My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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Mara haha Stefon is so funny. You made me watch some clips. His character was written by John Mulaney who has stand up comedy on Netflix that is really funny, and I don’t remember it being very raunchy which is nice, at least the Kid Gorgeous one he did.
Mel- so glad you love your bed. It’s nice to be cozy and tucked in like burrito.
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Moth - what an article - it needs to be in every newspaper and magazine. When dx at 34, after treatment and 5 years time, I thought I was good. Then recurrence at 44, mastectomy and no chemo, after 5 years and my oncologist said no more need to see her, I thought i was good. Until I turned 64 and my MBC was dx when I went to the ER for what I thought was bronchitis (was pleural effusion). Over 30 years, not a single one of my doctors ever mentioned the possibility of MBC. My husband, an ob/gyn, never even thought of the possibility! Education of every single BC patient must be mandated. When I see my PCP today, I am going to address the issue with him. Thank you moth
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Thanks everyone, it's great to be home at last. Mara, you're amazing, I can still barely walk to the bathroom without getting out of breath, I'll start with short walks around my villa complex tomorrow if it's not raining.
Moth, great article, I was told by my breast surgeon because they found cancer in 2 lymph nodes that there was a 25% chance of me getting MBC so I wasn't totally blindsided when it happened less than 4 yrs later.
Mae, you're a great friend, I hope he makes a full recovery and the doctors find the cause of the seizures. I hope you and DH get away for a few days.
Mel, I'm glad you're loving your new bed, there's nothing like snuggling up in a warm comfortable bed.I hope you all have the best week, available for pocket duty for anyone with scans this week.
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Kittykat - great news that you are home!!
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Take it slow Kittykat, short is better, maybe back and forth to the bathroom first then move on, lift legs while seated to start.
I've not been in hospital or really sick so there's that.
Edited to add, just got back from a 15000 step walk. The way to the place I was going was easy, cooler and felt fine. I decided to up side streets since there are trees to look at rather than businesses along a busy main road. Wow, did not even consider the hilly route. Luckily I did not burn out but you better believe I only went faster on the uphill portions, employed my show exhales and pushed it. Rested on the flat, downhil. portionsI was glad to get home and get some chocolate milk, my face was bright red, not hot, just from the exertion.
For anyone wonder how or why I push myself, I need it. I am by no means an expert, I walk a steady deliberate pace and it is always quite the effort. I just want to push myself as much as is safe to do because I am not guaranteed to be able to do this in the future.
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Mara, sorry if I missed it somewhere, but how do you count your stepping in place at home?
Kittykat - I bet that first sleep back in your own bed was the best feeling ever!
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Sondra, I hold my phone in my hand because the arms move as each leg steps so it counts them that way. When on the treadmill or outdoor walking, the phone is in the purse and it counts from there. I am assuming that outdoor walking it uses location to track the steps and I honestly am not sure how the treadmill tracks the steps when I am not moving but it is very accurate.
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moth: that piece of writing was truly brilliant. I hope it meets many eyes of pink pompom waving ladies and other survivors and friends of those who are - right now - survivors.
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Mara- you are doing wonderful on your walking. Keep it up girl! Also I didn't know what quesos is so I looked it up and it mentioned a cheesy take on dip. What do you put in yours?
I put some Halloween decorations outside. I made a homemade ghost but when I put the face on it looked more like ET so I got my bike and put it on the bike! ET CALL HOME!
Kittykat- I hope you are enjoying being home.
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I just use tostitos queso with some of my bean type meals. I season the beans with different seasonings, my faves include barbecue, steak and onion and maple bacon seasoning. Most seasonings I have go with queso, occasionally I use a bit of mayo to sort of hold it all together. My supper would never look nice as a photograph, but it is delicious and nutritious.
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Living, I love the Halloween decorating ideas with ET phone home, that was great.
I have largely been oblivious to the pinkwashing that was happening, think it is because I don't watch TV except for streaming sites. That helps a lot. Only pink I do not mind due to the fact they have raised a ton of money is CIBC bank walk/run for the cure since it started with one of their employees who got breast cancer.
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Thanks Mara for the meal idea. Probably tastes better then it sounds.
I worked at CIBC for many years and up to about 5 years ago I would walk their Run for a Cure. I guess I figured after all the money being raised from everywhere there should have been a cure by now.( But don't get me started on that subject)
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I used to love Halloween, I would decorate the house to the. Nines for the kids. Same with Christmas, inside and outside I made a big deal. Now to me all it is is work. I have no energy nor money to shop. I’m too tired of thinking of decorating a tree again already. It went so damn fast there are no words. Fall has moved in and in his breath is old man winter. I hate snow. Hate freezing. I hate messy roads and shoveling. Yuck when I could help shoveling. I didn’t mind it as much. Now I hate it when I see one snow flake. If someone doesn’t just jump up that second and shovel my DH goes into a fit. My ds better step it up this winter.
My DH is still pushing with my son and moving out and I need him to just stop and let it take its course. That’s what I need from him. I need peace. It drives me nuts to hold my breath until he brings it up again and I have to hear the steam blowing until it’s let out. Until the next time. My son works all day long. Isn’t home very much and really doesn’t do anything except stay in his room. But my DH just won’t stop with it. I lost all my fight when I got cancer. Because I knew I’d be fighting something else now. A bigger beast. One that I can’t over power. It’s hard out there for these young kids these days. It truly is. I feel badly for them. Everything so expensive and difficult to navigate anymore. God help the young ones ( if there is a god even) I wrestle with that sorry guys. I’m going to try to sleep. Lol ha ha another great story. Ugh. Cancer patient stories. Much love and hugs
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Mel, I empathize with the struggle with your son. If he is working and has money, I don't see an issue with him being there. Housing all over is expensive and money does not go nearly far enough. Gone are the days where you can get a decent place for good money. Even in my city, housing is on the rise while wages are not.
I don't know if your son pays rent but is that something you would consider, might satisfy the husband some. Maybe you collect it and put it into a secret account that could go toward a place of his own someday. Just thinking aloud. I hate you are feeling the pressure when there is already so much you and your family deal with.
I must say, I never moved out on my own. I always worked and paid rent from when I was in high school. I never lived on my own until Mom died. It has been a learning curve but a good one for me. I was lucky that my brother and his wife found a cheaper rent place with electric and water included. I make it work on my tiny disability and surveys believe it or not.
I hope things will settle down for you soon or that there are people who can help you mediate the situation to work for everyone, your son, your DH and you especially.
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Mel - thinking of you tonight. Hope you 3 find some peace in living together this winter. I like Mara's suggestion for a rent / fund but understand kids really are stretched thin these days.
Mara- in your pocket, i think you are having MRI tomorrow the 20th still.
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Mel - I hear you about your DS and DH. One of my DS still lives with us. He’s 31. We treat him like a roommate. He pays 1/3 of the household costs + a portion of the grocery bill based on how many meals he averages here. He does his own laundry, cleans his own bedroom and bathroom, and cleans up after dinner if he eats with us.
It wasn’t always this “easy”. It took my DH many years to not treat him like a child in the house. During this transition time, there was a lot of conflict. Once my DH was finally able to change his thought process and see DS as just a 3rd person living here, everything began getting smoother and easier. As DS learned that he wasn’t going to be babied or punished like a child, he began acting more and more adult.
I hope your DH and DS will be able to find peace with each other and move out of the child/parent relationship soon. Small steps. You can’t change a behavior or thought process over night but it can be done.
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Moth that really was a wonderful article. I will share it to my Facebook.
Mel, I'm so sorry for the ongoing struggle with DH and your son. I am not a parent but I was an adult who changed career paths and had to return home to do that. In the mess that was the American economy circa 2008 I lost everything that I couldn't fit in my truck. I packed it to the gills and moved from Arizona back home to Oregon. Had I not been able to live with my folks while going to nursing school, I could not have afforded it. I am still paying on school loans but so much less than what I would have had to borrow were it not for that opportunity. It gave me the chance to reinvent myself and succeed. It was certainly a challenge as a grown adult living back with my parents but I am forever grateful to them for letting me do that for a time.
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Mel- May you all find peace. How very hard it must be for you when you are fighting the other "elephant " in your home which should be filled with love kindness and hope.
When we lived in Ontario my daughter worked did her own laundry etc. but never paid a cent. We decided to move to PEI after my first breast cancer diagnosis for many reasons. We told her we were moving away so it forced her to get out on her own. She said when we sold the house that she comes with it! Since then she has been on her own.
Obviously you can't move I know that but my hope is we all find the peace we are deserved.
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Thank you for the pocket duty, yes my MRI is today. My body has given me a headache which makes me more nervous. I will continue to believe it is stress until told otherwise. I think it is more anxiety since the brain is the one place I have metastasized. Hope results will be good. I should feel better once I walk to the hospital.
My new dryer is fantastic and seems to dry stuff in about half an hour which is good for a 120v dryer. Still not much lint, due to the vinegar I believe but I am happy with it. I will still use the heated rack, even if just to hang stuff up that I do not need to dry.
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mara, hoping for good results from your MRI today. (I did post on the Ibrance thread about my "issues" and that my MO has ordered a MRI for me.)
Carol
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in your pocket mara! hope the headaches goes away with fresh air
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Pocket duty Mara.
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Mara- hoping the MRI went well and your headache has gone away. Definitely stress related. How long does it take before the results are available? Take care
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Mara pocket duty!
Mel I had the dh ds issues. It was awful for me. In the end it was so much better for my son when he left. He could only afford a studio bc he was paying child support. He was not cleaning after himself and I was, mainly to keep the peace but it hurt me bc he knew I would clean up and that he just didn’t care whether my DH was annoyed. Leaves got raked lawn mowed floors scrubbed; he didn’t lift a finger. Eventually I realized I was crippling him and my husband was right. I made the whole process take longer than it needed to. Oh well I loved him to a fault.
One day he casually mentioned that he pays a cleaning lady to come in once a week!!!!There’s parenting for you.
Kitty so glad you’re home moving about
Tanya
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Jumping in pocket duty too with a bag of red vines!
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Thank you all for the pocket duty, MRI went well, fairly quick too. Now just have to wait for results which will be next Thursday. I will say the walk to and from the hospital were helpful in getting rid of my headache. Planning to also go to bed earlier tonight. I will do my best not to worry until I know for sure.
Sunshine, glad you are getting an MRI, that will shed light on what is going on for sure, will be in your pocket for that.
Tanya, hard to know how to solve the dh/ds issue for sure. I am glad that at least he is paying someone to clean his place, yes he should know how but it is good that at least he is not living in a filthy place.
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Thank you, mara. I'm glad your MRI went smoothly. I got mine scheduled for Nov 2nd Hopefully the insurance approval will come through before then. I saw in my MO's notes that she is also going to order a PIK3CA test. I don't think I've had that. I did a little research and it sounds like around 40% of those with ER+, HER2- mets have that mutation (if I read that right). No idea what that means for treatment and I have no idea how long it takes to get the results back. Apparently, they can test the tumor biopsied in my spine last year.
Anyone else had that test? Should I start another thread?
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PIK3CA is pretty commonly tested. It's part of the genomic testing like Foundation, Caris, Tempus etc but I think there's a blood test that they can do for germline. Foundation etc would catch germline or somatic muts
If you test positive, it means you could use Piqray. There's a thread for Piqray here https://community.breastcancer.org/forum/8/topics/...
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Great piece, Moth!
Mel: a man that gives a bed for a gift is a man who knows what women want!!
Love to all on this thread.
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Sinshine, it took so many different tests to finally find the PIK3CA result for me. I wanted to know just in case I could use Piqray. They sent in numerous samples, but they were all too small to find out. Then I did a blood biopsy. Nope, couldn’t tell. They finally got a sample big enough, and it came back negative. It took about a year between different biopsies I had had done
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