CRAZY TOWN WAITING ROOM - TESTS coming up? All Stages Welcome.
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March 26th will go on my calendar. I will ask DH to let me have a long day away from home. I so want to see you all. Jan, thank you for your kind words. My sister was a real role model for me. She developed epilepsy at 18, breast cancer at 24 and Alzheimers at about 52. In between she was so upbeat and a wonderful wife, mom and grandma. She never complained. I so appreciate you all. Every time I get going on the path to crazy thinking I think of you and feel better. It's weird because I just met you but there's a comfort here I can't explain.
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Octo - Sounds good. And I love the idea of skyping. Sorry, I'm not familiar enough with the area anymore to suggest a meeting place. Some restaurants host noontime Rotary Club and similar in a side room. Denny's ? or ? How many sisters are you expecting?
Thanks for taking this on. Jan
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Just a random thought after reading the last 5 pages.
May your Ativan sprinkles be as deep as the snow
Hugs to all of you. Molly for the loss and grieving.
Ducky, I pray for the journey your DS and DGD. May you be able to joke about her being so sweet, very soon. It is a steep learning curve and lifelong adjustment for all.
Octo, the SoCal get together sounds wonderful. I hope to see many pics of the beautiful crazies.
Mr Mousse looks so huggable Jackie.
Prayers please for my Therapist, lost 30% of hearing on right ear recently and many years of 95% in left. Cochlear implant evaluation next week. Don't know if I can start anew, CT looking for a room with a view. Mourning his loss as well.
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So, if you all go to this topic:
https://community.breastcancer.org/forum/69/topics...
and scroll up just a bit, you can see pics I've posted of my hair two weeks ago and today. I am actually quite surprised how much it has grown just in the last two weeks! As I said on that thread, party time for the hair!
Octogirl
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Wow, that's a lot of hair Octogirl! Congratulations. Praying for your therapist, Rose.
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Hi Crazies,
I hope you're all having a restful weekend so far.
Lucy, Hope you're having fun with the grands this weekend!! Are you sure you can't hop a plane and come visit us in March???? You can swing by and pick up Ducky and the rest of the east coast crazies!!
Molly, So sweet of your DH to bring you flowers!! I can't wait for my DD to have her own kids so she can see what it's like to worry. She always complains about how strict WE were. .....I can't wait! I'm very sorry to hear about your son and your nephews. Your poor mom. I'm very glad you feel comfortable here in Crazy Town!!
Chevy, Thank you for being a good friend to our Ducky. I worry about her so much. She just has too much to deal with all at once.
Iris, I don't think my DH was messing with me. We both had no idea where the two kiwi's came from. I hope your cold weather is easing up.
Ducky, Holding you close and praying for you, your GGD and your family. Love you. (((((((Ducky)))))) "motherhood"......you're right Ducky. It doesn't matter how old they get, we ALWAYS worry. I didn't worry as much when they were young because I never let them do anything. haha I remember many nights sleeping on the floor in their rooms when they were sick though.
JAN, It's been warm here too. I was really hoping the colder weather would last longer.
Rainy, No, we didn't eat the kiwis. Great poem!! I love hot chocolate on a cold day.
Italy, Yes, I did check the receipt. We didn't get charged for the kiwis. I guess what disturbs me is I put away the groceries. I put the avocados in the fruit bowl. I DO remember that but I don't remember putting kiwis in there. Both my DH and I have been in that fruit bowl several times and we didn't see kiwis!! How sad for you and the guy that wanted the sandwich!! Great story about the cookie. Not great that you were so upset, but GREAT that our Katy came to the rescue. I'm not surprised though....she is a sweetheart!!
Katy, Thank you for posting the poem. Definitely put a smile on my face.
Octo, I would have been freaking out if my DD's condo complex was locked down!! How scary for her and the kids. I'm so glad they are safe!! Thank you for all you're doing to arrange the get together!! I'm very excited to meet everyone!! I wish so much that Lucy and our east coast crazies could come too!!! Our last get together we had, we did Google Hangout with Blondie and it was so much fun. Each person got to spend special time with her, and she even got to see the Pacific Ocean!! Your HAIR looks great!!! You're right on track!! I can't wait to see the progress. The top of my hair took FOREVER. I took this today so you can see what a difference two years can make.
If you look at the link the mods posted, that pic was taken in June of 2014. This was today. It started growing like crazy after I finished my year of Herceptin. This is blown dry and hot ironed - I've got curly hair. Not styled. You can see how slowly the top is growing in comparison. You're on your way!!!!!
Rose, Praying for your therapist. I hope you're able to find another therapist you're equally comfortable with. (((((Rose))))) "May your Ativan sprinkles be as deep as the snow." hahahahahaha
Sula, Thinking of you. I hope you're doing ok and you're just too busy cooking to check-in. I know the last time you posted you weren't doing too well. Any chance you might make our get together in March???
Gaia, Thinking of you too!! Gentle hugs!!
Poppy, Hope you had a good weekend with the kids!!
QM, Is that you swinging on the porch swing??? Hording those watercress sandwiches?? I really do feel deprived. I must try one some day.
Chloesmom, Waving Hi to you!! I know it's hard for you to type. Just want you to know you're not forgotten!!
Eggroll, HI!!! Thinking of you.
Thinking of so many sisters tonight....Shorfi, Notagain, Robin, Jersey, Tomboy, sewingnut, pennsygal, LBF, April, Blondie, 7 of 9 and all the quiet crazies who haven't posted in awhile. I hope you're all doing well and are pain free!!
Sleepy time for me. Love to all!!
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Good morning, crazies! At last I have found the silver lining in breast cancer. This time last year, if I'd gone out in 6 degree weather so soon after a shower to get the newspaper, my shoulder-length hair would have frozen, even under a hat. This year: very little hair, dry already, hidden under a wig AND a hat: no frozen hair. I knew there was a positive in there somewhere--other than meeting you lovely ladies, of course, which goes without saying. Slow, your hair is just gorgeous!
Ducky, how is your granddaughter doing? Any news?
Octo, how terrifying an experience for your DD and family. And frustrating that there was no news. After the Boston marathon bombing, my sister's neighborhood was on lockdown for a whole day when they were trying to find the suspect. My BIL and niece were trapped inside.
Molly, Rose, all who are bearing burdens with grace and courage, hugs and hope for a positive future.
Tomorrow, we're off on leg one of the great college search. First to NJ to see my elderly mum, then down to Philadelphia (waving at Shorfi, Ducky, and maybe Proud?). NYC kids have this whole week off.
And now I am going to be a bit frantic and get some work done so I can leave town with a somewhat--to the extent possible--clear conscience.
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Morning crazies...
Rain, have fun on the great college search! Somehow I missed that...neither of my kids had the academic records in high school to be doing much searching, and neither wanted to leave the area we were living in, so they both started at community college. But, since one graduated from UCLA (are you *sure* your son wouldn't like to visit that fine institution? Say, sometime around March 26th? :-) ) and the other is a doctoral student in the Ivies, I can't complain too much...Still, a part of me envies your son the opportunities that the search provides...and hopefully you will get to go somewhere warm (you know, like California. I guess I won't let that go :-)).
Slow, your hair looks great. Can't wait to see it in real life!
Thinking about all of the quiet crazies today, especially those who are having challenges...
So, I've also been thinking about my MO visit last week, which wasn't great, as I mentioned. I realized that one of my major concerns about him is that it appears to me that he doesn't like his job all that much. I've never seen him look anything but well, sort of miserable. Even at my first follow up post chemo, when he congratulated me on how well I had done and told me he thought I was going to continue to do great, there was a sadness in his eyes that contradicted the smile on his face...
A dear friend of mine died about two years ago following years of battling leukemia. He didn't actually die of the cancer, but of an infection he got when immune-compromised...however, had he not had the cancer, he'd undoubtably be with us today...Anyway, point of story: shortly before he died I spent some time visiting him in the ICU. At one point while I was there his MO came in to see him, though a pulmonologist was his primary doc at that point. MO was there for just a visit, said hello, shook his hand, told him he'd see him soon, sort of standard 'just checking in' doc talk. I wouldn't have thought about it all, but as the MO was leaving, and had his back to my friend, I could see from my different angle that MO had a look of extreme sadness on his face. At that moment I knew: my friend wasn't going to make it. MO was coming to say goodbye. Holy shit, what a realization that was: like a thunderbolt suddenly changing reality.
But my friend's MO said nothing about that prognosis to my friend's wife, and nothing to friend of course, other than 'see you soon.'
I think about that scene a lot. And am reminded of it when I see the stress and sadness in my MO's eyes. Mind you, I don't think the sadness is about me, just about cancer in general, or perhaps other patients, but still, it bothers me.
And back to the apt. in question. Had my usual sense that he wasn't happy to be there. But on top of that, he was clearly having a bad day (among other things, I had to wait a full hour past my apt time to see him, and he has never run that late before). And, I felt a little bit like I was getting the remnants of that bad day: he was cranky, and harsh with me. (or so it felt). Example: he wanted to do a breast exam to see the post-rads recovery. Now, I am touchy and tend to flinch when docs touch me. So I flinched when he reached out to feel the skin. I don't mind him touching the skin, it is just a reflex! But his response was to say, 'Why are you flinching? Take a deep breath, this won't hurt..' and in a tone of voice that sounded like 'stop that!' (though I am not sure he actually told me to stop it).
This sharpness is in contrast to every single nurse in his operation, and to the front office staff, who, even when they have to poke and prod me (as during chemo) were uniformly sweet, smiling, comforting...if the nurses can learn this, why can't the doc?
So, I totally understand why he might not like some parts of his job. I mean, let's be real: would any of us really enjoy being a MO? I sure as hell wouldn't...spending all my time treating people with what are basically crude slash/burn/poison techniques, and no guarantee of a cure? but still, if he can't hide his own sadness, and even his own anger from me, is he the right doc for me? Or is it better to have someone like him who is human, than it is to have the doc who makes everything seem totally routine and fine and then only allows his true feelings to show when his back is turned and he thinks no one is looking?
Sorry for the rant, but this is much on my mind today.
Love to all. and may I just say: cancer sucks.
Octogirl
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rain, good luck on the college search.,i think that sounds like a lot of fun. Then again, plenty strengessful if Rutgers on anything in new brunswick,area is on the list. Wave as you stumble by
Sounds strange look on tour mo face but do think they have such a huge job. There is a nurse who works for my urologist, she loved the oncology doc she worked for but found it too stressful so moved to dif doc
Cold cold cold today, may I whine a bit?
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Octogirl, maybe it's time for a new MO. You need someone enthusiastic about your care. I am on the fence about my own MO because most of the time I feel he's rushing me out the door but last visit when I mentioned a lymph node that was tender he really did a thorough exam. 7of9, I am thinking and praying for you.
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Proud, whine all you like! It is dastardly cold out there. We'll be in shouting distance of New Brunswick; my mother lives in Hunterdon County.
The thing with DS is that he has a learning disability, severe enough to have made his early school years really challenging, mild enough that he is doing very well at one of NYC's crazy competitive public high schools. I truly think the disability gave him self-discipline much earlier than he would have had otherwise; he had to work very hard at things that a lot of kids could take for granted. So the fact that we're looking at colleges was something I never took for granted, but here we are.
Octo, I've thought a lot about MOs and how they handle what has got to be one of the most stressful jobs I can imagine. I think I've written about mine and how difficult I found her in those awful first couple of months. She became a whole lot friendlier once we got the path report back from surgery and everyone realized the chemo had done its job. And then I realized what a stress case she'd been all along and how personally she takes it. I think that the field draws people who are ambitious and have an enormous drive to make things right. And I'm sure a lot of them go into it because of a personal connection--someone they have known who fought or lost a battle with cancer. You can go into some fields of medicine, i.e. primary care, and be reasonably sure you'll lose only a very small proportion of patients. You can go into some fields, i.e. radiology or anesthesiology, and never have long-term relationships with patients. But to be a MO, you have to stick with your patients for a while, and you're going to lose a high proportion of them. Maybe fewer as time goes on and the options for treatment are better--but it's never going to be as free from catastrophe as other fields. And then you think about how this story plays out over a 30-40 year career, including the residency. So it just seems like a recipe for long-term, chronic stress. I'm sure that many of them go through patches where they just have to pull back, where maybe they seem distant to patients. I'm sure all of them have patients whom they don't feel close to and others whose course they take very, very personally. And then some of them just have better people skills than others. Not that any of this is exactly news to you. It's something I think about a lot: that aspect of a patient's "job" where we have to interact with people whose company we might not choose in other circumstances--but our lives depend on how well we communicate with them.
Well, enough rambling. Carry on, everyone.
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Octo- 🐙🐙🐙🐙
I just wanted to say I cried when I read your post. Both for you, your friend, his MO and your MO. It is all very sad. Like Rainn said, and I cannot say it any better, I have contemplated exactly those issues and feel such empathy for them.
Having said that, I don't see why interviewing another MO or two would hurt. It might really help you clarify exactly what you want in your mo. Keeping in mind it's hard to get everything we want and need in any relationship. You would have to decide what your most important issues are, and what you can live without.
And of course, like in all other matters, some docs are simply better than others. Thatdoesn't make them bad people. But you should have the best you can get. For you.
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I just heard from Sula- she asked me to pass along that she has been in a lot of pain since she was last active. She had fallen. Then fell again. She has been reading along. Here is her note, it says it all.
"just wanted to let you know what;s going on with me. I've been reading along and seeing how all of you have been, so sorry for Duckys' granddaughters illness, and Slows tests. I've been in a lot of pain since my fall, I didn't break anything but I banged myself up pretty good and the orthopedic surgeon I saw has put my left arm into a splint that goes up to the elbow, it's actually the first time I've been out of pain in a couple of weeks. Needless to say it's slowed me down and made typing etc difficult. And then today I had another fall, I tripped on the curb while out with the dog and tore up my right knee and my right foot so now that's all bandaged but this is getting a bit ridiculous. Anyway I limped home 3 miles on my bloody on my leg, so now I'm just taking it easy. Anyway, please pass along my hellos to everybody let them know I'm still alive out there, my husband is keeping close tabs on my walking as I've always had a tendency to step off or run and not look where I'm going. Lesson learned."
Sending healing thoughts and 🙏🏼 to Sula.
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oh sula, so sorry to here of your falL, hang on girl, i worry about falling all the time
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Octo, what Katy says about the possibility of looking for another MO, just to see. Though I'd only add that while some docs are better than others, a doctor's people skills don't necessarily correlate with his or her medical skills. That is, a doc could be a jerk on a personal level or even kind of oblivious to people and still be a very sharp clinician. But still, the idea of having a doctor with some empathy is rather nice.
Sending these through the tubes to all who need them, including Sula. Happy Valentine's Day!
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Sula: my sympathies! I myself tend to do really embarrassing things, like go to pick up a rake lying tines-up, thinking "Gotta pick that up before I step on the tines and smac---" WHATP straight out of a Warner Brothers cartoon.
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Octo, I think the choice of an MO, particularly for followup, is one of the most difficult and critical decisions we make. Finding an MO who fits your personality is important, because this is a long term relationship we will be having with them. It's hard to say what's going on with your MO - he could have personal issues going on right now that have nothing to do with his job, but cause him to look sad and discouraged. Or he could be struggling with the stress of the job, as you suspect. Either way, he might not be the right person for you right now. I've struggled with this question myself, as I'm not sure if my MO is the right person for me in the long run. I like him personally, and he's certainly knowledgeable, but I don't know if he's the right fit for my anxious personality. Being an MO must be tricky - they could almost use a second degree in psychology.
Sula, ouch! Take care of yourself, and take it easy. I'm glad you let Jackie know what was going on, I'd been wondering where you'd been lately.
Iris, go ahead and whine about the cold, I am under an electric blanket and still frozen. Where are these alleged hot flashes I keep hearing about? It snowed here, luckily it was that light powdery stuff, easy for me to shovel. Brrrr!
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(((sula))) sending healing thoughts
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{{{Crazies}}} sending out hugs.
I have been reading, curled up in a cozy corner. Sipping my ginger peach tea. I have very low energy and my 6th month MO checkup is tomorrow. Trying not to stress. I am on my second abx, I now have sinus/ear infection and my tonsils have pus pockets on them. The strep and bronchitis are gone though! I am ready to be healthy...
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Sula.......with all of your problems, falls, aches and pains you took the time to think of my grandaughter........and my adopted daughter (Slow)......how selfless of you to think of us when you have so many of your own problems......
Take care of yourself.....we miss you here, and many prayers go out to you for a speedy recovery.........rest up, and no more walking alone for a while......hugs good friend
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Well ladies.......tomorrow will be 5 years since a Dr. said to me..............I am sure it is a malignant tumor.......and he was right........I have come a long way.........and could never have done it without the wonderful care of my family.....................
I could have never made the aftermath of this disease without the help, advice of the wonderful ladies I have met here.........no matter where this journey takes me for what years I have left, I want you all to know I will never forget the friendships I have made...............hugs......love you all.............0 -
In your pocket for your MO appointment, Robin. Ducky, congratulations on the 5 year milestone. I think the day we hear the news is a day we don't forget.
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Slow.. Thinking of you !! (( Hugs)) Your hair looks lovely.!!
Ducky.. Yay.. Congrats on 5 years.. That is quite a milestone! We love you.!!
Robin.. Hope you have great results ! My check up with the BS is Friday.. I'm trying not to stress too.. but I am.!!
Sula.. Take Care.!!
Rainny.. Those Valentine cookies look GOOD.!!
Hi to all xx
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Just want to share a photo of my girls with you.. Four of them are laying now.. Just waiting for the other 2 to start.. The little grey one is a Araucana.. She will lay blue eggs..:-) I'll send you all free range eggs through the tube !!
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Lucy........they are so cute..........
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Lucy, they are beautiful!! I want chickens but they would be dinner for my dog I am afraid.
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Molly................LOL.......
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((((ducky)))) Yay on the milestone!!!!! Praying for many more!
Robin, in your pocket today for your 6 month! Hope you're feeling better soon...
To all of you crazies! You are loved!
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ducky....quite a milestone. Glad you are here with us!! ((((Hugs)))! Hope DGD is doing better today...
Lucy, I want chickens also. There used to be a really great vendor of free range organic eggs at our local farmer's market. $6 a dozen but the moment I tasted those eggs I was completely spoiled for any others! Sadly, she and the chickens moved up north somewhere...
(((((Sula))))), hope you are healing from the falls and please take care! Wish I was sipping a latte up on the Square with you right now. Sending hugs. Tell your hubby thanks from us crazies for watching out for you!
So nice to have a three day weekend. Hubby and I are contemplating a shopping trip to the big city today, or at least to what passes for the big city around here (the real City to us will always be San Francisco, but it is 2.5 to 3 hours drive and I don't feel quite like heading that far today). We can eat lunch, maybe see one of the movies that never makes it to my town, and buy me an early birthday present. I've decided amethyst earrings will be just the thing once I stop wearing hats. As I mentioned on the hair thread, I've decided that as of March 1 I will go hatless. Might as well get it over before the Ides of March...never thought I would get so sick of wearing hats. and by the time I give up hats I will be 62.... Yes, birthday coming up soon. The good thing about turning 62: once you reach it, you get a $10 pass to the national parks. Good at all of them. Yes, that is $10 total, forever, NOT $10 per year. So will be spending the birthday weekend at my backyard park, Yosemite....two weeks, can't wait!
Hugs to all
Octogirl
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Thank you all for being in my pocket. My visit went fine and I even remembered to ask for an antibiotic to have on hand for lymphedema/cellulitis prevention! I forgot, then puzzled through and ripped that memory out of my head and onto my tongue.
Saw this on Facebook and thought it was perfect for the wall here in CT. In the quilting nook!
Hugs to you all. Love the pictures! {{{Crazies}}} <----if I hug all of you at once, no one can be excluded!
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