STEAM ROOM FOR ANGER
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M0mmyof3, how on earth does your m-i-l think she has any say in how or when you do your hair?!
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She thinks she’s the queen and Iam nothing but a trashy doormat
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I want to say i am sad BC.org cut in half the zoom meetings. I am so freaking confused when the next one is. I wanted to see the ladies and hear their holiday plans and their updates. I have a new diagnosis that is a genetic find that leukemia is on my path. I went on the donor registry, and I did not get to tell them. They only knew i went to a hematologist. I had another appointment and was told about three matches have been found. Now they need to screen and all that. I am 2% with my TP53 reading, so the goal is to get the transplant before I get leukemia.
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I am sorry about your new diagnosis. I have not done any zoom meetings and since I have aphasia it is not an option for me at all. I do well to type in here and not get words wrong and use the spell check thing a lot when I do now. Hugs to you.
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Hi @katg! We are back to weekly meetings for our both of our Bonded groups, every Monday at 8pm ET and every Friday at 1pm ET. You'll receive the email reminders on a weekly basis now for both groups!
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Hi everyone it’s been a minute.
I just need to vent and nobody really understands all this better than you all. I’m very angry. Extremely angry. Just recently had my annual MRI breasts and there was an incidental finding of a partially seen thyroid nodule. So of course now I have to have an ultrasound of my thyroid and in the meantime imagining every possible worst case scenario.
I HATE SCANS !!!!!!! All scans MRI ‘s ultrasounds mammograms X-rays EVERYTHING! I’m angry that there is always something that because of breast cancer the joy that I had for life is not the same . I’m just tired. Tired and angry.Thanks for listening
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I wholeheartedly agree with you that BC robs one of joy for life. Sorry to hear that you now have another issue that needs to be addressed, Thyroid nodules are not uncommon and most are benign. Hoping yours is and you can regain some peace of mind. Mine was.
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lolany10, I'm sorry. Yes, we get it! I wish we didn't. I've been scanned so much lately that I think I should just live with an IV hooked up to me. My MO offered to extend out the frequency of my scans, but I actually prefer them every three months. Of course, that was before my recent progression. And NOW, I'm dealing with an insurance company that doesn't want to approve my radiation! I can't start the new meds until the radiation is complete. Sigh…
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The one thing I hate about having the scans done is the infernal waiting period for the results! I always end up going onto my patient portal at the hospital where they are done to see what the results are! My last one looked good, but my new oncologist never called me to confirm what the reports apparently showed as a BIG FAT NOTHING! I have a sneaking suspicion that he is going to drop that nothing burger tomorrow when I see him!
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We always think the worst and how can we not. Routine mammogram every year and then BAM cancer. Completely out of left field .
Well ultrasound is done . Now the waiting begins.
I am considering stopping MRI’s after this year. It’s not worth it. I cannot deal with this crazy anxiety.1 -
Just as I predicted was going to happen when I saw my oncologist today, a BIG FAT NOTHING BURGER! Why couldn’t he have xalled to tell me this after he got the results last month!
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lolany10 I am so sorry you are going through this and so understand. One you this everything is a big deal they find now. Where I go they do seem to understand that and a lot of times will read them and tell me results before I leave there even before the whole report is written up and in the charts for all the other docs to read. Our radiologists get the cancer thing at least here. Best wishes to you for clear scans.
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bcincolorado thank you :)
Unfortunately I had to go an outside radiology facility because my hospital didn’t have any appointments until a month from now and I didn’t want to wait. In heinsight I should have waited it didn’t seem urgent. I asked the tech and she said no I’m sorry I can’t really tell you anything. So now I will probably have to wait until after Xmas.
This truly sucks!1 -
I am so ticked! I had to go buy some new Christmas lights last night! They worked fine up until recently and I suspect my neighbor from Hades did something to them as she doesn’t like us and she has been trying to pressure us to take our Christmas lights down! This isn’t the first time that since she started this crap that one of my sets stopped working, I found another set that the wires had been deliberately cut to where it was hanging by a single wire and would not work at all! I think she also broke a set of my solar candy cane lights! I have also found my solar globes turned so they won’t light up at night and every night I have some solar reindeer lights that I have to move the panel so they work! I can’t prove it but it all seems a little sketchy that these things are happening since she started her crap!
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Hope everyone had a good Christmas and I'm sending my best wishes for a Happy and healthy 2024. You never know what you're gonna get. So glad to have a resource such as this site to help guide us through the good, bad, and the ugly.
Did any of you ever encounter a friend or family member that reported a cancer diagnosis when they actually did not have a diagnosis?
It really steamed me. It is so wrong and so disrespectful, especially to someone who has been through the process. My husband's sister has a daughter that has had a prior bladder cancer (stage 3). My sister-in-law has had her dead so many times. She has a lung nodule, so of course that's lung cancer. It is not. Last weekend she said her daughter had breast cancer. I said which side, she said both. My first suspicion she's speaking out of turn. After I hung up I texted this niece who said 3 of 4 biopsies were positive. Then she says she's going back for a more detailed mammogram and an ultrasound. We all know this is not the protocol, so I think she lied to me to protect her mother. Seeing my sister-in-law on Christmas morning I was then able to determine that I was subjected to all this BS from an abnormal mammogram. She ended up leaving sort of abruptly. I am 99% positive she knows I have caught onto this sham. Not sure if I will see her this weekend at my next get together. If I do, I WILL pull her aside and tell her not to tell people her daughter has cancer when she doesn't.
So wrong, and I am still steaming over it, days later. Thanks for listening.
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@ctmbsikia - I can empathize with your infuriating situation. I had a similar situation when I was diagnosed three years ago. When DH informed his family of my diagnosis, his sister emailed me to advise that she had had BC ‘many years ago’. My recollection had been that she had a biopsy with benign findings. So I empathized and asked what treatment she had. She then backed off and said ‘maybe it wasn’t cancer’. An hour later she emailed to say she checked with her husband and he confirmed she did NOT have cancer as the biopsy was benign. Her final comment to me was that having cancer was just an inconvenience. This exchange occurred within a few days of my diagnosis and I definitely felt BC was more than an inconvenience.
DH’s sister’s husband was unfortunately diagnosed with throat cancer earlier this year. His treatment was brutal but he is cancer free at this time. During a family get together in October her husband told me that she just didn’t ‘get’ what he had been through. Based on several interactions in recent years, DH and I have been concerned about his sister’s cognitive state. Her behavior at the October family gathering was odd so there may be more going on than we are aware of.I think most people cannot truly empathize with a situation (cancer or otherwise) unless they have been through it. Nonetheless I was furious with DH’s sister for a long time and the October get together was the first time I agreed to attend a gathering with DH’s side of the family in the last few years. We’ll be seeing them again this weekend and I’m not looking forward to it.
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Some people need to check their mouth before the brain engages!
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Uncle is Stage IV prostate cancer going into hospice and docs are doing their "goodby" visits to him right now. He just found out he going to be a grandpa again in August so know he may not be done fighting though and not ready for hospice care even though some of the docs seem to giving up on him do not think he is ready and wants to keep fighting.
Cancer is hard. May everyone have a good and safe New Year and a year with no issues on scans!!!!
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BC-Tell your uncle I know a man who has had Stage IV prostate cancer for over 10 years. He's still doing great-out and about. Only God knows our "expiration date." I think there is actually a Stage V for prostate cancer. Best wishes to him.
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Thank you. It is not an easy decision for him and he is resisting doing home hospice and right now also hates the fact that he is on oxygen all the time now and therapy is coming a few times a week and they are "strangers in his house". He might do better with in an inpatient hospice we think but we can't tell him that either since it is his decision to make. His wife died many years ago and know he is ready.
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Gues uncle saw radiation Oncologist who said no point in putting him through it since he is not constant pain right now. Primary doc had prescribed pain meds when he was in the hospital last time and he has them but said he does not feel he needs them. Even though cancer is spreading we know right now he is not in constant pain right now and wants to do what he can right now. Do not blame him for that.
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Hi. Bumping this up to say Hello! @bcincolorado I hope all is going well with everything you are dealing with. I think of you often and consider you and many others here my virtual BC friends.
I am not really steamed at anything but am spiraling just a bit after my MO appt. today. Our minds just go so many places I usually end up having a little cry afterwards. I never wanted to know anything about my health or my breasts. I always wanted to be treated in an emergency/unconscious condition all my life. That worked for 56 years, but at 62 it is no more! Now that I am in the system (so to speak) it has become a necessity to keep up on things, and most importantly you need to be your own advocate. MO told me today he is retiring, so I will be seeing a new doc in 6 months. My primary care doc went to a concierge practice which I cannot afford so I have a new primary appt. next month. I basically just picked someone accepting new patients within Penn at my local location. I just signed the medical release form. I am trying to stay positive and confident I will not be intimidated by all these new people coming into my life. It is bound to happen though. I have to take the perspective that changes will occur the longer I live. Does one just need to carry their medical records around?
The usual happened at my appt. They did not have me down for Prolia, so have to wait 2 weeks for insurance to approve and I'll just go back in for my shot. No big deal.
My sister just turned 60! As you may know, she is stage IV with ILC & bone mets since age 50. Her MO is absolutely amazing. I wonder what in the world will she do if she leaves/retires? She is also a Penn Med MO. She really is the best. My sister would be lost without her! Sister is retiring in 6 weeks. I'm so happy for her. My brother in-law also retired at the end of last year. They need this and I pray they live the rest of their lives on their terms.
I haven't spoken to my husband's niece about her latest recall etc. It's so different than my family.
My daughter is getting married Aug. 2nd!! It's a whirlwind of emotions and I really miss my husband the pain in the ass he was.
My name may be on the stone, and I know I will be buried next to him, but I have kept going and I will keep going. I just still get sad sometimes. And lonely. I am mostly doing OK though!!!! It's really surreal. This life. Thanks for reading if you made it this far. Appreciate the space to vent.
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Hi ctmbsikia It s good to see you here again. So sorry about your sister though. I am glad she can retire at this point.
I agree that changing doctors is a pain. It helps if you have the same system and do not have to transfer records at all but try to remember everything and all the tests and not duplicate stuff is hard to keep up with sometimes depending on where you live and your doctors.
I know you miss your husband and it is natural to miss him. Take care of your self. Virtual hugs to you.
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Uncle going into home hospice and signing paperwork today for his Stage IV cancer since it is spread so much and they said he can't fight at this point. Know he is ready. Both of his sons live within a few blocks of him but the older one is a big jerk and guess when they first met with the hospice nurse who explained everything to them the one son started fidget and said he something to do how long was this going to take. They all knew the meeting was on Saturday and arranged it since he is a teacher and was in school. Of course my uncle got all upset and told him if he had to leave then to go and they would fill him in. The younger one was there to hear it all who does most of the stuff for my uncle at that point.
After they left he tried to call them on the phone and my cousin got on the phone and guess they got into a yelling match on the phone and he told his dad what a bad father he was and it was all his fault his wife fell and got hurt on a step he did not fix and would be in pain all her life. Of course they live at no cost in a house he bought and paid for. So does the other son.
He sure does not need this drama at the end of his life. I email with him all the time and try to support him the best I can. I just feel so bad for him right now to deal with this when he needs peace right now.
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Wishing peace and a pain-free transition for your uncle. Son sounds like a piece of work. Probably better if he stays away. Wonder if he's trying to set up a last minute lawsuit by mentioning the stair injury?
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Oh, bc, I'm so sorry for the drama with your uncle. His one son sounds like a narcissist. I'm glad the other son is there for him and I'm also glad you can send him emails with messages of love and support.
(((hugs)))
Carol
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BC - You're poor uncle! I want to try to be kind to your cousin and assume that it's all just too much for him to handle and he's lashing out, in spite of really caring and not wanting to lose his dad. Whatever the situation, he's absolutely no help for your uncle right now. Your uncle is very lucky to have you and his younger son. It's really nice of you to be there for him.
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I do my best to be supportive of him. Hospice nurse is coming several times a week and know the meds are in the house now for when he needs them. He is trying to get some food at least in the day now it sounds like at least even thought not a lot. Drinking some Boost every day at least which I know helps get some in at least. Sounds like the daughter in law is asking the younger about his condition but won't talk to him directly at this point after the whole blow up thing last weekend. I am sure she is trying to support her husband but it is so sad. I know if they do not make peace they will all be sad. It will also harder on my uncle as well. I think he is ready as well since he has been through a lot at this point and his wife died a few years ago.
Had annual check up with primary today and had to get lab work and a pneumonia shot so feeling puny now. Those shots always make me feel bad whenever I have to get one. I know it is for my own good but also kind of feel like if I go no where I am not going to get sick and get pneumonia so why do get one but did to be a compliant patient I guess. Then have to still go get scans and other testing he wants done as well since cancer patient. I decided those scheduling appointments can wait until tomorrow at this point.
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Venting !!!
Tonight I am at a meeting, just 4 ladies, none of whom I know very well but this is the 4th time we have met together. We are trying to form a card group.
Lady 4 is talking. She is young. She is telling us about her relationship woes. About a fellow she likes but he ghosted her and she doesn't know why and when she thinks about it, she falls apart. She is saying that she was driving home with her two kids in the car when she had a sudden panic attack thinking about it all, thinking about life without anyone special and close, how was she going to cope with everything, and that she began to cry uncontrollably and hyperventilate, while driving down the highway! It scared her and the kids but she has these moments of crippling anxiety. As she was talking tears were welling in her eyes, this was obviously upsetting and painful for her.
I spoke up. I said (paraphrasing), when I was diagnosed with cancer it was all I could think about. It was in my face, front and center for 2 years. It robbed me of joy and motivation and hope. It took that mortality that we all like to keep on the back burner and slapped me right between the eyes. I said, in the cancer group (meaning right here, BCO) I read where someone said they get through the day by saying, 'yes, this cancer might be what finally kills me, but not today. NOT THIS DAY! ' And having said that, they get on with their life. Now. In this day. In this moment. And when you feel overwhelmed by all the bad things you imagine you have to think that right now, in this moment, driving down the highway with your kids in the car on your way home, you are okay. You might have bad days and days to really cry. BUT NOT THIS DAY! And that is what I tell myself because yes, this cancer might come back and kill me, but not today, Buddy, not today!
I said this to be encouraging. To offer a perspective for those moments when you are about to be swept away with bad feelings. I have never forgotten that piece of wisdom I read here, in these pages. It has stayed with me for years now. When I feel overwhelmed and scared, I repeat it to myself.
Instantly lady #2 turned to me and snapped, You can't talk like that!
What?
You can't talk like your cancer is going to come back and kill you. Don't you know that you manifest things with your words? Don't you know that you have to ,,,(and in my head I am screaming, don't say it !!) think positively?
Oohhhhh noooooo, she said it !! She said it. Now shit is going to hit the fan. One of those Pointless Positivity dingbats who think that tralee, tralaa, we can all just wish and float our way out of cancer. Who think that it is bad attitude that gives you cancer as opposed to random genes or cells that go berserk. Apparently only those sour, negative, dark people get cancer while the happy, healthy, singing songs and blowing bubbles granola types never do. Cause cancer is all in your head, self inflicted. And apparently also self- cured with just one or two appropriately powerful positive thoughts. GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK!!! I should not be speaking about cancer coming back, no matter what the statistics say, no matter what you read here in the bios of BCO. Because cancer, like an uninvited vampire, is lurking, waiting and the thing that brings it back is speaking its name and the thing that cures it is a positive thought.
You might be wondering (or not) how I conducted myself in this trying moment. Did I express my amazed gratitude? Why, thank you for this illuminating bit of wisdom. I surely did not know that I caused my own cancer by thinking bad thoughts and I am astonished to hear that surgery, radiation, tamoxifen and endless effing tests have all been utterly unnecessary had I only had positive thoughts. Did I say that? No. I did not.
I cleared up that damning and offensive idea that I caused my own cancer and could think it away if only with the right thoughts. We ALL know that is bullshit. And it's cruel. This is said by people because they don't want to feel bad. They are uncomfortable with some realities. They want it to be easy. They want it to be our fault. But it isn't. Bad luck is bad luck is bad luck. And anyone who enters into battle with this dragon, in a fight for life, is scarred by it forever and knows the dragon can come back. We never get to UNknow that. Ever.
"Mental health is an ongoing process of dedication to reality at all costs." M. Scott Peck
Put that in your positivity pipe and smoke it. My god.4
