My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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Intolight - Yes ha, ha! I could see that the flowers behind her were separate, but the one on the right, especially looked like it could have been in her hair, and I loved the idea, so …
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Such cute pups. I miss mine. The cat doesn't. She gets all the attention now.
Runor I relate to the rage at not being able to do what you used to, being an active person. I'm 49 but feel 99. I'm trying to modify things and find activity to replace others but it's hard. When I go do a project I still want to hit it and finish, not keep stopping or wait for someone to help. I'm trying to fix the fence too lol. I can't do the post holes. I want to prep the garden but I can't do the rototiller. Too much back hardware and muscle cramps. If muscle spasms don't stop me then it's the fatigue. Sometimes I don't feel like being social either. I don't want to hear or reply to the dumb comments that I look great think positive and be glad you're not like somebody else who is worse off or whatever. I started antidepressants because I kept thinking about going on one way hikes into Yellowstone to feed the bears.
I'm lucky to have a good husband who is annoying but tries hard and some very close family and friends. You do find out who the real ones are. My happy place is the mountains and hopefully get to go soon. I can still hike a little and watch birds, get in the hot springs. I think I'll take a lesson from Mara and do something more interesting with my food. I need to find things that make me enjoy living because otherwise it's just a pointless parade of treatment and doctor visits. It seems to help me to have something to look forward to even if it's small. I need to find things that distract me from thinking about cancer all day but it's in our faces 24/7. Oh and heck with my destroyed hair. I think I'll buy a new hat.
Wishing all an up day and/or at least some improvement to the current misery.
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Mkestrel, I can also relate to feeling older than my years and some days I am so exhausted, I stay on the couch except for basic chores. Today, breaking down and putting some boxes in recycle containers, in stages. I have until next Thursday for recycle pickup. When it comes to clearing floor of cat fur, I do vacuum everyday but it is never ending. I used to enjoy vacuuming, but really tired. Bed is not made until the evening. I prioritize laundry, food and my money making. I no longer lift and move couch to get behind it either, just use telescopic duster and use one of the handvacs to pickup the dirt. We do what we can even though we struggle by times because no one else. BTW, I treat myself to things too periodically. They Taco Bell meal I had yesterday was paid by a credit card that gave me a credit from the rewards so it was free. I enjoy that very much. We are all bad cancer toughies and even on our worst day, we face it all and do what we can.
Not sure what if anything is happening with DB, our usual shopping day. Most I can think of that I could use is more vinegar, use that as most of the fabric softener and only put enough in to scent it a bit.
Edited meal, decided on the lentils, 1/4 cup, handful of beefless ground, handful shredded cheese. Liberally seasoned with some clubhouse sloppy joe seasoning, salt, a mixed seasoning containing garlic, onion and others. Put an egg on top, realized from yesterday, would rather not make the stuff liquid and taste the stuff individually, cooked for 3 min, microwave of course with a lid, will use some mayo to hold all together.
Hoping everyone has a good day, in pockets for all who need it as well, take care.
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Sending you all hugs and know we're also in pockets for all who need! 🤗
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I am 83 and starting to feel old. 60 is still middle age in my opinion
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Runor & all- - I rarely post but check in daily to see how everyone is doing. Your post brought to mind something that I just discussed with my therapist yesterday. I was diagnosed Stage 4 de novo when I was goin on 69 years old (2019). My husband had so many health issues and passed away the next year. I’ve recently had other big health issues. I’ve reached the point, like you, where I really don’t want to leave the house. I, too, feel like I’ve “lost my ability to people”, Living alone makes it easier to putter around in my husband’s XL Margaritaville tee shirts and jammie bottoms. My social skills are rusty. Talking to my therapist has been beneficial. This past Sunday I drove alone to the Kennedy Center in Washington DC to see the Yo-Yo Ma concert. Then I took myself out to dinner (after calling my son to let him know that I was safe). I smiled all day. There will be more “I don’t want to leave the house” days but maybe I can work toward more of those rewarding days. Runor, I don’t have your gift for words but wanted to let you know that I read you loud and clear! Hang in there!
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Wren, must be different, I do agree that 60 is still younger. I really don't push myself as hard as I could, not that I walk far but managed 5000 between mall walk and grocery store which was good and no hard breathing, only one sit when SIL went to a store.
Weird shop tonight, bought a BB cream from the drugstore, will try it tomorrow on the face. Not necessarily looking for a full face of make up but don't mind the idea of evening out skintone. Bought some naan bread, jello cups, some sort of reese peanut butter that can be eaten straight or baked, not sure, more eggs, couple bags of chips and spinach I keep frozen, would not hurt to have more spinach in addition to other things I eat.. Only spent 43 dollars which was pretty good as well, no snack though as I often find I eat a snack and wind up staying really late due to digestion.
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Lilyfrombeppu, I just saw Yo-Yo Ma at the symphony here in San Francisco two weeks ago, by myself (my husband passed a little over a year ago). I've been buying single tickets to the symphony and opera to have something to look forward to every month or two, it gets me out of the house and helps me feel part of life.
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sf-cakes - - ❤️ Yes! That's it exactly.
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Good early morning or late night owls hello. Hope everyone is having as pain free and bright day as possible. I so love the pictures of pups and caught up reading the goings on here.
I wanted to mention that I just started pallative care. Not sure what all is available in their services, but they placed me on better pain medication. That alone has made a good difference in my QOL. My GP, like most today, does not prescrible certain pain meds.
Runor, I like to look out my window and think about the movie Second Hand Lions. And I tell you I'm ok with being a home body nowadays. No need to put on airs when one just doesn't feel well, physically or mentally.
Gave this elective abdominal surgery some more thought after reading the pros and cons. I'm not sure I'm healthy enough at this time to undergo something so major. It may require up to 3 months to heal and the risk of complications is moderate. Plus the diverticulitis may well return anyway. Having MS, I believe would put me in a higher risk for both. Maybe a second opinion and a good chat with the surgeon is in order.
In your pocket for all your needs.
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Irishlove- My mom had a similar surgery where they removed a small section of her colon due to abscesses and repeated diverticulitis in that area. It was hard on her and she was in the hospital for 3-4 days afterward. It did take her about 3 months to really start feeling better but she has not had a flare up of diverticulitis since. I agree, I think a second opinion and further info from the surgeon would be good. You have some very valid concerns.
So far so good with the whole brain radiation. My third treatment is this morning. The pulmonologist yesterday was encouraging. He took me off the oxygen unless I drop and stay below 88% and I have not done that. The cardiologist was also encouraging he feels that the diagnosis of heart failure is minimal at worst. He thinks the mild drop in my ejection fraction is more likely due to past chemo treatment and malnutrition as I am down 100 lbs in nine months with all the nausea and vomiting so I am focusing on protein intake and nutrient dense foods and starting a multivitamin at his suggestion. I developed some severe back pain in the area around my compression fracture so I'm still waiting on the thoracic spine x-ray report and got put on a tapering dose of Dexamethasone for a week and pain meds as needed. That has me sitting here at 4 am catching up on the blog but I do feel better. Overall things feel like they are taking an upturn and it was nice to get some good news. I'm praying this trajectory keeps up. I got outside yesterday to enjoy the sunshine and the mid 70's weather and tried to inspire myself to get a start on the weeds but the lounge chair was calling so the weeds will happen another day.
Thinking of you all and in pockets for anyone who needs it. Thinking of Regina and SondraF all who have been struggling. I also appreciate all who have been in pockets for me recently. I love the dog pics, they are all such cute faces! I have a soft spot for golden retrievers and also love the pics of Theo, Princess and Mae's cute pups.
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Morning all, hope it was a restful night… Buster's first Golden playdate ( Buster on top) Jack who is 4 and Buster had a blast!
Irish It sounds like a good plan for a second opinion especially with having other major medical issues to consider. Glad you have palliative care on boars for support.
emac Glad to hear rads are going well and you are feeling a little better. It also sounds like you had some positive doctor visits and any positive info is always a bonus. Happy to hear your O2 levels are doing good enough to ditch the oxygen. Sunshine and 70's is always a mood booster for me as I hope it was for you. Ugh the weeds are endless and it's my pet peeve, they drive me nuts. My DH just bought a weed burner propane torch, have you heard of this? It's lightweight and easy to use, I like it because it's fast and easy on my back. We'll see how long it works to keep the weeds away.
Positive vibes and strength to all today.
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Ava and Tigger from a couple of years back. I was lucky enough to catch them in mirroring positions.
Emac, glad to hear the WBR is going well so far and may it continue and that the oxygen is not needed 24/7, bonus for sure, still in pocket as things develop and improve for you, and being outdoors is definitely a mood booster, some good music can be too, weeds will wait until you can do them.
Cookie, glad your dog's playdate went well.
Irishlove, the second opinion is helpful for sure to find out if the surgery mitigates the risks and what your body has already been through, in pocket for that. I am glad to hear that you are on better pain meds, less pain definitely improves qol.
Was up late last night though slept well until nature called. Not sure what I want to start with breakfast wise. Checking online about making some crispy lentils to add to dishes, I don't have olive oil so thinking of melting butter instead, will be trying that shortly. Planning laundry, vacuum and the usual money making stuff to discount items ordered at Amazon like cat supplies etc. Going back to the letils, may make a spread out of them in the magic bullet by pulverizing them and spreading them and garlic on naan bread with a precooked egg and just eating as a roll or almost buritto sort of thing. Just combine ingredients in breville for a crispy cheese vibe and add some of the chips bought earlier crumbled inside. Many options, could include the battered fish I still have in freezer as well.
Other than that, choosing to make today a largely lazy day other than chores, usual money making, tv for ads that pay a bit and the games, those little bits are quite helpful. Nothing else going on. Getting hungry talking food so will get on to that. Having one weird thought, doing some bed marching and exercise with leslie sansone, I will see about that later.
I hope everyone has a good day and in everyone's pocket who needs or wants me.
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So, naan bread was good. I did use the spice grinder to make the lentils and cheese into a spread, I also put some garlic spread on the naan, heated up for a few minutes at 425 in breville and let cool, was messy and not crunchy but do not care, naan is huge which is good, can do so many things with the naan, add fish, ground hotdog or make hotdog spread as well with spinach added. I did skip the egg this time as I felt it would be too filling. It was very good. Forgot to get chia seeds yesterday so ordered on Amazon, 2 pkgs for 3.53 with subscription savings and rewards added to it. That is great for me.
Edited to add that I did purchase Reeses peanut butter cookie mix that can be eaten raw or baked into a cookie, ate a couple raw and it was so good, would be a good idea to make 2 cookies at a time if I wanted crunchy, they are presized and good for someone like me who could never measure without a melon baller size scoop. Planning to keep this in the wheelhouse, limiting to two for now, no need to get to much goodness. There is a chocolate chip cookie variety as well. I allowed two of my M@Ms after which also hit the spot. They are good until July so should be good. Also wanting a half pudding size of Jello strawberry pudding and small amt of CoolWhip, we will see.
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love the kitties and doggies. Theo went to get his hair cut today. He’s fancy!
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Mara - Love the cat photo. Totally cute!
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Mel - I agree, Theo sure is looking fancy!
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Mel, Theo is certainly more fancy and just as cuddly looking as before, sweet looking dog for sure.
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Beautiful kitties and puppies - kitties looking cool and queens of all they survey and puppies full of all the joys of life and knowing they are beautiful. What a wonderful way to begin my day - thank you.
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'Lo everyone, coming to you live from a major European cancer center this evening. Yes, I'm still in here, at least until Monday I would expect but Tuesday or Wednesday wouldn't surprise me at this point. However we seem to have made some progress with tracking all this back to my November rads. Also, that whatever thr deal is, if things are taken just before my paracetemol then I have low grade fever. Tonight I'd had an oxy an hour and a half before and no pain but still the same result. However my hip swelling is down for the first time in months so I guess we just keep trucking. Some small pockets of improvement I guess
Pretty tired tonight and so many to comment on but @wren uou never come across as 83 and I would completely forget if you never said anything. And to @emac, I'm glad you have lights at thr end of your very long tunnel- I hope the path keeps going up for you.
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Finally got the X-Ray report. No fracture. The T8 compression fracture looks stable and nothing was seen as far as bone involvement that wasn't already there and my CT on the 4th in the area that hurts was fine. More good news! Must be a pinched nerve or pulled muscle? I don't know. I think having the weekend as a break from that radiation treatment table will be very welcome.
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sondraf Ugh sorry you are still in the hospital, fingers crossed for release early next week. I'm sure you can't wait to get home and get some good sleep .Great to hear your hip swelling finally went down!
emac Glad to hear more good news for you, let's keep it going.
Mel Theo looks like an adorable little stuffed animal.
Mara Your cats look so beautiful and relaxed in their pose, great pic.
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hello Lilly and welcome ! Nice to see you! Please come back and see us. We’re a big family.
glad to hear the hip has less swelling….. gotta be painful.
sending love to all the weekend is here and my DH and kids are thrilled. Personally, television is better during the week, but they deserve days off they work so hard.1 -
Theo - you look like a little toy with your trim. So darling. Be good for your mom!
Mara - your kitties are so regal in that photo!
Cookie - love me some dog romps. Gets out those crazies😉😉😉
Emac - just love that you sound so positive! I pray you continue to do well with treatment. You got this!
Irish - I hope you get all the info you need to decide on surgery. It’s a tough decision given all your medical issues but ultimately it’s up to you. 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻 for you.
It’s already late on a Friday nite. Our SIL won a trip to Hawaii through work so he and DD are spending 10 days there and we along with the other grandparents are tag teaming to take care of 3 grandkids. I’m tired. 🤣🤣
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Hello all. I hope these next few spring days bring a refreshing time to enjoy nature. Spirits pick up when the flowers are blooming and the birds are singing and the seeing puppies and kitties on this forum. I'm in pockets for all that are working thru this thing called life.
I weeded all of ten minutes and vacuumed. Filled feeders and watered plants and found my chair for the rest of the day. I can't sleep at night lately, but sure do nap days. Bad routine to get into. When I read Mara's plans for meals, I'm a bit envious. With this darn diverticulitis I am very limited what I can eat. What I'd give for a fried fish sandwich or grilled burger. Almost 90 here today and no rain in forecast.
Hope you all have a wonderful weekend with family and furbabies.
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Irish - I totally agree about the spring days bringing some mood lift. We've had a nice run here of a few sunny and warmer days and I've been able to get out for walks and am thoroughly enjoying all the blooming everything, the birds, and the morning spring air!
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Ugghh I hate when I loose my whole long post🤬
I copied it all but now it come out like this👇😫
Good morning All. I finished my coffee hung out. On my IPad reading and now just want to stop into Mels Livingoom enforce I get off my device and. Go downstairs with my doggies🐾🥰
@runor
and those of you who can relate. I just want to say I totally get how you feel runor. I have become so much more reclusive about socializing and leaving my home
@irishlove
I share your concern about temporarily going off your treatment meds for the surgery. Have you talked about it with your. Oncologist who’s treating you? I’m so sorry you’re going thru all this discomfort.
@goldensrbest
I love the pictures of your there guys. They are awesome🐾‼️🥰. They remind me of the tree Labs we has standing in front of me wagging their tails. Love these two breeds.💙
@mara51506
Wow Girl You are young. No wonder you are so good at accomplishing and planning your days and solving your problems
@threetree
@candy-678
@cookie54
@micmel
@emac877
@intolight
Good morning All. I finished my coffee hung out. On my IPad reading and now just want to stop into Mels Livingoom enforce I get off my device and. Go downstairs with my doggies🐾🥰
@runor
and those of you who can relate. I just want to say I totally get how you feel runor. I have become so much more reclusive about socializing and leaving my home
@irishlove
I share your concern about temporarily going off your treatment meds for the surgery. Have you talked about it with your. Oncologist who’s treating you? I’m so sorry you’re going thru all this discomfort.
@goldensrbest
I love the pictures of your there guys. They are awesome🐾‼️🥰. They remind me of the tree Labs we has standing in front of me wagging their tails. Love these two breeds.💙
@mara51506
Wow Girl You are young. No wonder you are so good at accomplishing and planning your days and solving your problems
@threetree
@candy-678
@cookie54
@micmel
@emac877
@intolight
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Sondra in your pocket for a release from hospital soon and cheers for the hip swelling going down.
Emac, sounds like a good report, I am happy to hear it.
Irish, are there foods that you can eat, I've been looking it up but it seems to suggest fiber. I know fat and fried are likely out of the running but can you add seasoning to certain dishes to make them taste better over all or are you even hungry at this point? I am just wondering so I could possibly make some meal suggestions following your diet and what you like. Good job on the walks and weeding as well.
Spring is a nice season for sure, I certainly do not miss snow though to be fair, we really did not get much snow, weather was warmer than usual this year. Fine with me.
Laundry is started but organizing linen closet as well, mixing all the detergent, oxyclean and Borax together so that 6 containers has come down to 3, cleaning thoroughly as well so can put bags of food inside for air tight or do other things with them.
I had more naan this morning, also refrigerated some and froze some, big huge pieces, will look for smaller pieces. It is already garlic flavoured so just put a handful of lentils on top with some shredded cheese, baked at 425 until the naan was flaky. It was good for sure. I want to do something with a piece of battered fish, egg and a lentil paste, I did like the lentils done up in spice grinder as more of a spread, thinking of adding the paste to a minor amount of mayo with another seasoning added in before adding to the meal, might do up the spinach in the spice grinder too and heat all in the microwave.
I do hope everyone has a good day and pockets for Sondra getting sprung from hospital and Emac having few SE from the WBR, sounds like she is doing well on it. Pocket duty for myself to get rest of chores done and to remember I need to phone paratransit for two hospital appts this week. Normal echo and Herceptin Wed and results of MRI Thursday which happened couple of weeks ago so fairly confident nothing urgent, will still cross fingers anyway.
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@shanagirl I always refresh my page first before typing as it will time out when idle and not tell me. Otherwise, yes, you can type a lot and lose it all.
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