My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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Lynne(Man)~waiting with you sweet friend......hugs hugs hugs. Much love ~M~
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Grandsons just arrived with my older daughter and boyfriend. Husband arrived with results. Everything is normal in the brain(well except for the skull and cervical mets that were already there)! Thank God!! I guess that means chemo on Thursday. She said she wants to do my CT and bone scans earlier, since the tumor markers seem to be going up. She may say that when and if she calls, or maybe she will relay the message to the PA on Thursday. I guess it's just the chemo messing with me!
A night with the 2 boys. I'm sure the younger one (5 1/2) will crawl into bed with us in the middle of the night. Maybe he'll crawl into his brother's bed (we have a day bed with a trundle bed they sleep in). I would prefer the latter. Of course, I'll be up in the middle of the night too with the decadron (day 2).
Happy 4th to all of you! Enjoy! I will be having some well earned drinks!
Lynne
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OH Lynne, thanks be to God. You are going through enough. Do you think the symptoms could be SEs from the chemo? Maybe it's time to take a break or change to something else. I know, I know, you don't have answers. I just "talk" too much here. I am glad your son-in- law will be okay. I have to say, it is time for things to settle down there. I am very happy for you. WOOHOO!
Hugs and prayers from, Lynne
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Lynne(Man)~I am so glad that you know now it's stable. That is such a big relief. I hope you have a wonderful holiday celebrating with your family. Stay cool. Today has been a bear outside. Can't even leave the dogs outside for long. Heat stroke for grandpa dog, he's 10 heat is getting to him lately. The hound even gets too hot. Temp said like 95 today. Yuck! Unless you're next to a pool. I miss those days so much. Happy fourth to all! ~M~ Glad your SIL is ok as well! Take a deep breath!
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oh Lynne! I agree thanks be to God! Am sooo I credibly glad it looks good!!! Onward and upward!!
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Lynne, Whew!!! What a relief!! I have been on pins and needles since I read about your MRI! Wahoo!!!! I just might have a drink to celebrate! I so enjoyed the pictures of your Mini trip!
Lynne 50's, I really enjoyed the pictures of your family by the pool! What a great looking family! I hope Tamoxifen will do the job for you for a long time! I got six years with Faslodax, then Ibrance and Letrozole. I'm hoping for a good long run with Xeloda now.
Grannax, Your remodel is so pretty! How wonderful to have such a beautiful place to lay your head at night! Great news about your Dd!
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Divine, Runor and Lynne, My Dh suffers from the superman complex, also. With all that has been happening for the past several months, we had a major discussion about it and I have to say that so far, so good. I am not one to issue ultimatums or to use the"cancer card", however, I did both! I shocked myself and him because that has never been me, but after 30years I have had it!!! I never thought I would get to that point, but I did. Good luck ladies! Don't worry, I'm not getting cocky, I may end up alone, but if I do it is better than the alternative.
Dh has had his neck and right shoulder done. He is no
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Sorry glitch in the tablet. They are scheduling his back next and then his left shoulder will probably be done in August. Poor guy! I can't imagine enduring so many surgeries in one year! I'm getting a first hand look at how difficult it is to be the caregiver. I have not had to do that for him since 2000.
Mae, I loved the pictures of Biggies birthday party! Our Westie, Cooper turned 14 April 171st. We are starting to wonder how much longer he will be with us.
To everyone else, have a great 4th! We are going to go into town for the party and fireworks!
Claudia
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Lynne (Man.), Thank God, indeed!
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So this may end up here twice, I met a woman who is 38", 22weeks pregnant has stage 4 inflammatory breast cancer. I can't even imagine,
I'm enjoying summer even if not driving, it's to hard to take Emma out anyway, she is as tall as me, so we lay low
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omg so very sad. Wtf I never understand things like that. Ever!!!!! Poor family. Sometimes things are just plain shitty and hard. Most would call that constipation, I call it cancer. Slows everything down in your system. Life. Feelings. Abilities everything. I am so sickened to hear that.
Keetmom~ big hug honey. You're a super person as well. Wonderful mother you.
Bigbhome~ love seeing you here. Miss your smile.much love ~M~
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Lynne happy for you
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Thank you everyone! Happy it hasn't made it to my brain, guess it's just SE;s of this chemo. When my oncologist called me later, I asked her about my tumor markers, they once again went up, 305, another 50 points in a week. So I will now have CT and bone scans in July instead of the 3 months which would be August. Chemo on Thursday!
Lynne
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Lynne(Man) My heart leapt when I read of your MRI results. So happy! What a crazy time with SIL's appendix and you on pins and needles. I am humbled by your amazing attitude and strength. Enjoy the 4th!
Lynne(50's)-Seems like you have your head around the presence of the new liver spots. I hope the tamoxifen blasts them into oblivion. The photos of your grandchildren were wonderful-beautiful kids! I know they are so precious to you!
Micmel-so heartwarming to read of the interaction between you and DD. Made the world seem right to me! You and yours deserve a peaceful, loving existence. Satisfying sigh......
Mae-Sweet birthday photos of your boy! Enjoy sprucing up around the cabin!
Gracie-Relieved for you to have put the Cyberknife treatment behind you. Hope it completely destroys the mets, and that you do not experience future headaches.
Grannax-your room looks heavenly! A calming retreat! Praying DD will no longer be plagued with that wretched condition. Also glad that your MO (alias exercise Nazi) kept her mouth shut!
Divine- nice to see you here. Your MIL situation- Holy Smokes! Enough already-you have paid your dues....
keetmom-that poor young mother-how difficult. Happy to read that you are enjoying the summer-well deserved
Bighome-sounds as though you are keeping your head above water. You and DH have been through so much and here you are caring for him now- what a strong team.
Am dizzy from the summer pace- packing for 4 day camping trip to Baxter State park, leaving Thurs. Going with 3 girlfriends and their DH's. always a wonderful time. My grandson will be with us too. Love snuggling and reading to him in our cozy lean-to. Made my famous Blueberry cake to take along.
Enjoyed a Portland Seadogs baseball game Friday night with DH and grandson and friends. Boy, was that fun! I enjoyed every bite of my popcorn and hotdog!
Gardens are doing nicely-fun to watch them grow. Particularly looking forward to seeing what my pumpkin patch will do.
Sending love to all of you, my MBC sisters. Hope you all are comfortable and peaceful in your hearts.
MJH
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Lynne, very happy for your good results!!0
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Yay for the clean brain MRI! I said no more, mae’s will, be done ☺️
Sorry, no time to catch up with everyone tonight. We’re packed and ready for a nap. I think we’ll sleep a few hours and hit the road around 3 am.
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Thanks Lynnwood and Mae!
I hope everyone has a wonderful 4th of July today!!
Lynne
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MrsDivine and BigB, I recognized very early on that the Superhero complex is a weird combination of several issues. One, an extreme people pleaser, avoiding growing up and dealing with feeling bad sometimes, so they say yes to everyone all the time to avoid their own inner feelings of discomfort at having to say no. They do what they do because of how THEY feel, not because they care about the other person, they just want to never feel inner turmoil themselves. So instead of taking the bullet themselves, they be the nice guy to outsiders and let the bullet hit wife and kids. There is nothing nice about it at all. (same applies to men who work in excess, it's avoidance of life and it hurts everyone around them ) Two, my hub gets MAXIMUM love, admiration and positive feedback for MINIMUM input to others. He has said that when he does something nice for me it's great, fine, but before long I need something nice done again. Where as he can be hero to a work buddy once a year and gets maximum points for how great, giving, smart, and generous he is. But he and work buddy have no relationship that needs tending or sustaining. There is nothing on-going between them. Those long term HARD relationships in which caring and giving is an everyday, all day, until we drop dead commitment, THAT IS TOO HARD. He wants and gets the instant gratification of giving a little help / love to someone else and gets to hear himself called a hero. It's a cheap thrill. He gets his feedback addiction fed by others- and I deal with life on my own, because he has this almost sick need to have everyone think he's a great guy and he gets that, easily and cheaply, from people with whom he has no ongoing relationship. (usership is NOT relationship. He has lots of repeat users.)
I have told a close friend that should this disease come back and wipe me out, if at my graveside my Hub open his yap and says something like "I should have taken better care of her when I had her and spent the time with her she asked me to ..." I have instructed to her to punch him in the face as hard as she can. I have NO PATIENCE for people who KNOW they need to do better but REFUSE to do so when it counts. My Hub is absolutely serving him SELF in what he does and anyone who believes otherwise is an idiot. (him at the top of that list!)
I did not hate my Hub when I sat down at the computer but now I do. Wow.
But seriously. Tomorrow is the one year anniversary of when I walked into the cancer clinic and stayed there for three weeks of treatment. Tomorrow our daughter is finally moving back out after being home for two years. And as not good as those two years were, they were something else to focus on. That is all leaving. Bad memories are roiling to the surface. I feel a dark sadness rolling in. And I am scared that my marriage might not be intact when the dust settles. To be honest, in the anonymity of the internet, I don't think my marriage has been intact for years and years. And if I leave NO ONE will get it - because Hub is the greatest guy they have ever known. And he is. Great guy. Piss poor husband. (wow, I am really sour today. I hope I have better things to share another day!)
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it's ok Runor! Let it out sweetheart. That's is how I felt in my first marriage. If I didn't leave that marriage when i did, I don't think I would be here now. The other x just would not be able to handle the cancer and everything that had to be about me. He was already a selfish man and adding tragedy would not have been a good match at all. I would have suffered a lot more. My sweet DH just gets how to be a real man. I am thankful everyday for him and his love. I can hear in your voice, the concern. My DH is also one wh always has people asking him to help because he's a computer engineer! Oh can you take a look at my computer?? Save me $100 an hour almost? Uh no! It also depends on who They are of course. I am thinking of you my friend. I guess we see in this circumstance, that no matter what. Life, loving , and living are harrrrrdd. Even with out cancer hanging over your back. Today isn't good for me either. My mouth. Is very sore. Making eating impossible really. One day just swollen, behind my molar area. I'm trying to treat it. But once again I may have to go to the doctor. Which i (Bad words bad words) hate so much!!!!!
Hello to everyone else and happy Fourth of July !! hot outside for sure. Yuck.
Much love. ~M~
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MJH~ Hi sweetheart so glad to see you. Thank you for your kind words about my DD. It was a very stressful Time. But thank goodness it worked out! I am in awe of you watching the Ballgames with your family. For some reason. Any additional heat, I just can't handle. It makes me uncomfortable and I can't stop sweating. It's really very annoying , I was very much a beach lover. A game would be a great thing. Love popcorn and hotdogs! Sounds perfect!!
Always have loved doing things, everything has to be given up for cancer. Changed since cancer. Nothing is the same since cancer. It makes me so mad. The grueling side effects every single day fighting every new symptom or issue with such skepticism because we worry instantly. “Oh now what is this?" Somedays I just don't want to bother. I'm sick of sleeping everyday, when I go out, I can't wait to go home and when I am home. I wish to go out. The fatigue can stop a train and I already know I am not eating enough. My mouth now. But before. It was my taste buds are shot and nothing appeals to me whatsoever. I don't even know anything I do except love television! The location in my spine where those puppies play is just the wrong spot for sure. The sadness I feel will never be going away. Such a waste. Makes me sick.
Lynne(Man)~ so glad about your results.
Lynne (50’s)~hoping the new plan kicks the crap back!
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Well, we arrived at the cabin a few hours ago, it’s in the 70’s and beautiful. Just review the trail cam and found many critters hanging around, deer, Fox, javelina, hogs, rabbits and a squirrel. Not pictured were a raccoon, skunkand roadrunner.
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Illimae, WOW!!! That’s quite a menagerie of animals! Love seeing them in their natural habitat!! Enjoy your time there!!!0
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Mae~That is bad ass cool ! That would be so very awesome to see those animals like Lynnwood said in their own habitat. I enjoyed that pic tremendously!! I love your cabin already!!
Lynnwood~ waving hello! Get those storms. ???
Much love ~M~
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happy Thursday. DH is here. So I’m thrilled. It’s gonna storm. Hope everyone had a good fourth. Thinking of all you guys. The. Lynne’s. And Gracie. Hope all is well.
Much love ~M~
I am beyond thrilled. I heard from Nan today. Someone who is very special To me and was here at the very beginning of this thread I have been so worried. She’s doing great. Thank goodness. It just made my day. 😊🌹👍.
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Mae, it amazing how much wildlife you see there. Thank you for sharing the pictures.
MJH, You are one very busy woman. You are probably at the state park by now. I am sure you will have a good time. Once Lynne gets through her hell week and scans, we all have to make plans to get together again.
My TM results were posted to the patient portal today. The CA 27.29 jumped to 813.7. Yikes! I am glad I have changed treatment. I hope this works for a long time. I already have a scan scheduled for September, and I hope it shows improvement.
Lynne, I am thinking of you as you have chemo today. I saw Stephanie when I checked out the other day. She was super-nice to me. Maybe she was told to be nice to everyone named Lynne. Do you have scans scheduled yet?
Bigbhome, Your husband sure has had big challenges. That's a lot of surgery is a period of just a few months. I know what you mean about being a caregiver. In some ways it is more difficult than being the patient. Make sure that your own health isn't compromised by everything else you are doing.
Runor, Are you feeling any better about things? You had so much bottled up inside.
Micmel, Has your mouth improved? Did you need a prescription yo treat it? Your daughter's apartment sounds nice.
Have a good day.
Hugs and prayers from, Lynne
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Everyone must have had a super busy fourth. Not much posting yesterday.
I didn't. I'm down in the dumps since Monday. Trying to snap out of it but Ibrance is not helping.
You remember how excited I was for my DS taking his last board? He got the very sad, discouraging news on Monday, he did not pass his oral boards. He has to take it again. It felt like the bottom dropped out from under me. I don't know exactly how he's feeling or coping because he said he's not ready to talk about it yet. That's it, that's all I know. I'm wondering when, if it is affecting his job or pay till he passes and how my DIL is taking this news. It's been a family team effort to get him through the last twelve years. Getting to the very end, then this? It's deflating.
I know he won't quit, no way. I'm hoping he can re take it in six months, not a whole year. I'm convinced it was more of a personality problem not knowledge problem. To me, that is unacceptable. Those first two doctors who grilled him, didn't like that he wasn't aggressive and intimidating right back at them. That's not DS style. And I hope it never will be. I'm going to pray that the same two docs won't be there for his next test. They should get fired for being so utterly unprofessional. It's unnecessary and nothing good can come from that. No doctor should fail based on the fact that two of the eight doctors did not like him!!! That's just wrong on so many levels. In cases like this I think there should be an appeal process. Of course that will never happen because an oral board is so subjective. It's not like the written board, it's black and white. He passed it a year ago with no problems.
The other thing that's worrying me is the repercussions of failing a board. I don't know what they are. He is an employee of a big group of anesthesiologist. He has a salary, he's not self-employed. He's on the partner track. I heard talk last year that if he failed his written board there were consequences written into his contract. It would have affected his pay, etc. I've heard nothing in regard to this test. He just started his second year with them and is supposed to get a raise, maybe they postpone the raise until he passes.
The list of questions will continue to grow until he is ready to call me. Adult children are much more difficult emotionally to deal with than when they were little. So I wait. Ugh.
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Grannax, I am sorry to hear about your son. It seems completely unfair to expect everyone taking an oral exam to fit into the same mold. What would medicine be like if every doctor was same? Each of us has unique needs, and that is true in the characteristics of our medical professionals. I know that your son has worked very hard, and it is upsetting to have this happen. It is sad to know that someone's future and career hinges on such a subjective exam. I will pray that he has better, fairerpeople evaluating him next time.
Hugs and prayers from, Lynne
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Grannax-So sorry to hear about your son's testing. I agree with Lynne, not everyone fits in the same mold. I hope he can take it over soon.
Lynne-Chemo went fine today (the bathroom runs already have begun). I will be ok tomorrow through Sat, since I will still be on the steroids. We are suppose to go on a motorcycle ride with our friends, this weekend. Sat would be the better day for me, she has MS though and we never know how she will be. Of course my husband thinks I can go Sunday. I said yeah, when I had my chemo on Friday, not Thurs! I have my scans scheduled for 2 weeks on Wed, and will see my oncologist that Friday. They drew for tumor markers again today. I'll find out those on Monday. I saw Mary the PA, and she had a PA student with her. Mary broke her hand and is in a cast. I remember when I broke mine, 2 winters ago, mine was my right hand though. What a pain trying to do everything lefty. I didn't slip and fall outside, I tripped over one of the grandkids toys in the house! At least I got away with a lower arm splint. I didn't see Stephanie today (thank you God!). it was just the newer girl on the far right by herself. It was 11:30 when I left, so maybe the other 2 were at lunch. It was a pleasant check out for once. You're right, maybe they did tell her to be nicer to all Lynnes! LOL Wow, your numbers have really jumped! I hope the new treatment works for you!
Mae-Love the pics of the wildlife! I hope you are doing a lot of relaxing!
MJH-I agree with Lynne. Once I get through the next 2 weeks, we should plan another lunch date, if you're not too busy.
Runor-I'm so sorry all the trouble you're going through. Hugs!
Micmel-Glad your hubby is home! Hope you had a great 4th.
Our 4th was quiet (and 95 degrees, and humid!). Well not quiet, but we stayed home. The day before, at 4 am, our daughter had to go to the ER with her husband. He ended up needing an emergency appendectomy. Our other daughter picked up their 2 boys, and brought them to our house. They went swimming ate and then went to the fireworks. At 10pm my younger daughter and hubby, who just got checked out of the hospital, show up to pick up the boys. We said they were at the fireworks. She said it was his idea. I said well he still has the anesthesia in him, and you listened? LOL After my husband telling them to go home and have a good night's sleep, they finally left. Good thing, the others didn't get home until 11. Her boyfriend and her carried the 2 boys up to bed. They were sound asleep. Of course at 6am, the younger one, comes in my room "Good Morning, Nana." I had him climb into bed. I then looked on the otherside, and my husband is already up. I told him to go downstairs with Pepere, and noticed his brother was already downstairs. Of course now I can't get back to sleep. I take my shower and eat. Then they want to go in the pool. So at 8am, I'm already in the pool (the temp was 88). I told my husband to get in, he doesn't go in unless its above 85! He came in. They ate lunch, and my Mom and my cousin who took her out for lunch came over to see the boys. We went back in the water after they left. At 3 their parents showed up (our daughter went into work for a few hours. luckily the day before was one of her days off, our son-in-law will be out of work for 6 weeks, since he has to lift stuff over 10 lbs as a plumber). They left after an hour. Finally put up our feet, and I said to my husband, "It's Wed Bryan (our son) and Ryleigh (his daughter) should be coming any minute. A half hour later, they come in. We went int the pool once again (except my husband). They left around 7. We were in bed at 8:30! For a quiet day, it sure was exhausting!
One more day of the extreme temps, then showers tomorrow with a high of 85 and less humidity! Get my winter jacket!LOL
Have a wonderful evening everyone!
Lynne
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Grannax~what a crock of sh*t! I would never want a doctor that couldn't be human. I don't like over aggressive doctors one bit! I guess it just proves we always live what our kids go through. No matter how old they are. I hope there is a retest soon for him, and no problems with work.
MJH ~ Hope you're having a blast!
Mae~ same goes for you. I felt like it was an episode of naked and afraid. With all that wild life around lol.
Much love to all. Waving hello to the Lynne's and hoping her (Man's). Chemo is history! And (50's) is feeling good! My mouth is a little better. What a pain that is. Literally. Thanks for asking. ~M~
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I did find out a few answers to my questions. The most irritating to him is that he has to wait until September 2019 to take the board again. He's checking to see if any of his friends know a way to get in sooner. I was right about the raise, he won't get it until after he passes the test. I did not know it's $60,000. That a big chunk.
I feel better at least knowing a little more. Crazy the things our doctors have to go through to become board certified physicians.
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