CRAZY TOWN WAITING ROOM - TESTS coming up? All Stages Welcome.
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yay that you are home, have good drugs and got the penthouse suite, Rain! Get rest and glad it went well.
yay that you are feeling better and yay for PT and getting in the time on the machine, Katy.
and yay for me that I am still in a place that involves magical thinking: the Giants are winning, the Dodgers are losing, and my hair hasn't fallen out yet. I am going to pretend all three of those things will continue to be the status quo well into the postseason!
Hugs to all
Octogirl
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Katybirdie: glad to see you not slipping quite so far into the engulfing slough. I expect nights will always be awful, but there will always be someone here for you. And hoping you find someone out in IRL as well.
Octogirl: (sympathetic giggles) Here's to hoping your magical thinking holds true!
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Jackie Birdie
Hope the day is becoming brighter for you. We are all here for you, the shared support of all these women is here. Stay connected, you are very important to me and your kindness means a lot!!
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Eggroll, So glad you're feeling better. I didn't have a SNB. Hopefully someone here can give you an answer about how long it took them to recover. I CAN tell you I was extremely fatigued during radiation. However, I was driving an hour each way, so I'm sure that contributed.
Rain, The mind can be a powerful thing. Looks like you got as close as you can get to your 4-star hotel!! That is great news that you're not in too much pain. I'm sure you're breathing a sigh of relief now that the surgery is over. Welcome home!!!!
PTS, I think that would be awesome if you volunteer at the shelter! My facility is the same way. They will authorize only so many visits, and then they require a visit with the doctor for more.
April, I really do know that feeling. My DH has taken care of me for so long now. He is active and strong, and I know I hold him back. Then I try and put myself in his shoes. If he was the one that was sick there is no way I would ever want anyone else but him in my life. Even knowing that, I still think he got the raw end of the deal.
Poppy, No posting rules here. Angry, happy, sad, silly....we let it all hang out in crazy land. Happy Beast-free-versary!!! I remember how bad I was feeling after mine. Same as you, extremely exhausted. I just passed my second year, and while I'm still tired a lot (RA), that dragging, can't move fatigue has gotten much better. You have all those boys to take care of too!! I don't know how you do it. Anyone going through this crap while raising children is a rock star in my eyes. I love the pixie cut in the picture. I also loved the curls when I met you. You have a pretty face that can wear any style.
Lucy, You're ALWAYS so kind to me. Great big hugs to you!!
Kathy, BEAST.....another B word.
Katy, Good to see you posting! We are all holding you close. Time for a group hug!!
Octo, hahahahaha.....I'm a born New Yorker.....The only CA team I ever liked was the Lakers in the 80's. I was a BIG Laker fan at that time. Speaking of hair......Here is my hair before chemo.
I got it cut a few weeks before.
My first chemo below.
Three weeks later a big huge part of it came out in the shower.
This was the result.
By my last chemo
(#4) I already had peach fuzz.
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Bep- you are beautiful from any direction!
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I'm also consulting with the guru below, who seems to have something figured out
And here is where Jack and I got out to walk a bit today, since he had the day off. Friday we have a hospital visit.
The sky actually looked like that
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eggroll the only part of the sentinel node area that bothered me was rubbing, still does sometimes. But it didn't stop me from doing anything. It's just in a sensitive area, everything seems to rub it. On my way home from work, I whip that bra off the second I get in my car
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Katy, Thank you so much for your kind words. You have a way of making people feel so good. I haven't taken too many pictures of myself over the years. When I was diagnosed, my kids and family were complaining that the only pictures they have of me are ones with my hand over my face. I've been trying to get better about taking more so they have something to laugh about long after I'm gone. Although, I think it makes for a better story if they only have pictures of my hand!! haha I think I have that disease where you can't look at pictures of yourself. I forget what they call it. I seem to have an easier time when they are a few years old....like the ones I just posted. I guess there's no question that I really do belong in Crazy Town.
I wish I could curl up like your cat. It is hard to tell which is the tail end!! haha
Such a beautiful picture of you!! And look at that....the birds lined up to see you!!Italychick, I rarely wear a bra anymore. They are just so uncomfortable after surgery and rads. I have yet to find one that fits very well. When I go out, I try to use a ton of layers.
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And who invented a bra nyways, a masochist? I know the stories behind it, but I'd rather wear a tight undershirt and let the girls go free. I loathe bras, mine is off every chance I get!
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Good evening to all you fine women ( and men if you are lurking) of CT
There is SO much I want to acknowledge, but please forgive brevity and any omissions, I have been in the height of nerve pain since 1pm... what had been a 'come and go' sudden jolt has at this point become none stop throbbing. I did have acupuncture yesterday and my 'normal minded self' ( whatever the f that is) would be 'ok, energy moving muscles releasing 'etc . My new self, that I am still acclimating to/making friends with, is like WTF! cancer is eating my bones and I am going to need replacements everywhere!
In short: in pain and freaking out. MRI Friday morning- praying it's simply the 'tumors in my hips regressing from the tx'
OK if you've read this far enough about me
Rainny- so glad you are home and OMG the power of the mind ( note to self) you pretty much manifested a 4 star hotel. and why are you even considering having to contemplate getting off the couch? Unless DH didn't think of a portable bidet.
Octo- glad the suture is finally resolving in both the BS eyes ad most importantly in your eyes too. A weekend away of self care accelerated anything you wished for.
Slow- more and more you remind me of one of my oldest dearest friends- especially what you just shared about the picture- 'dis-ease'. You are quite a woman and the depth of your thoughtfulness and care is vast. Please look in the mirror and take the time with yourself that you do with all of us here and everyone in your day to day life.
Sula how's that feast going? you know we are all looking forward to picture-stories
Italy bra what bra- and there goes the idea of bras contributing to cancer. I may have worn an underwire bra 10 times in my life. I go mostly free form ( meaning nothing) and as 'got older' simple 'bralets', when needed.
Eggroll that was a great and very revealing post on your history, thank you for sharing. And also a really nice offering to Katy, and all of us read- ME, to take on only what is necessary and nourishing.
Ducky your grandchildren are the fruits of your labor-they are present even if your kids don't seem to be.
West- welcome and I did want to say the post you made about steering into the storm was So Perfect! thank you.
Katy- the perfect guru is in your midst. I am actually taking some teaching from that picture, so THANK YOU. Time for me to curl up and rest.
Rest is where we heal from all ailments-
Tom how are you tonight?
Poppy feel free and alive!
lucy, QCM, PTS, thinking of you all too.
sweet dreams crazies. I love our big top/red tent/ sacred space
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Eggroll- first I want to say thank you so much for your kind words. The thought has occured to me that I may still not be ready for hospice. This is my second try. I had to quit after 3 classes about 4 years ago because my younger brother had died recently in a hospice facility and I wanted so much to give back, but I couldn't.
I waited several years and got my dog Jack certified as a therapy dog. We have enjoyed visiting, as a team, life care, memory care, the hospital, and the library club, where kids read to the dogs without judgement. It has gone very well so far and I wanted to take it a step further. An opportunity came up to do hospice visits as a team with Jack. I thought with his partnership, I can do it. but I am on high alert now and will evaluate carefully whether that was/is a trigger for me. If I am not ready again, so be it. I have to guard myself.
On a happier and much more thrilling note, I followed the link you provided on the 3 day cancer patient retreats. I called them, I qualify, and they will welcome Jack with me. The program looks like something that will really help me deal with life after this frightening dx, and the disabling fear of recurrence which destabilizes me. They are full for the remainder of 2015, barring a cancellation. But it is only about 6 hours driving from my house. They think I should be able to attend in January. They have a 3 day lymphedema retreat next spring also. The prospect of such a healing adventure really gave me a lift today. They have at least one MD on staff, but the focus of the program appears to be mindfulness, meditation, yoga, some group, and other cool stuff. Learning to live with cancer. It is indeed completely free, 3 days, room and board, and the food is vegetarian, sugar free, with some occasional fish thrown in. I'll have to sneak some cookies in.
So thanks so much again. I don't know anything first hand about it yet, but their website is comprehensive and gives a very clear idea if their mission and what they offer. Maybe some other Crazies would like to consider it? I'll repeat their website address
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Gaia, several of us on the March chemo forum posted that we felt tingling, and weird sensations in our surgical site after chemo. One woman had an excisional biopsy with dirty margins, then did chemo and then had a double mastectomy, and when they did her surgery the pathology came back no cancer found. She had the tingling and weirdness after chemo infusions, so fingers crossed that is what is happening for you!
I also posted in our March forum about two people I know who recently were diagnosed stage 4, one with bile duct cancer and one with metastatic melanoma. After chemo and liver resection, the bile duct cancer person is now no evidence of disease. And the guy with metastatic melanoma had a 4 cm. lymph node shrink to 2.5 cm after his first rounds of chemo. So there is hope, and I wish the very best for you, and praying that the pain you are feeling is kicking that cancers ass
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Jack - I want to go next year!!! It looks beautiful.
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Hello crazies, what a busy 24 hours. Down the rabbit hole spiralling down and then finding the magical place and rising again. Honestly I think it was the change of seasons. Yes the tears are cleansing, spent the hour at the therapist trying to articulate what was causing my eyes to leak. It has been going on since Saturday. I hear what you are saying about the husbands or significant others. When I mentioned that I wouldn't get involved with anyone because of the bc he said so you are being proactive in protecting someone. You see these are residual feelings from turning from wife to caregiver for DH during our short marriage (2.5 yrs) when he was diagnosed with stage IV colon cancer 1.5 years into our life together. Very magnanimous of me to protect someone.. anyhow we do not know what the future holds and I wouldn't have done anything different and cherish the memories we made. Try not to put the walls up.
I am still adjusting to no chemo. No my energy isn't coming back as fast as I would like. Be kind to yourselves.
Rainey, glad you are home and situated. Glad for penthouse stay at the hospital and the caring nurse.
So I am trying to read between the lines about the neck pain... A bit slow on the uptake sometimes.
The sailing analogy is great and welcome to the big tent.
Herceptin infusion went great, now on the every 3 week, RO said no rads (as expected) and popped my first Arimidex 3 hrs ago. Going to shut the merry go round down.
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Rose- I am very sorry for your loss which I'm sure affects you in many ways dealing with your situation now. And thanks for the reminder that the rabbit hole can be magical too. Good advice trying not to put walls up. All of these things require tools and it takes time to aquire them and use them safely and effectively. Indeed we should be kind to ourselves. Sometimes easier said than done.
Mommy- how is that neck pain tonight? I hope you have gotten some relief and can sleep restfully.
Minus- yes! Fly into Portland and I'll pick you up! That is if we can coordinate dates. It's about 3 hrs from PDX. It looks very restful, doesn't it?
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Gaia, I am so sorry about the pain and we are in your pocket for the MRI...hope you stay out of CT in the meantime but of course we are all here to hold your hand if you don't...
Octogirl
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Slept okay. Pain has migrated now down to the place where shoulder and neck meet. Hopefully it'll be gone tomorrow.
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Katy.. I enjoyed looking at your photos.. What a pretty spot to go for a walk..
Mommy.. Hope you are feeling better soon!!
Slow.. I love your photos.. You look beautiful.! Pre grand-babies I would always hide from the camera too.. But now I like to have my photo taken with them ( as long as I can delete all the really awful ones 😃).,Guess I want them to be able to look back on them and see how much they were loved..
Rose.. Sending you a hug.. So sorry about your hubby.. You've been through so much 😞
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Good Morning Crazies:
ok, so I had an evening truly worthy of Crazy Town..... So, I know many of you are probably not as big of baseball fans as me...but, the Giants were ahead most of the game, played a mostly really good game until the bullpen fell apart, including a dramatic play at home plate from Buster Posey to tie it in the top of the ninth...and lost. Making the odds of their catching the Dudgers (sic) and winning the division virtually nil. Not likely to be a post season for me. Really, it has been an unlikely dream for several weeks now at least, but I've been holding on to it. Until last night. Understand, on the worst days post chemo when I didn't feel up to reading, walking, sitting in the garden, or any of my usual other pleasures, I still found that I could listen to and enjoy baseball and my Giants...
So, I went to bed and starting crying. Hubby asked what's wrong, and I blurted out that "Now that the Giants lost my hair is going to fall out for sure." Hubby: "wait....you aren't engaging in any magical thinking here, are you?" Um. Yeah. Well. About that. Hell, yes I am! I am a good person and I don't deserve this shit and I want to be able to indulge in magical thinking and the damn bullpen just blew it for me. Literally.
That's how I feel about it. If that makes me a crazy person, I think I have found my home here in Crazy Town. Anyway, cried myself to sleep, but Gabe (my Teddy Bear to any newbies) understood and gave me a hug. Gabe always understands. And he might look like a Cubbie but he's a Giants fan too, of course.
Woke up this morning and shedding, though the hair is still hanging in. Guess I will need to take a walk. Wearing my Giants hat, of course.
I hope everyone feels good today, especially those who have been in pain of one type or another, and hugs and love to all the crazies..
Octogirl
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Katy - glad you are feeling more positive. That retreat looks amazing!! I wonder if there is anything similar on this side of the country?
Octogirl - magical thinking at its finest! So glad Gabe was there to help, as well as DH (even if he tried to ruin the magic of magical thinking.)
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Octo- you are indeed completely, magically, beautifully Crazy. I'm so glad you are here with us. I'm sorry the dream had to end. Having a special something to distract you is good during chemo. I'm glad Gabe is there too. I wish I could promise you your hair won't go, but I think you'll deal with it ok when it happens, if it happens
Thinking of you and hoping for peace and calm for you today and the rest of the weekend. Hugs.
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Good Morning Beautiful Crazies,
I'm on my way out for my US and will catch up later, but this first.....
Gaia, We will all be in your pocket today for your MRI. I hope you feel us all there with you. I hope they can get control of your pain.
Sunshine, We are with you as well!! Two pocket parties today!! Best wishes on your exchange surgery today. Please let us know how you're doing when you can!!!!!!
I hope you both feel your crazy sisters with you!!!
BBL, Love to all!!
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Mommyof2...I have not seen Watkins Liniment since I was a little girl. My grandmother and grandfather use to rub with it all the time. I wish I could find some. I guess I could goggle it.
Katy..It's ok honey. We got you!!! I have dealt with this crap twice and I am always trying to figure out why I am not running around in the streets, naked and screaming. Thank goodness for Lexapro. Cry all you want honey, it's fine. I still cry sometimes even though I thought I was all cried out. I'll be crying soon and all depressed when I see my MO next month. I gotta ask why didn't she have my blood drawn on my last visit...is she suspecting something??? I am NUTS!!!
Don't know if I mentioned this already...so here it goes...Couple of weeks ago I had an abductor tear and I'm thinking, ok, now I have mets. Thankfully it was not mets, but the radiologist who read the final report said I had some clips which seem to be related to a gallbladder removal. My mind raced, and I called the doctor that I work for. He said he would check into it. Well he didn't call back. In the interim, I started planning my own funeral, because I knew it was bad. So I text messaged him and asked him did he get a chance to look at the "clips". He said not to worry, they were from the breast surgery. I was relieved, yet I thought I was going to lose my mind. I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Talking about crazy...that's ME. My poor husband, such a kind and gentle man, how he puts up with me...I have no clue. And for all of you who have already read this on another thread, I'm truly sorry. I am losing my mind, slowly but surely
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and Beppy a special "in your pocket" for you, our beloved mayor of Crazytown. We are with you for that ultrasound today.
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Thanks Shorfi- your words and understanding have helped.
Lynn, thinking of you today dealing with your exchange.
Christine- you are never very far from my heart or mind but today, totally in your pocket.
I planted some lettuce and arugula starts today. Made me feel better to start something growing.
L
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I think this sums it up for me today:
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Beepy...we ALL got you in our pockets.
Katy...beautiful garden. I wish I had a green thumb. I have even killed a snake plant. Only a crazy person can kill a plant that hardly needs care. {{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}
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Ladies, I lurk. You all probably know that. This thread moves so fast.. I just want you all to know that I am praying/beaming good thoughts/doing little magic spells/breathing for you every day!
Good News!!! No evidence of cancer on this latest scare!!!!! Bad news- now I know if its good news, they tell you on the phone. I kind of wish I didn't know that....
lotsa love-
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Jen that is just awesome! So very happy for you!
Shorfi- Crazy welcome here. I live in "Southern Oregon" so I thought I might get away with this:
I'm pretty sure the Crazytown mansion (where the Mayor lives) has a porch. And like they say, it's always 5 o'clock somewhere in the world. Since CTown is a mythical place (though it seems so real to me), I declare the BAR IS OPEN.
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LBF, great results now celebrate with something fun!
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