CRAZY TOWN WAITING ROOM - TESTS coming up? All Stages Welcome.
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Going for my mammo on Thursday...dreading it..and I am certain I am the definition of "crazy town."
It "f" does not get any easier. 7 years out from treatment. Still can't eat, can't sleep, want to puke prior to appointment. In fact, whenever I go for any doctors appointment I come unglued thinking that the C word will come up somehow.
Thinking of a xanax with a wine chaser.
I read another post here about someone looking at oral cancer after they found a bump in their mouth..in fact i think she posted it disappeared the next day. Well...I did that too...my bump did not go away and the dentist said it was a plugged gland. I insisted,,,they cut it out...it was b9...but have been numb on that spot since...even now my lip is still numb and i occasionally bite it.
Have I gone nuts or what? lol
Lol.
Kosh
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Kosh, in my crazy town the day before is for a massage, facial and mani pedi
keeps mind occupied, try it, my rad center is passing the suggestion on to others they were so impressed by my mellowness
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I NEED to make that mocha torte for my daughter's birthday. She doesn't tolerate gluten. is it your own recipie or in a book?
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Katy, I love your relaxing bench. Looks very peaceful. Your wisteria is lovely. Great song!! I have a ton of the kids movies on VHS, the Kink and I being one of them.
I will definitely try the Indian recipes once it cools off around here. I have no motivation to cook when it's so hot.
PTS, I don't recall you mentioning your plans for Labor Day. Like you, I don't remember much these days. My kids are coming home over the weekend and will we BBQ.
Ummmmmmm....Sula??? Having some problems there???
koshka, Welcome to our crazy thread!! You're no nuttier than all of us!! Although, it sounds like you've been nuttier for much longer!! haha I'm glad you found us. Pull up a chair and have some fun. Take comfort in knowing you're not alone in your crazy.
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Everything okay, Sula?
Sorry I haven't been around much, head achey and throwing up, must be ca in my brain again
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hey there Crazies....Slow,
Tried to post a few times today but kept deleting ... It was a long day trying to bust up the last few knots in this project. I wanted to show you this slo-mo thing I shot in the garden of our bees. Other than that just the regular crazy. I'm doing ok.
Chloesmom,I have a lot of gluten free recipes, many of them mine using my own flour blend but this recipe I merely tweaked. The recipe is from Alice Medrich Alice
And is from her new book Flavor Flours it's an excellent book and everything is gluten free it won the James Beard award last Dec and I highly recommend it. . I made a few small changes for our friends chocolate company.
Here's a picture of the cake Alice brought to our house last month as dessert for an Indian dinner I cooked this thing was gluten free orange chiffon cake with strawberries whipped cream fraiche and halva strings... Omg!!! We don't usually eat a lot of stuff like that here and when I do these recipes for my blog or magazines we share them with fiends but this......hoo boy!!!!!
We're not gluten free but many of our friends are so I've got a bunch of gluten free desserts
Gluten free apple caramel tart and a fig walnut gluten free tart
So... I will pass along the recipe if you'd like it.
Tomboy,
So sorry you're not feeling well. Did you have some herceptin... It gives me a headache sometimes (last night) and bothers my stomach.
Ok, so much for the food porn....goodnight everybody that I haven't mentioned and to all the new crazies you're in the right place!!!
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oh .... those look good.
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Jackbirdie thanks for the welcome I have been trying to find somewhere to vent all those awful cancer feeling and worries. I have known now for three months and I still think sometimes it can't be true. The worst thing is thinking every little ache and pain is it spreading.
Love cornbread suck at making it though wish I could smell it.
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Yay! I'll be out of the CT Scan part of CT on Thurs. I had to call the hospital to make the appointment as no one noted it in my file once the insurance notified them that the tests were approved.
Looks like I'll be on the outskirts of CT for a while with my online class though. Hoping it goes fast!
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Ulasog. Those are decadent I have to get that book. Just, what I need interested in how you tweak the flour blend. If you want to message me directly I'd appreciate it. I have stopped eating wheat as it seems to be inflammatory for me. Now if I could just stop the sugar! But you need a treat for special occasions
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Good Morning Crazies!
I hope everyone is finding some ease with whatever may or may not be brewing in life or in CT.
Pennsygal have you had any insight/conclusion about which route to go?
Slow how did your Endo appointment go?
Katy your back yard looks mighty restful, would love to pull up a chair with you there!
Tomboy sorry your stomach is churned up. A classic ayurvedic remedy for this is seed tea- basically crush 1t of fennel or coriander or cumin seeds pour 1 c boiling water over them, cover for a few minutes and sip.
Lucy how was the dentist? I need to get in that chair too and although I have had very little dental 'stuff', if needed I am with Katy would not hesitate to demand sedation!
Sula the desserts are off the hook and I love your site! The process oriented presentation definitely gives it a lot of appeal! One of these days my dream is to get more site savvy; posting with more discipline and really setting a clear intention for point of view..... this period of my life could be the time for that! any tips welcome.
Octo how are you feeling/fairing knowing that your new regime is starting next week?
I've been at this intersection of CT called Manic & Inconsolable the last few days! anybody know it?
I am kicking off my 'work season' with a week of food delivery for a good client and next week I go out of town to make food for a group of ladies for 3 days- I do this every couple of months as a seasonal eating 'reboot' for them. All sounds good right? Well it would be if my body didn't feel like a spaceship from another planet! I have no idea what happened to the model I was operating up till 4 months ago! It's not even about letting go of the left breast; that's the least of it. It's more that many days I am limping and some days it's hard to bend over I am so stiff! I know I sound like a baby. But here is a sample what I would wake up and do up till just this last April ( the picture is older but this was a regular pose in my practice). Now cat/cow is an accomplishment on some days.
I'm kind of like WTF- So Chloesmom- that whole RELOCATION thing? I heard that big time. The problem is I didn't choose such a drastic relocation- YES I know NONE of us did. But at the corner of Manic and Inconsolable I feel lost! Movement was always my savior; I know I will find a new way. For now I am all sorts of grieving......Thanks for listening to my rant. I know this is also a battle with my ego.... Breathing
Hugs to all!
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OMG! that pose is awesome, sorry as even in my most limber of times, that was not possible! course now with the stupid spinal stuff, takes me 15 minutes of stretching to be able to stand long enough to brush my teeth!
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PTS I hear you about standing up. Like I said, I haven't moved like the above pic in 4 months... so grieving.
Maybe I'll get my boyfriend to take a current pic of my fantastic form in Cat/Cow. Haha
When I'm not have the ego driven pity party, I do think I will keep notes about how I practice to get some strength and stabilty back and then maybe offer that as a class! Online so we can all participate!
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Gala, I am all about exercises and stretches as without my nifty big red exercise ball, not sure I would be able to walk! but since you were in that shape, hoping the training will help you get back some form
when my back was really bad, I was in my PCD office, could hardly get up to walk into her office, another woman was there and we talked, she had back shit, had done shots and surgery, I asked her if she had tried PT and she said that hurt so she did not do it. Dang, sort of think rehab after surgery must hurt awful!
on to my PT this morning, at least the perk is some very attractive male physical therapist who stand very close to me to support me during my exercises!
you are welcome to join me!
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Ugh! my professor drove me right back into CT. Have to start the class by reading stuff by Edgar Allen Poe! Gee thanks, just what I need to read just so I can have nightmares!
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Gaia... I am lost in some of the threads.... Why so stiff? I understand the chest etc but why legs?
I'm also a yoga instructor. I only had a lumpectomy and rads but taught about 4 weeks out.
Having my mammo tomorrow... Woke up in a panic today. Told my poor husband off.... Lol
Hugs Kosh
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Kosh hi It's not stiff and, ironically, it's not my chest or range of motion; it's stability. I am Stage IV out of the gate with mets to bones and my left hip in particular is affected. So stability in walking has even flared up this last week. Loading it, as in a lateral knee bend, also tricky. I do think this will iron out and I know I will explore new and more interesting ways to move, but I am hanging in between two ways of embodying myself right now. What I've known my whole life to this point and what is NOW.
Wishing you ease with the mammo today. remember to breathe!
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Start rads today, so (not surprisingly) had a particularly bizarre/convoluted nightmare last night: husband and I on a cruise together, which was set upon by Somali pirates. Desperate to save my computer with all its editing information, I made us miss the 3-4 minute deadline. The dream ended with wandering the ship/factory in search of my husband, who'd managed to arrange for us to quietly be subsumed into the crew. (No, my subconcious didn't supply an explanation for what the conscequenses of missing the deadline were, or how we were to fit into a Somali crew.)
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Sula: drools over the pictures.
Gaia: my sympathes. I don't think I ever could have done that pose.
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Good morning dear. Oh yes. Didn't you see me on the corner of Manic and Inconsolable? I was there, playing my guitar, singing the song above.
My guitar case was open, not asking for coins, but instead something that would make me laugh and put me in awe at the same time.
It was you who put that beautiful yoga pose in that made me drop my jaw. Awe.
And I'm still laughing about the cow/cat pose. This brought up a funny private joke between my brother and I which isn't worth trying to 'splain, but it was an added bonus.
I know you will be very busy this week and I expect your clients will still see a very advanced light that can still guide.
Thinking of you, special one.
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PTS- I love my PT- she has been trained in mastectomy scar mgmt, And her mother is a 16 year stage IV survivor. Hear that everyone? Amazing. So my PT gets me. I just thought I'd mention that I did try to start PT a few months after surgery. I was in a lot of pain still and hoped it would help. After the first session I was literally thrown 3 weeks in reverse as far as healing and pain.
I stopped and started. I tried to pick it up again during chemo. My ROM was ok, improving anyway, but the burning, zapping, twinging and swelling had me in tears for entire 45 minute treatments. I finally quit. Made the decision to wait until I wasn't assaulting my body on every front.
I didn't go back until 6 weeks+ PFC and deportation. (I asked for a visa to a non-crazy country. VISA denied.)
So I started again last week, and PT was very pleased at progress I had made even though slowing down. I had started a very easy chair yoga class (well, it's hard for me, but....see Gaia's pic above....we are light years from that) and PT is finally going well. I even started lifting some light weights yesterday.
My point of all if this is a) I am bursting with pride with my accomplishment after 8 months of pain and wanted to share; and 2) sometimes our bodies don't do things on the schedule we want. As I've alluded to before, I haven't always been the most sensitive bring, and listening to, and even honoring my body, was not among my practices. It is now, or at least I wake each day with this intention... And I'm practicing.
I have learned why they call is a "practice" of meditation, or "yoga practice'". To me it means you are never meant to be perfect. You just keep getting better. At your pace, but with no ultimate limits.
What does scare me, though, is that they also call it the "practice of medicine"! WTF!!! 😱😱😱
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Jackie, glad you have a good PT person, they really are an incredible help in our lives
I am trying to avoid surgery on back and will keep on keeping to delay a scary thing
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QMC- thinking of you starting rads today. This will be another chapter, another decker of the multi-deckered shit sandwich, that I so wish you didn't have to go through.
I will take a stab at your dream. (Having ignored the small print that this is a closed professional track and not to try this at home)
The cruise ship is your life. My impression is you trying to save valuable information on your computer and missing a deadline represents the effort you make/and made to accomplish the impossible in life. Getting it all done. All correctly. And on time. You tried, as you always probably do. The Somali pirates are the cancer, coming to destroy you. Being late and missing the deadline could be your subconscious' attempt at blaming yourself for succumbing. You were late, so it must be your fault. You did something wrong.
Your husband and the crew represent your care team, your support, your medical caregivers. Your crew. Even though you missed the deadline, you are being saved. Even when you couldn't save yourself by being impossibly perfect.
This may be off. Way off. But I haven't met a single person dxd with bc, especially bc over other c's, who occasionally blame themselves. Who wonder what food they ate, what contaminant in their environment they should have been more alert to and protected themselves from.
All of which is impossible. We could not have protected ourselves completely. We can only reduce some risk. It is NOT OUR FAULT. Repeat this mantra a million times.
Please forgive me for any insensitivity or just wrong headedness. It's just my impression and your truth could be something quite different.
Again, in your pocket today.
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Hi Ladies.
Just wanted to put my 2 cents in...........I had severe back pain from 2 broken vertebrae.......fell carrying my then "boston terrier's bedclothes)....stepped on his cover and skated across the floor landing on my side in a fetal position.....quite ugly.....LOL
So I had it repaired..........6 months later was moving a box that the UPS guy left in front of my storm door, and could not get out......so went out the back to the front, and tried to push it up the front step, into the house because it started to rain.......could not wait for someone else to do it..............felt that old familiar "WTF was that".............new instantly I had broken another vetebrae...................waited too long (moving into another house), and was busy........could not fix it.........the Dr. wanted to do injections.....I said "NO"
I tried acupuncture........a wondful chinese woman, a graduate of Shanghai University, and then University of Pa...............with 2 treatments I felt like a new person......and have not been back...................now my back acts up, but it has been probably 3 years since I last went..............it was like a miracle....could not belive it........massage, needles with electrical stimulation, hot stone massage, hot towels, and finished with cupping, and more massage..............heavenly.................you could try it......0 -
Katy
You are on FIRE this morning!
Thank you for your note and your personal reflection on practice is spot on. and a gentle knock on the head for me to remember that the practice is not about 'the body', rather it is about becoming more embodied. So now I get to explore that more deeply from other angles. Of course I do hold out some hope that once the tx kicks in some of this pain and weakness will subside, but I also know holding on to potential outcomes can cause suffering, so I will try to keep it in perspective. ( it also helps hearing about a 15 year IV survivor)
PTS ( and Katy) I actually have scheduled some PT- will keep you posted. Shoe really is on the other foot now!
QMC- good luck with rads.... I haven't traveled there yet
Ok off to shop and infuse some food with good mojo.
I'll be back to visit later and hopefully I will stay off the corner of M&I for a while.
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Jackbirdie: your interpretation was pretty much exactly mine, so I'd say rather sensitive and observant! I'd only add that the computer might mean my ability to work through treatment, my desire to finish projects before embarking on the next step in cancer treatment..
Interestingly, the person for whom I'd delayed (slightly) my initial surgery contacted me today to ask if I'd help fine-tune her novel. She did know my diagnosis at the time of the first project, but she couldn't possibly have known I'd be starting rads today.
(No idea why I'm unable to correct those two spellos in my initial post.)
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Hey Tomboy love the jewelry
do you sell your stuff?
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