My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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Good to see you Runor. ty sunshine, Bliss , JKL,KBL, Mae,Goldens,Simone,. It means a lot to have you guys Have you guys care.
Santa~I am planning on getting your masks out tomorrow, just having a hard time and wrapping up some loose ends with having tag cremated and paying the bill. Not getting to that part of town today. Also I’m drained and just plain sad. Don’t want to move honestly. Sad makes you tired!
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Yes Mel....Sad is exhausting. Those of us who have been through similar with our own elderly pets truly empathise. It’s heartbreaking. But you know you made the best decision for him. X
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Dogs are such an integral part of our lives that we do nothing without being acutely aware of their absence. You can’t walk in a door, go to the bathroom, cook, finish a meal or snack, take a bath or go to bed without being acutely aware that they are absent. Mine have been gone for years and I can’t snap green beans (one loved raw ones and would sit with his eyes lit up waiting to be fed one) or eat a bowl of ice cream without being aware they aren’t there to setthe bowl down to lick.
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Mel -
Peace to you and your family in the coming days.......
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Micmel, I am sad you had to say goodbye to your beloved pet, Tag...who has been with you thru your worst times with stage IV cancer diagnosis and treatment.
They do love and care for us unconditionally.
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Micmel - holding you in my heart.
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He was with me everyday I was so sick and so bald. He didn’t care. He was with me after surgeries and on my worst days. They honestly do love unconditionally..... heart is heav
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today was hard but we got through it. I’m getting back a ceramic paw print along with some of his hair and his ashes. I already know where it’s going In the middle of the house. The family room. That’s where he spent the most time with the family. I got a nice surprise, someone sent me some very nice parfum as a gift in the mail to brighten my day andything could help. I felt like a zombie. I didn’t drive today. Didn’t feel aware of the traffic and didn’t feel safely Able to concentrate. I’ll attempt to go out tomorrow. I feel like I need to go out tomorrow. Change of scenery!
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Mel no rush thanks for thinking of me but you have a lot on your plate. I do not mind the anticipation! :-)
So sorry for your loss. Dogs are pure love.
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Mel,
I’ve been away for a few days, so I just saw this about Tag. Please accept my sincere condolences. I know how much you loved him. You can rest easy because you gave him an incredibly good life, and he is now happily playing with other pups over the rainbow bridge. Take care my friend. Sending loveand hugs your way.
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Hello all.
So today I was eating breakfast and looking out the kitchen window. I turn 50 in a few weeks. My mom lived to be 80 and my dad is still alive at 94 (though not in too good shape). I prayed that I want 30 more years-- 80 like my mom. I know Heaven will be way better than here, but I want to stay here longer. I want those 30 years.
Today is Lupron/Port Flush day--local hospital. And 2 weeks until scan and MO visit-- the travel day. Today I also pick up Walmart curbside grocery order.
Hope all have a good day. Any news on Philly? Her next treatment plan? I have down I-beat-it for scan today (usually posts Ibrance Thread) and BSandra should be getting scan results (Liver met Thread).
Mel- Hope today you find some peace.
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Candy 50 is a great milestone birthday. Nice to look ahead to 80. I pray you’re gonna get there. There are more options for treatment and trials now than ever before. Today’s my port flush day too. Waving from the chair and tasting saline in a few hours.
Mel you’re on my mind. It was beautiful the way you described Tags love for you while you were Ill.
Take care all
Tanya
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didn't sleep all that great. Falling asleep is difficult anymore. A lot rolling around my mind. I am trying to get it together but man I didn't expect it to feel like this. So weird. Grief is Hope you ladies are doing well today.
I heard from philly , she did have some progression to her liver and I believe some lung involvement. I know she was trying to figure out where they were going from there. She seemed calm and serene like the woman she is. But let's send her some good Vibes, of support. She needs it for sure.
Going to try to move my rear end. Change of scenery just for a little while anyway. Coming home will suck not having my red haired beauty to wag hello. 😔💔
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For Philly
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Well ladies Lupron shot and Port flush done. Flushed well like always, but could not get blood from Port, as usual. Groceries picked up curbside and put away at home.
I just feel so much different than 3 years ago--before cancer. I know I am 3 years older now, but.... Just walking around hospital I got a little winded. Not bad. But not as peppy as I used to be. Then after groceries put away and returned a couple of calls I had while I was gone, I just feel tired. I used to be able to work a 12 hour shift, staying busy the whole 12 hours. I used to push mow my yard on my days off. I feel like I have aged 20 years in 3 years. Frustrating. And sad. The cancer is controlled so why do I feel this way. Is it the meds? The low white counts?-- that is not normal for the body. Am I just not used to the go go go that my schedule used to be? Have I gotten lazy?
It is sad how slowed down I have gotten. I want my old life back.
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Candy, I would not be surprised if it is the drug adding up and the constant worry about cancer, even if not always in the forefront, for some of us, it can be a constant background noise. Add in menopause sometimes before is natural, our bodies change a lot.
I was never a huge ball of energy but I got a lot more done. I do a lot of physical moving, lifting of groceries and carrying groceries home BUT I have to push myself all the time. Then I sometimes just plain fall asleep after a walk. I could never do a job now. A lot of people think I am physically strong to do all the walking, carrying heavy stuff etc. It is an effort that requires almost immediate rest but I will keep pushing myself until I just can't do it. I don't think we have a choice of how tired we feel, we just do as much as possible to get things done and rest after. Nothing wrong with that. I will say though, if the drugs were removed from the equation, it is amazing how strong we become. I had a treatment holiday back when I took two drugs which together caused fecal incontinence, I was off Herceptin about 3 months and I felt how i remember feeling pre cancer. More energy etc.
In short, the drugs make a big difference as much as the actually cancer does. Covid not helping anything either.
It was comical, I felt like I zoned out while watching my soap this morning pedaling my cubii elliptical. It almost felt like a nap except I never stopped pedaling furiously.
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For Philly and Mel, I am still so sorry to hear of the progression for the former and the lack of the sleep for Mel. Hope things quiet down so you can sleep some Mel.
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Candy, I think Mara is right on that your cancer meds have brought on a lot of change. Right after my dx a retired nurse friend asked what meds I would be on. I told her Ibrance and Letrozole, and she looked at another friend standing there and said Letrozole??? with a startled look. I had just started and had no side effects then so I was just kind of surprised. But now I feel older, slower, achy, and foggy. . I know you have also stopped meds to deal with your RA (I think) so that could be part of your pain. I think the mental load of being stage 4 takes its own toll on us. I hope you have 30 more years too 😊, and I hope your 5/2 schedule is helping your counts.
Mara, again, you're very good at analyzing things.
Mel, Still thinking of you. Tag was a lucky dog to be yours. I bet he knew it too.
Hello to everyone. 👋
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Santa~ I just wanted to let you know that your package was mailed yesterday afternoon and it said Saturday for a delivery day. So keep an eye out for your package.
hope everyone is well today. I’m still having a hard time but took a long nap today. My body was tired. I’m with anyone is their pockets. If needed!
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I had my weekly bloodwork and clinical trial check up today. All is good.
I came home and crashed and ended up napping almost an hour. Partly it is that I had to wake an hr earlier than normal but the rest is stress I think. One of the buildings I go to is where I was placed for clinical rotations for school. I quit the program a couple days before starting there. Every week I walk in and at some level think, I'm supposed to be here but in scrubs and with my stethoscope and my pocket full of notes.. I'm missing school & my nursing life so much
Next week we go camping, to a place we've been going for many years. Family tradition thing and everyone is coming so that's nice. Our site is right on the water, the lake beach is outside the tent. One of the first years we went there, a family had taken over a chunk of the campsites for a large family reunion. I was there with little kids and thought that will be us one year... but it doesn't seem so. Anyway. We will go, one more time at least.
This is us there in 2019. I had curly chemo hair still
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Moth,
Congrats on all being well.
What a beautiful spot! Hope you have a good time.
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Nice pics moth. Congrats on the positive checkup!
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Moth~that looks beautiful and so do you! And your family. What a view you had Such peace and tranquillity... travel on! Love the mountains, congrats on your check up!
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moth- Happy that your bloodwork and check up went well. Enjoy the camping and your family time.
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Moth, That lake view at your campsite is beautiful. I bet it’s so peaceful when you get up in the morning and come out to see that. Good checkup news!
Sorry for the deleted post. I reread it and didn’t think it was all that helpful.
Candy, I’d love to go back to before cancer too. I try to block out the prognosis but it’s still there. Now when things are stable/positive I’m afraid to jinx myself by enjoying it. Well, not completely, I am feeling happy. We rescheduled a couple cancelled cruises for 2021 and I’m pretty hopeful that I’ll be able to go, if travel resumes.
My biggest complaint is that I’m so stiff when I get up and now having trouble with a sore shoulder that limits my arm movement. Really hoping it’s not a lymphedema sign. Opposite side of my surgery and rads but not sure if that means anything. Giving it a little time before mentioning to MO or primary doc.
DH and I are in season 1 of Outlander. It’s got us hooked. I’d call it a historical drama with some time travel thrown in.
Hi to All! 👋
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Our new bed arrived yesterday and finally to have a decent nights sleep without a cat accidentally being kicked off the bed or being woken up by OH moving around was amazing. Had to practically jump out of bed to go break up a cat fight out front the house at 6 am and no early morning hip pain. Folks - IKEA mattresses for the win.
The bed risers arrive today and this weekend Ill go get the storage buckets/paper file boxes and away we go with this organization project. I also want to rearrange the pantry so I can keep a better eye on the stash. A good project just in time for rising covid cases!
We also cancelled our flights to the US for, well, we were supposed to leave tomorrow. I was putting it off for the longest time hoping we could still go but I knew it was unlikely. Instead we are going to focus on planning for a longer trip next May, and I think I will cook Thanksgiving dinner here for the first time in 7 years. I miss my mom.
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yay for your new bed. It can make all the difference! I'm so happy you slept well. That is a big deal. I could use a new bed. I don't even know how old ours is. How many years do they last? Lol
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Sondra happy to hear bout the new bed. As Mel said, a good night sleep changes everything in a day.
I am spending the morning so far doing surveys and videos for cash but also brainstorming storage. I finally came upon a brilliant idea, hang pretty coloured grocery bags in different areas of the house. I use a pretty picture hanging hook that I already have, hammer it in the wall and then take the bag with a cable tie around the handles, I can hang it up and pull it down. Undo the cable tie as well since it is reversible. Gets things off the floor and less expensive than shelving all over the place. I put one in the kitchen so far to get a few things off one side of the small counter.
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Mara,
What a great idea for storage! I've actually recently seen something like that in a magazine or online -- can't remember where. Basically the person doing it created a "wall" of brightly colored bags so it looked almost like a picture wall. Neat idea.
Sondra, great to hear about the new bed. My DH and I have finally caved and we also ordered a new bed that's king size so we are not banging into each other at night when we turn, etc. It comes mid-October, and I can't wait.
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waving to Bev Jen. Hope all is well!
Mara~ you’re so creative. That’s awesome!
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