My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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Mel sorry for the loss of your friend.
Moth thanks for all the pain info. I’ll pass it along. The opioids are making her nauseous constipated and groggy.
Nopink I gave her some MM to try.
Mae what do they come to eat? That’s an amazing herd.
Tanya
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Thank you Tanya. It was sudden. Life is so weird.
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Oh Mel, how awful to hear about this sudden death
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speaking of DNRs and DNIs, I have one but I actually keep suspending it when admitted for minor procedures. I feel it's too black & white. Like if my lung collapsed during my biopsy and I needed a short term vent, I would want it. If it's a perceived short term intervention that has a reasonable chance of success, then I'm not ready to say no, don't.. Similarly if I had an arrhythmia during some procedure and just needed a small shock to re-pace the heart....that's different than being down with a massive MI. And even with covid, not all cancer patients die, not even those admitted to ICU. I look at all those other risk factors ( I just posted an infographic on breaking research from other sources thread) and say Hmmmm, if covid strikes me, I'm suspending my DNR/DNI again because I could still fight this off
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Rosie- Did you have your scans Friday? When will you know results? With this week being the Holiday things get delayed.
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Well, made it back home. A lot of wet slushy snow right now so very sloppy and slippy. I found the new boots very comfortable to walk in and I felt secure. I did find my feet tired quickly due to slipping slightly backwards when walking. Where I live, I live on a side street so road and sidewalk not plowed. Talked to a few neighbours who are not enjoying this weather due to having to shovel. I got home fine, walk was kept short. If I go out tomorrow morning, may add cleats to reinforce traction as it will probably freeze up some. I really want to train my feet for all weather conditions. Done walking for today though.
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Hi Candy, Yes I had my scans on Friday. I’m planning to call my MO’s office to get some info tomorrow afternoon. I don’t really know how quick they get results but I definitely hope to know before Thanksgiving. Thanks for asking about me!
Mel, I’m adding my sympathy for the loss of your friend. 🌺. Sudden death of a loved one is so shocking for those left to mourn.
Mae, The donkeys are cool. I hope Thanksgiving with your small group at your new place is nice.
Moth, I agree with your thinking on Dnr or dni orders. For me it would be all about my condition and quality of life potential. I don’t have either one in place at this time.
We have the solid rain today that others have mentioned, and it’s cold too. I need to move more with my stiffness and aches, but just feel like staying in today. Tried to start the new season of The Crown last night but Netflix wasn’t loading it. Hello to everyone here in Mel’s living room. 👋
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Moth,
The wording is important. Mine states that if there is no/little chance of recovery, then I don’t want to be kept alive by a machine. It does not allow a doctor to stop with saving my life. So there shouldn’t be any worries about going in for routine surgeries. But it is worth checking the wording in your own.
Mae,
I meant to say how cool it must be to have animals like that stroll in your yard. I am so happy for you and your DH. I can’t wait to see what else strolls in!
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Rosie- Let us know what you find out. Yes, I hope you find out before the Holiday. In your pocket for the results.
I do not have a Living Will set up yet, so I am still a Full Code. In my thinking, I am doing well with MBC, for now. So if I would get sick from Covid, or code during a procedure, or have a car accident, I want them to do everything. Give me all the chances I can get. I am not there yet to say I am a DNR. I am not ready yet to write that.
I am feeling more upbeat today. I think it is because I have kept my mind busy. I ordered my groceries online this morning, then watched church online. This afternoon I called 2 friends and chatted. I think I do much better when I can keep my mind active. That is why I want Covid gone. I want to volunteer again, even if only 1 day a week. Be able to go to church on Sundays. I do better when I have something to do. Tomorrow will be quieter as people will be at their jobs and living their lives. I will try to keep the upbeat feeling, but it will be hard.
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Mel another very hard few days for you and the family : friendsof your friend.
Candy and Mara you are sounding OK just now. Good to hear.
Everyone.... pause here...all we can do right now.
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I'm having one of those super anxious days. I'm feeling run down physically - is it fatigue? Is it a cold? Is it covid? Is it my mets all waking up? WHO knows but I can convince myself it's all of these plus TB and some fungal lung infection on top....
I'm worried that the lung mets were early to wake up and top responding to treatment and that my liver mets will also be growing by the next scan. Or maybe I'll have new mets somewhere else?
I'm worried that I won't be randomized to the SABR arm of the rads trial. So far none of these odds have gone my way. I should not have even got cancer in the first place if you looked at my odds and risk factors .... & why triple neg? ... and why a recurrence? Statistically it all seems so unlikely that I'm looking at my papers and going - did they test something wrong? Am I really BRCA+? Am I Ashkenazi Jewish? WHY is this happening. Why did my necrotic lung met wake up? Literally nobody expected that - my MO was quite surprised. She was also kind of depressing on my appt on Friday - or maybe I just read her that way because I was feeling crappy by then; the freezing was wearing off the lung biopsy, I was tired and hungry and just stressed from a long day alone in the medical system. She just seemed to circle back over and over again "you *need* radiation on the lung met" and I'm like yes, I know that....& all the covid whiners are just wearing my patience. I'm all stay home and watch Netflix, how is this so hard????
so yeah, lots of crying in the bathroom here today
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Aw, Moth, tomorrow will be another day. It sounds like you are having acute breastcanceritis today. It's inevitable for all of us in this situation.
I hope that you are feeling better tomorrow, and that some things start going your way. We can all relate to what you are saying -- just know that we are out in cyberspace giving you a big hug.
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Moth, I am sorry for everything you are worrying about right now. Crying is unpleasant but really is a good stress reliever we all need from time to time. It does not make us necessarily feel emotionally better in the midst of the tears but after, I think for most people, it gives a calmer perspective. It always has done so for me. I still cry if I have had a bad day or gone to bed late. Those are definite triggers to cause my own anxious mind to go on a hamster wheel of obsessions to worry about. I just take as it comes, cry it out, feel the feeling and move on calmer than before the cry.
As far as the covidiots who whine about having to wear a mask and it being against their civil rights, I have one thing to say to them directly. Not my saying but is effective, Mask it or Casket.
Edited to remove the picture which I felt was a bit much.
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moth - I'm sorry you're having such a stressful day. It's hard when there seems to be no reason or logic to your situation. Sending a cyberhug your way and hoping the light of a new day will find you more at peace.
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Moth, I’m sorry you are having such a tough time. I know I can’t say anything to make you feel better, but I’m also sending a cyber hug your way.
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Mel - another loss - how devastating😓. In our hearts we ask why, why, why?
Moth - virtual hugs🤗.
Peace to all today and this Thanksgiving week. I'm grateful for all of you.
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hello ladies. ~It’s dreary and it’s bloodwork and xgeva day soooooo hoooray. I’m going to the fabric store before so that is the silver lining. Moth. You’re not alone sweet woman. Every age and pain I’m convinced it’s another met peeking up.... I’m sick of living with cancer. Because then I have to look forward to dying from it. Oh joy.... but then I have to thank god I haven’t left two beautiful daughters behind at younger ages. Life is so shitty sometimes you have to wonder how it also has such beauty in it too.
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Moth- Oh my girl. I wish I would have been online when you posted. I am just now back online. I pray you have a better day today. I totally get it. Yesterday I had a good day (doesn't happen often). Usually I am the one posting about crying and depressed and others are upbeat. I just want you to know I understand the fatigue, the why, the what if. Cyber hug from here.
Mel- I know I get so tired of the "bloodwork and Xgeva" days. No appts for me this week. Do enjoy your fabric store though.
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Mel, enjoy the fabric store, still so sorry as well.
Moth I hope things will look better for you soon.
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Mara,
YOu've inspired me. I did a mile walk this morning, with another one coming up later in the morning. I know that's not as much as you do, but every time I read about your exercise, I at least think about it. Today I'm actually doing something!
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Go BevJen. !!!!!
Go Mara!!! I think you’re both great......
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BevJen, that is awesome to hear. I bet you feel better after having done it, I always find the same for myself. I am also altering my exercise to be shorter but multiple walks in a day. I prefer to go 20 mins to a half hour 3 to 4 times a day. When I do the elliptical, I count it as an hour of walking since the strides on the elliptical are 1/2 the number of steps.
I have not yet walked today, but I have been pedaling on the elliptical while filling out surveys. Had to stop at two hours. I am planning a short outdoor walk when it warms up a bit. Make sure not too icy. Might put cleats on inn an abundance of caution and see how they feel.
Thank you Mel!
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Mara,
Yes, I feel better, but I am also tired. I think I overdid in in too short of a period. Once again, I'll learn from your pacing of your exercise, I think. Good ideas.
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Went for my monthly visit today, bloodwork, Zometa, doctor visit. When I was done with infusion, the nurse asked me if I had my Thanksgiving fixings. I said I had a Turkey breast but not much else. She had a ticket she gave me to go to the parking lot and pick up two bags, a whole turkey, pumpkin pie, stuffing, box of mashed potatoes, green beans, rolls, and cranberry sauce. One of their patient's husbands gives these out every Thanksgiving as a thank you to the center for how they cared for his wife. They are there from 9:30-2:30. How sweet is that????
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I completely spaced taking my pills at 1 today and only realized at 4 when I looked at my calendar above the desk and noticed i hadn't written a D in the square for today. Quick threw down a babybel cheese and toast and took them but still, little concerning to forget like that! Mostly I think its due to cutting out breakfast and fasting from 6pm to noon or so which has helped cut down on the snacking - I like to get the pills done and over with but now it may be better to swap to after dinner.
Government here is planning to open EVERYTHING from next week which is concerning to say the least. Back to staying home and ordering gifts online I guess. Not happy about this in the slightest as people are going to go nuts trying to make Christmas happen. Some amazing airfare deals right now - one airline is offering London to Honolulu (stopping in LA) for £1K (about $1,350 or so) in business class, round trip, for dates up to October. All I have heard from MOs is that regarding travel over 4 hours flight time to wear compression socks and get some travel insurance, but how does Zoladex planning work around all that? Is there leeway there?
Moth - I hope you are having a better day today, though I had to smile just a little at the Ashkenazi Jewish question, because I wondered myself if some info got lost when folks got on the boat in the mid 19th century and appeared on American shores. Statistics suck when you are on the wrong side, and I know it doesn't help to think 'well, someone had to be in the <0.01%'. I consider it like being in a plane crash - for whatever reason, for all of us, genetic errors or environmental impacts or whatever lined up in the right way, the right sequence and we "won". But it doesn't always matter how you think about it, some days are just tougher than others to manage the feelings and massive sense of unfairness.
Off for dinner and then its my weekly grocery shop, hope everyone has a good day!
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SondraF- I was having a terrible time remembering both of my twice-a-day meds until I started using the Reminder app on my phone. It's compatible with Microsoft apps, but I'm not sure it's actually by Microsoft. It stays active unless you mark it complete, snooze it (up to an hour), or dismiss it - and it records it in your Microsft calendar, if you need that for tracking. Since I have my phone or my tablet in my hands multiple times throughout the day, I haven't missed a dose since then.
I can't believe your gov is opening everything. You all must be doing better than we are in the US, where MANY places are headed back into tighter controls.
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KBL- That was nice of that man to give those away. Happy you could partake.
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Hi All, I got a summary of my scan results and things are good. Nothing new and liver lesions are barely perceptible. I’ll take it 😊.
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Rosie,
That's terrific news!
KBL,
What a nice person to do that for others! Warms your heart that someone is so thoughtful.
And Sondra -- as much as I love the UK, WTH is the government there doing? That is just crazy. You are wise to stay safe yourself.
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KBL, that is an awesome thing he did, glad to hear you were able to benefit from his generosity
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