My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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Mae~ hi sweetheart! I don't think I have ever walked into an Apple Store, they always looked packed and people are never looking very happy. I hope your phone gets well soon. Gotta have that device!!! I thought of you tonight because I realized I haven't watched the finale of American Horror! I am ashamed. Not my favorite season, but it was pretty good. I miss the older peeps in it. Emma Roberts was in it for one or two episodes tops! Anyhoo. Hope you're well.
It was some of our meltdowns days today. But we will keep on keeping on!
Keetmom~ just checking on you my girl! Hugs to the sweet angels! 😉
Good night my friends,
I also wanted to say, we have over 1300 posts! That's pretty amazing. I care for each and everyone of you. When you aren't around I am concerned! It's like a little family. I hope you all feel the same. ~M~ When we made this thread I had hoped we would have a nice close group of people who really care, and show it. Thank you for making this place what it is. We do it together !
Nan~😞❤️💔 Always in my thoughts!
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hi to all you ladies. I love reading your posts and it really helps to see how other people are feeling and coping with their illness. I live in Spain, all my treatment has been in Spain. I don't get to talk much to people in similar position as I go to Hospital for treatment every three weeks, and it is not always the same people. My husband and I have been married for 40 years, lived in Spain for 15 years. Moved here from Ireland. 2 daughters, one in Scotland, one in Canada, both married with 2 children each, so 3 grandsons, and 1 granddaughter. Love them all loads and at least we can all keep in touch easily. Sometimes I feel life is really hard, will never be the same again. How can you all overcome the feeling of uselessness. My husband is ever positive and at times I get angry. Is this,normal
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Hello ladies, I am with you on the meltdowns. I also had one today. It was also out of frustration and feeling useless compared to my old self. I guess that woman I was, is gone. I am but a shell,with mere shadows of myself peeking through. Dh and Dd’s dont understand. I feel exactly as Tanya put it. Lazy and getting fatter every month!
Claudia - would hiring a little help be an option? I can’t imagine doing everything on my own. How is that pain in your side? Your thumb? Is bigb alright? How was his vet visit?you can melt like butter and still be my hero!
Good news Mae!
Gracie - wish I could be there physically to help you along. You are in my heartfelt prayers. We are here for you.
Guess that I should go to sleep now. It is 3:28 a.m. been tossing and turning. Stupid hips!!
Mel- I think I sleep more than you do. It’s awful! I feel like a waste of space.
Love to all Chelle
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Claudia and Micmel....I don't know what it is about today but I've thrown a wobbly too. I'm normally calm and positive about everything but last night at midnight I woke up crying and wondering what am I doing here? Why am I living in a one room apartment when I had a home and a life that was fulfilling. Yet I'm conflicted. There's no way I want to go home. The house is too big and turns me into an invalid again. At least in this tiny apartment I can look after myself. I guess yesterday was a tiring day, with the early oncology appointment and after those I'm always wired and take time to come down because it takes a lot of adrenaline to get myself through it and I have to wind down again after that. I sat up at midnight and wrote in my journal. I asked myself a lot of questions but I was going around in circles. I want to be here, I don't want to be at home, this apartment means I'm cooking, eating, sleeping and living all in one small room and I think "Why has this happened?" My men are at home and my son tells me they're doing well and enjoying each others' company and I'm glad about that as I don't want them to be unhappy but it made me feel that I've been a burden and that it's a relief that I'm not there. He as much as told me that. I like being here on my own but I know that my friends, when they come, are sad for me when they see that I'm living like this. It's a nice apartment, clean and bright but one room for everything???
I've written a long email to my son and told him how I feel and that my already fragile marriage, which I nurtured and built up for forty years has finally come crashing down because of one blonde bimbo with whom they've both become entangled in one way or another. I don't want to sound boastful but it's the truth when I say that she's not worth 1% of my worth. She's a taker and a user and they've both been taken in by her. I've done the adult and courageous thing by taking full responsibility for my life as soon as I found a way I was able to do it but that doesn't mean it's easy. I wake in the night and wonder what happens if I suddenly get ill. What do I do? There's no one here to assess me and make suggestions or give advice. I don't even know whether, if I called an ambulance, they could get into the building because of the security (something I have to look into tomorrow). There's no one in charge here from midnight till seven the next morning.
I told my son to show the email to my husband and make him read it because my husband doesn't like reading long emails. I've told him my husband needs to come and see me tonight because I'm depressed and at the very least I want acknowledgement that I've stepped out of their way to look after myself and give them a better quality of life. My husband has said he will phone me and come tomorrow night because it's too late now (7pm). I feel so cheated and let down and alone. All week all my son could talk about to me were the strategies they're going to use to get the BB (blonde bimbo) to leave and go back to her home in Singapore until I could scream if I heard one more reference to her. I told him on Messenger that what they do is nothing to do with me, that I gave them advice in August and again in October about what to do and it wasn't done. I said that I would come and live on my own unless they did something about her, yet nothing happened.
Married forty years and with cancer and I'm left to fend for myself. I admit it IS my choice but I've gone in one massive leap from being looked after 24/7 to being entirely responsible for everything I do, including making sure I take correct doses of my narcotic drugs and patches without anyone here to supervise.
I was actually going to come on this thread to tell you girls that I didn't think I could continue on this thread because of the pain I feel at having a husband who doesn't care enough about me to look after me but, after reading your post, Claudia, I've decided to tell you girls of my pain and hope someone can find some words of comfort. My moods go from elation one day to despair the next at times. I'm waiting for a counsellor to contact me. She's been given my number.
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Leapfrog~ This thread is for everyone, love isn't always roses and dancing through the fields hand in hand. People we love can Piss us off ALOT. I am completely supportive of what you need to do for yourself, and if you ask me, I think you're pretty amazing. It's a very complicated situation you have. I think it sucks ass. I would like to have 15 mins to have a lil chat with your DH. It honestly makes no sense why he would allow that BB anywhere near your family. It totally depends on your feelings. If you can forgive something like that. Is a decision only you can make, sometimes things just become a habit, which is where I think your husband is in all of this. He has Backed himself into quite a corner, and I am sure the BB, is working it for all it's worth. I think you taking a stand is not only brave, but healthier for you. This added stress and worry isn't good for your health and fighting this cancer. Have you ever looked into a visiting home nurse? They usually are approved for stage four patients through your oncologist and or hospital social worker. That is another resource you could tap, they have constant running support groups and they have good ideas about family and ways to help you. Mine is an angel and has helped me with things I never knew exsisted. Also have someone come in and clean for you. Try to use "cleaning for a reason" they give you four free cleanings for free and they usually have people in a lot of areas. Save your energy, focus on the beautiful garden design you're working on with your friend. No one deserves what you're going through. I think that if you want your home back and family, considering it is your home also. I would Just wait for a time you know no one else is there, have a friend come with you. Just go to your house and say hey. It's time to go. You don't have to yell or scream. Or anything , just be the woman of the house and keep calm and just merely tell her it's time t leave enough is enough. The decision. Is yours. Do you want to go back home? Or are you finding living without with constant drama of her being anywhere near you., makes it easier for you? If you're liking your new place, even a little. Try to bring in a home health care person at least twice a week. Usually insurance companies approve those thing and... find out that ambulance question and how accessible it is, should god forbid, you ever need that. We are here for you. This thread is about family also. I have had many a session here talking about my kids and their lack of help around here, and their lack of understanding what's happening with me. Maybe part of what you're dealing with is fear and denial. It's time to decide what you want and what makes you calmer. Happier, and more like who you want to be, considering we have a new normal to live everyday. Huge warm hugs of support my friend. ~M~
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Minnie~ welcome to our little home. Nothing about this disease is easy. It effects everyone differently. You're feeling useless, but you're not. You have grandchildren who need you and your husband of that many years is nothing to sneeze at. I learned early for me, to take one day at a time and one emotion at a time. If I have to cry then I cry. Hard. I just had to tone down what I wasn't able to do. I realize I can only plan one thing to take care of per day outside of the house. With little breaks, I can get some stuff done, but the fatigue Mack truck always rounds the corner and there I am always in its path everytime. It's ok to feel exhausted and feel like sometimes giving in. Bu we know that isn't an option at all either. So we fight another day. Please remember there is only one you in this world. Just take a deep breath and realize. You're really not alone. We all have our times where we question our worth and who we have become. I have cancer. Yes I do, but.... with cancer has come you beautiful ladies that unfortunately are stuck in this shit stew with me. We have to help each other everyday. Without each other we become really alone. Because sometimes people just don't get it. But we do....we do. Hugs and support for all of you! Much love to all ~M~
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Chelle~ Hello beauty! You're up late again you poor woman!! Ugh if only our minds could shut down. I have thought all those same thoughts about. Who I used to be. I can't understand how I can also be getting fatter and fatter when really I have one big meal a day, and I am just not hungry at all! I do agree the weight thing is an issue I am not just ok with. It just adds to my insecurities because my DH is gorgeous. Still after all those years. Amazingly handsome. I also feel in adequate and my ass gets bigger everyday. I used to run. Now I fall. I used to lift weights daily,now I can barely lift myself out of my bed without a pre planned hour of pretalking myself into to whatever I have to do. Thank goodness for online shopping. I'm sorry yesterday was apparently our meltdown day together. See how things happen for us together? I will be here to support you ladies until my last breath, you're important to me and I've grown so very much to caring for all of you. Just hang on with me. We will kick whatever ass meltdowns come our way together.
Much love strong woman. ~M~
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Leapfrog, I applaud you for taking control of a very difficult situation instead of waiting for your husband to decide what will happen to your life. It takes a very strong person to do what you have done and I hope you give yourself credit. That being said, now is a time of adjustment for all of you. You are adjusting to being on your own and while freedom is exciting it can also be scary at the same time. Your husband is adjusting to now realize that his actions and poor judgement are now coming back to haunt him. Hang tight and let all of this settle and sink in, I think it will take some time for all of you. The time apart will show you how strong you really are and will show your husband that you will not let him determine your happiness. You seem to like your new surroundings and that's a positive thing. As for the blonde bimbo..no marriage needs a third person in it. Your husbands first priority should always be you. You are sending him a clear message and now the ball is in his court
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I live alone, too. Although, I don't have horses and all that goes with them. I used to have horses and love looking back on that ten years as some of the happiest of my life.
Being a widow and owning a home AND having MBC is........I don't know what to call it. Challenging seems too mild. Frustrating is not always true. Exhausting is true most of the time. Mind blowing is descriptive at times. Keeps me busy is always true. But, it's the where else would I be happy living? That's the one that convinces me to stay, every time I think of that question my answer is nowhere. This is my home. I feel at home here. This is where I'm supposed to be right now. I'll know when it's not. That's my bottom line question to myself. All the rest of it is doable in bits and pieces. Shabby Chic is trendy right now. I have the shabby, not too much Chic. Haha
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Claudia-BIG HUGS! I'm so sorry you had a bad day yesterday. I too have been Stage 4 for 5 1/2 years and thought I would be long gone by now (I asked my oncologist the average, and she told me 1 1/2 if it's in the organs, which mine was). Just take a deep breath, and one day at a time. I too wonder if this is my last Christmas. I pray it isn't, but I also pray to have less side effects from these treatments.
Gracie-I was on Ibrance for 6 months (I'm currently on Taxotere, and was on Doxil before that, after Ibrance). The side effects I had were minimal compared to the chemos. I did have nausea, which I had compazine for. Never got sick. Also the usual fatigue. Don't be afraid of it.
Mae-Enjoy your party!
I put up a few Christmas things around the house. The tree will have to wait. My brother-in-law is going to paint the room it's going in, and I have to wait until after this weekend. I attempted to put up the outside decorations, but my son brought up the wrong decoration box. Oh well. I guess it will wait until the weekend. Stomach is feeling good so far, this morning. Hopefully, it's the end of it. Thrush is still there, but that too will disappear by the weekend (as it usually does). I hope you all have a wonderful day!!
Lynne
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Leapfrog -- I am so proud of you. You actually are a rock star and just don't realize it. You found your inner strength and brought control of your life back to you. Your little apt is your statement to your power. You now have the space, literally and metaphorically to decide how you want to move forward.
Claudia -- Dang my country girl. You indeed have a lot going on. I grew up on a ranch and I absolutely know the amount of work that goes into caring for any animal. It sounds like you are struggling with how to move forward. I live in the suburbs and often wish I could buy a very small house with land and animals but I always come back to the fact that my life is limited and what do I really want to spend my time doing. Currently I plan work around my weeks off treatment. I know that on day 3 of my week off I have more energy. That day is when I do my planning. I make a list of what I would like to get done on days 4, 5, 6 and 7. I have never been a list maker but find it is very helpful. If I don't make the list I become overwhelmed with what I feel I need to get done which in turn causes me to try to do too much. I become exhausted and then feel horrible both mentally and physically. Basically, if I am totally honest about it, I just sit and cry.
Minnie -- Welcome. I think you are going to like it here. Lots of support from others who understand what you are feeling emotionally and physically.
Lynne -- What the h*ll!. As a nurse I can tell you that no one knows how long anyone has to live unless you are in the active stage of dying. I hope you smile at her every time you go into her office and are wearing a great big button that has 5 1/2 on it. She needs to be reminded that with all of the great new treatments we have the old live expectancy statistics are just that, old. They need to be retired.
Melt downs -- ahhhh, that pain in my arse. I have to remind myself that they are going to happen as well as fatigue and all the other side effects that this disease can bring on. But I will go to sleep and tomorrow may be much better.
I have to remind myself that even though my family loves me they don't need to go through cancer too so with that said, I need to muster the energy to get busy Christmas shopping. I think wrapping and seeing gifts under the tree will make them feel loved and normal if just for awhile.
Hugs and much love to all.
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Thank you Micmel, reading all the posts humbles me. I know there are so many people going through this, and I feel it helps me to follow the chat. Yes, I agree, I do have a big cry now and again. Other times I can be brave. I'm going to keep reading to get to know you all. Lots of love to everyone xx
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Grannax, me too on the doing it alone thing. I think there are a lot of us going it alone. It sucks, but it is what it is.
Leapfrog, you are in such a difficult situation! I can only tell you this...after being forced to live alone five years ago, due to the death of my husband, I have finally gotten to the place where I like my time alone. I wish there were no illness going along with it, but there is. Take your time and if you need to grieve that which is gone, by all means allow yourself to do that. Just remember to go talk to a professional if you need help.
My dear Mother (whom I loved to a fault) would always ask me one question when I was facing any difficulty. “Can you change itt?” If you can’t then you have to find a way to live with it. That question stays with me now. I can’t change any of this. But I’m finding ways to live with it
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I might be on my way to a melt down myself. I went over to see my grand puppy and he was covered from head to toe in shit. The cage was packed with it also. It was in his ears,his paws. Everywhere it was gross really nasty gross. Took me over and hour to clean it. I then had to take him for a bath. I'm sitting alone in a lunch place, thinking about how lonely having cancer feels. You're just isolated, can't do what you used to do. My world has imploded, it seems different, it is different. I feel like at any moment I'm not going to be sitting here. It's lonely because no one really gets it. The exhaustion, the feeling of hopelessness knowing I'll always be on treatment until I die. I'm never going to feel strong again. I'm never going to power through another work out or even run another 8 miles again. It's a lonely Place to be. The unknown. I look around. People are happy. But I'm not, I am scared. Terrified that this who I am now and for the rest of whatever days I may have left. I am sure this who I am now, I'm afraid it's just going to get worse. I am thankful for remission I am. But I want my life back. I want my soul back. I've been guttted and it's a lonely place to be.
Much love to all. ~M~
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Micmel - Hang on...things will pass. I can't thank you all enough for your kind words of support! Whew...what a rough day. I read all of your gracious words of comfort and support, and went to bed thinking of each and every one of you. Thanking God for you and Dh, and praying we all find our happy place. Leapfrog, you are a strong and wonderful woman! Excuse me for saying this, but your Dh does not deserve you. I love the sound of your little nest! When we went camping out west, we lived in our motor home for 10 weeks, 2 of those weeks, Dh was gone. I was in a beautiful campground, with my 2 small dogs, my Jeepster to explore in and I loved it! I felt like I had my own little world, easy to care for and snug! My own little nest! I told Dh I loved it! If I could change anything about where I live, it would be to shrink my house. I could be very happy in a nest such as yours!
Lynnwood- 32 cycles? You are my new hero! Thank you for your kind words, and you are right, I am looking for someone to help me clean and organize my barn. Unfortunately, BigB vet visit was not as good as I hoped. In the here and now, he has a sore back which is causing a lot of the problems. We are treating with anti-inflammatory and pain meds. However, we are both concerned that he may also have Cushings, which is chronic disease and requires special feeds and meds. We will test for it in the spring. It shows up better then. It did however, make my day, when the vet commented on how well connected we are, me and the horse, not the vet! Haha. So of course I am gathering research, so I am well armed with all the info on this disease.
Gracie and Grannax - It is difficult dealing with this while living alone. My Dh traveled so much the first 4 years. If I saw him for more than 4 hours a week, that was a lot. Gracie, make sure you keep easy to fix groceries on hand. Also, if that is too far for you, ask to get your blood draws close to home. I have gotten them in different states even. You just have to set it up. Really, the fatigue and acid reflux are about it. Keep antacids on hand. I know you will be fine.
Most of you deal with so much more than I, I am amazed! You have kids and grandkids and some even work! I bow before you!
I will say, I had the perfect storm happen! Exhausted from grandkids and horrible drive home, just starting to feel better from the crud, and then a bad day! It was all too much!
Today, I am being kinder to myself. Dh, God love him, cleaned the stalls and feed for me this morning. I slept in until 9am. When I went to put horses out, Mattie greeted me with a soft nicker, and all was well in my world! I have done very little today. Sat on the front porch and read a book! Life is good!
Micme, its overwhelming to find a dog like that, with or without cancer. Then the horrible chore of cleaning up the crate, and then you gave a bath to a puppy almost the size of a pony? Sheesh woman! Cut yourself some slack! I would be curled up in the fetal position right now. If you hadn't been there, who would have? We are still valuable, we just need to set the bar a little different. I know I need to focus on what I can do. So do you.
Love to all. I am going to pick up a roasted chicken at the store, so I can feed Dh when he gets home.
Hugs and prayers,
Claudia
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Claudia ~ thank you my friend 😊, I appreciate the words you said. It was a melt down day. I admit it. Today was my day. I was already tired and I almost didn't go over to check on him. But something told me to go and check. It was bad. Like murder scene bad. I was like. You have got to be kidding me. Second time in two weeks this has happened to me with him. He keeps getting into the older dog treats that he has access to because of the other dog in the household. Food also. Too high in proteins for a puppy. So it's ripping his stomach apart. I am going to have to go again. Tomorrow to check on him. I don't know what else to do for him. I can't bring him to my house because DH is allergic to him and my two other dogs are here and the one Is very old and fragile, it would not be a good thing for him to be ran over by Chief. Thank you for being here today for me Claudia. I adore you my friend. Much love ~M~
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.. this was yesterday. He is literally sitting in the crevice of my leg. He's such a babe. But wow. What a job having him is. Wow! He's 17 weeks old. Huge!0 -
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Micmel, so sorry you had to deal with that mess! I probably wouldn't even know where to begin! It's probably not easy to wash a wiggly strong puppy, let alone have to clean the cage and everything else. No wonder you are exhausted! We sometimes help my neighbor out by taking her dog out for a walk when she is away or working late. She's a sweetheart but my husband doesn't want me to walk her because she is so strong and he's afraid I'll hurt myself. So I'm sure you're careful but accidents happen, I worry because I know how strong dogs can be. He's adorable by the way so I can see why you love him so much! Seems like it's been a melt down week for many of us..hopefully next week will be better for all. Hugs to all!
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My day was better today after two back to back exhaustion, fueled with fatigue days paired with sleepless nights with sweats. I felt better today. I had a little nap around 9 and woke up to my friends call. My husband was happy to see me crawling out from beneath the fog. I got a lot accomplished today. Re potted a dying plant, cleaned pool filter, laundry, cleaned a bathroom woo hoo, and then read a book on the porch.
I ordered an instant pot. I hope it gives me the incentive to cook some healthier meals in a quicker amount of time and then I can throw away all of my pots. lol I can dream.
Big yes they caught the serial killer. He looks like he, of course, has mental illness. I briefly caught him on the news today being arraigned in (what looked like) a bullet proof jumper. My DH and I both agreed that putting a bullet in his head would be a fitting punishment and wouldn't waste taxpayers money for the court case, jail time and lethal injection. Deep sigh feeling so sad for the families who lost loved ones and were traumatized for almost two months.
Micmel I'm sorry that your grandpuppy was like that. He must've been miserable. I think I'd be in the fetal position in a corner too. Life's messes...
Ladies maybe I missed a post but Micmel shared some feelings about intimacy that she was having. I'm no expert but I really want to be supportive since I think I went through this 13 years ago (at age 46) when I was thrust into early menopause with one less breast than I was used to. My DH was very supportive and we talked about everything what hurt what didn't. He was patient and kind. Eventually I accepted myself, welcomed and embraced my new me. I still loved him and did want to share intimacy with him again. I knew that it wouldn't be the same because we both had changed. "Just like me", is a product that you can order online for vaginal dryness. Even after all the pain and suffering Micmel, I swear you can enjoy your husband again. In 2012 my DH had a stroke and once again this marriage had to weather another storm and wait until we were able to resume that part of our relationship. When cancer came rearing it's ugliness again in April 2017 and I had a hysterctomy in June I really just wanted to say can we just be old celibate buddies/roommates? But he always is affectionate reassuring and patient. I hope I haven't offended anyone with this post. I want our marriages and relationships to be as fulfilling as possible for the rest of whatever time that we have.
Much love all
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Lynwood~I do feel like a bus hit me. (That good ole bus phrase we all know and love.) but it's true. I had to clean myself up after everything was cleaned with the cage and the puppy and I looked like crap myself. I was sweating, I had Don king hair going on. I just wanted my bed/reclining bed. I gasped when I walked into the house. It was bad bad bad, but I dealt with it, and it's over. I realized I was out almost all afternoon! That's amazing to me. I am always exhausted, I have become a homebody because of cancer. With the exception of my grand puppy. He's usually therapeutic honestly. Lol he is becoming strong as an Ox. Tomorrow I'm breaking out the pronged collar! Let the puppers learn what's up real quick! One wrong move and I could fall. I agree. Four years ago it happened in my own neighborhood with someone else's dog. Took me out and knocked me out. I was hospitalized, with a severe bruised pelvis, I couldn't raise my leg, they thought it was broken. Nothing broken luckily. But bruised to the bone. I was laid up unable to walk right or anything close to myself for 2 months and even then the huge hemorrhage on my hip pointer bone was there for over a year, painful experience! so I intend to be careful. Thank you for caring. 🤗🌹. Thinking of you as well! XO ~M~
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Tanya~Yes I did bring that up a few days ago, thank you for being so sweet to mention it. That topic bothers me, because it's just another thing that I miss. It was important to us both and we never forgot it. He's kind and loving,sweet, precious. Thoughtful and amazing in every way, I want to please him. I do no take him for granted in anyway, i never forget him. I will always take Care of my Man. I just want to feel like I used to feel. It's not him, it's me. He kisses my scars, doesn't give a hoot! He hasn't changed one bit. But half of my womenhood is gone, if we were supposed to have one boob, we'd be born with it. It's so violent of a disease. Strips us of parts that just don't come back. Does the lubricant you mentioned have estrogen in it. Because that's a big No No! Plus with spine mets only. It hurts with pressure. Not to mention, that I'm gaining weight. 😞And I don't even eat very much!! Sigh sigh. Thank you ladies for the support you show. Love each and everyone of you ! Hugs ~M~
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I hope that it doesn't have estrogen in it. I will check. I actually started using it before this new bone mets stuff bc I went into early menopause at 46 from the chemo, cancer, radiation, who knows. Now with the hysterectomy it's a rap. Nothing normal. Lot's of memories and love push us past all of these problems.
These are the ingredients. Water (eau), Disodium EDTA, Sodium Saccharin, Hydroxyethylcellulose, Glycerin, Xanthan Gum, Potassium Sorbate, Lactic Acid.
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Tanya~ Thank you! I will look into it, I would love, if it doesn't have estrogen! Thank you for the suggestion. I went into early menopause at 46 as well. Now I am 47 and if I look at a piece of cake, I swear I can see it under my chin already and I haven't even eaten the damn thing. My doctor said to me that he likes that I am maintaining my weight. I said ugh. Do you read well? I'm gaining. G-a-I-n-I-n-g!! Say it outloud doc! He just says in broken English (sweetest man) yer doin vewwy grrate. So hoppy, NA acktiive dyzeze to Mazeure (You're doing very great, so happy, no active disease to measure) ! I don't why I gain when I'm not even hungry. If it was before these hormonals and chemo, I would Be a stick by now. Unreal! Thank you. Gonna research that lube now! Much love ~M~
Waves hi to Mae. HopeAll is good my friend. 🌹🌹
Nan🌹💔❤️
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NO1~ nice to see you, hope all is well in your world. I know I saw your post and I wanted to let you know I was glad to see you and hoped you were doing good! I totally could identify with what you said about we are the ones who have the cancer and are sick and fogged everyday with aches and pains, that make no sense. But they are there. My DH says all the time, it's not just you that's going through this. He's right I know. But I'm the one ultimately dieing. He is still relatively young. And perfect in my eyes so. Gorgeous in every way. I could see the hens lining up now. I'm the one though that is mentally being tortured daily. The fear of the unknown haunts me daily. That really hit home with me. Because at the end of the day. I am the one who has cancer. No one else , in our family. Just me! Hugs for you. Good luck Christmas shopping. I say bah humbug! Lol. ~M~
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Nothing exciting here...busy week just living life...chemo next week...weather in WI has been nice....wish it would stay like this all winter.
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Keetmom~Hi darling! The weather hasn't been too terrible in the northeast either. I could deal without the wind/breeze for sure! I would love the 60's to last all year round even. Even 70's are ok with me. Hope the girls are doing well, along with your DH! It's nice to see you as always, I hope your chemo goes well next week and goes quickly for you! Big hugs for the girls! Much love ~M~
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I’m up and running now, a techy coworker got the phone going, saving me the dreaded trip to the apple store. No time to catch up now, you all have been an active bunch, too much to read until the weekend.
Got my 2nd CA 15-3 results and technically they’re up from 12 to 15 but still in the normal range, so I won’t worry about it.
Welcome Minnie
Hello everyone
Long and stressful day for me at work, so I’m done. I’ll catch up with things Saturday for tomorrow, I party
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Micmel, Lynnwood, NO1-2OV, thanks for your encouragement. Today is a bit better. After I wrote that post my husband did call me and he had read my email and had taken it all in and he spoke gently, taking full responsibility for what has happened to me because of his involvement with the BB so that was a start. He told me he misses me and looks for me every morning before remembering I'm not there but that he admires me for my courage by wanting to give our son back his life as soon as I could look after myself sufficiently. I was quite nonplussed, to be honest, as that's unusual for him. He told me that he's always loved me and he thought I knew that but I told him that it doesn't show by his actions and he accepted that. But he tried to persuade me into going home for a visit and it took a lot to convince him that I'm not ready to do that. That what used to be our home no longer feels like a home but a prison to me. The BB isn't there, by the way. She stayed with us for 2 or 3 months on and off earlier in the year though. He was insistent until I told him that he's trying to make me do what HE wants me to do AGAIN and that I want to make decide things like that for myself. I said that I can never go back home to live because of the bad memories and the house being so enormous. By the way Micmel, I do have cleaners who come every week. Even when I was well the house was too big for me to take care of. We are also assigned breast care nurses in Australia but I found out that the day before my bilateral mastectomy that the nurse who had been assigned to me called my husband as she didn't have my number and he told her I wouldn't be needing her, without even discussing it with me. I've spoken to my trial nurse and she's going to put a new breast care nurse in touch with me. She'll come to my apartment to talk with me. But I've strayed from my point.....Last night I told my husband that we need to talk about my circumstances, that I want to live alone but that this apartment is too small. He asked me what it is that I want. He's never asked me that before and I've never made demands before so I decided the time has come to do that. I said that I want a one bedroom apartment because I need a separate room to sleep in but the apartment must be small or I won't cope alone. We have a superannuation fund that we can draw on to finance properties so I knew that we can juggle things around to make the funds available should we find a suitable apartment. I really didn't expect anything would come from saying that but soon after my son sent me a link to several apartments they'd found close to where I am now. I'd said I want to stay in this area because it's convenient for my friends and there are shops alongside. I was so surprised! However, I'm not counting any chickens in case he's just humouring me. I'll find out tonight because he's going to visit me and bring dinner. I want to stay on good terms because, apart from his selfishness, we do like each other and I do know he loves me but the selfishness gets in the way. Sorry, I can't make this any shorter. It's become very long! This morning I was very pleased with myself because I walked up to the corner where there's quite a good supermarket and bought a few things; this is a big step for me as I've been told to take it carefully due to the bone mets but as long as I'm careful no one knocks into me I'll be ok. There's a beautiful big park not far away, which overlooks our beautiful Swan River, which I've been planning to gradually build up my strength to be able to visit there and I found that it's much easier than I thought and, on a good day, I can already do it! I love nature so this makes a big difference for me. The convenience of city living with the love of nature combined!
Thank you so much, girls, I really needed friends to talk to last night.
To everyone else I will answer the other posts after a rest as it's been a big morning
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Finally finished in the living room of our new house!! Love decorating! Now I have a huge mess to deal with in the family room. More pics to come!
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