STEAM ROOM FOR ANGER
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mebmarj - beautiful explanation!
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Great haiku!
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WTF is wrong with people these days????? My PCP who has been my doctor for 12 years left her practice and moved to another state at the end of June. I did not receive a card or anything whatsoever. As a matter of fact, I called in my prescription to her office on Aug 1st for one of my meds and it was filled...nothing was said and I did not check the bottle to see what doctor's name was on it but even if it was one of the other docs, I would have thought she was on vacation or something.
Now the girl at the desk answering the phone is saying in order to fill my prescriptions for meds that I have had for YEARS, I have to come in! I just had a full physical in April mind you. I live an hour away (she is near where I lived when I started seeing her so I saw no reason to change her when I moved)
I am so pissed! Don't they owe me the decency of a call or a card saying she was leaving? Or they could have told me when I called in August! ARGGGGGGGGGGGH!
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I had something similar happen to me...switched to a new PCP, saw him a couple of times and on the last visit he said nothing about moving. A few weeks later I got something in the mail that he was moving and no longer at the practice. WTH?? I'm convinced that they did that so patients would stay at the practice and change to a different doctor.
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I have st 4 and wear my Stupid Cancer cap so people know and then they try to accommodate me. Good luck with the trip.
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I've pulled the cancer card to get accomodation. I have a driving placard that I suppose I could put in my purse to help. Maybe your doc can write a note or something.
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As for when docs leave, yes they should give notice to their pts. I'd be pissed too. Mine just made up a generic letter and sent it out giving me 90 days notice. Very kind of her.
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Jumpship, doctor's can write a temporary need for handicap placard and often do. Like when someone breaks a leg or has surgery that would make it difficult to walk far. They can make it for 90 days or 6 months or one year in my State of CT.
I have a permanent one because I walk with a cane but I know that originally I was given a temporary for 6 months. The surgery I had on my knees did not work so I ended up with a permanent placard. Ask your doctor if you can have one while in treatment at least!
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April: The doctor's office should have some sort of office mgr. I'd definitely call and COMPLAIN! You're a cancer patient, for criminy sakes and you don't need this bullshiz. The other patients that the dr left stranded certainly don't need it either.
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If my boss asks once again what the prognosis is, I'll give him the phone number of the oncologist and tell him to call her. To which my DH said: nope, you give him the phone number of an astrologer!!
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Hi, I'm fairly new to the forums. It has been a fun 3 weeks since diagnosis. May I rant? Thank you. I get my diagnosis on a Friday afternoon. i call twice the next week to make sure insurance pre- auth was started and assured it was. I wait a long five business days (holiday weekend) and decide to call insurance company. No paperwork, nothing. I call Office and flip a lid. Had my authorization the next day. Same thing happened with my biopsy pre-auth except that time I called four times to check on the auth and nobody would call me back. I have also been working out other administration issues with the office and the office manager will not call me. I have a feeling that I've been labeled a difficult patient. I have cancer and can't get common courtesy communication. So I'm now looking for new PCM
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and all of this incompetencehas delayed the start of my treatment 3-4 weeks.
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Jumpship, ask another doctor! Do you have a PCP? Or a gynecologist? Either one of them can request the parking placard.
joyandpiece, I am sorry you are going through all this on top of your diagnosis. My care was excellent from day one in terms of my cancer and have had very few blips since then but hopefully yours will work better from here on in. If not, go to a different team of doctors if you have to. Hugs!
I spoke to the Office Manager and finally, they did fill my prescription for one month and made an appointment for an "office visit" for October so I can meet my new doctor. If I don't like her, I will find another one somewhere else but sheesh. FWIW, the Office Manager agreed with me and they thought it was wrong not to notify all of her patients about her leaving. Apparently it was "sudden" which I find strange. I saw her in April and she seemed fine...oh well, guess I will never know the reason but they still should have left me know!
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I work at a computer moving files around. It is a contracted position for a company in another state and I am salaried. It is a unique position and I do not interact with anyone in my actual office for any business reason. My client does not care where I work. Monday was my first bad chemo day so I shot a courtesy email to my manager and the office manager/HR rep (it's a very small company) that I was feeling weak and I would be working from home that day. I get the following response from the office manager:
"If you are too sick to come to work, just use PTO. Moving forward, you can't work from home if you are under the weather. Please let me know if you want to discuss further. We want consistency across the team."
First off that doesn't make good business sense. The client would rather I be available. Secondly, it doesn't even sound legal. Working from home would be reasonable accommodations. Thirdly, I'm not part of any team. And lastly, where is the human decency? She knows I have cancer and she herself recently worked remotely to care for a relative with cancer. She later apologized (after being admonished by my manager) but I can't believe that would be the FIRST reaction to somebody wanting just a little leeway. What a horrible little person. F##K YOU, LITTLE NO POWER PEON OFFICE MANAGER.
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Maybe an fam emergency came up for that doc or something big. Either way, the manager could have gone through her pt list and generated a letter to her pts. Stuff like that really the office staff does it, not the actual doc.
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BagsSharon, you show amazing restraint not telling her to F@#k off to her face! That was AWFUL and I am glad your manager made her apologize but if I were you, I would make sure this person knew how I felt by giving her the cold shoulder and the stink-eye whenever I saw her. Hugs and hoping no one gives you grief from now on for the days you decide it is hard to go to the office.
Artista, the OM told me they forbid them from letting people know by phone or mail, and were just told to schedule everyone with the two doctors who are taking new patients after telling them on the phone that she no longer was part of the practice. Why? I have no idea. All seems so strange to me including her abrupt departure.
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I've got a doozy for you all. Check out how my apt complex has treated me.
Labour Day weekend. I'm not feeling well. Figure Mon office is closed so I'll give the check Tues am. Go to office and see a couple there looking at apt info with another guy waiting in line. This gal comes out and I give her my check and proceed to leave. Wait! We can't take your personal check. What? I'm an existing tenant (of 8.5 years). She repeated that line a total of 3 times. I was so pissed that I knew I had to leave or they'd be calling the police for disturbing the police. I took the check and said I'm a cancer pt, I don't have time for this bullshit!
It's not a simple drive to the bank. My credit union is 25 miles away! That's a 50 mi round trip to get a bloody bank note! I'm on meds that really I shouldn't be driving, and map my life around cancer stuff. WTF??! But I decide fine, I'll go and attach a note about what they just did. Couldn't find paper in the car so wrote on back of a sticky that had an old grocery list on it basically what they made me do and stuck it to the bank note. Figured I dare them to contact me again.
FF to this morning. Find a note taped to my door asking for the $50 late fee in money order or cashier check only. WTF??! You waited a week?? You could have told me when you handed my check back to me to add $50, which really I was an hour late not a day. Labour Day they're closed. No one gets in till 9 am. I went in at 10. Too bad I didn't go before 9 and just put it in the drop box! After 8.5 years not being late and being a good tenant, this is how you get treated. AND they know I have cancer!
The manager had told me over the course of the year when we ran into each other, if there's anything they can do to help, let them know. Not once, a few times. Ok. 1) Rent? no 2) bringing up a heavy bag on these dreadful stairs? no 3) Taking my personal check that's an hour late? nope. So then wtf did you have in mind? I can't think of anything else! Maintenance? Everyone gets that!
I'm so out of gas and with this... So I decided I'm not driving 50 mi total for this. I went to Safeway shopping and took $50 cash back. They will receive this in a letter to Terry the manager who made the help offer to me. I'm going to point out the ways they haven't helped me and to give them one last chance by accepting the $50 cash rather than the bank note form. If Casa Arroyo comes back with no can do then I'm in that office and it's face to face!
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Artista, that totally sucks. A lot of these little office peons are just "doing it by the book." You are in the right by writing them a letter. Try to keep it as professional as possible and just stick to the facts. Here in the Bay Area (I live the next city down from you), housing is at a premium. Because of the Facebook, Apple and Google campuses, there's not enuf housing and it's driven rents up. You certainly don't want to be labeled "difficult tennant w/attitude" and not have your lease renewed. It'll be more expensive to find alternative hsg. now than it was 8.5 years ago.
Best wishes,
Lita
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I commend you for not going insane on that woman! That person was on a power trip, pure and simple. I don't think it was a "by the book" thing (all due respect to Lita) but rather a chance to give you a hard time because she could. There are people that get off on that kind of behavior. They absolutely could have waived that late fee! Especially since you went out of your way to go get the bank check. I don't know what is happening to human decency anymore. I am at a loss. Hugs and hope that in the end, karma will give it back to the witch.
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Thanks ladies. The letter won't be anger filled. I'm doing what I'm told. I paid the rent money order. I know there's a chance they will say cash won't be ok and I'll ask why not as it's even better than bank notes. The point is they don't want personal check. If they say no to cash then I'll have to do it. If they stop and think about it, I'm being quite compliant under my circumstances.
Lita, actually this place and others are having to lower the rent. Casa Arroyo Apts now on Craigslist has multiple listings with lower rents, and forecast is will get lower next year. They have openings here. No more waiting list or gone before you've packed your bags to move out. Not to say they are worried, but there is a shift now. And should they be shits and not renew my lease then I do have a place to go. My friend has a house with a room in there with my name on it. That's been in the plans for a couple years now. We're just waiting until mother settles in her assisted living home and not say I want to go home every other time before I make my downsizing move over. I'd just rather stay here for now cuz despite them I like it here, for now.
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thanks April485 for kind words. I decided to share with my PCM my continued struggles with the office. She said she is forwarding all of my concerns to the medical director of her (very large) group. I had thought about going to the corporate office myself, but now I don't have to. I don't want to burn any bridges because this group encompasses many doctors in my area. In the meantime, still looking around....
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Artista: Wow, I didn't know that about Fremont. I'll have to let one of my friends know because her rent just went up in Dublin and she might want to move if it's a significant monthly savings
). I do know that housing is tight on the Peninsula because another friend lives over there.Lita
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Yup. Today Casa Arroyo has ad for not only $1845 rent but $500 off first mo rent as well (latter part good through Sun). This place is cheaper and in good location and all in this area of Fremont. If she does look into this place, there is no bending under any circumstances as you can see from my rant. So far haven't heard about the $50 cash late fee v bank order but it's still very early. They like to communicate by notices so I'm not breathing relief just yet..
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Man you guys in CA pay high rents. If $1845 is a "reasonable" rent, I hate to see the normal one! In CT (also another pricey place in many areas) 1600 is plenty to pay for a nice place. Since my mortgage is not much more than your rent over there, I guess I will be grateful instead of groaning about the cost in the "tax you to death state" which is the nickname of CT and often seen on bumper stickers around here. Hope it all works out Artista
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Thanks April! $1845 is the cheapest rate I've seen for 630 sq ft 1 bd/1b apt. It's insane! I've been here for 8.5 years and I'm not getting much of a break for being a long time tenant. I pay $1775.
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First diagnosis, 40 - stage 2b, 2nd diagnosis, 44 = stage 3c. Planning a trip to Disney next year and my asshole father in law wants to have a committee meeting about it. Screw off - we'll play for it ourselves and not be joined at the hip with his highness the king of self centered righteousness and my whack job of a mother in law. What the hell was I thinking even mentioning to them last week about the possibility of my husbands family all going together? We have done countless vacations with my side - so I guess I felt guilty (stupid emotion, why couldn't I have lost that instead of ALL my sex drive?!). Big difference is my family goes to the same place then "plans" on hanging out at the beach or maybe going to the same restaurant once or twice during the week. Grrrrr Stupid rant but seems stupid to blow 4 grand on a vacation with these nut jobs! I warned my husband to gear them down and get them underwraps or I have NO problem blowing off Disney for Vegas. My kid would love to stay at Excalibur and see the Volcano at the Mirage and waters at Bellagio....
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Ooooh Jumpship....I hear you! Not only do my teens not "do their part"....they have totally taken advantage of my situation (and not in a good way.) I don't even know what to say to them anymore.
Maryann
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BTW....2 girls ages 13 and15.
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Jumpship and Hanley: Here's the deal HIDE NOTHING FROM YOUR PRETEENS/TEENS!!! This isn't the 1960s or 1970s anymore. THEY CAN HANDLE IT.
Why am I saying this? I AM LIVING PROOF THAT YOU CAN SURVIVE AFTER YOUR MOM DIES OF CANCER WHEN YOU'RE A TEENAGER. My mom got cancer (soft tissue sarcoma) when I was in the sixth grade...being the ONLY girl in a family of 5 kids, I WAS THE ONE who had to take care of her at the tender age of eleven/twelve. There were no shenanigans. If I didn't cook, the family didn't eat. If I didn't help w/the laundry, the family didn't have clothes to wear. I got so good at taking care of a household, that by the time my mom's cancer came back (when I was in high school), I was hired by other families to help them with housework, childcare, washing windows, etc.
My mom died from her cancer when I was seventeen years old.
Because I was already trained as a preteen to take care of the household (and grocery shop with my father), Mom's death wasn't as earth shatteringly traumatic as it could have been.
Kids today (yeah, I sound like an old fogey now, even tho I'm only in my 50s) don't give a shit anymore. Our society wrings the compassion and empathy out of everyone, especially kids. [Exhibit A: Cyber bullying; Exhibit B: Teachers can't really discipline and impart good citizenship anymore or they'll be sued by the parents.] How do you remedy that? Crack down at home, and crack down HARD! You gotta do it or they will walk all over your sick, sorry asses. And your partner/spouse HAS to be on the same page as you.
My daughter was a major C U Next Tuesday because my husband UNDERMINED EVERYTHING I did to train her to help around the house in her preteen/teen years. I withheld privileges, withheld allowances, you name it; but Daddy Dearest would buy her everything she asked for (so she didn't give a damn whether she got an allowance or not). He wouldn't enforce the "clean your room," "help with the dishes," "fold your clothes," etc. So I ended up with a surly, indifferent monster. [No, she's not a total devil-spawn child...she graduated summa cum laude from high school, was co-captain of the swim team, is an A student in college.] But if I had come down with STAGE IV cancer ten years ago (when daughter was 12), I would have left home and moved in with a caring, compassionate friend rather than deal with her whiny bullshit. She lives in the college dorms now, so when I was first Dx'd, husband took care of me and the house. With all the compression fractures in my spine, and the tumors compressing my spinal cord, I couldn't even dress myself, let alone drive myself to radiation and dr appts.
Once again, don't hide it from your kids - they're not pre-schoolers or third graders. At my last cancer support group mtg, one patient emphasized that when one family member gets Dx'd w/cancer EVERYONE in the household has to deal with it. You have to explain to them the REALITY that you may not be here in five years. My own mother died within five years. Thank God I wasn't spared the truth and was able to carry on after she was gone (of course, I mourned, and I miss her every day...she didn't get to see me graduate from high school or college; she wasn't at my wedding; she didn't get to cuddle her granddaughter, etc., and NOW I'm going to start crying because my daughter is probably going to have to go thru the same deal, but at least she'll be older than I was).
Sit the kids down, make a list of what you expect regarding chores, etc., and also list consequences. It's THEIR home, THEIR clothes, THEIR meals. Most importantly, make sure both parents stick to it and ENFORCE those consequences! I'm still pissed at DH for not backing me up all those years ago.
If worse comes to worse, go on STRIKE, like I did when daughter was in high school. You just tell 'em, "Okay, you asked for it. You're on your own now." I just washed my own clothes, made food just for me, and let the toilet get a big nasty, fuzzy ring in it, and said, "To hell with it." Eventually, daughter got tired of eating frozen pizza, PB&J sandwiches, or a bowl of cold cereal for dinner (she became constipated, ha ha), wearing dirty clothes to school, and sleeping in stinky sheets. As mothers, WE HAVE TO RAISE/TRAIN THEM TO TAKE CARE OF THEMSELVES. I tried to instill this in my husband. "You're not doing her any favors by letting her just slide by. She won't be able to take care of her own apartment when she's an adult," I'd yell at him.
Good luck to you, ladies. Sorry for my big harangue here.
Lita
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Jumpship - you expressed so well those conflicting emotions emotions a parent with cancer has. My boys are 9 and 11 and our family cancer death pattern is 2 years. My kids mostly pull their weight but only because they like to eat and wear clean clothes and they know I won't be doing it for them. It doesn't stop them from complaining about having the worst mum in the world and a sucky family where everyone dies from cancer. Continue the juggle. Hopefully today brings your teens a better attitude
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