My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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Lynne~where on earth did you get any energy to be as active as it looks like you were. That water looks absolutely heavenly and I love the pics of your DH and you. The smiles, the closeness and the love is so special. You made my day seeing love over all those years working wonderfully. The support he shows you is endless. This is truly what this thread is all about. I am so happy to see those smiles on your faces. Those precious grandchildren, awesome costumes! They looked like they were ready to roll!! How did you have any energy at all, to come from a trip like that, and go right into a Halloween party!??? You go girl! You're making me look bad. Lol I am so happy that you had such a good time floating around in that amazingly beautiful water!! Thank you for sharing your trip with us!! I am thrilled you're back safe and sound!!! Now you'll need time to recover from your vacation LOL!! I want those drinks!! I could use a few of those some days!! Welcome back and thanks for the pics! I can live vicariously through you! 🍹🍹🍍🍍 ~M~
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I wanted to mention how awesome I think it is that Lynne Manchester & Lynne Bedford, actually met each other. That is a very special thing. I am thrilled and would love the chance to give you all hugs. Everyday, each and everyone of you help in some way by being here. I am just thrilled and wanted to mention it. That Is a very special thing!! I know the place you got to meet at sucked. But still a very special thing! Big hugs ! ~M
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....... this is me today! I am tired tired and I am always tired of having cancer. I wish it would just leave us all alone and our inner peace was what we had, like before diagnosis! Much love ~M~0 -
I'm starting to feel like all I do is see Drs, I have seen 3 in the past week and have another appointment on Friday. Ugh. Hopefully this new medication regiment will help me with pain and anxiety issues. Micmel, I am starting back on yoga twice a week...join me? I am also joining the local gym and starting recumbent bike at least twice a week...join me? We can encourage each other to keep it up.I wish we could ride horses together but its kind of a long commute. I thought we could each do this and encourage each other.
I think its awesome the 2 Lynnes got to meet! Keetmom, I envy you all the Halloween kids. We don't get any. Our local community has a Halloween Fest every year, all of our homes are far apart. I always enjoyed seeing the kids all dressed up.
When are they going to find that serial killer in Tampa! I sure hope he doesn't decide to wander the state. I have seen short mentions of him on our local news.
Bigb still thinks he trying out for the Lippizans! I keep telling him they don't accept spotted horses! I wish I could capture one of his beautiful leaps on camera! He looks so pretty and graceful! Even Dh is amazed!
Chelle, I am ready to take that road trip with you! I love driving up the coast! We have done it a few times in years past. I also love the Russian river area, the redwoods and the gorgeous architecture of the homes in Eureka. In Oregon, I have always wanted to ride the Jet boats at Golds Beach. sigh...maybe someday. So much to do, so little time and money. I think if I won the lottery, I would pay for all of us to meet somewhere and spend a few days together.
Micmel, pretty soon that grandpuppy is going to be almost as big as Bigb! Lynnemn, beautiful pictures! You look very relaxed!
Hugs and prayers,
Claudia
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Claudia~I just realized that today is November first. I have to have a scan on November 14 And I'm not really into it at all. I'd rather not go through that torture again, because if something has progressed. I am not going on anything that is worse than this ibrance, I won't be losing my hair again. I cannot go through that again. It may sound shallow, when we are talking about my life here. But for me, that was so traumatic. I hate even the thought of a blood test. When you're not going a lot, your mind seems to become untrained in a way, and forgets having to go. It gets used to not going again! Now within two weeks I have three appointments in two weeks. Blood work. Scan And oncologist visit!!! I HATE even giving it another thought but there it is creeping along in my mind. I have been walking Chief as much as I can. I wish I had a stationary bike. Maybe I'll try to get hubby to look over the Craig's list.
Hope everyone is doing good today. I already can't wait for bed. Much love ~M~
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Great pics Lynne. Ska is actually my favorite kind of music, since I was about 10 in the mid 80's, I have always wanted to visit Jamaica
Jaws happens to be my favorite movie, so I think I would enjoy diving too, maybe in the summer!I ate so much leftover candy at work today, it was awesome but I'm having a big salad with my dinner tonight because I'm all about balance
Micmel, I hope you got some good sleep.
Hi to everyone else
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Mae~ Jaws was the scary movie in the 70's to watch over and over again. I still watch it no matter how many times I have seen it. I also like Jaws II but I was my favorite. I always enjoyed watching it. DH and I just watched it last month lol. I feel If i Am honest, sleep is the only time I get any peace or quiet. It's the only time I don't worry. Maybe that is why I really like to sleep!! Saturday we roll the clocks back here an hour. I guess someone just Gave me an extra hour of sleep!
It is Humpday! Hope everyone sleeps well! We gotta get up and do it all over again! I'll be right here. As usual lol
I have come to the conclusion that I won't be having lunch with my estranged sister. We didn't even pick a restaurant yet, and she's already gossiping about me already!!! I was like uh no thank You. I just can't handle the drama! People are who they are, years don't even change that at all. Nothing will. Much love ~M~
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........This made me think of our Claudia and her horses. I miss my rides. I miss the hay smell. And the freedom to feel alive and riding well again. It reminds me of being young and cancer was never even a word I would even mutter. Have a wonderful morning. Fed the dogs, and it's another chilly morning. My Don King hair and I are going back to bed, for a little while. I think sleep is my sanctuary, along with being in DH's arms of course! Its supposed to rain for the next three days!!! ☔️ ☔️ ☔️Big hugs ~M~
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Lynne NH thanks for posting the beautiful vacation pictures.
Micmel yes for real a serial killer in Tampa (Seminole Hgts area). He's murdered 3 young people.
I went for a walk alone yesterday at a local lake.
Met with my co-worker for coffee and went out with DH in the evening for Bonefish Grill $6.00 Wednesday bang bang shrimp special. I slept hard and long. Today is a couch day.
Have a great day all!!!!!
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Hi all, Micmel, that is funny! Tanya, I am terrified of gators! I hope that picture was taken using zoom. One of the reasons I did not like golfing in SW Florida, was there were always gators! I hope they catch that serial killer soon.
How many times have you showered, put on your favorite pjs and climbed into bed , with crisp clean sheets, woke up in the middle of the night soaking wet. Then gotten up and gone to spare bathroom to shower off sweat, climbed in spare bed, only to wake up before dawn soaking wet again. So the next day, you get to wash yourself, for the 3rd time in 12 hours, wash 2 sets of king sheets, 2 down blankets, then remake 2 beds. Sounds like fun, huh! Happens about once a month to me! We deserve medals for the crap we put up with!
I have been working outside, in the fresh air and sunshine, cleaning Spanish moss out of plants. I love fall in Florida! We are going camping this weekend with the horses! I can't wait!
Have a great day! Hugs and prayers,
Claudia
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Tanya~I had to 😳 Not only at those awesome pictures of that at least 6ft alligator,that i have never seen one of them before, without being at the zoo. I would be high tailing my way out of there. Mister turtle seems harmless enough. What prettywalking landscape. What the other 😳 Was for the mention of a serial killer, and then in the next sentence you mentioned you went out for a walk alone. I was like 😳😳😮😧, don't walk around anywhere alone at this point!! You're a brave woman. I hope you're walking with mace or a rather large pit pull!! Scaring me here my dear! Much love ~M~. You made me hungry with mention of bang bang shrimp !
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Aloha everyone. My DH and I arrived in Hawaii yesterday, and we are planning to relax by the beach and pools today. I am posting a picture of the view from my lounge chair. My inner clock has not yet adapted, and I was ready to start my day at 1 a.m. We escaped NH while my neighborhood was still without power. It had been out since Sunday night, and I received word that it was finally restored at 6:30 last night. I have only skimmed the several days of messages that I missed, but I will catch up eventually. It was really good to meet the Manchester Lynne on Tuesday. It was purely by luck that she was checking out as I was checking in at the oncology center. I hope everyone is having a good day.
Hugs and prayers from, Lynne
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Lynne, what a beautiful view! You relax and have a wonderful time!!! Take lots of pictures, please!
Claudia
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Lynne(Bedford)~ I am sitting here 🤤🤤🤤 at the thought of what you're looking at, as I type this. It's been a long time since I was luckily enough to be able to be there. I hope you make some wonderful memories and enjoy every single second. I am so happy to see such a lovely view with you by your chair! Much love ~M
Claudia~Hi darling! I have had many a nights like that , but since the Effexor, I don't have many sweats anymore, know it's an anti depressant, which is also ok with me because I am up for scanning soon. I never got any sleep those nights. It's annoying! And it makes you miserable. Hope tonight is better. I can't believe you're off and riding again. That's so great. I hope you have perfect weather! Just be safe. I need to go some where. But all I want to do is sleep! Maybe it's all the stress, of knowing that I am scanning soon, it's been over three months since I've had blood work, or any scanning, or any MO appointments and so I'd like it to keep it that way! Damn scans! Tomorrow Is Friday. I hope it doesn't rain. I won't get my grandpuppy in the rain, his paws get my new carpet dirty! We shall see! Loving all the pics! Much love ~M~
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Mich isn't tomorrow Friday? A bit lost on what the day of the week is....glad it is almost the weekend..
Nothing up here today, we are passing a cold around.
Watching Young Sheldon and laughing0 -
Keetmom~Honey you're not losing your mind!! I AM!! I have no sense of time anymore. That's even better because I get to see my DH and DSS tomorrow and the weekend. It's supposed to rain for like 4 days straight. I am not going to like that at all. I also feel like I slept away a day this week. If I add up the hours I have lol!! I have never seen young Sheldon, have heard it's pretty good. I am not wanting to finish Game OF Thrones, so I keep holding that in my back pocket. Our family just got over that cold. My son has the lingering one and mine only lasted two days. I was impressed since I am the one with the suppressed immune system! Hope you all feel better. Thanks for pointing out I clearly do not know my days lol. I'll wave to you tonight, Instead of a hug. I am also just getting better!! Lol Much love ~M~
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Tanya, great pics, gators are pretty cool and who doesn't love turtles, except when they're snapping.
50's, I wish I was you right now but my beach will come. Surgery and radiation have made it impossible for me to even enjoy a pool this summer
Today I got out in the field to check out a bridge that got hit by a truck with an over-height load but we'll get it fixed quickly, it's what we do.
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Mae~ Hi there beautiful! I am starting to think I am the only one who just plain cannot rock a hat. You look so official in your hard hat! I am amazed at what you do Mae. It's amazing that you still plug away every day working. You really are something. After that storm came through, I thought you may never be finished dealing with storm damages. Do the trucks hit the bridges often !??? I have bridge a phobia! Now I know why lol jk. Do you have to go survey the bridge to assess the damages? Next thing you know, you'll be out there telling me you have to jack up the bridge and make the repairs yourself. I am assuming you have a crew that you travel with. Here I Am asleep, and You're out righting wrongs on the roadways! Way to go strong woman. How long have you been doing this?? You seem to like what you do, that's a big part also! Just be safe on your travels! You and I can hit the beach together, after we continue to kick cancers ass!!! Much love ~M~
Ladies look at our thread it's hit over 1000 postings! Yay! Team! 💕💕💕 love you guys
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I rarely leave my office actually but I had some free time and figured this would be the last opportunity for me to go out in person with my medical retirement planned for sometime in spring. My specialty is contracts and bridge hits require a sense of urgency I haven't found in my staff yet, so I ususally do them myself, sometimes an un-permitted or truck going off the permitted route hits a low clearance bridge and damages whatever they were hauling and our structure, it can happen once per year or much more. A couple years ago I did a lot of emergency contracts, once while I was reviewing one, I got a call that another had been hit, I think my official responce was "are you f&@$ing kidding me?!" I even been doing this job for 10 years now and do enjoy it but it's stressful.
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Lynne and Tanya, love your pics! Have a wonderful vacation Lynne!
Mel-I was on Ibrance 2 treatments ago. I was only on it for 6 months, then the scans showed new stuff in my liver and I switched to Doxil. I did not lose my hair, but it had thinned more. I was only on it 3 months due to bad scans, now I'm on Taxotere. I've been on it 6 months, first treatment to make me lose my hair (I skipped chemo when I was originally diagnosed stage 1, 12 years ago) in the 5 years I've been stage 4. My hair was down to my waist. I cut it to my shoulders and dyed it for the first time in my life (at 55), blonde with pink highlights. Most of it came out one day in the shower 2 weeks later. It filled half the waste basket. I never lost it all (or cut it). I still have a few longer blonde strands on the top and sides, it has already started to grow back. I have gray and brown fuzz. I hate having to cover my head when I go places, and have only worn my wig 4 times (I usually wear scarves). At home I just walk around inside and out with nothing. The grandkids love rubbing my head. The almost 5 yr old red head told my daughter he wants a hair cut like Nana. He has beautiful curls, and she hasn't done it yet... I have my scans on the 13th. As much as I hate the side effects of this chemo, I hope it's still working. I figure the longer I'm on each treatment, the longer I'll be around. I know I'm on borrowed time as it is (my oncologist told me the average 5 years ago when I asked, she said 1 1/2-2yrs), I'm continuing my fight. I would like to see where my children lives lead, and hopefully see my grandkids grow up more. At least at this point, they are old enough to remember me.
On my trip my husband pushed me around in a wheelchair, so he had to have a lot of energy! Lots of walking, I can't walk that far. It bothers my spine and pelvis, where a lot of the cancer is. So I had energy to go in the water. It was a wonderful vacation. Relaxing. Next trip in April, won't be. We are taking the family to Disney. 14 of us! I'll have lots of people to push me! LOL
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Mae~It sounds like a pretty stressful job, making sure everyone is safely traveling over a bridge! I was "retired"in 2009 after an injury tubing down the Delaware river. My kids were very young then. I needed 4 surgeries to fix my right arm and that happened to lead to another complication during a surgery. It's been a long tough road even before diagnosis! I hope that when you're done making things safe on the road, that you will take the time to relax and spend all the time you can with your precious DH. What does he do for a living? Mine is a computer engineer for a large large school system!
My profession is taking medicine and having severe fatigue! When I did work I was an accountant for a very large BioPharma company. I used to deal with the clinical trials and set up and dismantle of the trials when they started and ended. I was the project financial billing manager first for Johnson and Johnson, through my company! After I came back from disability (tried too) I switched to around 150 accounts to manage ( I.e, Pfizer, celgene, Teva, Takeda, and many many others) and that was part time. I couldn't handle full time ever again. My arm was just too injured I was diagnosed with Thoracic Outlet and I have permanent nerve damage throughout my right arm and I sometimes can't feel my arm. When I can it feels like hot sand runs through it. Also while my last surgery, they paralyzed my right lung function, so I breathe on one lung. Been very difficult with infections and sickness after breathing from one lung. Long long road medically Already and then add the cancer. I can't imagine working full time ever again!! I think you're amazing. Big hugs. ~M~
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Lynne(Manchester)~I never wore my wig. It was too hot. I wanted my hair the way it was before it fell out, so I went to a salon and they imaged my hair as it was then. Half way down my back, straight as an arrow and I loved it. The wig looked exactly alike. But I didn't want to live a lie. I felt like everyone knew it wasn't my hair, I was already embarrassed because I was one if the unlucky ones that got cancer in the first place. No less de novo. Losing my hair was the hardest part of everything for me. Then of course losing my breast I have a prosthetic left one, it's also heavy and a tad warm. But so far in cooler temperatures it's seems more agreeable. I am still not ruling out reconstruction, but don't want to anger the beast lymphedema on my left side. I am set to scan on November 14th I don't have additional pain. I am always creaky. But of course I am worried. I am so sorry we all have this to deal with. Such good women, it's just not right. Have a good day ladies. Much love ~M~.
Out to get my grandpuppy today at some point. I'm just relaxing a little, I am sure that he has grown more in a week!!
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Micmel, Why would you be embarrassed that you have MBC even if it was de novo ( like me)? You did nothing to cause it. There is certainly no reason to be embarrassed. The cruel fact is that MBC attacked your body and set up house there. You have no reason to feel embarrassment, guilt, or any other way that would imply that you had any control in this. The fact is that many, perhaps most, of us did everything right and still, here we are. Someday they will discover the true contributing factors to cancer. I suspect that they will determine that very few, if any, factors are directly or exclusively tied to the individual's habits. If they were, then every overweight, meat-eating, dairy-consuming, cigarette-smoking, alcoholic, couch potato would have cancer, and those who live a healthy lifestyle would be immune. There is much more to be learned. I do know that you did not do this to yourself! Instead of being embarrassed, I want you to feel proud. Why? Because you are strong enough to live with this disease, brave enough to go through all the treatments, powerful enough to enjoy your life, and lucky enough to have people who love and care for you.
Here are a few picture I took of the view from my lanai.
Hugs and prayers from, Lynne
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Lynne(50's)~ somedays i feel better than others. Then throw the word scan at me and I loose all senses and capabilities to think straight, I don't know how this all happened and I don't know how to get off, this train.I am completely exhausted all the time. Maybe 125 mg ibrance does that , along with everything else that I have to take daily. It's seems like such a hard way to continually have to live this way. I have never hated something so much. I wish everyday that someone, somehwere would just find the cure, and allow good people To live good lives again! 😢😢😢💔. makes feel like we are being tortured so unfairly everyday. There isn't a damn thing that we can do about it. Much love ~M~
Ps I love your pictures, please keep posting. It makes me smile that you're having such a good time. Those are things I love to hear and see. Your post was very sweet thank you. I needed to read that.
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DH and DSS have arrived safely. I am officially in my very happy place. I hope everyone had a pain free Good Friday and will have an even better weekend. It was a tad bit too warm for my liking. We have to make a Costco run and it will be a heavy load. Which usually translates to costing a fortune! My DSS is growing so big. He's such a great young man he And I were talking and he said to me. I never understood the staging part of cancer. In my mind he says. If you have cancer, just because they think it's gone, doesn't really mean in my mind that it would be just out of your system. He said they are learning in his medical elective class he chose. Honors classes that are extra. That cells that carry cancer have the ability to mimic healthy cells and that those cells can fall dormant for a while. Years even, but some day at some point, they will awaken again. He said his teacher, (who is a retired old doctor/professor) said they should stop using the word cure. It's mis leading. He showed me a handout that says although the stats are getting better, because women are living longer with Metastatic Breast cancer. The scary stats are a huge increase of reoccurrence cases.That went up 15% in the last decade. What is happening is, when women who have been told they are cured believe that, so they tend to ignore symptoms and pain more than someone who has never been haunted by knowing what the real deal is once you hear those terrible words.
I think ladies should continue on the hormonal therapy even after that five year mark! Just for safetys sake. How can a young 17 year old make it sound so easy, but our own oncologists still use words like cure and outdated stats. I am slipping into my worm hole again. I have to scan on November 14. I can think of nothing else. I start to cry randomly because of fear. I absolutely hate this feeling most of all. I know you all know what I mean. You guys are a great group and I am thankful for you all. Each and everyone of you. Much love ~M~
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Micmel, I agree that it's been much too warm lately. I see Monday will be in the 70's again. We did our Costco run last week, spent over $300 but are stocked up. Been trying to stock up on anything non perishable for months now. My short term disability pay stops next month and there may be a lag until my much reduced long term disability pay starts. We have tons of trash bags, toilet paper, tissues, shampoo, body wash etc. my sister in law who is a coupon user recently decided to stop using liquid laundry soap and only use pods. She gave me her stash of laundry soap, 12 bottles of various kinds. I'm grateful. I know exactly how you feel about the scans. My mind goes to a very dark place weeks before. I'm freaking out now because my tumor markers went up 15 points this time. Onc says redraw on the 20th if still elevated will have to scan. I wish us all relief from the stress of living scan to scan
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Lynnwood~Sometimes I just don't know what to do with myself, it's like an elevator. Some days I spend most of the time on the top floors. Then one mention of scanning and I fall into a pit and I can't reach the numbers to move that elevator back up again to the good floors. I can't believe I am 47 and the little four letter word scan has more power than my entire body and physical mind can handle. I just don't want to do it. I haven't seen seen onc in three months had blood drawn for three months, nor an xgevea shot for three months. this month I scan, blood work, along with XGeva, then onto visit the onc, I just Want my life back. I want our lives back! It's maddening. A big hug to you all! Much love ~M~
not to mention. That I am sure the XGeva will wreak havvock on my body again since it's been three months. It will be like having it the first time again. The aches and pains. Ugh!!!!!!! No more please..... good thing is I never stopped taking Claritin!!!
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.....I see all these healthy people going about their days. I have to make sure the day before I want to do something, that I have slept at least 16 hours to prepare for even a half of a day out. When I have my grand puppy, I'm worn out. I sleep all the time and I am truly exhausted to the bone, even when I wake up. I hate being awake for too long because my mind ends up in the tank, because it's SCAN time again. Oh the joy! More like gut wrenching, mind blowing, anxiety igniting, emotioncontrolling, terrifiingly paralyzing. Energy sucking, life altering,body poisioning,muscle weakening , ugly scarring and disfiguring, fear with every breath. Effing scan. Just those four letters. Ugh! ~M~0 -
Micmel, I'll be with you in spirit on the 14th when you scan and I get an MRI to see how the gamma knife did on those brain lesions, hopefully good news for both of us
Today, I party. Got a friends birthday this afternoon, BBQ and Beer, I think.
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Mae~Thank you very much! I so wish we both did not have this to deal with ! Thank you for the kind words. I'll be imagining you with me. Wouldn't that be something? I wish we all were in close proximity to each other. Just to have someone close who understands. I'll be totally with you as well. I want nothing more than good news for us all. Have a good time with your friends tonight! Enjoy yourself very much !! Much love ~M~
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