My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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Hi Tanya,
Thank you for asking. Huey Lewis is a bit better, but I would not say the drug has done wonders. I guess that’s what I was hoping for...silly me. He is not panting like he was, so that alone is a win, and he’s not eating everything in sight either. He is almost blind, and I think that is harder on him than anything else. He goes back to the vet tomorrow for a follow up, so we’ll see what they say.
Mel, now I see why it was so hard for you with Tag. It’s a fine line between quality of life and living it. I am glad we have our vets to tell us when it’s time to let go. Because right now, I am unsure.
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Tanya- Do you mean a TRIAL for the Covid vaccine??? It is not available to the general public yet, right? I thought they are saying middle of 2021. Did you sign up saying you would be in a trial, or was your name picked at random?
I wish my life had some sort of normalcy again. Our church voted to go back to pre-Covid services starting on Nov 1. Masks will not be mandated and most won't wear them. We had a singing a couple of weeks ago with a group from outside the area come to sing. We are having a cookout in a couple of weeks. And I will be sitting at home in all this.
I dreamed of an old job last night/ early this morning (still fresh in my mind). It was so real. That building is now torn down and the staff scattered to the 4 winds. I wish I could go back to that time.
Or at least move forward with some sort of a life.
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Hello Lee~Welcome back again. Hope you're doing well. I am also leery of enclosed spaces. I definitely don't like pet scans. Not one little bit.
BooBoo~ it's not fun. I'm still not over Tags loss. I hate it that he's gone. I keep missing his warm fur and his little freckles on his nose. I'm sorry you're going through this. It breaks my heart. I understand how you're feeling. I truly do.
Hi Tanya~ hows the grandkids ?
Mara~ thanksgiving, you're supposed to over eat. You walk like crazy, I'm sure nothing will gain with you! I just hate all the work that goes into the dinner. I wish we could slim it down to a smaller event. Everyone is always Harried and life is so busy Soon the decorations will be needed. Egads. Year went quickly.
Hi Candy!!!! Welcome back Chicagoan!
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We don't do a big thanksgiving thing in our family. Ordered takeout Indian on Saturday; always get lots and we still had leftovers yesterday. We have been puttering around the house & Saturday went to a store for the first time since covid - the garden center, early in the morning, when it was still almost empty. Dd is studying for an exam. Weather has been iffy but I'm hoping for a hole in the clouds so my parents can pop in for an outside visit on the deck today. I'm knitting and watching Netflix and have a bunch of shopping carts open in numerous tabs as I'm indecisive about some xmas presents. I need to just decide and click buy or shut them down lol
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oh & here's my pet peeve - used to enjoy etsy for handmade stuff but now I have so little trust that what I'm looking at is actually made by the person. So much of it just seems reselling mass produced items, or items that maybe were handmade but in some sweatshop somewhere & this purchase isn't supporting an artisan but rather exploiting some person somewhere....
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Thanks Mel. For some reason it feels better to know that someone truly understands the way my heart feels (like it’s being ripped out) about my Huey. I know that day is coming, and I appreciate knowing you are there with me. I will continue to pray for peace for you, my dear friend. Your loss was huge, and it is going to take time before your heart is healed enough to smile when you think about Tag.
Sending warm hugs your way.
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Moth - etsy is just turning into a new eBay essentially, only with fewer used baby clothes. Although I did pick up some very special masks from people who you could tell clearly made their own stuff (trust me, NO ONE is mass-producing my university's logo mask), and I was happy to pay more for some very nice hand made pieces.
Today was, I kid you not, Menopause Awareness Day at work. They had speakers in to talk about what it is, how it affects women,how to have sensitive conversations around performance or if time off is needed to manage it. A senior woman leader spoke about her struggles with menopause. Next week they are having a special, supportive session ("for biological females at birth only please") on lady parts and even MORE sensitive issues. I guess it beats Breast Cancer Awareness but I feel oddly left out - like we got the puberty talk at school and now the menopause one at work only I kinda raced through that last one and I'm waaaaaayyyy ahead of my peers.
This weekend I finished felting a chicken I started last fall at this time, and since I have so much wool left over I am going to make some baby ones for my mom as she is always watching the neighbors chickens, maybe make them into tree ornaments or something. Felting is so easy to just turn on a movie and start stabbing, even when laid up in bed. Tonight I made a small two-person batch of brownies because its rainy and cold out!
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Mel, thanks for saying that about the walking. I do like being able to do a lot. Been pedaling like a crazy person. Done about 40 mins of treadmill as well. I do eat an awful lot and some clothes have been feeling tighter but I will not trade how I feel now versus earlier this year with the fainting and the tripping and falling. I need the beans and everything to maintain it.
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Ooohh Sondra.... the world we live in! I can just imagine you looking at the “ menopause awareness day” shenanigans and thinking WTF 😬 . I’ve been exactly the same and have resisted the urge on this type of occasion in my former work world to stand up and scream:
‘what about those of us forced through menopause by chemo at 42 and STILL having chemo, hot flushes, sweat rashes and the prospect of osteoporosis at 55?? Never mind the stage 4 cancer!!’
Screamed it in my head though and then then out loud in the car driving home!
On the other hand I suppose if you are in the menopausal world, you need the general population ( men) to understand a bit of this stuff and if that’s as bad as it gets for you then you’re A) lucky and
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BooBoo~
always here for you. I understand the heart ache. Hug him and love him now. I wish I could have just a few more nuzzles. Please have one for me. Ladies speaking of menopause
I've been trying to explain menopause to my husband and how it works. I'm not doing all that well. He wonders why I'm not as affectionate. I don't feel anything because of my lack of hormones. It's been a slow process but I know what it is I love him dearly. More than words really. But since I've been thrown into menopause I can't help but feeling cold or distant. Or just within myself and my mind processing. This MBC.sometimes I feel selfish because I'm still in shock after all this time. That this has happened to me. I wish I wasn't so cold. I just don't feel happy like I used to before the cancer anvil dropped on my head. (Our head. It's our families also)
Moth~that’s my idea of a thanksgiving
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Karen - yeah, I didn't attend, a friend forwarded the info to me. To be honest, menopause has been a doddle and I hate to admit it, minimal hot flashes, no night sweats, and my mental state has actually improved?! I haven't had much of a sex drive in a long time, though, so I do wonder how long my hormones have been impacted by the cancer (which was sucking up all the estrogen it could get). But in these Woke Times the fact they had to clarify re: who could attend the genital discussion was a little interesting. Also, the workforce is pretty young, so I can just imagine the woke discussions yet to come - Ill try to stay out of the firing line!
Mel - that was very well put. I think instead of the sex part its been about showing affection and love in the little things. Ill wash his favorite face masks first, or make sure to have his favorite pizza ingredients in the house while he always makes sure to pick up my favorite foods if he knows Im having a tough day. But despite all that this MBC thing just hangs around in the background and you can never be truly free of the worry.
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Booboo, I understand as well. I put my guy Thor down a few weeks before Mel said goodbye to Tag. This picture here is my Tucker, the one who went blind and had Cushing's. I hope maybe your baby can hold on and give you more time. Tucker lasted two more years. He's been gone a while, and I still miss him. 0 -
Oh KBL,
Thank you. What a precious boy Tucker was. And I’m sure Thor was too. Our fur babies give us so much in the relatively short time we have them. Blessings to you for all you’ve been through with losing them. I just wish it didn’t hurt so much to let them go.
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I can say with the forced menopause, the libido has taken a hit and it is not just about the cancer. I do think the hormonal drop has a great deal to do with it. I am not in the same situation as people with partners or spouses however and I am sure there are different circumstances than I would deal with typically.
I love the picture of your dog KBL and I am sorry for all who have lost pet family in the last while. It is very hard to deal with.
My mother's birthday is tomorrow. Since she passed early in 2019, I have been doing my best to forget the day as I did with younger brother's birthday earlier this month as he no longer is a part of my life. I discovered her birthday is also National Dessert Day so I will celebrate that instead. May walk up to a store nearby and pickup a tuxedo cake. They are expensive so I do noto purchase them often, but think National Dessert Day should be celebrated.
I went for a lovely walk around the neighbourhood this morning and once my laundry is in the dryer, am taking myself out for a essentially free lunch. Using money earned from surveys and such. It also incorporates a fairly good walk as well and it is beautiful and sunny here.
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Holy moses, having one heck of a skin reaction here tonight. Zoladex shot earlier today and I have red itchy, bumpy skin across trunk and arms and neck and top of legs. I just took a Claritin as I couldn't find the Benadryl - Ill check again in a half hour if its gone down and if not I guess I better call the help line. I had been having an itch sensation since Friday where the flu jab was, but nothing like this. I've never had this problem post injection before!
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Yikes, Sondra! I wish I could run a Benadryl over to you! It might take a while, though, from the West Coast of the US to London. I hope you feel better very soon!
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Pffft - FOUND IT! Of course the Benadryl was exactly where it was supposed to be - in my 'most used drugs basket' which has three compartments - one for muscle pain, one for general pain, and one for gastro. I put all the important stuff in there and informed Other Half so if there is a problem he knows to just grab the whole basket (its not that large) from the shelf. Too bad I forgot myself!
Claritin seems to be helping and the rash has started to go down. Only other thing is maybe a new soap I've been using since Saturday (but is vegetable based), or a new shirt I put on today I think I forgot to wash first. I did hop in a cool shower to rinse off in case it was one of those two.
Sorry for the drama everyone!
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Sondra, glad you found your Benadryl and that the Claritin is helping. I got a terrible rash from the sun when I walked the 7 miles to Walmart. It was itchy as heck and not scratching was tough. For me, vaseline was helpful and I wore my UV shirt for a few days as well.
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Thank you, Booboo and Mara.
Mara, I’m sorry about your mom. I still miss my mom 11 years later. I still sing her Hapoy Birthday on her day because she always used to call and sing. Enjoy dessert day.
Sondra, so glad it’s a little better. I hope it wasn’t one of the shots.
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KBL, thank you. I think I will always miss her but am glad that it does not feel like my heart is ripping out. Last year, I did a Star Wars marathon to distract me. I like the idea of having the tuxedo cake because she liked it too. I would just be celebrating her and the day without any sadness. We will see how it goes, I have my infusion tomorrow morning but I can push through that I think and go in the afternoon.
I have had 3 lovely walks so far today, each between 25 and 30 mins. I count the walk to the restaurant and after I finished eating, the walk home as two. It is beautiful out, no humidity at all which is lovely. Planning an after dinner walk as well so I will need to eat supper earlier. I find if I walk too late it of course makes it hard to sleep
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Sondra,
Several infusions ago, I developed a red itchy patch around the port site. I didn’t think much of it, but when I went back in the next week, the infusion nurses were very concerned. Apparently, I was not the only patient who had this reaction, and they eventually found that it was the stick they use that goes into the port. Guess they had a compromised batch from the manufacturer. Anyway, thought I’d mention it because even though I didn’t think it was a big deal, they did.
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Re menopause... yes I agree with everyone and my DH has had a lot to put up with!
Yikes Sondra, that’s not over dramatic, it’s scary. Amazing how we cope with stuff most people would totally freak at... and we just reach for the anti histamines. Laughing cause my DH went for the flu jab today, never having been before, and was feeling a bit dizzy with a ‘ dead arm’ for the rest of today. He also made a thing about being asked to sit for 15 mins before going home just in case he had a reaction. Fairly unsympathetically my thoughts were.... welcome to a teensy bit of our world... but I didn’t actually say it!
Not feeling great myself, The pain/ discomfort in my back and side is still there and very much like the pain on diagnosis, plus a bit breathless. MO and clinic tomorrow...
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Karen, I am sorry to hear about your back and side as well as the breathlessness. I am really glad to hear you are seeing your MO and clinic.
Flu shot tip that I learned from a nurse that was giving them a long time ago, to avoid the arm pain from the shot, just swing your arm around a bit for a few minutes. Helps a lot to avoid any pain, at least it did that for me. I will need to get a shot but am having Herceptin which already makes me feel a bit flu like for the first few days, malaise and general just not feeling well that I will wait until the week after if the shots are in. Our pharmacies are giving the shots. I did not have one last year but plan on it this year.
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Karen~I also am glad you're seeing your MO tomorrow. Always better safe than sorry. The menopause issue is annoying I feel like the wicked witch of the west. I don't even know why. I feel angry all the time grumpy. Annoyed by everything and anything. And it just started becoming noticeable to my DH. He's like woah. What's the deal? I'm never snappy never short. The past few months I've realize I'm stuck in this fog of menopause and didn't even know it. He snapped me to see it. I have no idea what to do about it. I don't want to be alone. I want him with me And I don't want other peopl around either. I'm not looking forward to the holidays at all. Nothing but work. Although my shopping is 85% done already! Will I have any energy to decorate ? Ugh! It's the middle of October already. I mean seriously Christmas is like here . Bah hum bug already!! Oh no!!
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Sondra~I'm glad you're ok. Hives and rashes are scary stuff. You never know when they will stop.
Mara~I am sorry about your mom. I know grief is difficult. I lost my dad in 2019.
BooBoo~hugs to you and Huey.
I got my flu shot already, I got one last year, didn’t get the flu, did not get the shot. Two years ago and I sure enough got the flu. I was Almost hospitalized with dehydration. Get the shot. I worry so much, when people don’t get it. There are some that say the shot gives them the flu. Which never happened to me. After what I went. Through I won’t be taking that chance again ever.
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Good evening all
Sondra I’m happy you found the Benadryl! I probably need to go get a basket like yours. I have everything in my night stand drawer.
Mara sorry about moms anniversary. Dessert day I’ve never heard of but I love dessert and am usually not allowing myself sugar so any excuse to eat chocolate cake is my ticket.
Mel I would check on that mood stuff. I have that cranky grandma 👵 attitude too and have to check myself after I unleash. Really terrible to my husband sometimes. The sex thing is another matter. I did talk to a social worker at my clinic for four sessions. I think the last one Is Friday. I told my husband I would find out about services available for him and then he didn’t seem so interested so I just talk to the nice lady and dump toxic waste on her-sorry nice lady. My DH is probably saying to himself “you’re the nut go talk to your therapist.”
Have a good evening ladies.
Tanya
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Everything much better today - trunk rash was almost completely gone by the time I went to bed and I only had itchy extremities by that point. I whizzed up some oatmeal in the food processor and made a paste with some water, applied to hands and feet for a few minutes and rinsed with cold water, then applied paraffin cream. Worked great!
So glad I found the Benadryl - Claritin sometimes gives me a buzzy brain and makes me feel downright weird.
MO call tomorrow so I will raise it then, though I have to go back to the hospital anyway to pick up meds. Considering how many people are treated and with what drugs and all the equipment used, its pretty amazing things like this don't happen more frequently, as boo pointed out with her example.
Karen - good luck today and let us know how it turns out.
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Well, I have decided to call in sick to my appointment today. I have a persistent cold that does feel better after walking, however it is hanging on and I do NOT want to bring that into the cancer clinic even if I am masked the whole time. I also get cold symptoms with Herceptin including a chest cough for a couple of days and don't need that on top of what I have now.
I got up feeling pretty good about Mom's birthday. Just wished her a happy birthday and started my day. I am not going to do much else other than walk and pick up my cake at the store. I still want to celebrate her day. I also think more walking will be in order to keep me feeling strong as well. I will also get more of my Buckley's as well. Tylenol and Advil at the same time helps a lot but would like something for night time to kick this to the curb so I can get the flu shot.
Edited to add, the nurse agreed it is probably a good thing to stay home this time. She offered to reschedule but I told her just to cancel the Herceptin and that I would have the next one on schedule. I still don't feel badly but someone else could if I somehow gave it to vulnerable people. So the only trips are for a cake and my Buckleys to kick this cold to the curb.
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Hi all. Just reading along here.
Reading about your Thanksgiving celebrations. U.S. Thanksgiving next month. Then Christmas in Dec. I do not like the Holidays, never have. Our family is disfunctional and we don't get together like the normal family. Now with Covid.... So I will be alone. Dread it. Maybe stay in bed under the covers for the 2 Holidays???
Menopause issues--- chemical menopause for me with the cancer meds. Cannot speak of sex drive as I am alone. But the hot flashes are horrid. And I feel pretty emotional-- crabby and tearful at times. Kind of like PMS. But that could be the mental aspect of living with cancer. I know I have some depression.
Sondra- Glad the rash is better. Let us know how the MO visit goes.
Karen- In your pocket for your MO visit.
Not much here today--- just piddling around the house.
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Candy, I am sorry you are alone and that there is no one to get together with. I have fewer people now, but still have some people. Maybe if you felt like it, you could get yourself a nice dinner or dessert not so much to celebrate the holidays which I admit are hard, but just to treat yourself. I am doing that with the cake because of Mom's birthday today. Celebrating myself that I have been able to get through this with great difficulty, but it helps not focus that I am alone on the milestones.
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