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Comments

  • duckyb1
    duckyb1 Member Posts: 9,646
    edited January 2016

    Eggroll......almost there................yea.........

  • Jackbirdie
    Jackbirdie Member Posts: 1,617
    edited January 2016

    Beppy- you are one helluvawoman! Thanks for checking in. We are all in your pocket for a change, and hopefully something relatively simple is causing a pinched nerve. I know what a kind, open heart you have and it hurts me to know you are afraid. We are all here for you. I think I can safely say that, though I don't like to speak for others.

    Molly- you don't have to be around a long time here to be part if the fabric of Crazytown. You are one of those sensitive people who has picked up as if you were here all along. Thank you for your patience with us during this stutter step. All villages, all communities, go through this. I am looking forward to knowing you better. It's kind of like like dog years here. When this thread started, some kind of magic was released into the atmosphere. People who did not know each other became close very quickly, and our little town became a wonderful, wacky, place to be a little nuts, but lots of fun.

    Crazytown reminds me always of the best things in life. Good friends, real humor, compassion, amazing food, shared experiences and emotions.

    Thanks everyone for your kind condolences today, both in posts and PMs. I feel so lucky to have this place

  • robinlk
    robinlk Member Posts: 363
    edited January 2016

    I so love this place!

    SDB so sorry you are scared. It would be difficult to not be. I am happy you are getting checked.

    I will continue to apologize for not mentioning everyone. I have this thing called chemobrain, or tamoxifen fog....damned if I can remember....😜 Perhaps, you all have heard of it?

    You inspired me to get off my butt and go pick some lemons. They are small this year, I think the colder weather has confused them. I walked with the dog and it was so beautiful out today.

    Katy - so sorry for your loss. I agree with you about the PTSD. That is what I have been calling my meltdowns and panic attacks. I talked with my BIL last summer about it. He has PTSD from his tours of Iraq. My RO came out and said it, I know I should listen to him about a counselor. I think I am closer to ready, started to look up oncology social workers, but all I could find was job listings. Time to go back to the RO for a referral I think.

    Ducky - I like the sign!

    Night ladies, just took my Effexor with an Ativan chaser. Hopefully I will get to sleep relatively early tonight

  • suladog
    suladog Member Posts: 837
    edited January 2016

    Slow,

    Thinking of you and holding all good thoughts for your doc visit.



  • cubbie2015
    cubbie2015 Member Posts: 773
    edited January 2016

    I had a whole long post written out to everyone, and my touchscreen computer just ate it.

    Oh, Slow...hugs! We are in your pocket for Wednesday, and hoping it is just RA symptoms.

    Katy, I am so sorry about your friend. You two should have had many more years to enjoy your friendship.

  • m0mmyof3
    m0mmyof3 Member Posts: 9,772
    edited January 2016

    Hugs for all that need it today!

  • blondedoris
    blondedoris Member Posts: 57
    edited January 2016

    {hugs everyone} So many people on this thread...wishing everyone peace and good results!

    Partial results back for me and they look good - brain, liver, stomach, pancreas and tonsils clear; no new bone lesions on the skull either. So it looks like paclitaxel is working for me! The chest scan has been re-ordered as the lungs weren't scanned (which is strange as I was sure they were...but meh...I don't mind CT scans if I don't have to drink that minging contrast fluid!)

  • m0mmyof3
    m0mmyof3 Member Posts: 9,772
    edited January 2016

    I hate that too about CT scans. Despite what they say the flavor of those things is no way pleasant tasting! I chug mine through a straw as fast as possible!!!!!!!


  • Lucy55
    Lucy55 Member Posts: 2,703
    edited January 2016

    Slow.. Sending turbo prayers Wednesday.. We'll all be right there with you. Xx

    Blonedoris..yay for great results.!

    Robin.. Hope you get a good night's sleep!

    Hi to everyone x

    I'm off to the Land of Nod too.. Busy day tomorrow.. I have a root canal in the morning ( ugh).. Then our 5 and 3 year old grand- babies coming to stay for three nights..


  • cubbie2015
    cubbie2015 Member Posts: 773
    edited January 2016

    BlondeDoris, that's good news!

    Lucy, that is ugh. The dental work is no fun.

    I have my MO appointment for first follow up and blood work results later this morning. Heading into downtown CrazyTown...

  • shorfi
    shorfi Member Posts: 437
    edited January 2016

    Cubbie...Hoping you have a good appointment with MO and good blood results.

    BlondDoris...Doing the happy dance for you...great news.

    Sula...Hi...waving at you,

    Robin...Ativan is the best. I had a couple the other day and slept like a queen.

    Katy...gotcha in my pocket...and Slow as well!!!

  • octogirl
    octogirl Member Posts: 2,434
    edited January 2016

    Blondedoris, yay for good news!

    In your pocket for the root canal, Cubbie...

    and hi Sula! Hope to see more food porn very soon!

    I had a bad night yesterday...came home from work and had a minor, or not so minor, breakdown. More crying...can't seem to stop that right now. basically stress and worry that I will never be my old self again. I worry about reoccurrence, Arimidex SEs, lack of hair, that I will shrivel up (and die, though I don't want to say those words) and not be the vibrant, active, smart, sexy octo-person I want to be...

    On top of that, work is particularly difficult right now, just when I need it to be fulfilling and worth getting up and going out for. Did have a long conversation with my boss, and no, he is not retiring, just wanted to tell all staff about some reorganization and new projects that I already knew about. As someone here said just a 'lets all pull together as a team in the new year' type of meeting. That is a relief, but I did let him now that I am feeling really frustrated at work: basically, about half my job is stuff I love and the other half I hate: but I am finding post bc that my tolerance for the stuff I hate has totally disappeared.

    Two bits of good news: first: I have been invited to write a chapter of a book in my professional area; asked by the top federal agency that funds in that area. Well, that is good and bad news: when I told my boss about the invite, he said, 'well of course you have to say yes', and of course I want to, but they want the first draft in three months! Me at my desk looking at all the crud stuff I have to do, wondering if I can just toss the crud in the garbage to have time to write the chapter...So much for taking time to smell the roses, slip into the water, play with my grandkids...

    Second bit of good news: I see stubble on my head. Real stubble. I think. and it looks dark, not grey. Ask me again in a week, but maybe, just maybe that part of my CT experience is coming to an end. One can only hope.

    I never understood the emotional toll of a life threatening illness until it happened to me. Thank you so much to CT residents, all of you, for holding my hand and giving me a safe place to rant and rave bout it.

    Xoxox to all

    Octogirl

  • shorfi
    shorfi Member Posts: 437
    edited January 2016

    Octogirl...I get you with the crying. I cried for months the first time I was diagnosed until my MO said I needed to start an anti-depressant. I was so against that because I always thought only crazy people use them. I filled the script but didn't take them until I had a meltdown at a funeral...just attending for support to my best friend. I cried like a baby and my girlfriend told me very sternly to start taking the pills. I'm glad I listened...my primary doc said I had "situational depression". I tried stopping them...but would only elapse. I have been on them since then and they help me tremendously. With the second diagnosis my MO increased the dosage to 20mg. I feel so much better...

    Like yourself...I worry about recurrence...but not like I used to. I still think about cancer...but not at every moment like I used to.

    You are still new to this...and it will take time and you WILL some day be able to move beyond breast cancer. I understand how you feel when you say how having a life threatening illness can take an emotional toll on you,

    You rant and rave all you want. We are here for YOU and each other.......

  • cubbie2015
    cubbie2015 Member Posts: 773
    edited January 2016

    Octo, Lucy has the root canal. I'm going to see my MO for blood work results and follow up.

    I can't believe your boss made everybody nervous over what should have just been a "new year" meeting. Good grief. Being asked to write a chapter in a book sounds like quite an honor!


  • queenmomcat
    queenmomcat Member Posts: 2,020
    edited January 2016

    BlondeDoris: good news indeed! though mildly-moderately annoying that you have to go back to have your lungs scanned. I'm with you on CTs being an at least tolerable test, though now grateful I've never had to drink the contrast fluid. (mouth puckered at the thought)

    Lucy: come back and let us know how the root canal went? (other than "unpleasant numbing agent, unpleasant sound of drilling, unpleasant....")

    Octogirl: what shorfi said--randomly bursting into tears is part of the deal, alas. (sheepishly) You're still undergoing rads, right? That's a considerable emotional drain for a lot of us. But hair! You've got visible hair! And glad to hear that the meeting with your boss covered only things that you already were aware of. First draft of a chapter in three months? eep indeed.

    All the lovely patient ladies (and a few gentlemen) who've stayed on the boards to reassure the new members: my heartfelt thanks.

    And, of course, SlowDeepBreaths! you better get a bigger pocket, because there'll be a lot of us in your pocket between now and your appointment on Wednesday.

  • duckyb1
    duckyb1 Member Posts: 9,646
    edited January 2016

    imageOcto.......remember...one day at a time......the AI could be making you a bit down also but don't stop it..cause it might not be that............not gonna say "think positive", cause that is the biggest "bullshit phrase" around since the first diagnosis of BC...........I want to punch people everything they say it.....

    I am close to 5 years out....February 15th to be sure but I still think about it......along with getting in one of those "I'm 80 moods"......how much time could I have left........wonder what will get me first.....will the cancer come back somewhere else where it is harder to treat..........why does everyone think '"I'm doing great"......it's all part of the "circle of life"..............

    Yes it is a life threatening disease but who knows what tomorrow will bring to any of us.........Paris, San Bernadino , the Pilot who crashed the plane killing all those innocent people........some drunk driver crossing the center line............we never know what is going to take us......so we have to try our damndest to stay out of the basement......

    Hey everyone deserves a good cry........I do it all the time.....I can just think of something like (the shore house)......(trying to move all the shit on some cold January day).......(not getting what my house was really worth)......and the last but not least that makes me cry at any given time

    DOES ANYONE REALLY GIVE A SHIT..............a phone call....let me hear your voice.....anymore your just letters on a phone, or IPad.....................a surprise visit..........Hi Mom what's good to eat, or wanna go to lunch.......or Mom come over for dinner tonight..........I have learned that "lonely" is part of life............sometimes alone is good.......sometimes it's awful..........

    I have gone 24 years without my husband......has it been tough....sure....have I survived it........yes........along with a heart attack, cancer, and the latest .....temporary amnesia......but I'm still here alive and kicking.......and trying to make the best of everyday..........do I worry if the other shoe will drop.....damn right, I'd be lying if I said different........but each morning as this 80 year old aching body puts its feet on the floor........the owner of this old body says "thank you Lord for another day"..............and always end with...............LET GO......LET GOD.......

  • Molly50
    Molly50 Member Posts: 3,008
    edited January 2016

    Octogirl, big hugs. I get the need to cry. I started to cry after my appointment with MO yesterday. Instead I called my sister and talked through my fears. She works at a major cancer center so she gets it.

  • 7of9
    7of9 Member Posts: 474
    edited January 2016

    SlowDB - good thoughts and wishes with you on Wednesday.

    Ducky - I LOVE that sign (We can't all be the princess...)

    Trying to be a good new member and passing on good vibes and jokes to others. I just joined our local YMCA and am walking for an hour a day (up til my surgery a week from today). I go in the evenings after dinner, homeowork, house somewhat picked up and it works out great for my husband to read/ relax / play with our son for an hour or so between 7:15 - 8:30 then I'm home to get him in bed. Hoping to hit the track within a few days after as I'm told they want you to walk walk walk....7 days and hopefully the cancer will be gone for good. ALND & laparscopic ooph (begging doc to take the uterus too...get rid of it ALL please).

  • shorfi
    shorfi Member Posts: 437
    edited January 2016

    Sometimes I want to cry for no reason...I cried last night because I am so tired of this intermittent pain...I have no QOL

    I have my husband and sometimes my son...when I don't hear from him I know he is doing well...but like you said Ducky...a phone call every now and then instead of a text from my son would be nice. Seems that is the only way we communicate. I have 2 sisters and 1 brother...I am the oldest (61). I haven't seen my youngest sister since my mom passed away on January 7, 2010. She does not interact with any of us. My brother has his own agenda and I never see or hear from him. The other sister...annoys me, but we do stay in touch. I feel like I have no family and I wish I did. My DH has a family that gets together all the time...just wish my family was intact like that. My youngest sister didn't even have the decency to call or visit when I was sick the 2nd time. Since the death of my mother....my siblings have each gone their own way. My mother would be mortified if she knew this. She would tell us to just get along. But our family is just torn all apart. My dear and loving father passed back in 1993 and it was such a blow to me...he was only 64...massive heart attack...congestive heart failure...mother had the dreaded Alzheimer's disease. As crazy as this sounds...I am glad my mother was not here to see me go through cancer again. She struggled silently seeing me go through cancer the first time...at which time she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease. She tried her best to be with me doing that time. I was her caregiver for 5 years while struggling with breast cancer. Had no help from my siblings. I did everything for my mother even down to being her POA. It was hard and I would ask for help, but didn't get it. My sister lived on the same street as my mother...but never would take the time to even visit or see that she would get her medication. I would get up early...drive to my mother's home before work and I would go after work to make sure she had taken her medicine and make sure she had a meal. She quickly descended and 5 years later I made the decision to get her into a nursing home. It was tough and my siblings thought I was awful. During this time I got remarried to the man of my dreams and he supported me in helping to take care of my mother. We would visit her during the weekdays and weekends. She did not recognize us, but she was happy. When she started to deteriorate it was so awful. During the last months of her life my sisters would come and visit her, but my mother had no idea who they were. She was "gone" mentally. I decided that my mother should have hospice care and my siblings thought I was trying to kill my mother quicker. How sad. We had people talk to us about how they would care for her...my youngest sister never came to any of these meetings.

    Sadly my mom passed away on a Thursday at 10:30pm after my sister had left. I always think that my mother would not want us to see her pass away. Out of all this...I had the pleasure and was so happy to have my mother attend my wedding and she seemed so happy...even though I knew better. Shortly after that...she went downhill. It was almost like she was happy to finally see me happy and knew that my husband would take care of me. I treasure that.

    Don't know why I decided to write this...but I feel comfortable talking to you ladies. Thanks for listening.

  • 7of9
    7of9 Member Posts: 474
    edited January 2016

    Shorfi - I hear this all the time about siblings who don't help out.

    It sounds like you worked hard and did a wonderful job making things as nice and comfortable as you could for your mother. I lost my father of a (surprise) heart attack at 65 only days after my surgery the first go around. I know my goal should be to see my son graduate or something honorable...but it's really just to outlive my mother (69) now that I had a local /regional recurrence in the nodes.

    I know it's terrible how you had to watch her last few months, but how nice for her she had a daughter who cared for her and took care of business just as our mothers carried us the first few months when we were oblivious and in the womb then for (years) of our lives.

    It's odd the perspective we get on the circle of life as we go through this...

  • cubbie2015
    cubbie2015 Member Posts: 773
    edited January 2016

    Just got back from MO appointment, labs are fine, and we got some treatment plans in the works.

    ((Shorfi)) ((Octo)) ((7of9)) And hugs to all who are struggling today.

  • shorfi
    shorfi Member Posts: 437
    edited January 2016

    Cubbie,...doing the happy dance for you. So glad you had good results...and thanks for the hugs.

  • duckyb1
    duckyb1 Member Posts: 9,646
    edited January 2016

    Shorfi .......I am an only child who had 6 children of her own...........sometimes I wish I had a sister, but then again I see what happens to families when parent's are no longer young and vibrant and at their beckoned call...........parent's become an after thoguht..........Not all, but a lot more then should happen.

    I often say "how strange that one mother can take care of (however many children), b ut those same children can't take care of one mother.................

    Boys think it's the girls job.........and girls get pissed because the boys don't always pitch in...........it is terrible.........then you have the ones who do a lot, but bitch about who isn't doing anything.........(rightly so, but parent's don't want to hear that......that makes them feel like a burden and God knows none of us want that...........

    And so it goes.........and years from now when I am long gone,this type of behavior will stil be going on............it is just the nature of the beast.......]

    So I took care of my mother....by myself (with help from my daughters, until she lost her battle with colon cancer)........was it tough.....yes.........but she deserved to be treated like the angel she was.........

    She raised me....alone....my father left when I was born, but she worked in a laundry, cleaned the homes of the rich, and finally putting every effort into bettering herself....she retired from the Internal Revenue Service after holding down an executive job.........she was my role model.......never quit, never let anyone put you down, work hard, and the reward will be yours..............words to live by

  • shorfi
    shorfi Member Posts: 437
    edited January 2016

    And you know what Ducky...I had my siblings...but it was as if I was alone during those years of caring for my mother. I had terrible side effects from the Arimidex and could barely walk at times. But during that time...before I was married...my sweet mother saw me struggling trying to care for all her needs, taking care of my son, and taking care of my own home. I traveled by public transportation. My mother told me to go to a car dealer and buy a car...not a used one...but a brand new one...any one I wanted. I was stunned...and believe me she knew exactly what she was doing at that time. She didn't want me to share that with my siblings. I tried to find the best, but least expensive car. Turns out I got a Kia Spectra...brand spanking new. So that allowed me to come and go...take mother to her doctor appointments with ease...come before and after work and also on the weekend. The only time I took a break was on Sunday. I figured the others would visit. I would do all the food shopping, clean her house and also maintained it. She had a beautiful home and I made sure she was still surrounded with lovely things. She was a fashionista...always wearing beautiful clothes. Slowly she deteriorated to the point where she began to throw away her things...move entire rooms of furniture...cook food while alone....starting fires. At that point I hired certified nurses to stay with her until I came from work. She became very abusive and the agency decided they could no longer care for her. My mother and father raised one son and three girls, one of which was adopted at the age of 5 days old. We cherished and loved her...at least I did. My other sister said she never liked her. Yea...she was spoiled...but dearly loved. Like you said..."how strange that one mother can take care of 4 children, but those same children can't take care of one mother:....My mother was a special education educator who loved "her children". We even met many of them at the memorial service for my mother. The kind words that they spoke about mom will be with me always. She was my role model too. A very special lady :)

    Ladies...thanks again for listening. I guess I had to get this out and I feel good for doing so.

  • Jackbirdie
    Jackbirdie Member Posts: 1,617
    edited January 2016

    BlondeDoris- Yay for the clean scans! So glad to hear this. Now just lungs and done!

    Cubbie- wonderful you got good results on your labs and a good meeting. Sigh of relief.

    Octo- I'm so sorry you are weepy. It has been a long haul. It may resolve on its own or you may want to consider some help. I'm so impressed you got asked to write that chapter! But I understand the time has to come from somewhere. So excited the stubble has turned black. !!! I sense a party coming soon!

    Lucy- I fear the dentist. I hope your root canal goes smoothly and the little ones help distract you from any residual pain.

    Shorfi- what a wonderfully happy and warm and sad story all at once. You were amazing for your mom and I'm glad she got to see you marry your dream guy. It's sad about families. Ours has been decimated also. I hang on very tight especially to one brother, my youngest. I sure hope you can get some kind of pain relief soon. Pain just kills QOL and you deserve to be enjoying yours. I'm glad your husband is so supportive. Except for keeping cookies in the dishwasher!

    Brb. Have to read through again. Know I'm forgetting things.

  • Jackbirdie
    Jackbirdie Member Posts: 1,617
    edited January 2016

    7of9- counting down with you. I think it's great you are walking. It's great stress relief and good to be in the best possible condition before sx. I lived your comment about the insights we get about life, the circle of life, and other topics that our psyches don't seem to have access to before being, like Octo says, dealing with life threatening stuff ourselves.

    Ducky- I will always bow when your carriage goes by. I can't promise it won't be so I can hide my snickering though!

    I talked with Slow and she thanks you all for the love and she says her big pockets are noticeably heavier

  • octogirl
    octogirl Member Posts: 2,434
    edited January 2016

    argh....apologies to both Cubbie and Lucy for mixing up the dentist and the MO visit, and yay that you had good results Cubbie! Clearly, I need a spreadsheet....

    ((((hugs))) to all of you.

    Octogirl

  • shorfi
    shorfi Member Posts: 437
    edited January 2016

    Katy I am cracking up about the cookies...

    SillyHeart

  • proudtospin
    proudtospin Member Posts: 4,671
    edited January 2016

    hi all,we'll spine doc says since my pt has been so successful, will hold for now on shots.guess that is good and truly feeling tons improved from the past. Got new script for pt for the coming year but need to be cautious not to use up too ooh fast, only get 30 for the year. I am keeping the app with 2nd opinion pain management doc just to see his thoughts, think he is sort of oppo of the guy I have been seeing, so onward

    Now I truly forget all the comments, so sorry

    Shorfi, there truly is no bigger loss than that of a mother. My thoughts and prayers are so with you

  • m0mmyof3
    m0mmyof3 Member Posts: 9,772
    edited January 2016

    Need to vent so don't mind me, got mom troubles that sent me to CT today. Tired of my mom griping and complaining that my older brother never calls, sends a letter or anything. My brother's relationship with our mom is pretty much non-existent because of some things she did when my siblings and I were in our younger years. Don't get me wrong, he does care about her but he would rather have limited contact. So whenever she gets in one of her moods over the lack of a relationship with him, I get dragged into the middle as I did today during one of her gripe sessions. He doesn't want me to be dragged into the middle of this crap as I have enough to deal with.

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