STEAM ROOM FOR ANGER
Comments
-
@malleemiss251 I have, but stopped taking them for a week before my surgery and have not yet picked anything back up again just yet. I know certain things can interfere with surgery and with treatment so I am being cautious. I was just making a statement of something I’ve been taking for the 2 months waiting for my surgery. And making a statement that my tumor according to imaging atleast, as shrunk 2 mm. I know imaging can be not the best at sizing so I’ll be anxious to see my pathology report.
0 -
Certainly some kinds of diseases can be managed/diminished with proper nutrition or by eliminating certain foods: If you’re anemic, eat red meat and beans. Celiac’s disease? Eliminate gluten. High blood pressure? Eliminate salt from diet. (In fact, in matters of the heart, i.e., cardiovascular disease, a healthy diet is key to prevention). Curb alcohol intake to avoid liver disease. Type 2 diabetes is often controlled by monitoring certain food intake. Scurvy? Eat foods containing Vitamin C. Rickets? Eat foods containing Vitamin D. And so on.
So it’s only logical to me that people would look for a link between diet and cancer: “Can/does food play a role in cancer cure or prevention?” Even tho you can find countless articles about how eating a healthy diet supposedly prevents cancer, it’s not scientific proof. Imo, cancer is its own kind of beast and its prevention and cure will not come through dietary/supplemental intake or abstinence.2 -
I need support. My husband is overwhelmed. In reality he’s doing everything that I always used to do myself. And a little extra taking care of me. I am feeling like I can’t even ask him for help with anything and I’m just a week out from my double mastectomy. He doesn’t want to run my son to ball practice. He won’t even sit down and drink his coffee with me this morning. Instead he just went back to bed. I’m feeling very needy, yet he’s pushing me to do things myself. Probably things I shouldn’t yet be doing. I just needed to put this out there and vent because all I want to do is cry today. I just needed to get this off my chest so I can move on with my day. I have to. I understand where he’s coming from. I really do. But I can’t do anything about it. I can’t drive yet. I can’t do much housework. This just SUCKS. I want to feel good again and get back to my normal routine.
2 -
ebfitzy - I’m sorry that you are having such a rough day. Your feelings and your husbands feeling are normal. You are both going through a life changing event and are overwhelmed and exhausted. Is there anyone you can call on for help - such as a family member or friend. They could help drive your son to his ball practice, make meals, do laundry and tidy up the house.
My thoughts are with you. (((Hugs)))
0 -
ebfitzy, I'm sorry you're going through this.
Carol
0 -
@harley07 and @sunshine99 thanks for your response. Honestly just putting my feelings on the table made me feel better! I know this is a very hard transition for the both of us. That’s why I just needed to vent to feel better. I know it’s a very honest feeling for the both of us. It’s hard for me bc I want to do stuff I normally do by MYSELF, and he wants to not have to do EVERYTHING. I get it. It’s just hard. 🙏 we will get through this!!
0 -
ebfitzy, you are right that this is hard on both parties. I write a blog and in one of them (maybe the most recent one) I talk about "The Other Side" or what it's like for those who love us to watch us go through this.
1 -
Ebfitzy - Just so sorry that you are having such a rough time. I get it, and I agree with Harley that the feelings both you and your husband are having are normal. Take it minute by minute, hour by hour, and day by day, and you will get through it. Sending a hug.
1 -
ebfitzy, I have such compassion for you. I’m sorry for what you’re dealing with on top of healing from a double mastectomy. You are right, though, you will get through this. I have found myself overwhelmed plenty of times. When that happens, I start to reassess what really needs done and what are the true priorities. I do my best to simplify whatever I can. I ask myself what’s necessary and what can wait or what needs eliminated.
Are you able to ask for help from a neighbor, relative or someone from your church (if you attend)? Is there an advocacy program for cancer patients in your area that might offer assistance? The next time your son has ball practice, could you ask another parent taking their child to practice to stop and pick up your son? People are generally glad to help out if they know what you need.
When I need my husband, I tell him , “I need you to be here for me.” or “I need you to help out.” Saying those words gets right to the point. Otherwise, sometimes a husband doesn’t realize the obvious. The other thing I’ve learned is to thank my husband for all the little things he does. When I ask him to close the drapes in the evening and he does, I say thank you. If he gets me a glass of water, or brings me a tissue or feeds the cat, I thank him, and so on.
I hope your recovery goes smoothly and quickly.2 -
@threetree Thank you for the advise! I definitely need to take time out of my day to do some relaxation techniques.
@divinemrsm Right now we do have a friend who's son is on the same ball team as ours, which is a great help. However, last week she did it all…to practice and home. So this week, my husband originally said he'd do to practice if she could bring them home. But he's not keeping up his end of the bargain and I feel it's not right. So to avoid the truth, I asked her if she minded if her and I went to WATCH the boys practice tonight, which I truly enjoy, but I wasn't QUITE ready, but I did it so I didn't have to ask her to do both there and back again simply because my husband's overwhelmed.
I am always very grateful for his help and tell him ALL the time. And as time goes by, I'm trying to do more on my own, but unfortunately still have boundaries. Its nice to have people here to just talk to about this stuff without being judged. I know its not easy being him, either. I might have to start asking my grandma or my parents to assist me with some things. I try not to stress them out too much. My grandma is 80 years old and she already helps SOO much with the horses, and my oldest daughter. She goes to some of my appointments with me, etc. And as far as my parents go, they help with the kids if necessary, but I can't let them see me down. My little brother was only newly 21 when he passed away a year ago from stomach cancer. So I don't want to expose them to negativity in all of this.
THank you all for the great advice and for simply letting me vent. Because I know it goes both ways and its just as hard for my husband. But sometimes just laying it all out there helps to get it out of my system, and the advice and info I was provided by you all was very helpful. xoxo
1 -
ebfitzy,
I can understand where you’re coming from. My hubby had the same thing when I went through my double mastectomy. He was working full-time and trying to take care of me at the same time. His dad and step-monster didn’t help either, they tried to convince him that his helping me wasn’t necessary and I could do everything on my own despite the doctor’s restrictions.I agree with the others that hubby isn’t being helpful at all, but causing more stress by his actions and attitude. You two need to sit down and do what my hubby and I did and figure out a system that works for both of you. And as you get stronger, do what you feel you can and let what you can’t do wait until you can. It might even be a good thing to see if your son can help with little things like a few things around the house that he can do until you feel a little stronger.
0 -
So mad at my younger brother. My mom’s dog has been declining in the last couple of months. She called me a bit ago all upset to tell me that he may be crossing the Rainbow Bridge today as his breathing is erratic. I told her that was how my Sheltie, Jackson went in 2019 and he may not make it to the vet to be put down. While I was on the phone with her, I hear my younger brother spout off “Stop being a baby about it Mom, your dog is old and it’s only a dog, not a human”. My mom has had her dog for several years and he’s been a source of comfort for her because of her health. When I heard what my brother said, I wanted to reach through the phone and smack him! He pretty much said the same thing to me when my cat Charcoal died in 2014 of kidney failure and I was torn up over it and my cat was only 7 when he died.
Am I wrong to feel this way about my brother’s callous attitude.1 -
absolutely NOT!! I remember when Jackson went to the bridge. Your mom’s pup Gives her a reason to get up. If I could smack your bro so far Google couldn’t find him I would
Hugs for mom and pup
0 -
No! Pets are like kids. They are FAMILY MEMBERS. Very inconsiderate for him to say such a hurtful thing during this time.
0 -
Thanks gals! I feel the same way. My cats and my dog are my babies.
1 -
Pets also relieve stress we are feeling, and it has been studied. We adopted a new doggie last year and she is now so spoiled and gives so much joy every day with playing with her toys. I can't walk with her yet after my fall last year but DH walks her and it is good time for him to be out and away from the stress of being here with me and caring for me right now. Pets are important and anyone who feels differently has never had a real pet in their lives.
0 -
My mom got two Shih Tzu mix rescues over the weekend. She really wanted a puppy but she couldn’t resist the two. They are two years old and as long as it makes her happy, it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks.
0 -
exactly tell your bro to go fly a kite
0 -
Rescue doggies are the best ones if you ask me. They are usually very loving dogs and happy to have a good home as well. Every pet we had has been a rescue since we were married and we have been married for 42 years almost and been through a few now since we out lived our doggies. We used to have 2 but now that we are old got one this time and she loves being an only so much and could not imagine getting another one right now since we do not have the energy for 2 right now.
0 -
Younger brother isn’t happy but mom got her way.
0 -
I'm glad your mom has new companions. Since my husband passed, I really would like a dog, but I still work every day and I just wouldn't be able to leave it alone all day knowing that it is wondering if I will ever return. I just can't. Not sure I want the responsibility as well. Then, there's the added expense. Figure I will revisit this one day when I have more time to be with a pet. My daughter and soon to be son in-law rescued a dog 2 years ago. She most definitely was abused. Vet took a bb out of her side. She does not like other dogs or men with hats ( ie my son). She really has come a long way since they got her. I have treats and a toy basket for her at my house. My name is Gigi. She does well at my place. Here she was at Easter.
2 -
She looks like a sweetie pie. You can have visiting doggies for now. Ours is one we got from the shelter which is where we got all our other ones. The people had 3 other dogs and this one and this one was more active and bigger and they had a new baby and did not have time to give her the attention that she needed. They paid her adoption fee which we did not know when we chose her. She is so sweet and loves being an only girl who gets all the attention at our house. She thinks anybody who comes to visit is to see her as well.
3 -
Feeling like I want to repeatedly slam my head into a wall! As some of you know, my relationship with my mom is a very tense one. I have been extremely busy with things and almost forgot about Mother’s Day until hubby reminded me about it on Saturday when he picked up a card for his stepmom and my mom. I called my mom on Mother’s Day and told her that I hadn’t forgotten but her card for Mother’s Day was going to be a bit late but I had remembered her. I got berated because it wasn’t on time and all she was getting was a card. Every year for my birthday, hubby’s birthday, our anniversary, Christmas, we get promised we are supposed to be getting something as a gift with a card and never do. I at least make the effort to call for whatever the occasion it is. I got crabbed at “well if this is the way I’m going to be treated, you might as well not bother with me.”
I feel very hurt by this. At least I made the effort to send a card and then call her to let her know it’s on the way! Am I wrong to feel like this?
1 -
It's what I would call a damned if you do, damned if you don't situation, m0mmyof3. Towards the end of her life (and for the 10-15 years prior to that to be honest) I could not please my mother if I had been able to stand on my head and spit nickels, so I stopped trying. It wasn't worth the constant negative feedback, so I did the honorable thing and sent her cards for her birthday, Christmas, and Mother's day including a gift certificate for a meal or sending her something I ordered online. Never got any thanks but I was dutiful even if she was just downright mean. She lived with my brother and I had to leave messages on their message machine and my nasty SIL used to erase them so then I got accused of never calling her. Spoke to brother that was able to visit and he explained why she got no calls and she told him he was lying. So he began to see the dynamics of the relationship as well.
I had enough going on in my life that was causing negativity so I did not need it from someone who was supposed to love me. I do not feel guilty for the way I kept my distance from this toxicity. I did visit her the day before she died and she told me to get out. I went because she had asked my niece to contact me to tell me she wanted to see me. My brother and SIL witnessed it and kept apologizing to me for how she acted. Why, they weren't the nasty ones and they had driven me there. Another brother called the next day to say she was not going to last the day and I declined to return. I had paid my final respects. BTW, I was her only daughter and she had made it crystal clear from childhood she preferred my brothers.
So lower your expectations, keep doing the honorable thing, and then realize you cannot make her happy but you can ignore the toxicity by limiting direct contact. I can understand your hurt, but don't give her the power to hurt you. You did nothing wrong.
0 -
Hi all,Mommy of3 and Betrayal. Your stories of mom remind me of many I've heard from older women who were expected to stick around and take care of their parents. Youngest daughter shouldn't get married but care for the old folks. Maybe Mom is mad at you for leaving her. Did you move far from them?.
I have 3 sisters. Each moved far from home. Ohhow I wish I could have. I was the one there for mom. Never nasty but
0 -
My mom never wanted me to get married. She expected me to be alone all my life, so I could take care of her. She has my stepdad and they live with my younger brother. Whenever she gets into one of her snits I get “Nobody cares about me” and other things of that nature. She even hints that when Hubby and I finally sell our house here in Connecticut and move to Wisconsin to our new house, she is going to come live with me. I don’t need the constant stress and none of the family on either side will come to visit if she gets her way. My older brother has cut all communication to her and so did my older sister before she passed. I feel sorry for my younger brother who has to put up with it. Every time we talk, I can tell he’s really stressed over it. I tell him that I have been dealing with it longer than he has and it’s her way of seeking attention by playing the “Poor Me” card.
0 -
Just because you have a mother doesn't necessarily mean you get a "loving true mom". Move to Wisconsin and leave Mother behind. You are not there to fulfill her "neediness".
1 -
Betrayal, that is heartbreaking and I’m so sorry you had to live with that for so long. It’s so hard to step away from someone and realize that you are never going to fix the situation. The problem is theirs, right?
You all know that you are loved here and are safe.
(((hugs)))
Carol
0 -
Mommyof3, no, you are not wrong to feel the way you do. We are bombarded with all kinds of precious messages like “Family is everything!” that you see everywhere: online, on home decor, in books and tv shows and movies. Women are especially conditioned from an early age to be kind, considerate and tolerant of others. When we feel the hard feelings, we come up against all that social conditioning that tries to tell us we should not feel that way. We don’t want others to think we’re monsters! I sound like a broken record, but for me, it boils down to creating boundaries. I keep a Pinterest board full of helpful tips to practice better boundaries. Occasionally I browse thru them to remind myself on how to keep them in place. I find I can still be considerate while getting my point firmly across that I’m not going to be mistreated. It’s an ongoing process but so worth it.
3 -
Sorry to hear about how your mother's treat (ed) you @m0mmyof3 and @betrayal. Great advice with making boundaries and limiting contact. You do you!
I gave my mom a hard time as a youngster, then when I grew up, she and I were like best friends. I didn't hesitate when my Dad died suddenly and one of us had to stay with her. Even when you have a close-knit family it is really hard taking care of aging parents. Moving her to assistant living was a harder day then the day we buried her. Almost 10 years ago. Good thing I was young 50's at the time, not sure how well I'd hold up now. I hope you don't have to take care of your mother. Let someone else and don't feel guilty about it. I too think you did the right thing by sending a card and calling.
1
