My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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Runor, any chance that you are a writer/author? If not, you should be! Your writing is eloquent. I love words, quotes especially and my house is full of inspiring messages that I look at daily for affirmation that life is full of beauty and family is everything.0
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I'm finishing up the book, “Meditation for Fidgety Skeptics: A 10% Happier How-to Book" by Dan Harris. He's a weekend news anchor for GMA on ABC. It offers some of the best advice on meditation I've read, and he has a 10% happier app on meditation that I plan to check out. His theory is that mediation may not completely transform your life, but it can start by making you 10% happier, and that much makes it worth doing. I learned lots of great tips on meditation with this read. I agree with those of you who feel it is worthwhile to practice.
Not sure how my foot bone broke, but I started a walking routine last summer and repeated steps over the course of six months or so may have caused it. Hey look, full disclosure. In late winter, while sitting on the desk chair with wheels, I shoved the chair away from the desk and accidentally rolled it (with my full weight on it, ) right over my foot. Incredibly painful. Was not wearing shoes. Never associated that with foot pain later, probably too busy to make the connection. I try to be mindful, but I guess I could do better! Just recently remembered that incident. Apparently, its a very common break. I'll be able to wear an air boot, won't need a cast or crutches. Waiting for hospital to call and confirm next Friday for surgery.
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Checking in...
First of all, sending special love and hugs to those of you experiencing pain and nasty side effects. Gracie-hope the bone pain is not severe. I had it with the first chemo for Stage I and it was excruciating. I had to use narcotics for a few days.BigHome-from what i have read, the lower dose of Madame X should help. I have had some slight nausea and some abdominal cramping that is short lived, but all of it stinks! Nausea just shuts me down. Do you have Zofran? Have you tried nibbling candied ginger? Divine-grateful you have found the cause of your foot pain-glad they don't have to mess with it too much to fix it. Lynne(Man)- oh I remember those "hell weeks" and they are hard. I could enjoy food for about 7days and then went back for another round of the evil chemo. Thinking of all of you.
Micmel-you are a growing concern to me. I agree with 50's girl about the depression. Are you currently taking an antidepressant? You seem to be in a deep hole of darkness that may be a bit challenging to crawl up out of. But it can be done! Much of how we deal with adversity in our lives depends on what shape we are in when presented with it. if you didn't get some of the tools in your childhood(no fault of your own), it maybe tricky to navigate life's ups and downs. I agree with Lynne also regarding having someone review your meds. Maybe a palliative care Doc? I had a summer years back when I could hardly keep my eyes open; I felt as though I was looking at the world through gray jello. It was dreadful. Don't know what helped, but it went away. i have been on an antidepressant for years and it completely helps. Why does cancer happen? My take on it is that it's just nature. it is the "Emperor of All Maladies" for sure. Is it the "chemical soup" in our environment? Who knows? Why did it happen to me? I think it is just random. I don't flog myself by repeating those questions. It is such a hard reality to accept, I know. I wish for you the courage to take one small step toward changing this debilitating pattern you are stuck in. Most of us know instinctively what we can do to help ourselves, but it can be hard to face.
Saw an amazing performance last night of "Beauty and the Beast". So great and so much talent. Beautiful weather here, too. Loving summer! Making a meal of Chicken kebobs, new red potatoes, garden salad and peach crostada as our middle DD will join us. Grandson having a blast at camp this week.
Love and sincere best wishes to each, Mary Jane
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Lynne-Yes it was Nadeau's, but it was roast beef. I've never liked steak and cheese. We've been going there since I was a kid. As a kid I got ham and cheese, then as a teenager I found roast beef, while the rest of my family always gets steak and cheese. Tonight he is picking up pizza, I will try one piece, but I'm sure the sauce will bother my chapped (only word I can describe it) mouth, and I won't be able to taste again, maybe tomorrow ...
Gracie-I hope your port placement went well today.
Micmel-I hope today is a better day for you.
MJH-So glad you are enjoying your summer!
Only a tiny bit of dizziness today. No diarrhea. I went out to lunch with my mother and one of my sisters. We sat outside and enjoyed the beautiful weather. i had clam chowder and half a tuna salad sandwich. I forgot to tell them not to toast the bread, so I just ate the tuna with a fork. Mom and I went shopping after we dropped my sister off at work. We do this once a week. Mom drove, glad to get out of the house. First time all week.
Our older grandson went to cub scout camp this week. He loved it. My father-in-law donated to granite benches to the camp (it's actually in the city we live in), about 10 years ago. He was very involved in scouting, and went to camp there in 1944 (my husband and sons also went there). Received many awards. Here are a couple of pics of the benches (one is in the name of my husband's grandfather, the other for the entire family.
Matthew, the camper. He had a ball at his first camp experience.
Matthew and his brother Aiden (I know, they don't look alike at all) on the other bench.Have a great weekend everyone!
Lynne
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Lynne (man), I hope you find foods that work for you. I remember I could only handle fried rice, wine and ramen noodles towards the end of my 5 months on abraxane, everything else was gross or tasteless. I love food, so that issue was especially sad and frustrating.
You too Gracie, the food issues will come, just try not to let it break your spirit.
Divine, sorry for your pain, I’ve never broken a toe but I do have two red, sore big toes, I think something to do with a recent pedicure and a knee problem that now requires physical therapy, ugh, I feel your pain.
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Gracie, I hope your port placement procedure went well and you are resting comfortably at home now.
MJH, Your dinner sounds delicious. One of these days you will find me at your front door with my knife and fork in hand.
Divine, Rolling over your bare foot with a chair sounds very painful. I would not be surprised if it caused your broken bone. Whatever the cause, I hope the pin procedure solves the problem so you will no longer experience pain.
Lynne, It is so nice that you have family living close to you. I am glad that you are beginning to feel a bit better. Your grandsons are so cute. They probably wouldn't appreciated being called that, but it fits.
Micmel, Where are you? I have seen some posts on other threads, but nothing for us. We miss you.
Hugs and prayers from, Lynne
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Thinking of you Gracie and hoping your port placement went well. Divine, I have broken my toe before and couldn’t believe that a toe could cause so much pain! It was significant! Lynne, how touching to see your grandson on the memorial bench. Things like that are touching to me... looks like the love of scouting lives on. MaryJane, we will all be over st your house for dinner!! I love chicken and potatoes ANY way they are cooked, my favorites! Micmel, miss seeing you post toddy.0
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I am ok ladies. I am here. I am just absorbing everything and trying to claw my Way out hole ive made my way into. I love you all. My DH is here and that alone makes me happy. The reason. I fight everyday. Thank you for all the advice and I am on 75mg of Effexor. Maybe time for a tweak?. I won't lie. It's been a really bad week for me.
Gracie~ thinking of your port placement. It is a pretty big deal. I hope you don't bruise too badly. Love you too
Lynne(Man)~ loving those poses. Truly made me smile. Adorable lil ones. Glad you feel a little better! Everything about it plain sucks.
Lynne~50's thank you once again for the brutal honesty alongside with MJH. I need honesty and No BS women in my life. I appreciate it so much.
Grannax~ Hello beautiful. My DH is painting my DDs room angora and I love it!! You inspired us !
Lynnwood ~ ty you sweetheart. Precious people make this thread what it is. The support is amazing. Ty.
Mae~ loving the B52's song mentions. Divine singing them and egads chiming in! Made me smile in between my tears. Thank you for the memories. “Dance this mess around"........ “everybody goes to parties.... they dance this mess around...... and they do all 16 dances"!! I am breaking out that cd soon for sure. Thanks again for the lift.
Runor~ love you my friend. Thank you! My fairy arrived today, in the form of my DH.
I had read that Magda has arranged for hospice in her home, another reason I feel so sad. I have been feeling helplessness that I can’t control. She’s another wonderful woman just trying to live. It’s all not fair. Good night sweet friends
Much much love to all ~M~
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Micmel. Love this topic you started. Guess I haven’t seen it cause I usually just go to my favorites. I read back thru here. Awesome stories. Sorry to hear you r having a hard time dealing with it all. It gets to all of us at some time or another. Two words : happier days
Hello all
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Hi Patty, nice to see you here and posting to bone mets.
So sorry to hear about Magda, she was so excited to move into the new house. I know she has heart issues now, hoping something gives her more quality time.
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Hooray Micmel! Your Hairy Fairy has arrived. Instead of sparkle dust he likely has chip crumbs on his shirt. That's okay! Magic is magic!
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Hi ladies! I seem to have survived! Everything went well. My surgeon put my port in with two series of internal stitches because of the dexa and chemo slowing healing. She thought it would be sufficient. They put me OUT! Today I’m dealing with a lot of soreness, but am confident that will get better with time. I love my surgeon!!!! She is really incredible, very very compassionate, she sat before surgery and talked to my DS and I for about 15 minutes!!! The port is in the opposite side frombthe first and she said she gave me either ectra toom for movement and doubke checked it after it went in. I’m going to still be on norco today so will try to catch up later
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I try to enjoy the most, every moment is precious! Your husband loves you and is right there with you when it counts.When I think of my future the thought that comes the quickest is the one of my children (12, 7, 5, and 4 yr old) suffering, been alone or with a stepmom, but I push those thoughts away because they are no positive. Eat healthy, try to sleep enough, exercise regularly, drink abundant water, inhale deep air, get sunshine and have faith in something bigger than yourself.
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Gracie, glad the port is in and that your surgeon seems to be making sure of your comfort with it. I know you're glad that's done!
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Nioz - wow your kids are young. I don’t know how you have the energy it takes for those ages. Great advice
Gracie. Hope you recover quickly. It’s great to find any dr to take the time to talk anymore. Mostly they are looking at the computer and already know before they walk in the door what they are going to do. I am like uhhhh heelllllo. I am over here. Not in the computer.
Micmel. Two words : It’s SATURDAY !
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Patty~Omg. 😭😢🤭 my sweetheart. I have tears pouring down my face seeing your name here!! Another special fairy has arrived Runor. This woman is also so very special to me. I love seeing you here patty. Because I love you too sweetheart! I am so happy happy to-see you posting and here. I wish i could wrap my arms around you. Two words: welcome home 💜.
Much love ~M~
Gracie~ so glad to hear they listened to the patient. Glad you're feeling well. It's donezo!! My port has made things easier.
Nioz~ welcome to the thread! Your advice is true! DH helped me tremendously and I am thankful he arrived. Saved me again basically. I hope you will find this a place of comfort like i have tried to. Thank you for thoughtfulness and honesty! I am in full understanding of the intensity for your children. I will keep you all close in thought.
I'm like a hamster on the wheel! Go go go go pill pill pill but there is no more go go go, only pill pill pill
Mae~ Hello darling. Still have B52s running through my head. Which is good. The alternative was really driving Me nuts. By Bobby Goldsboro “Honey" Talk about putting myself in a hole. Yikes !
Runor~ DH Thank goodness wiped off the chips. Made me some Good food. I just am too fatigued Somedays. I am just starting to think that every treatment has the same side effects at some point or another. You always make me laugh. I love that about you.
Muddling ~ hi there darling. Hope you're doing good yourself and enjoy your weekend. Hope it won't be too hot outside. Yuck I hate it too hot. Or too cold!
To the Lynne's ~ love you both and sending hugs
Thinking of Magda. Waving to Tanya, Chelle,Nan Divine,Blueshine, Holmes, Minnie, Grannax, Keetmom Bigbhome, ❣️❣️❣️Daniel and Leslie..Lynnwood,Chicagoan, Boo boo, MJH. I agree it’s time for a tweak. Thanks for the meditation ideas. I purchased a sound machine and I’m going to use it tonight. Hello to daywalker, hope all is well too! Enjoy. the weekend.
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Micmel-Hope you are feeling more "up" today! Glad to hear your DH is home. I'm very sad to hear about Magda. I really hate cancer!
Patty and Nioz-Welcome to our thread. Lots of love and support here!
Gracie-So happy they put you out! Glad everything went well. Hope you heal quickly!
Lynnwood-Those two boys and my granddaughter, are what keep me going everyday. I could be really down in the dumps, and then I get a visit, and I immediately smile! It was nice of my son-in-law to take pictures of them with the benches. I'm sure my father-in-law loved it.
Mae-The taste issue, usually goes away after a week (sometimes a week and a half). I love food too! Taking the taste away or changing it to something disgusting, just takes all the fun out of it!
It's the weekend! My husband is going to be gone all day at a charity golf tournament for cancer today. It's an hour and half away. At Darmouth College. He's with one of his brothers, his son (who has had stage 4 brain cancer for 5 years, and is doing well), and a friend. That's their foursome. He got up at his usual time (4 am), and met them at 4:30. Their original tee off time was 6:30am. Good luck with that! I hope he enjoys himself. I'm home listening to the quiet. Just me and the 2 cats. Maybe I'll take a walk over to my sister's or mother's later. Tomorrow, we are picking up a boat trailer for my father-in-law, in the morning. Then we are suppose to go for a ride on the trike with our friends (since I wasn't up to it last Sunday). Hopefully, the weather holds out (chance of thunderstorms and showers in the afternoon). Nothing worse than riding in the rain!
Have a nice weekend everyone! Hugs!
Lynne
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Waving back to you, Micmel. It's too hot outside for me so I'm staying in and watching a lot of sports today. I like watching live sports because it's real. I don't like tv "shows" very much. Can't stand dramas and so-called comedies and I hate "reality" shows. I rarely watch movies but if I do, they are sci fi or comic book heroes because I like to escape from my all-to-real reality. I usually watch certain cooking, craft, sewing, travel (like Rick Steves) shows and sports. Tennis is my fave so I've been very keen on Wimbledon these last two weeks. Of course soccer and tour de France are going and there's usually a baseball game! I love watching the skill and grit from the pros! I have quite a bit of pain so these help distract me and I read A LOT too. I hope you are having a better day!
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Lynne~(Man)~ those cuties would put a smile on any face for sure. The beat in your heart I am sure. I love how you're always spending time with them. What a gift their laughter must be to hear. 😊 hope you're feeling less dizzy.
Muddling~ I love watching the Olympics the most. Was disappointed at this years Olympics at the USAs performance. We always dominate. This year was weird. I also am a sports fan. But depends on what it is. I am a reality tv junkie and a tv person just in general. It helps me get through the days. The long long days alone.
Starting to think I have. Little Cold/sinus thing going on here. It's my week off ibrance so my counts are down for sure. I truly hate cancer. More than I could ever put into words. Have a good weekend ladies !
~M~
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Micmel, glad you have climbed out,of,the darkness. We all slip in there from time to time. It's hard at times to keep the dark,thoughts away. I have my DD, SIL and 2 grandsons this week, so happy days!!
Gracie, glad that port is done. Mine is so old now, I can hardly remember it being done. Hope it lasts a while longer. Glad your surgeon was kind.
Best wishes to all. Have. Great weekend.
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Mic i find it very easy to slip into hole if i dont at least move some its Fine line.
We re up north wi for next 5 days just bought a bunch of fruit, it is a w was rm day....oh and was Of course chocolate to dip in. We cmE up here on our honeymoon 23 years ago, wrather looks beautiful looking forward to some rr, next Saturday Emma will be home sawca picture of het today she looks good.
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Gracie, I am glad that the port procedure is over and was uneventful. A doctor's caring attitude can make such a big difference before, during, and after surgery.
Patty, Hi there. It is so good to see you here. I have been following your posts and think of you all the time. I hope that your pain is under control.
Micmel, I am glad that you are feeling better. I read about Mags, and it is upsetting and sad. I wish circumstances were different, but we should be comforted by the fact that Mags has made her own decision to enter hospice. She still feels well enough to make that decision based on valid reasons. From what I read, the treatment has begun to cause more harm than good. As you know, she suffered heart issues, weakness, and severe shortness of breath due to a fairly rare side effect from her chemo. She chose to stop chemo in order to improve her QOL for the time she has left. I am sure she thought long and hard before making that decision. She purchased her dream home, which she seems to love. Her bedroom looks comfortable and homey and is decorated just to her liking. She has a loving person to be with her as she enjoys this period of her life. She has a deep faith in God, and I am sure that eases her mind and lightens her spirit. I have missed Mags' posts. I wish things could be different for her. I wish that she would get better. Life is not fair. There are things we just cannot change. I think that Mags should be admired for her actions. When the day comes that my treatments begin to be more harmful than helpful, I hope that I will be aware enough to recognize the signs, strong enough to voice my wishes, and brave enough to make the right decision.
Hugs and prayers from, Lynne
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Keetmom~I can't believe that it's already been two weeks since Emma went to camp, she's amazing! Just like her mother.. I'm glad you saw a pic and mamas eyes knows when her DD is doing good or not. I'm sure when she comes home, she will she have a ton of cool stories to tell you. Maybe even boys. Lol. I hope you're feeling good.
Minnie~ Thanks for letting me know I am not the only one that falls into the hole from time to Time. It helps me feel like here is the only place people truly get it. I won't ever have any peace of mind again. That's why sleep is so important. Thank you for caring.
Grannax~. I wanted to mention how happy I was your DD was doing so well. That really makes such a difference worrying about a child is not fun at all. I have one moved out and I am so thankful finally. The DS is going to be the challenge. Much love ~M~
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50sgirl, your grace makes me feel like I am listening to a prayer. Truth is powerful. Truth and wisdom are holy. I am silent inside when I read your words, because in the face of such grace, one should stand in silent wonder. Thoughts go to Mags and I pray she has peace going forward.
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Gosh did I sleep! Eight good hours which is so unlike me to sleep a long stretch! Guess I needed it. Will go back today and get caught up on everyone’s posts and news. I feel almost human this morning!
Micmel, you and I share those dark moments and I feel like I’ve been in the exact same space emotionally. Just remember that we are all here for you and love and really value you as a friend and sister! 💐💐
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Runor~ I know I always say this. But you definitely write so well. I enjoy reading what you write. Every single time. I am also saddened by Magda.. she just got her new house. Patty my sweet. I hope home hospice has you set comfortably. Been thinking a lot about you both a lot
Gracie~ my DH heads back tomorrow I don't Want to darkness to return. Being with him allows that peaceful place I sincerely need. I am so glad you rested up. I'm still in bed. We are getting a thunderstorm! One of my favorite things!! I love and care for you all also Gracie.
Much love ~M~
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Well between the chemo and the anesthetic, the hair is toast. Lost great handfuls this morning when I took my shower. I hope I have enough left after tomorrow to try to go match a wig sometime this week
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Gracie, I am sorry that the hair loss happened so quickly and suddenly. I hope you find the perfect wig. Of course, treatment had to be given priority abovea wig. Your schedule has been crazy and wild lately, so you certainly had no time to think about wigs until now. Perhaps you should consider some pretty scarves, too, since I have heard that wigs can be hot, especially in the summer. I look forward to seeing a picture of your new "do" after you find a wig.
Hugs and prayers from, Lynne
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Thanjs 50’s. Yes the speed that it happened surprised me. I was hoping for another week to get a wig. But it’s I God’s hands, so I’ll just go with it. Hugs and prayers for you too
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Good afternoon from NY
We made it to my daughters last night. We’re here until Tuesday-extra bonus time with the grands, daughter and mom and then back to Tampa.
Lynwood NH I love the pictures of your camping grandsons. The memorial bench is wonderful
Micmel I’m happy your knight showed up to give you that hand up. I need and use it quite often. The advice from our crew is priceless. Meditation pills sounds of nature or all of the above.
Sorry to hear about Magda. She enjoyed her home and son for minutes. At least hospice will be in home. Prayers gently sent her way.
Gracie I hope the port serves you well. Sounds the surgeon is wonderful. Some things on this journey are priceless.
50s girl all I can say is amen to your words about dear Magda. We fight hard while we have strength and something to fight for. My traveling has made me want to get all my affairs in order. It’s priceless to be able to voice your wishes and live it after being respected and heard.
Shout out from lovely Sunday land I hope all can enjoy some piece of this day.
Waves to Runor, Big, Mae, grannax, Keetmom, Minnie, Pattie, Nioze, Blueshine, Chicagoan, anyone I forgot,carpe diem with everything you got!
Tanya
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