My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
Comments
-
Moomala,
Thanks for all of the info. I really appreciate it. Patience is not a strength, so I guess I’ll have to wait this out. I feel bad for my DH. He’s really stepped up recently and has been so good to me. He said we have plenty of time to go to Universal, Disney, etc., and he’s fine to wait. Ok...guess I’ll keep him around awhile longer!
Mel,
I hear ya about your multiple trips to CVS. I feel exactly the same....I’m there all the time. Hope you pup is okay. My oldest just turned 13, so I know he’s in his senior years. Big hugs to you, my sweet friend
0 -
Here’s a pic of Huey Lewis. He loves to adjust the pillows on the couch. After all, it’s HIS couch. He just lets us sit on it sometimes
0 -
BooBoo~I love Huey Lewis....he is precious, and looks awfully comfortable. Sometimes I think they think the furniture was just made for them. Like we shouldn’t be on it . Lol. I hope you’re feeling better. Drink some fluids for sure. Hope you feel better for the big day! Even though I know it will be quiet. And your first year in Florida. We almost got to meet. Almost ! I am hoping to get together with Philly at some point. I don’t get in to philly too much. She doesn’t have a car m, since she lives in the city. So that presents a problem. But I’m hoping we can work it out somehow. I am envious of you and Tanya for sure! Hugs and feel better...
0 -
Rosie, Micmel, and Minnie, Thank you. I have had a little bump in the road recently, but things should turn around soon.
Life has kept me busy since I last checked in, DH and I visited Sedona (with day trip to Grand Canyon) and Marthas’s Vineyard. Mae, I thought of you when my granddaughters jumped off Jaws Bridge 4 times. We were there during Shark Week, and sure enough there was a shark sighting off South Beach when we were there sitting in the sand.I think it was really staged to play up Shark Week. We got a puppy a few months ago. Yes, I had lost my mind., but she is sweet.
I have been busy getting ready for Christmas. I made quilts for two of my granddaughters, and I can’t wait for them to open them on Christmas. I hope they like them.Enjoy your weekend.
Hugs and prayers from, Lynne
0 -
Lynne~I sincerely hope this finds you well. It's really good to see you here and you're missed every single day. You're an OG here and I always enjoyed your words and thoughts and kindness towards everyone always. I truly hope you will visit us more often again. 🌹🎄 seeing your name makes me smile. I miss our Lynne's.
Waving hello to Mara, Sondra,Dodgersgirl,Tanya,Runor,candy, moomala,BevJen,Mae(of course),Philly, BooBoo.....movingsoccermom,Karen,Blueshine,MJH,stillivin, Pots, Jensgotthis,Iwrite,GumDoctor, of course Ifthere is anyone else I've missed I'll be back. Sometimes my mind is like a steel trap.
0 -
Happy to see you 50’s, I recall the Jaws bridge was very busy with jumpers when I was there too. Not much happening lately but I’ll be posting pics of our anniversary/camping trip in a couple of days. I’ll enjoy the trails and fishing but no swimming because I know there’s gaters in that lake. 🐊
0 -
Which bridge is the Jaws Bridge? Is it the one by the lagoon when the artsy girl rather limply calls 'shark! shark in the lagoon!'? I seem to remember some sort of causeway in the background of the shot (yes, I have seen that movie way too many times. It seems to always be on the 'classics' channel of the better long-haul airlines). The Brody house looks so idyllic in placement - lord knows what that land value would be worth today.
Currently enjoying my morning coffee with splotch of Baileys (cause: Christmas). Its grey and crap out (again) but OH is on board with Xmas cleaning schedule for today, food prep schedule and recipe adjustment is almost done, and I slept well with the help of my SI joint belt. Intending to bake his mothers 'teakakor' for today's activity - these fantastic flat buns that are just incredible with ham and some mustard, or whatever weird Swedish spreads he bought at the shop. My Kitchenaid with the dough hook is in storage in the US, but I DO have an actual airing cupboard which makes my yeast breads rise nicely.
Hope everyone has a great Sunday and is storing up energy for the week ahead, whatever the plans!
0 -
Sondra, here’s the Jaws bridge. I’m a super fan and made my hubs go out to Martha’s Vineyard with me earlier this year for a quick tour while we were visiting New England.
0 -
Morning all.
Well last night I went to my sisters daughters (my niece) birthday party. My brother in law (my sisters husband) was talking to some of the family- his brother and parents- about his job. He works for the State in the Department of Human Services--- the office one goes to for application for Medicaid and other Government Benefits. I know he must see some clients that frustrate him. Every system has those that work the system. But he got to discussing the "scum" that get Disability, that could work, but don't. And how we are paying their way. He was 6 feet away from me when he was talking. My sister tried to steer my attention away from the talk. But she knew that I was hearing it all. I should have spoken up. That I just starting receiving SSD and does that make me "scum". That I had a professional career until a day in Sept 2017 when a doctor held my hand and said that I had MBC and my life changed forever. That due to the fatigue, side effects of the drugs keeping the cancer at bay, the multiple doc visits and tests, that I can no longer work in that profession. That I don't want this. I didn't ask for this.
My mind cannot stop thinking about it. I cried going home last night and again this morning in the shower. I know that everyone has a right to their opinion, however flawed. And that I am not going to be able to change those opinions. It just hurts.
This brother in law and I have had words before. We are not the best of friends. The thing is, I will be seeing him again Christmas Day. Woohoo.
Just feeling depressed this morning.
0 -
Candy I am really sorry you had to go through that. He sounds stupendously unaware. Try not to take it personally... I am sure he would be cringing if he knew what a hurtful thing he said.
0 -
Candy some people people have more opinions than sense or empathy. Disability isn't that easy to get or to keep. My neighbor with MS and major depression got it years ago, and then lost it because he went skiing with his son. So your BIL is incorrect and making a very large and uninformed assumption. That's like people who judge those with handicapped signs in their cars. They have no idea what the person's medical issues are, yet they seem really quick to judge wether or not the person should or should not be able to walk into a store. I have a hard time keeping my mouth closed in situations like that and would have absolutely asked him "excuse me, are you talking about people like ME??'
My concern is how you are feeling about yourself being on disability and that his comments are triggering those feelings. I hope you can find some kindness for yourself Candy. You are a good, caring person who has worked hard and been through a tremendous amount of change and fear and uncertainty. Your BIL has no clue. You'd never ever judge someone else for being on disability. Yes there are people who utilize the system but many of those people have a different life experience than you or I and don't know any other way. I feel like a burden to DH at times. He has to work a little harder to make up for my loss of income. But once we talk it over and he understands how I'm feeling he is reassuring to me and encourages me to do what's best for me. I hope you can talk you feelings over with us Candy. I think a good cry in the shower is a great idea. I did that this week too becuase I'm sick of all this, I lost a very dear friend to multiple myeloma last week, and last night a beautiful woman, just 30 years old, from my in-person group passed away.
I hope your sister gave her husband a good talking to in the car after that party.
0 -
Well said Moomala! People really have no idea what's like loosing one's health and physical capabilities. I find myself having to explain it repeatedly to my own close friends....they simply don't get how everything feels so tiresome now. The days of Bellini e Cosmopolitans are over! Now is Pellegrino with a twist....
I'm realizing what a bad idea it was to invite people over for Christmas when I have no longer the physical strength in entertaining like I used to....plus I realized as I planned the menu that each of my friends comes with their own dietary needs,
so I have to accomodate the pescatarians and the gluten free which amounts to a whole other level of food preparation and fatigue that I simply can't even phantom....so, no elaborate baked pasta with ragù sauce....I'm going to roast whole branzini and served them with an assortment of roasted vegetables and a green salad. It will take one half-hour to prepare and serve instead of days....yeahhh!
0 -
Candy~I would like to spend sometime discussing this with your BIL, he would walk away very sorry. This is a sore subject with me. I also receive disability and have for years, even before cancer... I had a tubing accident down the Delaware River and tore out my entire function of my shoulder cavity. What hoops I had to jump through and how I had to out wait the “waiting period" without a damn dime to even eat or feed my children because you cannot have any “gainful" Employment. It's freaking nuts. I am so sorry that that jack ass even spoke his mouth in your presence and he should be ashamed of himself. Now I do understand there are people who play the system. I'd like to think that Kharma would get them when they really needed the assistance. But cried wolf too much prior. Things have a way of coming around. You hold you head high You worked your ass off and made a living when you weren't fighting for your damn life.... so as far as I'm concerned He can just chill. Obviously he's in the wrong field for work. People that he's assigned to are basically pre judged. Out of the gate, if he is their case worker. Makes me sick!! You my dear are amazing Screw that!
0 -
Sondra, Here is a picture of Jaws Bridge from a different angle. The two girls in mid-air are my granddaughters. When we were walking towards. the bridge, my 13 year old granddaughter saw a sign that said that no jumping or diving from bridge was allowed. She said “Does that mean I will be breaking the law if I jump? I will still do it, but will I be breaking the law?” She seemed thrilled about the prospect. Her parents could have some interesting years ahead of them. Lol.
Candy, Your BIL was thoughtless, heartless, and mean when he spoke. We all know that you did not want to qualify for disability let alone depend on disability payments to survive. I almost said disability benefits, but there are no real benefits. You did nothing to bring about the circumstances that surround you now. Unfortunately, we are living at a time when too many people believe that others are out to take advantage of government programs that were put into place to help populations in dire situations. A very small percentage might try to scam the systems, but the vast majority legitimately need service just to live life.The fact that your BIL works in the field and believes that disability recipients are scum makes me very angry. The fact that he spoke so freely about it, especially in your presence is unforgivable. I think you should talk to your sister to let her know how her husband’s words made you feel. Remember, you are not to blame for your situation nor are you to blame for your BIL’s thoughtlessness and lack of empathy. You are just so much better than he is. His words calling disability recipients scum would be like a medical professional calling all patients hypochondriacs or teachers calling all their students stupid or lazy. You don’t know me, but you have lots of friends and support here. This is my suggestion. When Christmas arrives, remember in your heart what the season stands for. Hold your head up high. Smile. Surround yourself with joy, peace, and love that you receive here, from your other friends, and from other family members. You are so much better than your BIL. Don’t let his cruel words make you question yourself. Merry Christmas. Here is a picture of my 5 month old puppy. I hope it helps you smile.
Hugs and prayers from, lynne
0 -
God bless all you wonderful friends that come to Mel's Living Room. How I wish I could hug you all right now.
I went to my church's Christmas Service after I posted this morning. It was a wonderful service. Songs of the Season, Scripture Readings, a short skit. We ended with turning out the lights (the windows were blackened) and lighting candles and singing Silent Night. What a blessing. As we walked out to our cars, everyone was saying Merry Christmas.
I will try to not let things like what my BIL said bother me. I may mention how hurtful it was when we get together on Christmas Day. But maybe not. Maybe by Wednesday the sting will have subsided. Or maybe I can just quietly be the "better person" by not starting a fight.
50sgirl- I am hugging your precious puppy right now. Pet Therapy.
0 -
Candy, I agree with what everyone else has said regarding you BIL's judgements, lack of consideration, and insensitivity. I think you are a very caring and supportive person. I have an uncle who suffered a few strokes. He is now blind in one eye, has a hard timw walking, and has bad hand tremors. He was denied disabililty. They are appealing. It's not just handed out upon request. Hang in there and have a Merry Christmas.
0 -
Hello all
50’s your new puppy 🐶 is gorgeous.
Mae and Lynn thanks for the pics of jaws bridge. Your niece sounds like a hoot! Jumping anyway.
Candy I really think you should at least speak to your sister prior to the Christmas gathering bc why should you have to endure anxiety and discomfort while he yammers on?
This judgment thing about disability and handicapped stickers is mean spirited. What does name calling and labeling do? My Dear GD has muscular dystrophy and my daughter had some jerk at a school scream at her with the kids in the car saying something about her parking in handicapped space “all the time!” People don’t know how much that hurts emotionally. My daughter just rolled her window up while the fool wrote down her plate she wrote down his and reported him to the school. Still makes me angry when I think of that incident.
I’d gladly give my handicap sticker and disability check to anyone who wants it; it comes with stageIV cancer. Thanks 🙏🏿
Tanya
0 -
OMG~ that perfect face. I love that precious puppy!! What is his name??? Blue collar. ?? Male? Beautiful angel! I Love doggies.
Candy~ hugging you. And agreeing with what lynne said you’ve done nothing wrong. Sweet woman....
people are inviting me to things and I want to go. I do, but I can’t do everything. Christmas Day will wear me out. I will need a full week to recoup my energy spent in finalizing the final things to be done. It’s all so overwhelming. I don’t know what I would if I hadn’t started when I did. I had one present mis hap. (There is always one) tracking says delivery December 30. Lol well that’s helpful. Not! The company information still says delivery on December 24. That I could handle, I’m going to tell you ladies Sometimes customer service is crap. It’s a joke actually, and people do not care. They do half ass work and complain about what little work they do. So annoying. Our youth can do nothing by themselves anymore. Without a heck of a lot of pushing and pushing. Even then you get the eyes in the headlights.... look . When I was their ages I was living on my own. Hard work isn’t hard work anymore
0 -
Lynne, that dog is absolutely adorable. I, too, was wondering what her name is? I am such a sucker for dogs of all shapes and sizes. And Mel is right....what a sweet little face!
I am slowly starting to feel better. I am still blowing my nose like crazy, but overall, I am starting to feel like myself again. I know it will take many weeks yet to get back to a place of full recovery, but I am on the mend. I am going to ask my new onc to please not put me on any other chemos that have the potential to cause pneumonia. It is not worth it. I don’t see her until Jan. 14th, but that actually works out well. Timing should be good.
Hope you are all having a good Sunday.
Love to all,
0 -
What a beautiful pup! 😍
Most of you know that DHand I don’t do Christmas, so no trees, extended family or holiday chaos for us but since our anniversary is on X-mas eve, we still get gifts and a great meal. Tuesday will be steaks at the campsite. I laughed when I put our steaks side by side, and he always loses weight faster than me, it’s just not fair.
0 -
Holy Hannah!!!! Damn that is some big steak .... yummy. Sounds delicious, never had steak by campfire before sounds heavenly. Have a bite and think of me. Trees are gorgeous by they have to come down sometime! Which means more work for me. (And of course my sweet DH). He just didn't want me to be without a tree. I was just going to get a Charlie Brown tree 🌲 this year. Just to have that one wonky ornament hanging on the lowly branch. It's been how I've been feeling.
But then three pretty awesome things happened Number 1) was my family was picked with a commercial donor from the area and they provided a Christmas for us, with 20 wrapped gifts for my son and I. Came and took pics. I was humbled to say the least. Some people can be good. I know. Number 2) my name won second place at my dispensary lottery drawing an I won a cloit pen vaporizer for my concentrated medical marijuana that helps me tremendously. 3) I went to my mailbox and found a lovely letter from someone I've known all my life, inside was a check for a generous amount of money saying that this was put aside from someone who has passed over 15 years ago, and she had been waiting for the time to give it to me. She has just been diagnosed with cancer, she said I was her rock and she really saw who cares and who really doesn't. She and I shared a relationship with my best friends father. She is his sister.... my best friends father. Who I grew up loving and actually went into labor at his home with my first child. He passed while Jogging one year after retirement. Shook our family badly. My best friend has never been the same. They were close. Even from above he's still looking out for me. Sometimes when things like this happen, it makes me wonder. Sometimes, it's just too coincidental to make any sense. At all. I was touched beyond measure. Some good can still happen.
0 -
Candy, we hit this type of discrimination all the time and it's worse when you look fine. Best advice - rise above it, you're better than that and they have zero idea... and that's probably the only thing I'd be tempted to say, apart from Tanya's perfect response in - take the cheque and the disability, it comes with stage 4 cancer!
As a teacher of 30 yrs plus I got fed up of people not in education complaining about teacher's holidays (we have 12 weeks, but a good part of them are spent eehhh working). Finally my stock answer became.... Why don't you do the conversion to teaching course and you too can teach 6 classes a day of 5 - 12 year olds with 30 + kids in a class in 9 different schools.... and have 12 weeks ' holiday'. At no point did any person take that up! In fact they always said ' no thanks'.
0 -
The puppy’s name is Molly. Yes, she is wearing a blue collar, and my 5 year old granddaughter was horrified to see a blue collar on a “girl puppy.” Hahaha. I had the collar in it’s original packaging, probably from one of my previous dogs who must not have needed it. Molly does not seem to mind.
Micmel, It sounds like you had an extraordinary day. Congratulations.
Here are pictures of the quilts I made my 13 year old granddaughters for Christmas. I hope they like them.
Hugs and prayers from, Lynne
0 -
Candy, I am late to the party regarding BIL comments regarding SSD and how hurt you were from the comments.
I definitely agree with other posters that you should NOT take his comments to heart. There are people out there ignorant about the fact that some people NEED this. A lot of people like to assume that it is simply people who do not wish to work. That is not true.
It is hard not to do, but please don't allow his comments to make you feel marginalized or hurt. It will take a long time, but you need to look after your feelings. I would talk to your sister about how he made you feel so she can tell him to be more respectful as somebody suggested above. You are not a bad person for needing SSD.
0 -
Beautiful quilts Lynne. I am sure they will love them.
0 -
Waving Hello to Mara!!! Hope you're good today...
Lynne~Those are amazing. Molly is perfect and I want to snuggle and smell her puppy breath! The quilts you mad they will have forever. Thoughtful and useful. I would be extremely touched by something like that... the colors are lovely and I think they are really gorgeous! I wish I could knit or quilt. It's relaxing I hear! Let us know how much they love them! It's hard to believe that Christmas is like three days away. Where did the time go? Hugs! ~M~Grannax~ You doing ok???? Haven’t seen you. Thinking of you..
0 -
Hi everyone! Lynn, those are beautiful quilts. I've always wanted to learn how to make quilts. They have classes at our community that I think I'll sign up for. Is it difficult?
Candy,
I've had a few people make stupid comments about people on disability. I simply tell them people pay into SS so why shouldn't they be able to collect when they need it. It usually shuts them up.
Although, I like the suggestion from someone about saying I would gladly give my disability check to them along with the cancer.
Mel, sounds like you've had a string of good luck. What nice surprises for the holidays.
0 -
Good morning ladies,
Going to spend the day with my dd. Looking forward to it. She makes me laugh. I can’t believe Christmas is in two full days. Like yuck. Have to run some errands for my dh. Wrapping up last minute things for him. He works his ass off and I was always the Christmas doer. I still am. Which is making me happy. We are truly a team. I feel very lucky lately I hope it continues into my March scans. I haven’t been scanned since May 2019. He moved my scanning to every 9month intervals and 6 month blood work. I feel pretty good. Thank god. No new aches or pains, Adderall helps tremendously I cannot lie. I don’t know why they don’t offer it to all patients. At least to try to see how it helps with extreme fatigue. And it does.... it does ..... hope everyone has a good sun filled day. Love to all!
Simone~I feel very lucky. I am going to enjoy every single second of feeling happy. I found out last night someone else has sent a special gift for our family. This one is coming from my DH’s side of the family. I am staggered at people’s generosity. It’s very humbling. But I realize I would do the same thing , if I could. I think we all would.
0 -
Simone, Quilting isn’t difficult, but I sometimes have to remind myself to be patient. Many years ago I took a quilting course, and it was all hand-work. I was glad to have that knowledge, but I like machine sewing and quilting much more. I used to make baby quilts and built up to bed-sized ones. I choose my projects carefully. When I started these two quilts, I had no idea if I would continue to feel well enough to finish them, so they aren’t too complicated. I just hope my granddaughters will like them. I am pretty sure one of them will. To be honest, I was planning to make one for her and not my other granddaughter. Plans changed when I found out that they would both be with us on Christmas. I didn’t want Fiona to feel slighted when she saw Thea’s quilt.
Hugs and prayers from, Lynne
0 -
Mel, that is great to hear that you can move your scans and bloodwork further out. It sounds like you're getting closer to being able to get off cancer meds. Wouldn't that be wonderful. I hope you don't mind me asking, but were you ogliometatastic? What are your TM numbers? They must run really low. Just hoping I can get there too.
0
