My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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id get the flu shot.
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Moth, hope things go well.
Had the flu shot too, albeit had to ask when should have been automatic.
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They offered me a flu shot at my oncologist appointment last month. I thought it was not a great idea to get it the same day I got Faslodex and herceptin, but I did it because it was convenient. That night I had a 103.6 degree fever and had to go get checked out at the cancer center’s urgent care. Which was not convenient.
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Moth, how exhausting, all those extra appointments and extra waiting to find out things. Time to get comfy and get lost in a show while not caring how much you snack while watching it.
Bliss, I love the moose photos. Wildlife sightings always feel to me like a surprise gift from the universe. Mae, have you named any of the burros? At least name the grey.
Mara, I hope you can get away with just a signed statement and they don't make you appear.
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Cold night ahead. Going to be a good sleep night with warm blankets and a warm bed. I feel Lucky having that. It was cold today. Barely above freezing. Don't like those days much. But I showered and that always makes me feel better even though I don't much enjoy seeing what's been left behind. The carnage. I am available for any pocket duty needed. Snacks and all!
I hope that once thanksgiving comes I can get into the spirit of Christmas. Because right now not so much. Someone I went to school with had a brain aneurysm yesterday and surgery didn't stop the bleeding. She's 50... two daughters and a DH. Talking organ donation now. My close friends aunt went into premature labor with 5 months and some weeks along and was forced to deliver. The baby was born alive. his lungs couldn't sustain even life support. So the baby passed. They have to name him and bury him. So damn sad. Breaks my heart. Just bad things happen to good people sometimes and I just don't understand how things go. Heavy heart night. Hope you ladies sleep well. It's our peace time.0 -
Mel, that is a lot of sadness today. Sending you a hug and a sigh in unison. Universe, we know life is precious; we don’t need all these reminders.
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Thank you Shetland. It's a lot for people to bare. Lifeis hard
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Mel..that is a lot of sadness to absorb. We carry sadness all the time..then you add the pain from your friends lives. It is hard.
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I am so sorry about your friends Mel and you. Have a peaceful sleep.
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Mel, that is a lot of sadness for one day. I'm so sorry for them and you. Sending hugs and love and wishing you a restful night's sleep.
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I’m so sorry, Mel. I don’t know what else to say. I’m thinking of you.
Shetland, that sucks you got a fever after your day at the doctor. So sorry that happened.
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Candy nice numbers.happy for you.
Mel sorry about your friends.
I’m awake wawawa
Tany
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Tanya, I was awake with you. Couldn’t keep my eyes open at 8. Woke up at 12 and was awake until 2.
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Mel - so sorry about all the loss. You are such an empathetic person. Hope today brings some peace
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Mel,
Sorry my friend for such an ugly day yesterday. Sometimes it feels like the bad stuff keeps piling up. Life is strange that way. I keep thinking about those that were hit by multiple hurricanes this year. How do you recover from that?
Anyway, I wish for you a beautiful day filled with love and hope.
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Mel- So sorry. So much sadness around.
Last night I was flipping channels on the TV. Came across a show about a woman that lost 700 pounds over 3 years. She started at 750 and was at 150. It journaled her story. I admired her. I know that it could not have been easy. And I am sure she had up and down days and probably struggled and fell several times. But she was determined and had a good outlook. And looked forward to a goal for her future- she talked about what she wanted to do when she hit her target weight- go camping and start dating. At one point during her journey, she got to fly on a plane for the first time And how excited she was.
Then I thought about myself as I was trying to go to sleep. I (we) take the meds, go to the doc appts, get poked and prodded, endure the scanxiety. But our end goal is not a happy one. We do all this and the cancer will eventually grow. It will eventually kill. No happy end goal for us. (Well, yes, I will go to Heaven, but you know what I am meaning)
I just wish that with all we endure that we had a happy end to our story.
Today I am going to have a goal to walk the treadmill, open the windows for fresh air (supposed to be sunny and 70), and do some light housework.
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Thank you ladies. I appreciate the support always. !
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Mel, still thinking of you as well.
I have done a brisk initial 20 mins on the treadmill, couple surveys, will do laundry later. Planning to go out and look for a pair of lighter winter shoes or possibly lighter boots. My winter boots are huge clodhoppers and I cannot stand that aspect of them. I want to walk in the winter too. I have a lot of traction cleats for that purpose that work well. If I cannot find what I want, I will simply have to wear sneakers instead. Other option will be to walk on the treadmill in both pairs of boots I have to get ready for it, slowly of course but that would get my feet ready. We will see what happens, may still train on the treadmill with all shoes purchased. I do have to be careful of footing on treadmill, it felt jerky at first today and shoes have not lost their tread. Will start slower and more gradually turn it up. The belt itself is fine.
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Oh Mel, that is a whole lot of sad
Yesterday dd found out that a pt who had been at her outpatient clinic the day before... the pt's spouse tested positive for covid. Dd didn't deal with that pt at all so risk is very low but it's still an ugh. The other unit she works at is surgical and they're going to be requiring pts to have a neg covid test so I think it will be a safer environment. Wonder if they'll make that a rule at increasingly more outpatient clinics.
And I read about a report from China where they had a small outbreak - which they controlled very quickly - but they traced it back to a CT scan & said it was likely "environmental exposure" but I couldn't figure out if they meant aerosol (cause we know that it can in some circumstances stay in air for quite some time) or if they meant fomites (ie contaminated surfaces that were touched). Either way, to me it was both super interesting & kind of concerning.....0 -
Progress on the cabin is slow but moving. It's primitive but we have a dish washing station, an outdoor shower and a partially built under stairs bathroom.
And DH is wonderful but he’s 2nd guessing everything, constantly misplacing tools and coming up with new ideas and changes throughout. I’ve tried to politely suggest he commit and follow through but I just want to sleep through this whole process, ugh.
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Mae that's what marriages are made of. Good night. Lived through many construction projects and lord sometimes.... at least you have a bathroom.
I hope all are doing well today.
Tanya
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Mae..was the cabin frame already built when you bought it or have you guys done it all? Whew..big project and doesn't DH travel a lot?..maybe not so much during COVID. Is your other home on the market? Where do you get your energy?
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Tanya, I agree
Sandibeach, Just land when we bought it. DH did all the building except for the roof, I didn’t want him to risk falling 40ft off a ladder onto rocks and hour from a local hospital and the deck, which we didn’t have time for. DH did drive rock bands but he’s basically retired due to Covid (no tours). The Houston house will be cleared next month for sale, hopefully. As for energy, I’d say I have moderate energy but high determination.
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Hi ladies.
Just feeling lonely and bored.
I opened my windows today-- windy here. Fresh air though. I walked on the treadmill-- 20 minutes, more of a stroll. I vacuumed and light dusted.
Just soooo quiet here.
I texted a friend. She texted back she was at work. Oh well I tried.
I am thankful--- thankful for my house, a book to read, my computer. Thankful for food in the fridge. Thankful that I am Covid free (so far) and not in a hospital. Thankful for everything.
But also, I am lonely and bored. Thinking of my old pre cancer life-- work, busyness, etc. Thinking of pre Covid life-- shopping, church, etc. Wondering if my scans in 1 month, Dec 21, will show progression. Will I still be stable on Ibrance for some more time. Will we get a vaccine in the Spring. Will I feel good enough to resume some sort of a life next summer.
Just feeling blue.
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Mae, great progress on the cabin, you and your husband are quite talented. You will love it once done. I understand you on having more determination than energy as I am quite similar in my life.
Candy, I am so sorry you are feeling blue. Even though we can have blessings such as our homes, food and such, it does not mean the feelings always go away. Hopefully they will ease up soon.
I did have a decent day. Got a great pair of winter boots, only the size and weight of shoes but waterproof with soles made from vibram so they will be good antislip as well. So comfortable as well.. Looking forward to them. Got quite a bit of walking on treadmill, to and from bus stops and up to the store as well. Not crazy long, but enough that I stayed busy. It was nice out today as well.
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Mel, isn’t it always the way that when one piece of bad news come another follows. In my family we tend to think of things coming in 3’s. It’s HARD and very understandable to struggle. Hopefully something good will happen soon
Candy I too am trying to be grateful, easier said than done, but does work with practice!
Did anyone see the BBC interview with Michael J Fox? Done with frank humour.
He was asked how he coped with thoughts of the future with deteriorating Parkinson’s... he said trying live in the present and what is the future anyway? The future is now....and now....and now...you get my meaning. I need to practice that.WOooh watching the TV news and just announced that Scottish author Douglas Stuart ( now living in NYC) has won the Booker prize for his book Shuggie Bain....I’ll be reading that one!
Mae, how brave are you to take on your cabin project...I do hope it’s cosy and comfy soon!
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Karen,
Interesting that you mention trying to be grateful. Recently, I had an hour and a half appointment with an integrative medicine MD. One of the things she asked me was whether I had a gratitude practice. Many of you probably know what that is, but I was taken aback and told her no, that I wasn't exactly sure what that was. I mean, when I wake up in the morning, I try to think positively and thank the universe, God, or whatever one believes in for the new day. But that's as far as it goes.
She suggested keeping a journal (something that I am notoriously BAD at) and at the end of each day, write down three things that happened that day for which I was grateful. She said that over time, it would become more automatic, and that I would get the hang of it.
I think it's a great idea. So far, I haven't done it (as I said, I am notoriously bad at journaling) but I think it's a good idea.
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I saw Michael J. Fox on the Rachel Ray show and The View. Bless him. I remember him on the show Family Ties and of course Back to the Future. I appreciated when he said his new book is about not always feeling optimistic. I admire him. Kind of like Alex Trebek.
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BevJen, I totally agree with the grateful journal so you can look back and see what you are grateful for. I am grateful for my wee apartment that I don't pay electricity for, glad to do laundry in my apartment. Glad that I really like beans and spinach with cheese and queso. All of these things are inexpensive. Glad I can do surveys to make enough money to afford my apartment, food and TV channels and some extras. Glad I know how to stretch certain things. Glad I have my health outside of cancer. I try to remind myself of these things when having a blue day. It does not always work to pull me out, but sometimes it does. If worst comes to worst, I go to bed earlier and try to get more sleep.
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I got a call late this afternoon about a lung biopsy spot opening up tomorrow morning so I grabbed it. Meant I had to quickly run to get bloodwork as they needed a current INR/PTT. But anything that moves things up is good from my perspective. The phlebotomist was taken aback by how cheerful I was...she said "oh wow, you're excited about getting bloodwork?" and I was like "yes! I get to have a biopsy tomorrow!" which no doubt just convinced her she was dealing with Ms Crazypants lol
The faster I get the biopsy, the faster I can get radiation mapping, the faster rads can start....& also the faster we get info about this met & what's possibly driving it. Means a long boring day alone in interventional radiology tomorrow though. I'm downloading extra episodes of podcasts because the wifi is dodgy there.
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