My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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My DD went to visit my father today. He didn’t look good. And was sleeping the entire time on and off and falling asleep mid sentence. He doesn’t usually do this. She said his liver side is hurting when he breathes deeply. None of this is sounding good at all. The toxins are starting to back up in his system. He isn’t eating meals anymore, light sweets and only liquids. Mainly water and gingerale. Even that is slowing down now.
I am realizing that I have to prepare myself that I am facing this impending loss of a parent. Watching it happen. I haven’t been there because of the damn. Bronchial issues and sinus infection. Yet again courtesy of ibrance! So I missed a week of seeing him. I have to go Tomorrow no matter what. I’ll crawl if I have to. I believe we are loosing him, I was really hoping for more time with him. Not just with his sickness. But to really have Time with him again. Time I’ll never have a chance to get back. I’m so unsteady. With everything. 💔🥺😫
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Sorry micmel, thinking of you 💛
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So sorry about your dad, Mel. But it’s such a blessing that he’s back in your life and seems to understand how much you’ve been doing for him. I hope that gives you comfort. I’m keeping you both in my prayers and sending you strength during this difficult time. Take care of yourself.
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Micmel please take care of yourself. You won’t be able to help your Dad if you end up in the hospital. Nursing homes are crawling with germs. Your Dad knows how much you care and has appreciated everything you have done for him. If he is sleeping he may not even know that you are there. I call his state half in this world and half in the next. His body is preparing for his transition. I’m sure the nurses are keeping his pain under control, if you are worried about his pain give them a call. Hospice no doubt has pain meds already ordered for him and probably some anxiety meds too. I know how hard this is for you , with your reconciliation there is now no unfinished business between you two. Take comfort in the fact that you have been there for him in his time of need. Sending you a big hug my friend.0
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Hugging you tight, Micmel. Hugging your dad too.
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Thank you ladies. I feel numb I believe.
Philly you changed your name ? Literally ? Lol smiles to you always.
Mae~ morning to you hugs and love !
Hi Donna~ ty for what you said about the guilt. It’s there front and center and I just don’t know why. I have cried many nights to sleep with sorrow of wondering why. All those years lost for it to end this way ? Like wow! It’s starting to really sink in. My father is dying. I don’t even want to say it out loud. No less about myself.
Parry~~ Hi beauty. Runor~ ❤️🥺 JKL ~ thanks for caring
You are very special ladies. Thankgou
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I'm happy to tell you that I had a great time yesterday with my family. Amazing how one day can change things. It was my grandson's State Gymnastics Meet. I rode over with my DD, sat by DS and DD and got to hug my little Blake. My DIL and granddaughter were down in Corpus Christi at a Destination Imagination State competition. Have any of you heard of that organization? It's a very big deal here in Texas. It combines Engineering w Theatre to solve problems. The team has to put on a skit in front of the judges to explain how they would solve the problem they were given. Theirs was about PET rescue and solution.
We still will have meeting on April 6 to resolve the issues. But I'm more hopeful today.
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Thinking of you today. I hope your visit with your father goes well. Hugs
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Melissa, very sorry to hear about your dad. Sending you hugs and lots of positive energy your way from overseas. xxx
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hi micmel so sorry to hear about your dad.
I dread the day I will have to say goodbye to my parents. We are incredibly close and actually live in the same building, just separated by two floors! I moved in to their building when I was diagnosed because I thought the worst was going to happen to me. Turns out, I’m pretty okay here (some ups and downs) and now I am becoming my parents caretaker and they’ve legally made me in charge of any medical decisions for them. What an honor and also ugh!!!
I will keep your father and your family in my thoughts.
I DID change my name! LOL!!!
It was my 42nd bday yesterday and also 2 year cancerversary (yup diagnosed right smack dab on my 40th bday!). I sent an email out to my all loved ones and shared the thread about the myths and misconceptions of MBC with them and realized that I wanted to be a little more “anonymous.” Of course they all totally knew exactly which post was mine (when you know someone, you know them!) But the act of the sharing made me feel more vulnerable and overall, that I wanted to be less easily identifiable on the internet.
I’m an extreme extrovert with deep rooted introverted tendencies.
Happy Sunday to everyone!! Here is to another beautiful day for us all, around the sun, on this crazy rock we call Earth! 🌏 ❤️
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Good afternoon ladies
Micmel I’m so happy for you that you were able to do so much for your dad and joe was able to respond. Bear hug coming your way. You deserve it. I know your heart feels good that your DD is involved too.
Grannax big sigh of relief. Your meeting may be just fine in April.
Lynnwood you are so right hospice nursing homes and hospitals full of germs.
Take care all
Tanya
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Philly, I also changed my name after the first year or so on BCO, when I realized how easy it was for anyone to find my posts.
Micmel, you hold this thread together, with your gigantic heart.
Sunset
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Grannax~Hi Darling. I am also smack dab in some family turmoil, I am choosing to Ignore most of it. The love I have for my father overrides any drama. My DHs support means everything to me. I know it can't be easy....knowing all the pain they have caused me over the past 15 years. But he honors me everyday. I am very interested in The program you mentioned. I am so happy you got to see your family in a peaceful way. Precious woman. 💐
Stilllivin~Hello my friend. Ty for your kind thoughts and words. It means so much to have you here. 🥰
Daniel~ thank you so much. I still can't believe that it's really happening asif, haven't we ALL had enough shit roll onto our shoes.? Please give my love to Leslie. Always in my prayers. 🌹
Ichangedmyname~Gotcha! Choosing a name is kind of an art, it took me forever to choose mine. I don't want to be googled. Only my DH has my log in information and knows what to do, should there be the need. I totally understand what you mean about people and not really caring enough to even bother with them. I'd rather pick the people around me. In all honesty, if my mother lived downstairs from me, I might I have to jump out the window. Lol. I am thrilled though you have your parents close. That's so important. Special woman. So glad to have you here ! Happy Birthday!!
Tanya ~ hello beautiful! He was upset when I got there. The nurse grabbed me and said he's upset and doesn't want to be alone. When I went into his room he was shaking and confused and scared. I grabbed his hand and made immediate eye contact and calmed him down. I fed him some lunch, he ate something for me. Not a huge amount, but something. He told me he was scared. And I told him he wasn't alone. He said you look so good. I said. Thanks dad that means a lot. But my insides are broken. He then said. Maybe we can float together some day in the clouds. I love you Boo...
sunset~ thank you sweetheart! I just want to love and live..each person I meet has some importance to me. Life has more important and impact on me than ever before. I don't want to die... so while I'm alive. I am building my own family. Here. We need a place to cry together or yell together. It's such a vicious track we are on. You also have a big beautiful heart my friend. You are loved...
Gracie.... Still waiting. Parry.... Mae....Runor...Divine...Bigbhome....Masonsma........Blueshine......Our Minnie..... GP..Marianelizabeth.....Daywalker...Muddling,I know days are hard and I know you're tired. Please don't forget you're loved. Lynne(50's).....Kayla....Katyk.....sandibeaches.....hugs to all
If I've forgotten Anyone..... I'll be back for sure
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Happy Birthday former philly! 🎉
DH put on a crawfish boil today, all day eating event with friends 😃
Looking for a few volunteers to camp out in my pocket tomorrow for my quarterly CT scans. Not really worried but you know. Results in the afternoon since I’m leaving town later this week.
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Mae~I think you know you better have large pockets. You have a big family here. I had lol at your former Philly comment.... you crack me up! Good luck sweet friend. Oh and I'm so damn. Jealous of your cook out! WOW yummy 🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞 chop chop!
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Good Afternoon all,
Grannax - so glad to hear your family seems to be showing their “sorry"s by their actions and hopefully by the 6th they'll be able to say the words; this is my hope.
Mae - you are such a brave soul. My thoughts are with tomorrow too.
Philly - oops sorry, “formerly known as”, f.k.a. Philly.....Kayla is not my real name either lol.
Micmel - Happiest of Sundays to you. What you are walking thru is one of the hardest times of our lives. When I was younger, I never seemed to notice how the previous generation handled the loss of their parents and grandparents. I really wished my mother would have prepared me, I could not put in the words the pain I felt when she passed. If you cannot find comfort with your family, you will find comfort here.
Too all, have an amazing week!
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Guess I'd better answer the roll call, LOL. Micmel, I'm doing okay. Just at the end of the 21 days on, and t-i-r-e-d. Not feeling quite as down today. Very distracted with lots of sports to watch helps. What you're going through with your dad is hard, I know. Worse for me was being hundreds of miles away and having to hear my poor sister's distress during phone calls until that final call in Nov.
Mae, I will be there in your pocket for CT's. I'll even try to behave.
Grannax, glad for a happy family day. Waving to Tanya and Philly-with-a-new-name. Actually waving to everyone.
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Hi Mae - I will be happy to dive into your pocket tomorrow, especially if you put some of those crawfish in there for a snack! And maybe one of those tropical drinks 🍹 you love, too!
Wow, lots of Philly ladies here. It’s one city I haven’t had the pleasure to visit, but with my daughter moving to Pittsburgh this summer, maybe I will get to the other side of the state.
Grannax, so happy that you had a fun day with your family. I hope it is a positive harbinger of good things to come. Love will find a way.
Micmel, as always, sending big hugs your way. You are so strong. You’ve got this.
Parry, my friend, how exciting that you will get to go on a trip and spend some quality time with your sister. A change in routine might be just the prescription to forget about the big C for a little bit. DH and I just returned from a weekend in Santa Barbara and it did me a world of good, and I hope the same for you.
Skitz, thank you for the response about A/C. I am sorry it was not the magic that you hoped. My MO seems to have a lot of faith in it, but I am a doubter, especially since nothing else has worked for very long. And the heart thing is scary, plus any time there is a TX change it is hard going into the unknown. I’m hoping for the best. First infusion is on Wednesday. Nervous 😩.
Hope everyone has a happy peaceful Sunday and finds a little piece of joy along the way.
Donna
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Mae - Best wishes tomorrow for your quarterly CT and results.
I know how you feel...I have mine tomorrow too...will get results 1 wk later...
I am concerned...
Gumdoctor
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Mae, in your pocket tomorrow!0
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LOL @ Muddling~ you know it's only, Because I love you guys! I am very glad to hear you're doing well.. it's important to have that valueable support for us all. And again LOL @ philly with the new name! Adorable. The poster formerly known as “Philly" Another new part of the family. 😁😜. Thanks for the laugh my sister!
Kayla~Thank you darling for the sweet words. I try to Be strong in front of him, then crumble and cry on my way home. My head goes in circles and I think back to being the little girl in the corner of the sofa. Playing peek a boo as a young child. 4 years old. He laid his head down and was sleepy. I could see the outline of his skull through his skin. It was just literal skin and bones. Another flash of what could be. My step mother called me tonight and it was Interesting. I didn't even bite on any gossip or he says she says. I stuck to the point my dad. She then said. I don't know what I would do if you and DD were nothelping the way you are. You have been wonderful. Now it could be just blowing smoke to keep me helping. But honestly I don't care. I'm doing this for my dad. And myself even. This has nothing to do with with her. Thanks for letting me vent !
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Donna~I hope I have this. I struggle with it lately more and more. You are the one that is completely amazing and strong. I 🙇♀️ to you and your family. Hugs and hugs... always good to see you here. Precious woman!
Gumdoctor~ we will all be thinking of you as well and we hop from pocket to pocket. In full support for one of our sisters. I hope again the worry we experience is just scanxiety and everything is fine. Hugs sweet friend .
Waving hello sweet resident nurse lynnwood! Hugs to you sweet lady! Nice day today huh!? I enjoyed finallly getting out. I'm visiting with my father and the head nurse says his roommate had been in the hospital for a week with the FLU!!! OMG...... I was like oh geeze NONOOOOOONOOOOO! I am hoping he's been out of there long enough. My dad didn't catch it !! But I sure got it... holy moly! Did I ever!
Hello to JKL...JFL....Bella....Rosabella...
Much love to all ~M~
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Mae, I’ll be in your pocket for the scan, can I bring my own snack? I’ll try to be neat with my peanut m&ms.
Grannax, So glad to hear you had some nice family time. It sounds like maybe your DD and DS want things to be better too. Hope the problem solving session is positive for you.
Micmel, You’ve had a rough go since I arrived here. I hope you can shake the bug or whatever it is soon. You’re due for some better days and I know you want to be able to be there for your dad and your family. My dad died at 94 about a year ago. He lived in NEbraska and I’m in Ohio, so there was a lot of travel involved but I’m very glad I was there for his last weeks. It was difficult but important.
Parry, Thinking of you & hoping you enjoy your getaway.
Changed name, love the new handle! Happy birthday to you. (Rosie is from my favorite Bruce song from way back when.)
Hubby and I are leaving on a road trip next week. First a friends get together in VA then heading to FL for some family time and warm weather. Hoping for no surprises at my checkup on Tues.
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Rosie~Hi there darling. I'm always so honored to have you share your experience with this. I have none. I cannot even begin to imagine going through this long distance. It would be torture. I know he loves me and i love him. I just don't want to or need to be continually getting sick. I am thinking it certainly is why I am repeating this sickness. I keep going back to the germ 🦠🦠🦠🦠 palace. I'm always glad to see you. Thank you for letting me know it's worth it. I needed to hear that so much. Hugs to you ! ~M~(Will be wirh you as well for your check up! And enjoy your travels. Take in every second!)
~M~
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With you Mae for your scan, especially if there are some crawdads in your pocket! I have ALWAYS wanted to attend one of those crawdad boils. A cultural event I have missed. Is it true they taste like lobster?
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Good morning gumdoctor and Mae no worries we’ll be eating crawfish and peanut m&ms. Rosie we’ll join you as well on Tuesday.
Micmel I don’t know if we can ever get prepared for losing our parents. Beautiful that you get to be there for him and yourself.
Have a good day ladies.
Tanya
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Morning everyone, I can’t eat until after scans but I thought you might enjoy this!
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Thinking of you Mae! Wow what a stash. We may get a little noisy ya know?! Good big pockets. Well done. Holding your hand! ❤️❤️
Rosie ~Thinking of you and your scan today. Hugs and support over the miles. 💙
Tanya~ waving hello. I guess no one would ever be ready for sure. I do not want him to suffer though. Loving a parent is a strange thing. It has to change. Shift and morph. Mine has. Interesting thoughts.
Waving to Runor! Hugs daaaaling!
Much love ~M~
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Scans are done after lengthy delays, jumping in Gumdoctors pocket, hope I’m not too late.
Runor, I can only assume lobster and crawfish have a similar taste, I’ve only had crawfish seasoned Cajun style and lobster unseasoned.
Looking up recipes for the leftovers, I’m thinking a pasta dish and some etoufee.
Waiting for results now 😬
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Yay on being done Mae! Dash to lunch sweetheart! Yummy crawl fish. I know it was not a crawl fish icon but it's the best I could do with my selections. Lol. Wish you the best ! Always!
Rosie~ with you as well my friend!
Gumdoctor~🌹💐 thinking of you !
Today was seriously something else. My DD and I went into see my Dad this morning, we come around the corner and we walk in. Say hello. And he Sticks his ancient finger in the air and says “I want a Fuc*ing cigarette NOW.. and if I don't get one I'm going to break the window and and throw this thing across the room. (The tv remote). Welp next thing I know we are ducking. Off it sailed. He told us three Times To get the eff out and don't come back .. he pulls the covers off of his barelegs, and starts to get up.... I had to brace my knees against his to prevent him from falling over. I walk over and sit down on the chair in front of him. And I'm trying to figure out what is going on. I did a little detective work and found out he didn't have his alcoholic drink with dinner the night before. He was having withdrawal symptoms!!!!! I sprinted over to the head nurse and came walking back into his room with his bourbon and ginger ale. I put it in his hand and told him what it was. It was like a little child on Christmas. He went from Tasmanian devil to a happy content man in bed again. It calmed him down immediately. It was so traumatic dealing with this. I didn't care he yelled at me. But hearing him yell at my child. I didn't really enjoy. I am not a yeler. Nor was I as a mother. I came home and slept till 5:00. I'm exhausted. His laundry is almost done. Then im back at it tomorrow. Gasp. I'm so tired. Ugh! Love conquers all.... say and repeat. Love conquers all!
Much love to all.
Special shout out to dodgersgirl! 🌹🌹
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