STEAM ROOM FOR ANGER
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Sometimes if you are nice they do over and beyond sometimes. we ordered a special puzzle and the box came and was all damaged and not sure all the pieces were even in there when we got it. Think it was the place that delivered it putting something heavy on the box. once we contacted them and explained the issue they just sent a new one with no questions asked and did not ask us to return the other one even. We kept the crushed box for our grandkids to play with at our house. just a fast email and a got a nice response. being nice does help sometimes. no matter how upset you may be. Sometimes just have wait to do it until you can calm down enough to write it nicely.
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When I contacted the place I ordered the mug from I was upset but was very nice to them. They understood my being upset and said it was unacceptable that my order was broken in transit. So yes, it pays to be nice.
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I have waited a while to post this, thinking my white hot anger would cool, but it hasn't. What really p####@@# me off is when people who don't know me and certainly don't know my life experience tell me that MY opinion about MY situation is wrong, and that they know how I truly feel. It is the very worst possible gaslighting and disrespect. The very dark side of me thinks to myself - just wait, sweetie for some time to pass and you have experienced some of the really shitty side effects, or seen wonderful women who are taken, or worn down by this ghastly, malignant disease, and then come back and tell me what I think. Rant over - and thank you - I feel heaps better.
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Everyone has different side effects from things and it is very awful for people to do that to you. You feel how you feel and know what is going on with you better than someone else.
i have someone I used to work with whose mother had died from this and now every year in October she wants to give me some pink crap since I have no died yet. I hate the stuff and do not want to hurt her feelings and just pass it on in a give away box.
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@bcincolorado, that is a lovely thing to do. Gentle and kind.🌼
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I am so ticked off I hardly know where to begin. I had good news last week that my abdominal node biopsy was negative and after a bone scan, ct scan pet scan and an MRI my oncologist said there was no metastasis and that I was basically like a newbie coming in with grade 1 ER+ cancer. My mammo showed a problem in June and my dx was at the beginning of August when I had the biopsy. Recurrent cancer. Same breast, same area. So after all these tests my oncologist was telling me to hang on before meeting with surgeons or plastic surgeons. I understood that he didn't want me to go though all those steps if it was the worst. The worst would have been Stage IV and all the treatment that goes with it, but no surgery. Okay, so I'm feeling good and I find a doctor at MD Anderson Cancer Center who is just a little younger than me, lots of experience and a great bio. I'm thinking this is terrific… I'll discuss my ideas and see which direction she thinks would be best.
Instead of getting a normal human with compassion, I get talked down to. She has a student in the office and most of what she's telling me I already know. Fuck this is my second time with the same damn cancer. She is treating me like I have never read anything about cancer and have no idea about my own body. Personally it felt like she was speaking to me to "teach" the student/kid that was in the corner. Every time I brought up a plan, she knocked it down. When I told her the type of reconstruction I would be interested in she tells me it won't work and she knows people who go flat. Nothing wrong with flat, but the bitch wasn't listening to a word I said. Then she's telling me my mass is probably bigger than what the MRI shows and that my oncologist, who I think is great, is wrong about Arimidex and other things. There is so much more, but needless to say I am so angry. I understand we aren't going to groove with all doctors, but damn this was bad. I called my MO when I got home who listened to me for a few and asked him for some recommendations. I sort of wish I would have done this first, but big new cancer center seemed like a great plan. Ah, the best laid plans.
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Rocky,
I’d be pissed too. If you can, get a second opinion.1 -
Time for a new doctor. If they do not listen or respect you now, they will never change. Respect is not one way. You know the ropes so self-advocate to ensure your needs are met.
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Thanks mommyof3 and betrayal,
I am pretty tough and capable most of the time, but I am starting to lose it. She was my 2nd opinion :-(. My first surgeon isn't a specialist and told me to go to MD Anderson. Now I'm looking at a third opinion… uggg. I guess I also have to meet with a plastic surgeon too. This shit is making my head spin since each step is highly intricate. I have no clue how long this will take to get together. My mammo was in June, but I am pretty sure this mass was there last year. I just thought it was part of my scar tissue from my old lumpectomy and the mammogram from last year didn't catch it so I guess there is that too. I hate this effing process.
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Hi Rocky, Sometimes the biggest name hospitals are not necessarily the best places to be a patient. I ended out going to the #2 cancer center in the city (but in the top 20 nationally) because someone who went to the #1 in the city (top 3 nationally) told me that while she got good care she felt she was regarded like a medical record who was too "ordinary" to contribute to their research and didn't have input towards her treatment plan. I have received excellent personalized care and also have access to good doctors in any other specialty needed for SEs. I hope you find a good fit for your surgery and followup.
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Some good MO have no bedside manner I know. The first one I had retired and the one who replaced him questioned the treatment I been given so far even and she would have been more with mine and he was more conservative in treatment. It took me a long time to warm up to her and trust her.
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@rockym that just sucks that that dr didn't just lay out the facts about your options.
I just had a visit today with the plastic surgeon. He repeated everything the breast surgeon said. I too have had a recurrence In Same breast. Actually of a different kind of breast cancer.either way they both said and ive read that an implant is risky if you've had radiation. Or you could go with a flap surgery. Figure on 6 hours plus 6 week + recovery. Or go flat. I've opted to go flat cause at anytime could change my mind and have reconstruction.
I was hoping for fat grafting since I'm not so big but the fat requires blood vessels to attach and a mastectomy is a must.
Ugh. Good luck finding a better doctor.
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gail, thanks for the reply. The one thing this lady said was that DIEP flap is what their patients prefer and that is how they get the implant to fill out the area. She didn't say anything about radiation except that I couldn't have it again (which I knew) and that it is a must with lumpectomy. I tried to talk to her about newer studies that say women 55+ may be able to skips rads (specifically someone that would be in my situation) but she didn't want to hear a word I had to say. I'm curious… what is your surgery for if you are now Stage IV? My MO said if I was Stage IV (they spent 2 months testing everything) that I wouldn't have any breast surgery and that is one of the reasons I don't have those other doctors lined up yet. I can't believe I am back here after 13 years. Exhausting as hell.
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Exhausting is a good way to phrase it all.
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@rockym . This is a new primary cancer. First was er+ her2-. This one is triple negative bc. So chemo necessary as well as mastectomy. I'm doing very well on it.
My dr told me that women prefer the implants though it may require more surgeries over your life. The diep flap is more natural feeling though.
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