My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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I know Lita said she was hacked and she was going to take time off social media. I hope there can be confirmation through an obituary. She meant so much to many of us.
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Just pulling up a chair this morning. Kind of down in the dumps. Clash with sister yesterday--won't go into it. Just hurts to realize that family is not there for the support I need. Never has been there and probably won't be there for what comes in my future. Didn't sleep well last night due to pain. REALLY worried that cancer in spine is getting worse. Maybe not. I don't know. Then seeing the posts about Lita. Another one of us gone, maybe. Just feel overwhelmed this morning.
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Gentle hug to you Candy
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Candy sadly family is so close to us sharing DNA and lifetimes and yet they cut us.
My daughter went for her procedure this morning with SIL. All five kids home and I'm watching them. Two with autism. One of them has been stemming loudly since she left. The other one with autism has eaten a half box of crackers and now is eating a pile of grapes and bananas. One is watching TV. One in his room playing with dinosaurs and the 5th one is working on schoolwork. I want to get water but I dare not unlock the kitchen or the crackers will all be gone. Funniest thing about helping out is that I could never fill my DD,s shoes. She would have these kids in order. I'm just keeping the house from burning down. All boys
Tests results stable. Saw the results on patient portal. I didn't call Dr office bc I knew I'd be out of town and didn't want to hear any news without home base in sight to collapse into. Couldn't resist the portal though.
Please update on Lita. Didn't we light a candle for her last week?
Tanya
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We lit a candle but I thought it was prayers for Lita, not candles of mourning. I have not read anywhere any sort of confirmation of it. Nothing mentioned in an obit. Hopefully we can get some confirmation as it is always sad when somebody just disappears without knowing what happened. We always assume the worst.
Candy, I am sorry your family is upsetting you again. I wish I could take you out for coffee and a chat in person. It is so hard when blood does not behave they way they should or support our cancer struggles. Please know that even though we are online, all of us here support, empathize and care about you. Please come see us like you did and let us know what is going on.
Tanya, five kids in the house and it hasn't burned down is amazing. DD also sounds amazing to be able to keep things organized. My house would have burned down within the first hour.
Though I lost my volunteer from hospice who came and walked with me, took me shopping and was supportive with talking, I found out about more services. There is a friendly visitor service that sounds almost the same. There is a long wait of a year as it is very popular. i put myself on the wait list and am going to have training to allow me to do it virtually by webcam. It will be nice to have this on top of our group here for the extra support and cconversation. These things mean so much and to have options locally is really good.
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Tanya congrats on the stable news. What a great word to hear. Good luck with the 5 kids. You are so nice to help your DD out. Good thoughts coming for Lita. It’s a gut punch every time we hear possible bad news.
Candy, hang in there dear. I think it’s easy to say that’s exactly how we feel when the people we count on most to be in our corner don’t show up. I myself have four siblings and we all have been close over the years even though we live far apart. Yet the two sisters I thought would be there for me....I haven’t heard from for several months. We used to be on the phone all the time. And when the whole family were together this summer, neither one of them asked one word about how I was feeling or even how things were going in general. My other sister, who was somewhat out of our daily lives, has stepped up and is in touch by phone regularly, and even took time of to spend one on one time with me when I was back east in June. It is such a comfort to have her back. And my brother is always in touch too. I shouldn’t be greedy, but I want all my sibs at a time like this. It hurts, but some people can’t handle facing something so serious, I guess. I hope your pain improves. Taking any meds for it?
And Mel, I know you are in conflict and uneasy about how you have been treated here. But please don’t let one or two malcontent complainers take away what so many of us have come to count on for daily affirmations, hope, fun, tears, encouragement, love, pocket time and, I can’t say this enough, a safe place to be. We need you.
Hugs to all.
Donna
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Thank you dear ladies--- Rosie, Tanya, Mara, and Donnabelle.
Just a day of tears over here. Gotta wipe the eyes to see the computer screen !!!
Mara- coffee, a chat, and a hug would be nice right now.
Donnabelle- I too think maybe I am being selfish, but I think if I had my family's support it would make all this a bit easier.
I know they cannot remove the cancer, and I will have to deal with all that is to come. But I want them in my corner. A hug. A shoulder to lean on. An offer to go with me to my appointments. A show of interest in the treatment I am currently on and about possibilities for future treatments. My family doesn't keep track of my appointments and doesn't know the name of my meds. "Oh you had an appointment today?" And when I do ask for someone to go with me (which I have before) they come up with excuses how they are sooooo busy with this or that and no way they can break away. I am not perfect, but I don't think I have done anything in the past that explains why they treat me like this. I have always tried to support my family and be there for them when things got rough. Makes me think " Am I that shitty of a person to be treated like this now".
Tanya-- Wonderful you are "stable". Giving you a high five.
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Oh and Donnabelle- I don't like using meds, never have. But I am getting to the point of using the Tramadol the MO prescribed. May try 1/2 pill tonight to get some rest. I hate starting them and relying on them and I already have problems with constipation. Don't want to make that worse !!!!!!
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Candy,
We love you, and so you now have all of us to support you. I am also sorry that your family doesn’t get it. But we do, so come and put your feet up, get a nice glass of wine or a coffee, and tell us what you need. You are so special, and I wish I lived near you so I could give you a great big hug!
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Candy, I am the do-er, helper girl scout of the family, the one who empathizes, forgives, and helps everyone. Turns out they are DISABLED in the "help your kin" dept -- which is part of why I was the one who provided so much all these years! (I say "help kin" because to make matters worse, my mom is AMAZING at helping strangers and my sister rescues animals!! So Nobody is allowed to accuse either one of not helping!!) Push comes to shove: they are not capable of great supportiveness to intimate people in the way I am. They are capable of limited supportiveness. It sucks but I do not have to take that personally. SO-- what I am saying is, you are not a shitty person!! It's their incapacity, not yours. If you have not read about Family Systems Theory, it is eye opening! (The golden child, the scapegoat, the clown, etc...) A jerk will still behave like a jerk no matter how wonderful or deserving we are!
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candy~Use the drugs.........two words. Use Murilax!
You’re a wonderful amazing woman and it is true that family would treat a stranger better than. Their own family, people live in glass houses sometimes. Just load up with rocks in one pocket, hold them and use them as needed. People always think they know how we feel or how we should be feeling or acting. I say (seriously I do say this) screw you. If you didn’t love me correctly before cancer why on earth would I think you would change because of it. My one brother the anal pore, still hasn’t even acknowledged my even being so sick. Doesn’t care. Didn’t come to see my father on his death been. Sometimes we are Born along side narcissists. But it takes cancer To open our eyes to their ways. It’s only then, we can truly see someone for who they are... not there for us. I have that brother who is 58 and thinks he’s going to be a rock star. Long hair rock metal guy. Never married no. Children. He knows nothing about life, only how to be so incredibly selfish!!!!! Freaking siblings and family. Think just because we share the same blood doesn’t mean we take your shit !
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Tanya~Ibrance working again!!!!! Congrats my sweet sister. Atta girl. Kick that cancers ass. So happy 😁 so so glad that's done.
Donna~ thank you honey. I need you all too. More than you know. I just dont like people who say one thing and do another (mods). They humor us along as if we matter. We are just a screen name to them, but to us that screen name means everything when we see a posting from another sister who gets it. Shocked me when they came in and gently reminded us after TWO years and TWO months of the thread being always the way it was. Disrespectful. It could have impacts people. I just hope whoever's behind it, makes their own thread. Or stays away from here. I don't ruffle feathers unless you come directly at me. Which I felt was done. I'll get over it! At some point. Key is I don't forget.
You ladies are the rocks in my pockets, when I get pissed off I grab one and let it rip. Feels liberating.
Much love to BOOBOO! My dear friend.
Philly~October is soon!! Can't wait to meet so happy for the chance. Sorry I missed your call I was napping!
Santa~ glad you're back.
Mara~ hello buttercup! Hugs to you sweet sister. I grabbed you some coffee as I have mine.
Waving to Rosie!!!!
Have we heard anything about Lita? Other than what we’ve “heard “. I’m worried about Parry Also. Scwilly....🤨
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ok for some cuteness ——-mister Meowgi
this is Chelle’s family kitten!! 0 -
Mic, you do know how to push a good girl to break the rules ...! It is out my control.. I'm melting at that pretty thing ...
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You are the boss ... 😊😊😊
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Sweet Mel,
That kitten is so darn cute! Reminds me of you. Soft and cuddly, but don’t piss you off...those claws are sharp! I admire that you fight for what you care deeply about. Hope you and your DH have a good weekend!
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Meowgi - ba ha ha, good one!
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Thank you ladies-- Boo, Santa, Mel.
Love you bunches.
Went and did some errands- pharmacy, bought cat food, picked up books at local Library. Then went to drive thru and got the BIGGEST, JUICYEST, cheeseburger.!!!! Loaded with stuff. Thought I deserved it.
Just one of those days. We have all had them. It is what it is. I love my family, but I am disappointed in them. But you cannot make someone love you or make them care. So..... Gotta move on.
Mel- Just want to hug that baby Meowgi. Thank God for animals. I shared my cheeseburger with my kitty when I got home.
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Happy to report my scans were good. Nothing new to be seen and more decrease in liver mets! Yay!!
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Way to go Rosie !!!!!!!! Needed to hear that good news today. Now go and celebrate !!!!!!
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lol he is adorable. I know lol. Feisty lil sucker. She says he gets mad he stomps. Then he is mad kitty lol
Rosie~💗💗🍿😄 lets do a movie to celebrate! Yay I'm so happy stable and shrinkage work for me. Love to you beautiful! Yeah baby! (In my best Austin powers voice))
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Good day everyone. Best hopes for everyone with scans and treatment changes!! I am dizzy trying to sort everyone out and gobsmacked at the posting controversy. I think it was Grannax with the beautiful bathroom reno--so pleased for you!!! Giddyup--what a spectacular tree! Micmel--I just don't have the words for my distress at the issues. This is truly a living room for me, where there are kind, sharing people and I have not noticed stages at all. I hope that adorable kitten helps with the stress! Mae--I hope you continue to have a great trip. Gumdoctor--my fingers remain crossed for good results! Everyone not named, I send positive thoughts and hope my scattered brain can at some point keep track!!!
I have been swamped with all the transitions around retirement and utterly exhausted at the end of this Ibrance cycle. Moving back home (long time military family), putting things away, integrating new schedules, preparing for the movers, new doctors, new insurance.... My new oncologist is great, so that is a huge relief. Insurance changes on 1 October, so that disaster hangs in the balance. I did finally get the PET scan results from August and the tumors/lymph nodes are all shrinking...anywhere from 25%-46%. My breathing sadly is not that much improved, although the new doc feels that should change as the lymph nodes shrink, since his belief is that my continued breathing issues are due to things being so crowded mid chest. He was not so optimistic on the fatigue. Ugh. As I mentioned before, lovely Artemis has left us, but we have added a new kitty, who was clearly trained by Artemis to be skittish. Sylvie is slowly adapting to DH and I so hopefully she will be a lap cat soon.
All the best. Moving.
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Tanya~Excellent!!! I love it when they have the portal moving along nicely. That is so bad ass good... I love you strong woman. Watching five kids. I’d be in a ball in the corner drooling. Not capable of the noise levels five children would bring. (As my dogs bark uncontrollably). I’m so glad you’re holding steady with the ibrance along with me.
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movingsoccermom that kitty is stunning!! I grew up w Siamese kitties and they are lovers!!
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Moving,
Omg a Siamese cat. They are magnificent! What beautiful eyes. Wow. I had one when I was a child, his name was king. He had an attitude. But who doesn't. Lol.
Good news about the shrinkage. That's what we need to hear! I am sending you high hopes that your breathing will improve immediately! Nothing else will do.
Thank you for telling me this is also like a living room for you as well. It warms my heart beyond words at the support that I have been shown here with all of this. In which I didn't even see coming without warning. (Gee kinda like cancer). I just want a loving place for us all that everything is always ok even if it isn't. Just being together makes it slightly better. Thank you again.
To all of you honestly. Tremendous support, personal messages. I can't even express. It's like my baby so to speak and I feel the need to make it a home.
With all of you. Our home. Our place. Special friends. Smiles. Drinks. Instant relief. We have enough to deal with. Yes we certainly do.
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yndorian~Hello beauty.... welcome back HOME! I am glad to see you here. I know you want to have that grey kitten lol
Runor~ lol (some of us are watching) lol
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Rosie,
Yay! Good scans are great news! Smiles are wide when I hear good news about my sisters!
Candy,
So funny about the giant cheeseburger. You go girl! That is exactly what you needed. Now, make yourself a martini, and enjoy our night
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Beautiful kitties on this page. Cats can be really good medicine when we are unwell, whether emotionally or physically. I love that my two sweet cats would follow me to my bed if I needed a cry in the past or just felt unwell. Tigger jumps up on my lap right away and Ava tucks under my arm. Love them both, even when they pick the furniture.
Rosie glad scans went well.
Candy, lifting my cup to you. Today it is a keurig pod of hot chocolate. Our cookie is a peanut butter, chocolate chip cookie. I can't have peanut butter in real life, but love it virtually. Everyone is welcome to partake of the coffee and cookies.
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I feel immense happiness for all those who had good scans lately ❤
My son once told me (as a child): Every time you feel sad, look at the paws of a kitten. You will smile immediately ... Only a child can give such wise and effective advice.
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Yndorian, I love those wise words from your son (and at a young age). And I'm happy to see you here again! And Santa and Runor, it wouldn't be the same here without you
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