STEAM ROOM FOR ANGER
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The Haiku cracked me up!!!!
I'm still struggling emotionally....yes still. It's not as bad as before, it is different and just a part of my day to day life. At first it was a shock all this cancer shit, now it's just the "new normal". Feeling like crap, joints hurting, being fat, fatigued, fuzzy thinking....absolutely no sex drive what so ever. Now I"m having trouble at work, manager thinks I'm not handling my work well. Had my yearly review 2 weeks ago and busted out crying when she started criticizing me. I still think she's being nit picky, but maybe I really can't handle things anymore? I cried during my review, I didn't even do that while going thru chemo and surgeries. wtf??
The struggle is real
((hugs))
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Ladies, don't ever let anyone tell you that receiving a breast cancer diagnosis is anything but bad luck. We won (or lost?) the lottery.
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tangandchris, sorry you had a bad interaction with your supervisor. It is hard to believe the nit picking people can do about total BS. I remember looking at my supervisor in the face after breast cancer treatment and my review said something about meeting schedule for a task but not meeting a satisfactory timeline. The work was done all was good it was just delayed by my treatment. There are jerks out there everywhere who dont get it. I didn't go on vacation. I remember feeling like less of a person and less of a useful employee because of this disease. People should be ashamed for making us feel that way.
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My heart goes out to all of you who have to work during this miserable disease and its aftermath, and deal w/insensitive performance evals.
With my extensive mets, I can't work anymore - not even part time. I tried it for almost a month when I was first Dx'd, using a pillow and a large heating pad, Salon Pas patches, Topricin cream, etc. It's very hard now for me to sit at a desk for hours, and my job requires me to lift heavy boxes from time to time, and with five spinal compression fractures and three rib fractures, the MO thought I should just go out on disability. The fear w/spinal mets is that a vertebrae could collapse or shatter, seriously compressing the spinal cord, and then you're paralyzed on top of having cancer. (I've known of more than a couple of women to whom that has actually happened...very scary thought that it could happen to me, too.)
Disability doesn't pay what I'm used to netting after taxes, so I'm having to dip into retirement savings. That's ok because I'm only expected to live another 2-3 years, so what I've saved should last that long. I'm a frugal person now that I don't have to update my wardrobe and accessories for work anymore. I'm also spending less on gas since I don't have to commute anymore.
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No, a haiku has three lines, Toscaxoxo. But nice poem, nevertheless.
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FU to BC! My contribution for today. A very good friend that I grew up with just died. She was diagnosed 5 months ago - 5 short F'ing months ago and this morning I received an email from her husband that she passed last night. Her lungs were damaged too far to respond to treatment.
It was BC. She never had/found a lump and this is more common than you think. It is called an "occult tumor." They found that it was BC when they biopsied her lungs. I am sick about this. She leaves her husband, 3 grown kids and her 4 grandbabies, all under 5. She was 56.
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April, I am so sorry about your friend. That sucks!
Seq, what you wrote about being the only who has to live with your diagnosis really resonated with me. One thing I noticed as I was being wheeled down the hall to go to the OR was that it was just me. All those people who are standing with me (and I am grateful for them, honestly) cannot be there and do this with me. Ultimately it has to be done alone. I don't think people who are not dealing with this understand how lonely it can be.
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Wicked--OMG! You got that exactly right! We have so many around us supporting us, but this is essentially ALL ON US to deal with alone. All the side effects, all the time it takes, all the heartache and fear and even the joys are ours and ours alone to deal with. No matter how much anyone tries to help, it all comes down to one person! Thank you for understanding!!! I've felt that since the beginning, every time someone says we are going to do this with you. Right!
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April, sorry for your loss, it's just so heart wrenching.
Tang, sorry for the chitty boss. I know you are in a high power job. It may be time to consider a job change. Generally, I have found over 40 some years either with myself or others, once the boss starts that type of criticism, they flip to criticizing more and more. It is so often related to a life changing event either personally or with a family member that requires care i.e. a parent or child. It, also, may be time to consider disability. On disability they have a "ticket to work" thing that allows for so much work time and still maintain your disability coverage. Plus, once enrolled in the program they help in finding a job that suits your disabled abilities. There is a gal here that has some skill re: understanding how disability works. I'll Pm her name. She's open to mentoring folks in the process, but I haven't asked if I could post her name in public.
Lita, I kinda guessed that. I've heard that story to often here, that folks are blown off re symptoms, then get an advanced stage dx. Which may have been different, if they had been diagnosed more timely. Sucks, just sucks.
Tosca good one
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Here's a link to the page on that research article that I raised the dickens about the other day. The Mods did a name change on the article, and there was input from some here(thank you, Meow & Shetland). I think it's important that more add their thoughts as we need tp prevent this from happening again.
https://community.breastcancer.org/forum/73/topics/847566?page=1#idx_27
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Sas, I read that article on STAT news and also thought it was hokey. I know how crappy the AI makes me feel (and I am on my second one) and so I don't put much credence in that study. I know my own body and I was very hopeful I would not have problems or they would be minimal. Did not get lucky. Sitting here hurting like crazy right now. Damp day which exacerbates the joint pain. Ugh!
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April ~ So sorry your friend passed. Cancer is so damn sneaky......
Wicked ~ Your words are perfect. Sad but true.
Toscaxoxo ~ Your poem is quite possibly the most beautiful thing I have ever read. Even after several readings, I find myself with tears in my eyes. You my dear, truly have a gift.
"Haiku poems typically consist of 3 lines. The first and last lines of a Haiku have 5 syllables and the middle line has 7 syllables."
Your interpretation of the Haiku is perfect in its originality and truly conveys the emotions so many of us feel. Please continue to share your works with us!
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April, when you read the thread you will see the importance. That study was hockum, but the danger is it's now out in the domain. Docs will be quoting it, Oncologists, church members, relatives. It's a piece of chit, but no sense rewriting all the stuff here. Please, give it a read. Thanks
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I did read it. I agree with you. I initially thought it was interesting but lacked any credibility due to size being too small but truly, it is a flawed study period. I know how crappy I feel from this drug and I highly doubt it is the 'nocebo' effect they cite. Tell that to my horrible knee pain that is so crippling, I have to use a cane much of the time. And, what is worse, it did not go away much during my "planned vacation with onc approval) which tells me some of the damage from the AI can be permanent or exacerbate already crippling arthritis which I have. ugh! Thanks again. We don't need docs believing that chit!
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April, thanks for reading and posting
The story isn't finished yet. I suggest that you cut and paste your above post or incorporate in your original post.I requested that DrW come and peruse the thread. I think it could be an eye opener for him. I would guess not many patients would talk to him as frankly as we have.
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Those hokeys are welcome to come have a chat with my severe advancing cervical osteoarthritis that did not exist before me taking AIs. And also they can come with the solution of reversal, because, it stands to logic, if your brain makes you have all those problems, then your brain should be able to reverse them.
Cheers.
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Seachain, Come read and join the discussion
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Oh, April, I'm SO sorry for the loss of your dear friend.
I have an "occult" tumor, too. Mammograms aren't worth a CRAP anymore. I got mammos and breast exams regularly, (last year, as a matter of fact), and it was NEVER detected. RO said this has been in my system probably over a year and a half before detection because it takes more than a couple of months for all my mets to show up.
Prayers to you and your friend's family.
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Wicked, your post resonates w/me too. People can come over to your house, bring a meal, and sit w/you for a while, but where's everybody at 3:00 am when you're lying there, writhing in pain or can't sleep because of all the fearful thoughts somersaulting in your head?
You can't take anybody w/you when you die either. It's just you crossing over.
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New to the Anger Room...so glad its here...
At work today i flippin almost thru a gasket...pharmacist i work with is an idiot and i feel like i work in a d:::: nursing home..woman keeps urinating on herself...walks in it for hours and won't call home and get a family member to bring her some change of clothes..(number 1).....i told her she is nasty and need to wear depends..and if i was customer and saw her stank tail ..i wouldn't get my prescriptions here..she asks me dumb questions all day long...example..."where is the flexeril?"..on HER computer in front of HER monitor where she put it(number 2).....10 questions like that all day....she telling ppl they prescription ready when she hadn't even checked it yet(number 3)....asking me what i wan't for lunch 5 times..when the first tiime i answered i said "nothing"...(number 4)....4 ppl came to window wanting to pick they're prescription up..prescription not hanging up in the bin...shows in the computer it was processed..can't find it...so i had to reprint a lable and count them out...come to find out she has put all the labels in the back of pharmacy in a corner covered up with other paper work...(number 5)....I ALMOST SCREAMED!!!!!....She constantly would say i misprocessed a prescription when indeed she was the one that processed it ..so i had to keep saying i didn't process that..(number 6)...i finally said stop accusing me of processing errors when i haven't seen the d::: prescription to begin with.. she kept asking me all day long are you alright....i told her no i am not..you getting on my d::: nerves!!!
She had the nerve!! to ask me ..am i on any antianxiety med...in my head i screamed!!! i told her i have an un open bottle at home on my dresser...she says that i maybe need to start taking my medicine..i told her she needs to come in the WORKPLACE AND DO HER JOB..AND I AM NOT AN EMPLOYEE OF A NURSING HOME...I AM NOT ON A SCAVENGER HUNT...I AM NOT HARD OF HEARING..AND I AM MOST DEFINITELY NOT IN THE MOOD FOR HER BS.
she said OMG...well I am soooo sorry...i said you sure are....i don't know how i dealt with her annoying A::: before i was diagnosed with the big BC...OMG....I know i have a shorter Fuse now...But
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Nay, something serious going on. I know your first thought is "No shit Sherlock" . What your describing to me is someone that has a drug problem. Several thoughts 1. you need to protect yourself from any implication of wrongdoing on your part regarding the prescription filling.. 2, document everything. 3.report your concerns to the supervisor ASAP.
I am going to ask another member to come here and comment. I can't guarantee she will. It may be b/c of reticence to be involved or simply out of lack of her not being here. I know it is her day to work. But I will try.
BUT can't stress enough that this employee is a risk to you and all pharmacy clients. You need to protect you own self from the cloud of her wrong doing, and protect the pharmacy clients.
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you are soooo right.....i have spoken with the manager in the past about everything she doing and does...he says he thinks its just old age..she is in her early 60's...but i don't think its her age...my mom is in her early sixties and she acts nothing like this lady...matter of fact i have never met anybody in my life that acts like this lady....I do document everything..that is a must..because i will not be reprimanded for nothing i haven't done...i always CYA...lol......the manager says a good many of the customers love her..(but they have no idea what goes on behind doors)....the manager says he is trying to wait til she retires in sept of 2017 before he calls the district manager on her...me personally i am going to talk to him monday and ask him not to schedule me with her...i got this cancer stuff going on...i cannot deal with her and her bs too.
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wait. I am confused. Nay, it seems you work in a pharmacy as a tech? Was the pharmacist urinating on herself? you do know you can call the pharmacy board? It sounds like she has a medical problem and needs help.
Lita-I had one of those dreams a few months ago. I think it was heaven or something. It wasn't scarey. Then I have heard there are angels, and all those people you loved. A friend told me she sensed a older woman with me-my grandmother. she watches out for me. told my mom this. and she admitted dad is still with her. He has been dead a long time. He tucked her in bed pulled the covers over her. That totally sucks leaving your job. or was that someone else?
But I don't know what to do with my husband. Our circle is small. I am doing fairly well. I mean I do have stage 4, NED 2 yrs. but I still have crappy days. had 2 root canals monday. which lead to jaw pain, couldnt eat, Weak. tired
I called my husband. he lives in different state for 4 more months. He will be here tomorrow night. me and my sister are estranged. I just couldnt take the pain she put on me. We have spoken a little bit. I didn't lash out at her.
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Yeah, Fred tan, I had to quit my job because of cancer.
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Nay, oh my dear! I'm so sorry you have to work in such stressful environment while undergoing chemotherapy. How long have you worked with this pharmacist? It sounds like the pharmacist might have something going on with her brain-possibly mini strokes or Alzheimer? So sad to read your descriptions of her behaviors/actions. For many patients to love her she must have been good at one time. Have you talked to her family? I'm surprised that the manager is not concerned about the patients' safety. He has a moral obligation to care and protect the patients as he is a pharmacist himself. I hate to say this, but you need to contact State Board of Pharmacy for the patients' sake . You need to protect yourself also as there might be repercussion. Best wishes.
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Nayda, please call the Pharmacy board on this woman and report her strange behavior. She could seriously hurt or kill someone if she mixes up meds or fills the wrong med in a bottle labeled with something else. Can you imagine if she is mixing a cough syrup or doing a compound and she screws up? .05 and .50 are two very different amounts in measurement for drugs. I am concerned about the customers more than I am about her well-being at this point (and plus she will likely not be working if found to be incompetent which in turn helps you with your plight) because of the serious nature of what she does.
The fact that she did not know where labels or flexeril were is a sign that she is not all there right now for whatever reason. I cannot imagine this type of sloppy behavior is going to be ok in that environment and if her manager lets it go, he is liable and culpable too if your pharmacy is sued. I would remind him of that if you have to. Or, just go above his head and then your conscience will be clear. Hugs for dealing with her while going through cancer. My heart goes out to you AND the seriously problematic Pharmacist. She needs help like yesterday! Make sure she gets it so that no one is hurt!
Off soap box.
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Tos - Arigato for the best Haiku ever! Rising above the meter length comments - the composure was mesmerizing. And importantly the cutting word kireji, is cancer! You had me at @&#. Nay - report that crazy, she sounds like a zombie in a pharmacy - not getting my refills there ever. Meow - you rock. I just found this thread. Thank you all. Very upset that my August PET after 9 months on balding, fatigue inducing ibrance showed nodule in my good lung. grrrr The jello-like substances that call themselves workers in my recently merged company are having the effect of slowing the rest of us down, not speeding jellos up. Go figure tech takeover.
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Even the Master himself, Basho, did not always stick to the 5-7-5 pattern for haiku. Lalalady, fascinating to read about kireji.
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Okay someone please explain Haiku in lay language
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haiku is a form of poetry in which there are 3 lines only. The first line has 5 syllables. The second 7 syllables and last is 5 syllables.
An example:
Steam room for anger
Venting, sharing and caring
Cursing optional
Or:
Been there and done that
Too much pinkness coming soon
Awareness my a$$...
Someone had previously posted a poem that was compared to haiku. It was brilliant and eloquent and stated clearly what we have all felt at sometime or other. This forum continues to give me the feeling that my fears, frustrations and downright anger at times are not uncommon. Thanks to all of you.
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