STEAM ROOM FOR ANGER
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Thank you Sas!
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FierceBluebird - passed away - 7/22/14
I am always shocked by Kristine's experience and death.
Her signature line read:
When I feel fear, I go where the wood duck rests his beauty on the water and the heron feeds. I come into the peace of wild things who do not live with grief. Above me stars are waiting with their light. I rest in God's grace and am free.
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Bounce.....FierceBluebird was our Fall 2013 radiation sister. I remember her posting a picture of her tortured, radiated body; causing me to gasp, cry and wonder at her courage to get up on that radiation table. I felt so guilty for having an easy go at it and encouraging others to get up on that table and kill some cancer...still do! And since this is the steam room for anger, I have another chance to express how pi$$ed off I am that FierceBluebird and others have suffered and died.
Yes, Bounce, I remember when Kristine showed us her "knockers"...
Sigh, MsP0 -
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MsP - Thank you for remembering Kristine with me.
You helped me so much during rads - I would have been a nervous wreck if not for you.
You gave me the courage I needed to get through rads.
Please don't feel bad about anything you said during that time - it was a huge help.
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Just feeling sorry for myself. It's absolutely lovely weather, everyone is wearing low cut T-hirts or dresses and I have a BMX. Not to mention the no hair part. And I have to be thankful that I'm still alive. And I have to be strong and face the world. Fuck it.
(emotional rollercoaster the last days...thanks for listening)
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(((moreshoes)))) Just a hug for you.
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MoreShoes ((((((((((hugs from me too!))))))))))))))))))))
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April and Sas, thank you very much. It's just that emotional up and down. Will it ever go away?
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A newbie asked our group how we got through BC, this is my summary of 7 years.
How do you get through this stuff.........put your head down, shoulder forward, and pussssssh
And Pray......................................
Pray not to survive, pray to be.......... day to day, that you deal with today, with hope that tomorrow is good to excellent. We change our old ideas about days. We change our ideas about minutes when the need is there. At first, numb. Then a fog. Then a flurry of activity. Then a slow down of activity. There's more, but I'll leave that out for now. Feel the wind, feel the warmth, and breathe........................
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Great description Sas ((hugs))
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Hugs back Tang .............. Muah!
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I gotta vent...I'm not sure if I'm angry or just beaten down with things...it's a bit of both.
I've been in a good place the last couple of months, I'd made a decision to stop the worry and fear that has plagued me since cancer came into my life. I realized that it was just a waste of emotion and energy, so I thought I'd gotten a better handle on it.
Fast forward to this week and I'm finding myself in fear again. No coincidence, but I have my follow-up with MO monday and BS a couple weeks after that. Sure enough, I now feel a lump under my left arm and I'm worrying that BS left behind breast tissue from an extra nipple. I called both doctors yesterday leaving messages and it left me feeling out of control and irrational. I hung up and started crying, I don't even know why.
It's like 2 steps forward and 3 back, I think I've got it together and the bam I'm back to square one. I hate this crap!!!!! I really wanted to walk into my doctor appointments and it be a normal visit and everything be okay. When will that happen???
I don't like being a slave to this fear, to this worry....to this damn cancer.
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Tang, from the post above that I wrote to the newbie. The line " There's more, but I'll leave that out for now". This is where you are at. Nothing prepares you for it. Nothing. Doesn't matter what anyone else has gone through. You feel like your under a ton of bricks. Do the primal scream, but hold a pillow over your mouth. For some reason it will keep you from loosing your voice. This will exhaust you. Then sleep. It will help for awhile. Repeat as needed.
Don't keep feeling the lump. That will just cause inflammation and soreness.
I love you
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Thank you Sas...your message brought tears to my eyes. I will do the primal scream, I've done it before for other crap.
love you too
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Tang and Sas, how well you both put into words all the anger, fear, frustration.......the feeling of being buried under that ton of bricks and the unending anxiety attacks. So overwhelming at times and so hard to explain to those that haven't personally endured a never-ending "challenge" such as ours. Challenge - that word the healthy ones throw abut so cavalierly, like this is a contest we can win if if we just try hard enough........Ugh.
So here I am to scream and punch walls...........and use unladylike words.
My very dear friend is also my next door neighbor. She is giving, nurturing and kind. We have held each other up through many a difficult time. Her husband is my husbands BFF. Our kids have grown up together. Even our dogs are friends. Our families are so close, we are as one. All holidays and celebrations are shared together. We laugh, cry and confide in one another. But.......
DF lost her older sister to cancer about a year before my dx. Unlike me, she has a very high incidence of cancer in her family. She is an intelligent, educated woman but has now become one of those whacked out holistic, anti-medicine, kale worshiping, live at the gym, creepy organic rabbit-foot rubbers. (close your eyes, eat the magic beans, stroke the lucky bunny foot and all the boogities stay away).
When I couldn't walk 3 1/2 years ago she was super pissed at me because I would not concede to being wheeled around the "victory" circle for the Komen sponsored relay for life. This is the first year she hasn't attacked me for not wanting to "participate". Over the years she has sent me soooo many stupid, stupid articles on "this is the REAL reason you have cancer" and those lovely studies about how if you eat all organic, no sugar and stick a clump of kale up your ass you will be CURED! Yes, most cancer is not genetic. Environmental factors are the main culprit. DF sees this as a major conspiracy. She also blames "the victim" for not being more vigilant. Yup. DF is one of THEM.
I have told her repeatedly my feelings on all her flaky bullshit. She is well aware how offensive I find it. I have told her I appreciate her concern but I am working with a top notch team of doctors and I am continually educating myself with for real facts and studies. SCIENCE for love of Dog!!!!
So today she emails me this. WTF??????????????? All this "science" is from a charlatan who blames conventional medical treatments for killing cancer patients!!!!!!!!!! Science Based Medicine debunks him here.
If DF keeps this up, cancer won't kill me. The lethal injection will!
Forwarded From: The Truth About Cancer <info@thetruthaboutcancer.com>
As I mentioned before, we're about to broadcast The Truth About Cancer: A Global Quest again, (for free of course)...
We're calling it the Encore Presentation, and I know you'll love it. :-)
Go here to watch the trailer video for this powerful series.Also, here's the episode breakdown and times that they air so you can put them in your calendar. :-)
So, your next step is to tune in and watch our brand new docu-series "The Truth About Cancer: A Global Quest" Encore presentation that starts on June 14th at 9:00pm Eastern US time.
Here's the Broadcasting Schedule
(Be sure to save this)Episode 1: The True History of Chemotherapy & The Pharmaceutical Monopoly
(June 14th)Episode 2: Cancer Facts and Fictions, Breast Cancer, Hormones, Skin Cancer & Essential Oils
(June 15th)Episode 3: Cancer-Killing Viruses, Cancer Stem Cells, GMOs, Juicing & Eating the Rainbow
(June 16th)Episode 4: Excitotoxins that Fuel Cancer, Nature's Pharmacy and Healing Cancer with Sound & Light
(June 17th)Episode 5: Cancer Causing Blindspots, Toxic Vaccines, Homeopathy & The Power of Emotions
(June 18th)Episode 6: The NOCEBO Effect, Healing Vaccines, Advanced Detoxing & Going Inside A German Cancer Clinic
(June 19th)Episode 7: Heal Cancer with Clean Electricity, Unique Water, Natural Sunlight & Combining Superfoods
(June 20th)Episode 8: Cannabis, Nature's Epigenetic Switches, Peptides & Healing with Micronutrient Therapy
(June 21st)
Episode 9: Cancer Conquerors & Their Powerful Stories of Victory
(June 22nd)We've gathered together and interviewed over 100 scientists, researchers, doctors, and survivors to pack this series so full of amazing new information that certainly saves lives and hopefully changes the world.
To your health,
Ty Bollinger
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Oh Chit........................
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I know! My friend really believes all this crap. I have tried re-educating her. She smiles smugly and tells me anyone can manipulate facts and that the medical community is hiding the truth from us because they want to make money. The 1st time my spine was collapsing she just KNEW the surgeon was only looking to make some quick bucks. And this lady has her Masters in Education and teaches school children. How scary is that???
Off to take my coffee enema and let the sun's healing rays purify my body...gotta get my rabbit foot first...........
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Why do I always have to be the one to keep my SHI$ TOGETHER and take care of everyone else? Leave! Move out! Leave me the eff alone!
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I've got to let some steam off. My surgery was four years ago this month. Friday, I got in the mail from the hospital's Cancer Center Follow-up Service a form which states, "we are required to monitor the current health status and follow-up care our patients receive from their physicians on an annual basis." This is a first. Are they kidding me, four years after the fact is not on an annual basis. Really pi$$es me off. Sending the form back letting them know what I think of their "timely" (she says dripping with sarcasm) follow-up. Ugh.
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Shepkitty, your doctor is treating you because he wants to make money and this guy, Ty Bollinger is trying to "educate" people from the goodness of his heart. He is not making a living out of this crap. He is not selling his podcasts, books, documentaries etc. Interviews with over 100 scientists, doctors, survivors...how many are the cancer patients that followed the kale/green tea regime and didn't make it?
Eat healthy, move your butt around but listen to science too. The life expectancy in humans isn't increased only by eating raw cabbage.
(I hate it when they make it sound as if getting cancer was somehow my fault).
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I got a mailing from Sloan Kettering, where I had consulted, essentially asking to leave a will in their favor, leave them my $ for research... I am being treated at another hospital, but got 2nd opinions at MSK. I am Stage 1... and 46 y.o. This is so insensitive!
On the rant side, I can't believe how stupid I have been all these years not to create a family. Now it's too late to have kids and adoption is difficult for a single cancer parent. Not to mention, scary to adopt as I do not know what awaits me health wise...
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I just have to come here to scream for the souls of those killed and injured in Orlando. I am so very angry.
Why? Why is there so much hate in this world? This man was mentally unstable according to many who knew him including his ex-wife. He used the cloak of ISIS to make it legit so "he could justify what he did in the name of Allah" even though it was about the way he felt about LGBTQ people. He thought by proclaiming he did this for Allah, he could get into heaven. Not happening. He will burn in hell for all eternity.
It had very little to do with ISIS and everything to do with homophobia! I live in CT and we lived Sandy Hook. It was the saddest time in CT history and every day, we are reminded of this tragedy.
I pray Orlando stays strong. When is congress going to reauthorize the ban on assault weapons? How many more have to die to prove it is prudent to do this? Hasn't there been enough bloodshed? The ONLY people who should have weapons that shoot multiple rounds per minute are the Police and the Military. Period. No NRA representative can make owning those weapons make any sense to me. Not now. Not ever.
RIP dear hearts.
Off my soapbox.
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Amen
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The FBI interviewed this terroristic, murdering, sick-o, 3 times in the last year and yet he was deemed to be FIT to be let loose in society without surveillance. He was able to purchase an assault weapon and a pistol in the last week, LEGALLY, and take out 49 innocent happy people, injure 53 people (for life), and harm so many family, friends and fellow Americans, forever.
In an interview this morning on NBC, 'CON'ald Chump (oops) was asked about changing the laws about assault weapons being available to the average American he said, We need to have the assault weapons available to the 'good guy' so we can fight the 'bad guy' who use these assault weapons. (not verbatim) REALLY??????????
My heart goes out to the families who are enduring this lose, as WE ALL ARE. Again. We are forever changed.
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LOL chef127 RE "CON-ald Chump" Perfect!
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The event in Orlando is another horror. I thought the Sandy Hook school shooting was going to be the watershed moment, but alas, no....the gun lobby and its scared politicos struck again. The responsibility for this must be laid squarely at their feet. Ban all assault weapons!
MsP0 -
I posted this elsewhere and feel it necessary to share here.
My heart has been so heavy since reading the news yesterday morning.
The media will turn this tragedy into a circus. The public will be outraged, rightly so, but not for the right reasons. No matter what your faith, political party or personal opinions we must not loose sight of what is important.
It is not important who you love. It is the ability to love that matters most. Each human-being existing on this planet is a unique individual. We are all different yet we are all the same. We are all the same species living on the same Earth. We don't have to "like" everyone. We do need to love everyone. Because we are all one.
Prayers for all.
I am adding here;
Any object used to inflict injury or death to a living creature is an "assault weapon". The government once again has failed to protect us from an individual who was known to be a threat to society. We have good laws in place. They need to be enforced. Properly. In a timely matter. Dylan Roof would never had legally bought a gun had his application been properly processed. The FBI dropped the ball. Big time.
To legally own a fully automatic firearm is very difficult. Not just "anyone" can go out and buy one. Nor should they be able to. There are two types of handguns. A revolver contains a revolving cylinder in which bullets are loaded. A semi-automatic pistol has a removable magazine into which bullets are loaded. A semi-automatic rifle holds bullets the same way. EACH of these firearms is only able to shoot ONE bullet at a time.
Law abiding, legal gun owners are not the problem.
One last thought.......... How in the heck did that sicko walk down the street carrying a rifle on a sweltering hot Orlando night and not get noticed ??????
Edited to add my family is multi-generation career law enforcement.
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shepkitty, he parked in front of the club and took the guns out of his van and into the club knowing that the night was winding down and people would be busy with "last call" activities and winding things down. He went in earlier without the rifle is my understanding. As for the FBI dropping the ball, they must follow due process of law as your family would know. You cannot hold someone for a crime they did not commit for anything longer than a short time and in his case, it was determined he was spouting off and not a threat so they had nothing to base not selling guns that he was legally allowed to buy to this man. They did their job with the resources they are given. Is the system working well?
Obviously it isn't but any NUT case can slip through the best of screenings. I think that after reading a lot of things, this man was gay and conflicted due to being a Muslim and so he began watching a lot of radical terrorist videos and became agitated and decided that the only way he could live with himself was to kill those that he so identified with but did not want to. This of course is my opinion. The "Allah" part of this was so he could fool himself that he did it for a cause. The cause was himself....sigh
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Mom beats cancer twice, gunned down in club - CNN.com - www.cnn.com
This story of one of the Orlando victims was more upsetting than the others to me because she had beaten 2 cancers and was there dancing with her gay son. I hate that she went through 2 sets of cancer treatments and was killed in such a wonderful moment of living. I hope her son will be able to accept that it was never his fault.
I will never understand the need some people have to take others down with them. Once I've recovered from my treatments, I'm going outdancing to be just like Brenda McCool.
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