My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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Happy Spring. I hope it brings us all happiness and new hope for our future. Love to all of you.
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mara, thanks for the reminder. I've had some Impossible Burger in my freezer and keep meaning to pull it out and make a burger out of it. It's now on the counter thawing.
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Thanks all, I don't mind leaving the laundry stuff I do. I also like to take liquid soap, oxi clean laundry spray, oxi clean white revive and tide and add to the spray for stain removal, works pretty well as well.
I am thinking I may have an egg sandwich for supper with garlic again. Debating a pancake for dessert as well. Still waiting for my egg cooker for the hardboiled egg as well.
My day was not as busy as I thought because the property manager got the garbage out front and my garbage does not even fill a bag so I can wait until next week for garbage. Recycling can happen next time.
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Wow, mara, that's great that your property managers actually did something!
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Happy Spring Equinox
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I love those pictures.
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Well, another day, another weird thing at the building. I heard work being done outside in the hall and me being the nosy parker I am, went out and just asked what was going on now, politely, I am not a Karen but curious. They told me they had to remove part of a wall at the front of the stairs to bring it to code. They should have stuck with the cosmetic stuff that did not require permits, would have been cheaper.
I am awaiting an impulse purchase I made of another phone to use for surveys and games. I usually have a couple of older ones running as well, usually slot games etc to earn points for gift cards but I figured it could not hurt to have an extra money earner. Use my earnings to pay for it too. I don't throw away technology but I sure do enjoy it.
Trying my new egg cooker this morning I think, not sure if it will be egg salad or what. No onion or celery but I don't mind that. We will see. Laundry and indoor walking are on the agenda plus the usual housework. Since I await an order, I usually hang around the house until it comes. Hope everyone has a good day and if not, know I am in your pocket.
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I have to say doctors put you on all this medication and they don’t tell you anything about when it’s time to change medicines. The withdrawal that ensues. I’m suffering with this now. They really need to be more clear to the patients that are taking the medicine. Withdrawal is pure suffering
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Scrolling thru Facebook this morning. Saw a post of an obit of a person I used to go to church with years ago. He died Sunday. Age 78.
I know more people that are now Citizens of Heaven than I know people still living here on Earth. I am 52. But I guess I knew and hung around with people older than me my whole life. I am getting tired of this Earth. I want to see my Mom and Dad and sister again. And see my old Sunday School teachers and church family. What a Homecoming that will be. Sitting around the feast table laughing and telling stories. And not worry about farting or getting diarrhea with eating.
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the main reason I want to stay is my children. The love I have for them is endless. I’m sorry Candy. I am also 52. I go back and forth. Freedom from pain and suffering does sound good
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I just got a call from someone else in the church making sure I saw the obit. I started crying on the phone. I said that I am still going to fight the cancer-- take the meds, do the scans-- not give up, not commit suicide, but, yet, I think why am I fighting? It is a weird place to be. Wanting to live,, yet wishing I could be in Heaven with no sickness or pain anymore.
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Candy, I go back and forth about wanting to stay or go be with my family too. I understand both sides. I would not stop treatment now as it is working but I also will NOT do any other treatment to extend my life. I live alone and am not interested in having to have caregivers if it comes to that. I would stick with palliative care until the end. I even have a DNR no matter what the cause is. My older DB and SIL understand my wishes and they respect them. I am fairly healthy now but because I have no children, I am OK with this plan for myself.
Well, sort of a mixed blessing, I made a silly purchase of a phone, nothing charged yet from Amazon but it was not coming on time. Cancelled the order and will keep an eye on the company looking after the payment plan. Cancelled payments and will keep an eye, if the phone somehow shows up, will pay for it but hoping it does not.
The egg cooker will be used for things like omelets or heating up beans and beefless ground as well in few dishes. I don't have the patience to peel the shells off the eggs, had quite a few shells in the eggs themselves but I do like the idea of not having to clean a bunch of dishes. My favourite eggs come from the egg sandwich maker.
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Mel, I'm sorry you're dealing with withdrawal from your drugs.
There are times when I'm just ready to "check out" of all of this. I'm tired of cancer, tired of doctors, tired of being tired…
Mara, I order a lot on Amazon. I ordered some coffee last week. I ordered three sleeves of 10 each of Nespresso decaf. What I got was one sleeve with half-caf. Hmmm. Tried to request a refund/return/give me what I paid for, but Amazon kept saying, "This item is not returnable." I KNOW THAT! I JUST WANT WHAT I PAID FOR!!! Anyway, I finally connected with the Amazon customer service chat and got it straightened out. Got a refund (and free coffee since I didn't pay for the one they sent me). I felt guilty about not paying for the one I got, but what am I to do? I happened to look at the label on the box of half-caf and it said "30-count decaf". Weird, but I guess that was the label that got scanned and so that's what they sent.
It's pouring rain here this morning. Not usual for San Diego. I don't have to go anywhere today, except out to the detached garage. I made some meatloaf out of the Impossible Burger that was in my freezer. It turned out pretty well. Will have some today for lunch along with some mashed potatoes. The garage trip was to retrieve the instant mashed potatoes and then a second trip for some catsup. We re-did our hardscape in our back yard, so it's no longer a muddy mess when it rains. I just threw my raincoat over my head and dashed out the back door.
Not much else to report. I'm waiting for today's Amazon delivery of my latest purchases.0 -
Sunshine, the phone was an impulsive buy. Nothing was charged, was going to be on a payment plan. Amazon says it is cancelled so I have to keep track of the payment site to make sure they do not charge. The egg cooker is fine because I looked up a video on how to make the shells come off easier, putting the egg in a container with cold water for a bit and just shaking it. I am happy with that purchase and the sandwich maker. Can also make omelette type stuff in the egg cooker too. It was not much money either. I also want to try steaming beans, beefless ground and cheese. Have to figure it out. Lunch is just a plain english muffin, butter and peanut butter toasted. I am crazy, I am mixing up the Kraft peanut butter with the Walmart brand to have mostly the Kraft brand taste for less cash. Tastes good as well. Your lunch sounds really good as well. I am still working my way through the freezer as well. It is packed full, working on pulling stuff out the back and eating it. I eventually want to be able to put extra frozen stuff like desserts etc. My apartment is TINY and another freezer makes no sense.
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What would we do without Amazon, right...I order a fair amount of items also. Many times they are cheaper anyway and you can't beat the convenience!
Well it was a nice sunny day here and a prior coworker asked me to walk with her on her lunch. I do enjoy my walks alone zoning out to my music but definitely nice to have company somedays.
Mel- Well that just stinks, I'm sorry. Hope it goes by quickly for you, fingers crossed.
What a roller coaster of emotions cancer is. Totally understandable all the reasons we either want to stay for or go for. I wish this was just a bad dream for us and tomorrow we would wake up whole again. Hugs
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Yes, I am glad the order would not have been delivered on time. Heck knows I really did not need another phone at this point given all the old ones I have hung on to over the years. I did get a ton of popcorn, Orville Redenbachers extra buttery, an 18 pack and a 6 pack. I don't eat it too much, perhaps once or twice a week but it is my go to snack. I also have decided the cheap peanut butter does not taste as good so I am disposing of the cheaper one and the mixed one and sticking with the kraft. Stretching money is great until it does not taste good. Only thing I have found effective as far as stretching something I typically don't use are the sunlight laundry soap bars that I stuck in a container of hot water. Use those as a laundry booster and I have the regular soap bars in the same kind of container. I don't use bar soap but I like it in the sink when soaking dishes with dish soap.
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I sit back and think. I have no idea how I’ve gotten through this battle so far. I’m a whipped tired half of a woman. This cancer is literally eating my strength and my physical being. Each surgery, each chemo treatment just chipped away at who I am. Losing some of me and leaving her behind in that chair as I try to leave that place. Every time seeing that building where I heard it was stage four. Busy people all around me. My world stopping , but the phones kept ringing and the doctors kept talking. Not sure that day what was even really said. All I knew it was bad. When I see that building I get serious ptsd. This is why I know what when it comes down to it. I’ve fought. Hard. I’m tired. Can’t do the heavy chemo thing again. Don’t want to. Scans are coming. So is ptsd. Gotta pace myself I’ll fall down the rabbit hole. 7 years 3 months of fighting. Takes the life from you. I’m now half of what I used to be. It’s such an evil thing. So much of it all around us anymore. Disgusting really. I hate it for us all. And ahhh yes. To be whole again. A dream.
Hope everyone sleeps well. where’s Mae?
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Mel - so very sorry about the withdrawal symptoms. Sometimes I feel like we’re just empty cans getting kicked down the street. Cancer just robs the essence of what we are. Sending hugs to you and candy and the others struggling here.
Finally have an appt with the PA of the new Ortho I’ve been referred to for my left shoulder. See him this Friday. Docs first appointment was not until end of April. I’ve now been walking around with this frickin fracture for 3 months (and it hasn’t done any healing in that time frame!). I’m hoping the PA will help speed things along to get me into see the doc asap
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thank you Goldens. I hope your shoulder eased up for you. I know it’s frustrating having to wait for anything. I feel a little better today. At least a little. It’s a better than nothing.
Love to all
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Mel and Goldens, I feel you about empty cans down the street. I was robbed of a decent job and the ability to do a job now due to inability to not get frustrated at the drop of a hat, I can calm quickly but the initial frustration would not be acceptable. I am exhausted after all these years of Herceptin. I don't have the other cancer load but it takes a lot.
Today is Herceptin day but not until this afternoon. Finally get to walk in my sneakers again, no cleats. I will try to make it to the hospital but if I cannot make it, I will take the bus the rest of the way. Cane will be used, I feel so much more confident with it. I did sleep better last night as well. Spring ahead an hour really screws me up sleepwise.
Doing laundry, using my sunlight bar soap that soaks in water, creating liquid detergent plus half a small scoop of the other mixture work together very well. I am also going to try another egg in the cooker following a youtube video of cold water and a container and shaking the egg around to get the shell off better. I also want to look into cooking other things in the egg cooker as well, supposed can make omelettes etc, we will see. Need to chop up cheese slices, they are getting dry so need to eat them up in meals before they go bad. I don't like the texture right now. Planning to request cheese and cookies whilst getting Herceptin though. Give me energy for the way home. Want to get really active walking before the super hot weather comes along though I plan to work my way through that, even if it means an umbrella hat. I can't use the other arm whilst keeping balance.
This time around, took some beans, cheese slice and beefless ground, put them in the egg maker, see how they come out when steamed instead of fried. Just thinking outside the box. Put the water setting for a hard egg. Like to have multiuse dishes as well as make fewer dishes.
I did make a small portion of beans, beefless ground and sliced cheese torn apart, it is a small portion of food due to size of plate to put on but the steam cooking was really nice and very easy to do, only 3 dishes to soak for a few minutes.
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mara, I'm so curious about your egg cooker. Is it the dome-type that holds six or so eggs? Can you post a picture of it or an Amazon link to it? I'm still enjoying my Impossible meatloaf. Had it with mashed potatoes and gravy yesterday.
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Got CT and Bone scan results yesterday. Both shows tumors getting smaller… not just stable but improving…. That’s a first for my scans.
Tomorrow is next chemo treatment where days 3-12 will suck but if it’s killing cancer, bring it on.
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Sunshine, I made s teensy helping of beans, beefless ground and cheese in the wee bowl. Made it as if was hard boiled egg in settings. It was really good. Might have it again.
I was weighed again and my weight is stable for almost a year.
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yay Dodgers. That’s awesome news. Congratulations sweetheart! Bring on the good news ! I’m so happy !!!! That the way to do it. Hugs to you sweet woman .
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I’m here, we had a neighbor over to the bar for some drinks, DH and I continued the party after he left, only slightly hungover the next day. Been doing my gardening too, some sprouting, some refusing to sprout and more being planted, I pace myself. DH and I put together a new bed frame w/drawers today, so lots of cleaning and wrenching. I’m tired now but happy to finally get that done. Anything that feels more like a home and less like camping is an accomplishment.
Congrats on good news Dodgersgirl
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Congratulations Dodgers! Wonderful news 👏 😀
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I am so happy Dodgersgirl for your good news.
Mae, glad you are getting some work done to make your home the way you want.
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Dodgersgirl , happy dance for your good scan results long may it continue.,
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thank you all for your congrats posts
Headed to treatment #4 this morning to be followed by many days of yuck. But feeling more optimistic from scan results
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