Uplifting and Lively Messages. No holds barred..
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I have to decide what I am going to do for daily exercise. I have a dog, who loves to walk. I love to walk in my neighborhood because my house sits in a park like setting. I did not push it through surgery or radiation, but I am getting back on the horse, soon. I also belong to a YMCA, which is really upscale. But, love being in the out of doors.
How is everyone doing today and what are the big New Year's Eve Plans? I am going to dinner with my husband and another couple. It should be fun and the food should be terrific!
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I will be going to the wine bar for jazz on NYE eve. Then planning on skiing both NYE and New Year's Day. I may follow this with a trip to the car wash. Something about seeing out my windows.
I will also be delivering some late Christmas presents to my friends I had Christmas Dinner with and retrieving my soup pot. Monday will be prep for 2017. Not to mention taking down my tree so I can hit the ground running. I also still need to write my YE holiday letter, so I have some friends left in this world.
I am expecting my silk long johns to arrive any day now. Then ordering my electric fireplace and picture frame so I can get that one going.
Add on a spot or 2 of grant writing and website design.
And finally, need to figure out my bubbz of choice for the festivities. I am staying in, but will do a special dinner with bubbz. Perhaps a sparkling Gewurtztramminer or something from France. I can be tempted.
Then back on my plan to lose 10 more pounds as need to bite the bullet. So thinking of kicking off 2017 with a LARGE pot of 21 bean soup.
That's my story and I'm sticking to it. Happy New Year!!!! - Claire
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I have been keeping up with your posts, but have been really busy with the holidays and being back to work full time. Weekly appointments for expander fills an hour and twenty minutes from home just add to the crazy...lol. I have been getting between 8 and 9,000 steps in everyday except for fill days. I had to walk 2.25 miles on the dreadmill to meet my daily step goal yesterday.
We get together with our really close group of friends every new years. Lots of laughs, food, and drinks. I work new years day, so we will head home right after the ball drops (45 min drive). I am more than ready to kiss 2016 goodbye and can't wait to begin a great new year!
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I am ready to kiss 2016 goodbye, forever. To kick off the farewell festivities, my family - siblings, kids and spouses, all came down with the Norwalk virus starting last Thursday. Twelve of us were either having bad stomach pains, vomiting, intestinal issues, along with fevers, chills and a feeling of unease. We are designing t-shirts saying "I survived the Christmas Plague of 2016" and the pic on the front is undecided. Probably renditions of my great baby nephews (twins) who started this whole mess with projectile vomiting. Everyone thought it was a formula issue, until we fell like flies. So, we did not celebrate Christmas at all and will celebrate on Jan 1, with my mom in the rehab center. It has been a year from hell on so many fronts, that I am glad to see it fade away in my rear view mirror. Even, after everything, I love to laugh. Planning a few weeks in Paris either in June or September, and going to Vegas for a glass and jewelry design conference in March.
Claire, what is the 21 bean soup? It sounds good and high in protein.
Logang, I probably asked this already, but why did you doctor take 31 lymph nodes out and have you experienced any lymphodema? Will you have radiation?
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I am sorry about such a rotten year, Michelle. Mine was quite the opposite. I think a trip to Paris sounds wonderful. I felt that way about 2011 when I was trying to get my career back on track and everything I did was a major fizzle. I was starting to pull things out by year end 2011, but in general not a fun time.
21 bean soup is easy to make. My last bean collection was only 15. Other than a large package of assorted beans (throw out the phony flavoring), the soup is great in that you get to clean out the fridge. My last batch included kale. I may do the outer Brussels sprouts leaves this time. Essential are: onions, carrots, a large parsnip, celery, a 28 oz tin of tomatoes. I like to dump in a carton of sliced mushrooms, but not essential. You peel/chop the veggies and sweat in a bit of olive oil until the onion is translucent. Then dump in the tin of tomatoes.
Make sure you use a large kettle to make this in.
Cover the whole lot with water and season with salt and milled pepper. Bring to a boil and then simmer for 2-3 hours. I add in some form of mixed herbs, most likely herbs de Provence. Check the water as it cooks. It should be thick, but you should have a good deal of liquid as well.
At this point, the soup is vegetarian, but I usually like to add a couple of cooked, sliced/cubed Italian sausage or bratwurst. Healthy either way. Prior to serving, check the seasoning and adjust as needed.
You make this during an afternoon and serve for dinner, preferably with hot rolls and butter. It makes a ton of soup. I take for lunch as cheap and healthy. If you get sick of eating soup, it freezes well.
The 21 beam mixes are in the beans section of the supermarket. No need to mix your own. Some gourmet stores/health food stores also carry them, but the supermarket ones do just fine.
Happy souping!!! A wonderful antidote to all the rich holiday food. - Claire
p.s. I make split pea soup the same way, minus the kale and mushrooms. Mace is a spice I add as my French Canadian great grandmother did. I use the best ham hocks I can find in place of the sausage. A large parsnip makes all the difference in this recipe. Make corn bread or Johnny cake to go with.
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Thanks, Claire! I am always looking for healthy high protein recipes. I don't use milk products from a cow, with the exception of lactose free yogurt. I also don't eat wheat products, and instead use rice or almond products. My go to shopping section is called "Narnia" because it is a wonderful place when you get to know where you are going, but when a price check needs to be done the store clerk disappears for a good length of time. It seems they come back amazed at all of the choices "over there." This year I discovered coconut milk high in calcium, and cashew milk products frozen like ice cream. I tend to be a very simple eater, with raw veggies, chicken, fish, etc. as my mainstays. My dog, mini Schnauzer, gets fed carrots instead of bones and he is twelve and in great shape.
In 2016, if I would have just had to deal with my diagnosis and treatment, I would have felt differently about the year as a whole. My son, 20, has brought me undue stress, continuously. He is in the state of rebellion... a good college student, but likes to argue all of the time. He is going to take the LSAT this year, because he likes to argue his points. He is an accounting major with a history minor. Last week he returned from a semester in Switzerland, where everything is minimalistic. Now he wants our house to minimalistic, which is currently maximalistic. I have given so much stuff away this year, in his absence. But he wants to have only nominal possessions. Thank God he is moving to the dorms soon, I am sure that it will be minimalistic/barren and quite suitable for his tastes right now. My daughter is a maximalist at 18 years of age.
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My nodes were abnormal on MRI. I was scheduled for a sentinel node biopsy, but my surgeon took them all because they looked and felt abnormal and he didn't feel comfortable leaving them in. Don't know why they were so odd on my cancer side, but thank God they were negative for carcinoma! No lymphedema so far!
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Logang, you probably already told me, but I forgot. Today was uneventful, as I spent it sorting through things to donate to others. After running around and delivering "stuff" all day, I came home and did some closet essentials reorganization on our toy/book/game/storage closet. It is such a process because I have accumulated and saved more than my share. I just wonder, how many black pair of pants do normal people have? The Walmart kind, ,,,,,,,the $14 kind, the ....... I can mop the kitchen and go to the store kind. Would you say more than 10 was too many? My problem is that these great fabric pants wear like iron, so I, uh, bought a few pair. Recently I have been wearing more leggings from Athleta with longer tops. Of course, I have plenty of upscale things too, but I don't dress up everyday. Ugh, life it so tough (rolls eyes)......
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My background was growing up on a dairy farm, and in no way am I about to give up milk and cheese. I still miss some of our cows.
That said, "chacun à son goût!" (Aria from Fledermaus - where they get to blame everything on champagne.)
Brutal day, so rewarding myself with a steak dinner with serious wine. Hoping to get in 2 days of skiing over the weekend. Plus, get all in order for 2017. Not exactly sure that I will get there.
I have no idea how many pairs of black trousers I have. This one goes in the same category as "what % grey is my hair"? I don't care.
Bottomz up to a fabulous 2017!!!! This includes "underpinnings". Because there is only one way to roll. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
Happy New Year. - Claire
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I would love to have dairy products, but for the last 20 plus years have a systemic problem that does not break down the lactose protein in dairy. But I love coconut milk and cashew chocolate milk. I have just discovered them this year and am so happy to have something to put on my rice/non wheat cereal. If I eat a salad with any significant amount of cheese, I feel abdominal unease. But, their are alternatives that are plant based for the things I crave. Have the best New Years ever girls, because it is going to be the best year yet to come!!!
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It is a New Year!!!! Any resolutions? My resolutions were back in April 2016, July 2016, and August 2016. I think I am pretty good with change right now, so I don't see a significant difference in how I will live my life in 2017. Maybe less apprehension when trying new things, like Zoladex, and AI's. If I can get through this next month with the new meds, I will be so happy,
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So, 2016 decided to mess with me one last time. I ended up running a fever, achy, and dealing with sinus drainage last night. We didn't even stay at our annual party until the ball dropped! I took 800 mg of ibuprofen and still had a temp of 100.8 over an hour later. My back hurt so bad, I took a percocet and went to bed. I had to work today, so I made sure to keep ibuprofen in me. Off to bed now. On call until 8am. Here's hoping I get no calls! I sure hope this isn't an indicator of how 2017 will be for me!
Happy new year!
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Logang, sorry that you got sick on new year's eve. Bummer. I basically had no Christmas, because of the gastroenteritis. It was such a let down. I had fun last night, with our lake club almost to ourselves. We have the most amazing chef, who really did a great job with steaks, lamb and for me, seabass. I think alot of people were out of town or sick. Last year, apparently, our lake club was so busy, that people may have decided to stay home this year. I do plan to catch up with my family and have a dinner with my mother at a rehab center. I am a little sad to start the new year with a bc diagnosis (sword of Damocles) hanging over my head. I did not think I would feel this way. But, I am much healthier and aware of my food choices. So much has changed, just in the last 6 months. August seems like a long time ago. I think the hardest part of this time period, is that there is no surgery or recovery, no radiation, just going to get my shot and hop on the meds train. I don't know if I miss actively participating in my survivorship (that's what they call it now) or I am just reflecting on how much has changed in my life. My innocence has been lost, my identity of the person that I was, is gone. I think I will have to work on identifying my feelings over the next few months. I wonder, did anyone feel like this? With each New Year until now, I have been able to wipe the slate clean, and just start over with whatever resolution I wanted. Now, each day is purposeful and meaningful, no time to waste making resolutions, basically just get the job done. So, in my new grown up life, the only one responsible for me, is me, and I have to do a top notch job handling whatever comes my way. In summary, I think I got a "wake the hell up" call, which I am heeding in great stride.
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B"H
Michelle in Cornland - I felt EXACTLY like that.... Before we were busy with getting the DX, doing all kind of Cts and other tests, waiting for the results, going thru the surgery, more waiting, more results, and then treatment.... And then suddenly it is "over" - we are not necessarily running around or waiting for anything - but on the other hand, we realise that it is not ever really over.... that there will always be tests to do and doctor appointments and the meds and their SEs and also the worry "what if..."
and also there is the beginning of TRULY realising - we have cancer.... and whatever is in fashion to call it, we have the thing everyone fears most...
but Michelle, I think too that it is a gift because it is a wake-up call... not only on eating healthy etc.... but like - okay i am not the same person and i have been through this and it is part of the "new me"... so what is the new me all about? where am I going to take all I have learned from this? I am sure everyone has their own take on it, what they can change and do for the good from all this... how to be a better person, how to give to others in need the compassion and support and hope that we need(ed) so much.... and though I personally have had to take a step away from people who I realise are not who I thought they were - I think we can strive to strengthen our ties and efforts and loves for beliefs and values and family and friends that now are much more clearly real and true and important...
its really scary because the doctors who have been directing our physical healing can't really "show us the way" for our emotional\spiritual healing... but this - thanks to you Michelle - is an uplifting thread - there is so much we can do I hope, now that we have reached this stage. I think first we need some TLC... time to "digest" we have BC & that no matter what it may seem like on the outside we are never going to be "the same"... and then build something new and important and positive and significant - each person in her own life\space\time.
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thereisnode, thank you, thank you, for finding me on my own little thread. I felt it was important to have a thread that is uplifting and positive, yet ask the same questions we are all thinking. Who is this new me? That is the question that I am pondering. Am I a new and improved version of myself? Or, less than the person I was? I would have to say, improved, most definitely improved. When you have been through this type of situation, your brain is hyper-focused on "be all that you can be" (Army slogan.) My acceptance of my new "self" is going to take some time. Denial was in the beginning, and a bit through treatment. Anger was briefly visited and I did not like that place. I bargained with my doctors by offering up my breasts and healthy ovaries, which they did not want. I bargained my way through radiation, by journaling everything that I did, to give me a sense of accomplishment and therefore, feel a little less affected by what I was going through. Depression has been threaded throughout this from diagnosis, surgery, radiation and hormonal treatment, but never getting too bad. So, I visited four of the five stages of grief, and now find myself knocking on the door of acceptance, to please let me in. Knowing myself, this stage will take the most time to sort out. I won't be admitted to acceptance, until I can have a plan of action that allows me to leave the other phases of grief behind. Little by little, pinky toe, next toe, incrementally, acceptance will let me in, and before you know it, I will have arrived.
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I think on the "new me" question, it's a question of "time will tell". I did chemo with my last infusion being on Easter Monday. I thought I had literally been "reborn" at the cellular level. Then, my job was to get back to living. I had cycling events planned, and my intent was to do them. Which is exactly what I did, although shorter courses than usual for the 2 immediately following radiation.
I looked at losing my hair as an opportunity to finally shed the overly-long mane I had sported for decades. I am super-chic now with a bob that suits me. I went and did more than one makeover. Didn't really clean up my eating as I do a ton of fruits and vegetables anyway, and cooking is one of my great pleasures. People HIDE the treats I make for them.
My resolve is not to waste the extra time on this earth that God has granted me. This means paying it forward to brain cancer patients (talk about a raw deal) and making sure I make the most of each moment. Well....not always as I need some time to goof off too. I spent yesterday on website design for a new business venture and delivering edible Christmas presents (my friend's husband hid the pate from their son).
My wonderful friend who did not survive his bout with cancer, but was with me for chemo and radiation referred it to "becoming". He also encouraged me never to completely grow up. I felt his presence the other day when I was doing something extremely fun, but silly.
I am off for a ski on the golf course across the street as think their is enough snow, it's sunny out, and I haven't yet done this. I will let you know that this didn't result in time in the slammer for trespassing!!!!
And then get back to setting up 2017. The tree is now down and the place cleaned up of needles.
Life doesn't get better than this. - Claire
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Hey, Claire......(in southern accent) you 'rested yet? Thank you for your viewpoint on our future selves. I think this might be the most challenging aspect of bc, to reconcile your here and now to what you went through. My kids are so goofy, as my son (who looks like Matthew Mcconaughey) is such a card pretending to be a southern person. Ugh... later girls...
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Forgot to mention that chemo was a total failure in curing me of being a "Type A". Bean soup is now cooking for future meals. Feeling a bit sore from my ski, but is fun to have the boast, even if the "snow" was a trifle on the thin side.
I may not survive the evening. Bean soup is smelling divine. Then I will layer in the scent of the goulash as that is what I am planning for dinner.
I will layer in the perspective that all of us change anyway as we go through life. Or at least we do if we lead a healthy life. In fact, it's sad when women are desperately clinging to a long ago youth. One prime example just got remarried on NYE. Just sad.
The other thing I will mention is that it's far too easy to shortchange ourselves. The encouragement is everywhere. I saw no reason why my life shouldn't be wonderful post active treatment. And guess what, it's been splendid.
Looking for and expecting more of the same in 2017!!!! Making sure too that I wear my fur coat (vintage grey mink) which is just wonderful in this chilly weather. I use the good china and crystal too
- Claire 0 -
Claire, you have made a marvelous life for yourself A.B.C. kind of like B.C. and A.D. in the bible, except A.B.C. is after breast cancer. You are right about all of us changing as we go through different stages in life. In an effort to not shortchange myself, I have scheduled a trip to Las Vegas and am in the beginning planning stages of a trip to London and Paris. I do think that a person's confidence takes a hit when they are diagnosed with bc. Even though we can get through the treatments and surgeries, do we not give ourselves as much credit as before? I think we deserve more credit, but in the backs of our minds. lingers the thought that our bodies are not perfect and we are infallible. Mortality becomes real, as we are faced with statistics day in and day out.
Somehow, someway, I am going to lay the groundwork for a marvelous future as well. I am not going to let this diagnosis hold me back from what I want to do. As a matter of fact, I am even more motivated to do the things I want to do.
Girl, wear that mink. If it gets cold, I will wear mine too! I still don't use the china or crystal because I have teenagers in and out of my house and I prefer to not see my good things walking away.
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I feel so grateful that we can have our own space, with support and uplifting messages. I have read other threads, and some of them do give out opinion as facts. I want to make sure that newcomers understand that what we learned is through our own personal experiences and that their doctor is the one to guide them in decision making. I expressed this to the moderators, along with the fact that some women on this board are removing their diagnosis, etc. I have to state that it makes me a bit uncomfortable to not know who I am communicating with on this thread. So far, so good and I appreciate everyone's forth coming with information, diagnosis, treatment, hints, etc. We are going to have a great year. I told my doctor that I started my own thread on breastcancer.org, and that I have "met" some pretty intelligent and educated women on here. I think I have come along way since August of 2016 and plan to push the envelope of how I can help others in a similar situation.
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I just learned this morning that happiness is a new set of silk long johns.
They are PERFECT and fit!!! Not to mention that I look great in them even before putting on any other clothing
I just ditched my old ones.
Sometimes it really is the little things in life that make all the difference. Warmer skis to come. - Claire
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Claire, you are right. It is the little things that make life enjoyable. The thrill of big things fades as soon as the event/outing/etc. is over. The little things continue to sustain use through the everyday ups and downs.
I am excited to get going on my Zoladex shots. My doctor had to confirm that Blue Cross Blue Shield of IL will pay for them. I have the best policy, so I think I will be fine with getting them approved.
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Do you know what cheers me up? Watching re-runs of 70's television shows. Currently watching Hawaii-Five O with Jack Lord!!! My family went on vaca and I stayed home to get my shot and get through any side effects that may come my way. So, as the teenagers would say, "I am in the feels tonight." Tomorrow I am getting out of the house, and doing small things that will keep me cheered up. I just want this shot over with already. I wish I could just take things in stride and not worry, but I am a hyper-vigilant person.
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I have BCBS and had no issues with zoladex coverage.
I am till fighting with this sinus crud, about to lose my voice today. I wish it would go away so I could be up to par and not exhausted. Still did a mile of walking on he dreadmill this evening. Trying to work on through!
Cold and snowy here in Ohio today. Tomorrow I head in for another expander fill after work. I think this will be the last one. The last few have caused more pain and soreness than the previous ones. Probably because I am working full time and have to drive a lot.
Hope everyone has a great evening!
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Well, no shot tomorrow. So, continue discussing shot while waiting on BCBS, also discussing removal of ovaries, uterus, etc. I wonder how long I would have to be on the shots before I went into menopause? I just can't see myself getting them for several years and will have to weigh the pros and cons. On the other hand, family is in Jamaica, I have the house to myself and maybe have some girls nights out!! My mom got checked into another rehab center, which I like so much better and they have a fantastic rehab group working with patients. While visiting today, I ran into a friend of mine who's mom is across the hall from mine. I took my mom for a visit and she made a new friend. It is moments like that, which puts things into perspective. Both 87 years old, Maria and Dorothy (my mom), meeting each other for the first time. There is life after bc.
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Although I haven't felt bad the last few days, I started struggling with my voice yesterday and it is much worse today. As a home health nurse, I kind of need to talk A LOT..haha. I had to chuckle when I opened a Hall's cough drop before going into my expander fill appointment this afternoon. Don't know if any of you have noticed that they put short motivational blurbs on the wrappers...I read "you have survived worse". If only that cough drop knew... On a positive note, today was my last expander fill! Woo-hoo! I also have a consult scheduled in February with a GYN to discuss ovary removal.
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Logang, I am glad I am not alone dealing with worry about ovaries. My MIL said that if you lose your ovaries, you go downhill. I am thinking, alot of women in the 60s and 70s had hysterectomies and did not get bc. I wonder if there was a relationship between the two? We will compare notes along the way. I am concerned about the healthcare in this country, so this would be the year to make some big decisions. I don't want to get ridered or have a pre-existing condition and not have insurance coverage. I am off to St. Louis tomorrow and will have a little relaxation!!
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I had an eventful week, getting off a bit of important nonprofit work and building the new website for the other venture I am launching with 2 other women. The big milestone is that the website was launched very early this morning and they LOVED it!!! It still needs a bit of back work, but it is more than credible, and a relief to have the end in sight. I learned a lot about visuals and graphics along the way.
I did NOT get the crash-and-burn assignment I expected which I would have done with one of the women, but which also had all the potential of being a political nightmare. The cash would have been lovely but.....
I got in a spot of FUN this afternoon as went into Seattle for the Yves Saint Laurent retrospective. Gorgeous clothes, and I remember seeing many of them when they came out. It was wonderful to see them on mannequins and get to admire his genius. Of course, I wore a vintage YSL sweater, not in perfect shape, but did I also mention that it's toasty and a gorgeous black ribbed cashmere.
I have been loath to remove my cashmere sweaters recently. I even sleep in an old French sweater which didn't work out as anything to wear around (one of my eBay deals that didn't quite pan out) but is very nice to sleep in.
Hoping to get in a long ski tomorrow. It should be perfect weather as will be a bit warmer. I don't mind skiing with temps in the teens, but a windy chairlift ride is quite another story!!!
I will give a full report on the silk long johns
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Claire, whenever you would like to share the name of the website, we can peruse. YSL, how wonderful! I love cashmere, my son really loves anything cashmere and wears my late FIL's sweaters. I appreciate the workmanship that goes into some of the design house clothing and accessories. I have a designer that I am working with on a collection of knitwear, and I design as well. Here is a small piece that I just finished......
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I went out of town today at 9am, fell asleep at 4am. Not enough rest and felt bad all day. The insomnia still exists, but I have been dealing with it by just sleeping in, until whenever I wake up. My nieces wanted to shop, shop, shop. I went and tried to sleep in my car, did not work out too well. So, now I know my limitations, and I will be traveling with night owls from now on. Hopefully, I can restore a normal sleep schedule. Apparently this is very common after radiation, also after chemo (which I did not have.) I really envy people that go to bed early and get up early. There has to be a happy medium.
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