about my situation or any feelings. Then to have him outright say he was not interested in me and her to say that I think I should be the center of attention really hurt me to the core. It should not but it does. I worked HARD to respect their wishes and not discuss my situation. I needed to vent this off because I am still upset. Thanks for letting me do it.
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mara, I can't imagine how you feel. Your siblings sound very self centered and uncaring. Try to surround yourself with your friends. Can always let off steam here.
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Thanks meow, helped letting it off without involving other family. I appreciate it.
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Mara, I feel the same way, that no one has put themselves in my place to try as imagine how I feel. Which is lonely, scared, abandoned by many. Even my DH prefers to keep it upbeat. So on days or moments that I feel teary, upset, scared, worried, whatever I have to hide it and go cry alone. My ( X ) best friend has not called me for months. It's awful how most people do not understand or try to understand. They are just glad it is not them....
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OK PEOPLE!!! There are only so many hours in the day!! My mind doesn't work as well as it once did, and I can't keep all the balls in the air!!!!
Do not give me another project/event to run or problem to solve. It's really bad when you're further behind at 8:00am than you were at 5:00 the night before. . . STAY OUT OF MY OFFICE so I can get something accomplished!
I need a minion. I need two. Of course I wouldn't know what to do with one.
I'm sure the gray skies (for the last 5 days with 4 more days to go) have something to do with my feeling that I have 20 balls in the air, each about to crash into the ground. Sigh.
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Maybe this is what I need....to come in here and just vent!!!!
I'm so tired of feeling upset about something. I realized yesterday that not a week goes by that I don't have at least one day that I'm coming un-done....this isn't normal right???
I think that cancer and the treatments I've received have totally screwed my head up and my emotions. I don't know which end is up sometimes, I'll feel depressed or anxious and I don't know why. I swear I used to have my shit together, but I just cannot seem to get it together and kept together for more than a few days at a time.
I have faith and I pray and talk to Jesus alot, but I wonder if maybe I'm just too messed up now to hear him or to feel him anymore. There are days that are dark....yes still. Shouldn't I be past this emotional turmoil??
There are good days and times, but I just think there should be more of them by now. I know that my family and what few "friends" I actually have don't understand me, hell I don't even really understand myself. I feel alone in my thoughts and feelings about what cancer has done to me. At times I don't even know how to come here and talk about it.
I even feel angry sometimes at the women that post about their worries about having BC. The ones that don't seem to really have anything to worry about. I want to tell them...Don't worry until you HAVE to worry!! Don't you realize what will happen if you do??
I know that sounds awful and likely bitchy, but it is something I have thought.
I'm still angry about losing my breasts too. Yep..I said it. I miss my breasts, I miss normal sex and having them be a part of sex. I loved my breasts and so did my husband. It sucks, more than sucks...it is heartbreaking.
I'm angry at my PCP right now too. He switched me to Effexor and it worked great for the first few weeks. Now I'm having problems and I'm gonna have to go back in AGAIN to have it adjusted I guess. Not until Monday, so I get to deal with these stupid brain zaps, shivers or whatever until then.
thanks for allowing me to post my drivel.
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Pam, I feel the same way about work today. I feel like they just keep piling on more "duties" to my title to the point I simply cannot get it done. I work like a maniac trying to do financial paper and computer work the entire 8 hours with CONSTANT interruptions. I mean every three minutes. My desk is in a fishbowl full of kids, parents, teachers, and assorted others, all of whom need something right now. Not to mention the nonstop phone ringing. My boss is of NO help whatsoever and does not seem to respect how hard and well I do work. So I totally get what you are talking about. I totally sympathize and hope tomorrow is better for you.
Tang, I think we all know exactly what you are talking about. I feel completely misunderstood and abandoned by many. No one understands the terror and anxiety and loneliness. And yes, although I haven't lost hair yet or had any surgery I HATE of my husband thinking of me as his "sick" wife and how he is being dragged into the roller coaster ride with me. HATE.
So one more bitch I have today is that my last scan showed my thyroid light up. So my Onc said she would send the test over to a GP AND call her to talk about the results. Then that office called me to come in for an appointment. When I got there I waited 40 minutes in a room. When she finally came in she had to ask why I was there. she had not talked to my Onc nor seen my current scans. We finally got them pulled up but she said she would need some labs to check my thyroid levels. So she referred me back to my cancer center and said with my next labs to just request a thyroid panel!!! I left work early and waited 40 minutes not to mention paying for another office visit that produced NOTHING. I was soooooo upset. I am going through enough without throwing anything extra AND useless. The end.
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(((((Pam)))) ((((Tang)))) ((((Artist)))) It is all I can offer is hugs to all of you. I know these kind of bad days, months, years really well unfortunately. My BC diagnosis while mild in comparison to all three of you was just one more thing added to the bonfire that is my life since 2009. I get it for the most part. Vent, bitch and moan all you need to. We are here.
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Thanks for the hugs.
Today I got managed free time to make a list of all those balls. It's a much longer list than I would like, but now that I know the scope of work I somehow feel better. Not that I can get all that done in a year, but some of it I have a year to get done.
And guess what. . .it's the WEEKEND!! (and the sun came out today, if only for an hour)
Artistatheart, now that's annoying. When the coordination of care doesn't happen I go off the ledge. There was a period where I was seeing three or four doctors regularly. I was petrified one would say to do A, and another would say to do 'not A'. I finally asked my onc who was in charge. He told me he was in charge. So now I take all problems to him and he acts on them. You need one of your docs to stand up and take charge.
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Mara, that was rude, impolite and just plain nasty for your brother to do! These are people you do not need in your life right now - use your ticket to self preservation and avoid rude, uncaring folks. I have had to snip off my MIL and minimize her and her stupid remarks. It was bad for me, for my marriage and allows me to focus on my work and my son.
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Thanks April, hope you are able to throw some water on the bonfire. Yes Pam I plan to bring it up with my Onc next appt. Although last time I went in she instructed the nurse to have me put on a gown for an exam and I had to tell them they just did one.....
Anyway, yes it's the weekend! I am finally almost done with purchasing season at work and get 10 weeks of in the summer. So all in all things are looking up for now.0 -
Now my turn to be PISSED OFF about something! I just got an email from a staffing agency about sending her candidates for job openings (something that happens regularly since I am an Employment Specialist and help people get jobs by either retraining them or placing them in employment, sometimes subsidizing it during their training period with federal funding) and the e-mail said the following:
"Also, do you have anyone that has a military background (in 20's or 30's- heavy lifting)." for what it is worth, that statement is TOTALLY ILLEGAL as she referenced AGE! Why are some people so freaking dumb? Many of my clients biggest issue is AGEISM!!! Totally pissed me off. After my husband lost his job of 22 years, in 2009, it took him almost 3 years to find another one and the pay is only HALF of what he used to make. He has a BS degree and did everything right...his only crime? He is 60! Damn fools.
Ok, off my soapbox. Thanks for listening! xo
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I am so disheartened by how cruel people can be especially in a professional environment. I took great pride in keeping my chin up, working all through bilateral mastectomy, failed reconstruction, infections, chemo, the works.
The comments and jokes that people will make when theyt think you can't hear them are hurtful beyond belief. And yet I keep going back every day choking back the tears and trying to hold my chin up with some semblance of pride. Going to work without hair was hard. Going to work without breasts was hard. Going to work sick, tired, and with drains attached...hard. Hearing someone gossip behind my back today when I finally had the courage to wear my prosthetics for the first time in over a year-----heartbreaking. Couldn't they just stay silent?? Corporate announcement: Yes!!! She's wearing false boobs. Did they think I didn't know??
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luckyladyin pa, I just want to junk punch the jackass that said such a hurtful thing. Hugs, Msp
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Luckylady they should be telling you that you look great! And thanking their lucky stars that they're not dealing with a nasty disease.
I bet you do look great!
I wish I could think of an excellent come back for you to use, but not my forte.
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luckyladyinpa - so sorry to hear the people at your work were so insensitive and rude. Sending you some hugs!!
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Reminds me when one of the busybodies on my street kept trying to raise up gossip "yea she has fake boobs". One day I waited until I saw her group of cronies were gathered on the lawn in front of her house, all sipping on their pepsi max (or beer) and smoking their stinky cigarettes. I went real quick and put on a spaghetti strap tank top that I pulled low enough that I was almost spilling out of it, then went there and got in her face and said "yes, see? they are fake. They are fake and fabulous. And they'll be fabulous til the day I die. Do you think men care if they're real, enhanced or reconstructed? They don't, as long as they look good. Good luck with your shriveled prunes." Turned around and went home. She hasn't spoken to me (or about me) since. But if looks could kill....
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LuckyladyinPA, how insensitive of them. Instead of being supportive during such a time.
We have to think of a witty come back...what about: yes, you're so observant! Or: thank you for noticing (in an ironic voice).
(Soon I'll be in the same boat and I'm dreading it...at least I'll still be alive to go to work. Hmm maybe I should use this as a come back: False boobs? yes, it was that or dying)
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I don't think anyone should have to think of a comeback for a crack about having fake boobs. If someone at work makes such a comment, they should be reported to the employer and disciplined as a harasser. The only comeback that would affect a jackass like that would be the comments from their manager during a disciplinary hearing where there was the threat of losing their job.
MsP
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Ms. Pharoah!
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MsPharoah, I prefer to deal with these kind of situations myself and not to have to go to my boss. If the situation continues then yes, I'd go to the boss but usually people react like that due to ignorance.
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