My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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Well, I met the neighbour from the apartment above me. He helped me put the garbage cans back, I picked up the garbage out front and threw it in the workers trailer out back. I emailed about the TV left out front and took the recycle bins out back in front the wooden structure that apparently holds our garbage cans.
I know it is not my sole job to put stuff in the garbage but the building is a mess. They do not clean it either.
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$120 extra Mara plus $20 in a few months. You will make that go far!
I had my third PT appointment today, and while I don’t think it will help my foot, it is making me realize I need to move more. An expensive lesson. 🫤 I have leg and butt lifts for homework. My oncologist prescribed gabapentin and PT said go ahead and start it. Hope it works. I would really like to walk more than 1/2 a block.
Elderberry - I cut out wine too except one or two glasses a month. Now it kinda gives me the big D sometimes :-/
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Best of luck on the PT. You'll kick butt.
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Still having low grade temps each day. 99-100.5. I am keeping a log. Had CT chest, abdomen, pelvis yesterday. Nurse called today. No change in cancer. Tumor marker-- CA 15.3-- was up from August, and at its highest value of all time, but CT did not show progression. MO advised to hold Lynparza for 2 weeks to give my body a rest. I am to monitor my temps. And we will talk again in 2 weeks. I am actually looking forward to a treatment vacation.
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Candy, I am so glad you posted. I have been worried about you. Enjoy your treatment break. It would be nice if it gave you some relief from all the horrible SEs you have been enduring. Please keep us updated on how you are doing.
Lynne
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Candy, I have been wondering how the fevers have been, glad a treatment break for a couple of weeks was suggested. Hope your fevers come down and if they do while off and they put you back on, hopefully there is something that can keep your temps normal, in your pocket.
Well, older DB and I talked about shopping today or tomorrow when he was off but he never got back to me today so I assumed I was not going anywhere. I was dressed for bed in bike shorts and a Tshirt when I get a text saying "Here" as usual. Let him know I needed a couple of minutes as I was indisposed, did not want to say had dressed for bed already. So glad I have wigs to avoid doing hair. Took about 5 or 6 mins to brush teeth, put on clothes and my wig. Good to see my DB and SIL, apparently they will share some turkey and stuffing leftovers on Monday after Thanksgiving. I got a can of turkey flakes that I plan to combine with the stuffing I bought. Only got 4 cans black beans, a 2L bottle liquid soap which I will use for my foaming soap and more cheese that I froze.
I have my echo tomorrow morning, though I dislike morning appointments, they do allow me to be back home fairly early. Echo is just my routine echo, no real stakes.
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glad to see Candys name. Hugs sweet woman. hello Mara. 50’s. Elderberry, Kikomoon! Hugs to all.
pocket duty. Oncologist tomorrow. Routine but hate it anyway. Goodnight ladies0 -
I hurt and I'm tired but can't sleep. I had radiation for my thoracic spine, left pelvis and femur. My biopsy results show that my new lesions are completely ER and PR negative. I was HER2 +2 but haven't seen anything for this one. Also still wondering which IV treatment we will use.
Glad to see Candy and everyone. Hope all in FL are doing ok.
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Glad you checked in Candy! Enjoy the treatment vacation, the week I had off from Lynparza was so relaxing knowing I wasn't beholden to the 12-hour alarm on my phone to take pills! It was almost as good as a beach vacation. Let's hope it settles the fevers.
Thinking of throwing in the towel for good on work now - yesterday I ran a terrible meeting, my attitude sucks, the org is a mess, and there is no path for me. I actually brought a stress reliever TO the meeting in order to cope and developed all sorts of new forearm muscles I didn't know I had.
I will be exploring options with my mess of insurance coverage and what work offers for paid sick leave. Have to deliver this one final, painful paper in six weeks and then I may just not go back after vacation and my short surgery leave in December. Already prepped oncology with the 'got a lot of stress' point last month, so it shouldn't be hard to get a long term sick note. Need some space for a few months to decide if thats it for good (and I can file my US papers from the embassy to start the clock) or if I still want to be employed somewhere else eventually.
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I am so sorry about the stress you are dealing with Sondra. Hopefully you have enough to retire and possibly find something else that would not stress you out too much. In your pocket anyway.
I did not wind up going to bed last night, always get wound up after shopping with DB and SIL so did not go to sleep. Instead I dozed on the couch until about an hour ago. Have an early echo. Might leave early so I can walk slowly there. Plus side is I will be home early as well. I don't feel tired though probably will wind up dozing through the day, who knows. Just made one hashbrown, 1 egg to eat just a bit.
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Hi Sondra, eight years ago I was told to go and get my affairs in order; so I thought that's it and stopped working. I don't regret leaving teaching, it was one less stressful situation to deal with. I was able to take my pension early and my partner did the same 3 years later. We are lucky to be financially secure [ at the moment]. I almost had the decision made for me, but no one of knows how long we will survive and thrive. It's difficult, I hope you resolve your dilemma ; work or not and find a way that works for you.
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I have not worked since 2016 when my brain met grew to the point of causing frequent seizures and inability to read the phone numbers of customers calling in.
I am living on disability which has been increased some, I personally think that should happen every year tied into the cost of living but that is me.
I did manage to walk to the hospital but due to insufficient breakfast, just an egg and hashbrown and lack of sleep, was decidedly wobbly. I would stop every once in a while, not due to fatigue but mainly to regain balance and the rhythm of the cane. Took the bus home after echo as I was quite relaxed and tired, think I was in a light doze, the kind where you can hold your breath when told but zone out for the rest. Next walking exercise will involve two walking sticks. Although I do have the walker, I find it a PIA to use, I also would like to improve my muscles at home, including the ones for balance, youtube will be used for that. Split time on the treadmill and going back to the Leslie Sansone videos which are good for the heart and for lifting legs more. I am a huge work in progress, that is for sure.
For my first meal after arriving home, planning 1/4 cup beans, 1/4 cup beefless ground, toss in small handful precooked pasta, literally just a few pieces in a handful, it is rotini. Taking all precooked ingredients, baked beans, preparted pasta and putting into my sauce pan, adding a bit of shredded cheese and some spinach. Not a huge calorie hit but better nutrition. I may try to find some energy after this meal or just doze and catch up on sleep. We will see.
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Sondra-Deciding to go on disability is a tough decision, especially when you are younger. I'm assuming you would apply under US benefits? Keep in mind, that if you don't like being on disability and think you could work, you could always go back to work or start a business. I don't know what you do, but you seem pretty clever and hard working, so I would think you could start some sort of consulting business in the future if you wanted. I don't know anything of what it is like to work in the UK as an ex-pat, but I think if you relocate back to the US, you could try disability and then see how it works for you. If you don't like it and have the energy, you could find another job or start a business. SSA always encourages people to go back to work if they can. But in the meantime it sounds like you are done with your current job and remember stress kills. As we all know on here, nothing is more valuable than our health.
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Sondra~already amazing that you work at all. There is NO way I could do that. The fatigue and chemo brain issues would make that working difficult. I hope you find the right answer for you.
Mara~always on the move! You are my dear. !
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Mel, thank you. Got to admit that I was really tired and rested a lot of the afternoon, planning an early bedtime as chores are calling.
How is your sister doing? How are you personally doing as well? In your pocket always.
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My sister is really sick. She’s getting chemo now. But was confirmed stage four. So I’m very upset. She’s a fighter and I love her so this is shit all around for us. Thanks for asking. Glad you rested when you got home. Hugs my friend.
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Finished today. Another challenging one 0 -
Hello everyone! Charging through the living room to wave a quick hello. I've read some good news (did a happy dance) read some sad, sobering news and offered up a prayer.
Kikomoon, I have plantar fasciitis, olympic level flat feet, in custom orthotics since my early 20s. What you describe, that weird burning, is NOT plantar fasciitis, as you know. But I did wonder if you had shingles. I have never had shingles so don't know for sure. But that bizarre pain that sounds like angry nerves, could it be shingles? I hope not!Decided this was the year that I no longer wanted to dig my truck out of the snow everytime I wanted to go to town for groceries and told Hub we were building a car shelter. To this end I hired a backhoe and bobcat to remove earth from the build site. Hub dropped three trees, one of them sizable, and I cried because damn I am TIRED of the massive clean-up that even one tree takes, never mind three. We have a HUGE brush pile that needs burning when the fire restrictions are lifted (my inner pyromaniac can hardly wait!). Anyway not too far into the land moving procedure - CLUNK - backhoe hits bedrock. He had been digging out tons of rotten rock, but there are seams of solid rock running all through here that machines can't move. You got to get the dynamite. I am not allowed to have the dynamite. I am very disappointed by this as I think dynamite would be BUCKETS of fun! So here we are with this big wad of bedrock sticking up out of the ground. THey were digging back a high bank so this rock is as tall as my truck and disappears into the part of the bank we kept intact.
I scraped off all the topsoil with hand tools. I neatened all the torn moss. I uprighted the messed oregon grape, chokecherry and red osier dogwood shrubs. With a garden clipper I trimmed off all the shaggy roots sticking out of the bank. I hosed all the loose debris off the rock face. I hauled TONS of rock and dirt in wheelbarrow and dumped in the swamp. And then with the area as cleaned as I could get it, big rocks picked, soil raked level and pretty I decided that big wedge of bedrock was too sculptural and unique to cover with a building. So no covered parking for me.Love and hugs to all!
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Mel, beautiful picture as usual. You are talented.
Runor, while I am sorry you were unable to get the covered parking, the bedrock sounds very interesting to look at.
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Runor - Just reading your post makes me tired! What a job! Your words paint an entertaining picture.
Kikomoon - That sounds miserable. It does sound maybe like a nerve issue. I take Gabapentin for neuropathy. Not sure it's helping because I still have trouble with my feet. I sometimes get very sharp stabbing pains, usually toward the toes. It can feel like something is biting or stinging me or I'm being stabbed. At night it can make it very hard to sleep. One thing that does seem to help a little, if only for short term, is Voltaren gel or generic Diclofenac gel. That might be worth trying.
SondraF - I hope you can figure out the best solution for your needs. I think you and I are in similar situations. I love my job but I'm finding it increasingly hard to do well. My boss is gracious but lately I'm at a point that I physically am not getting through the day or am just barely getting by and the quality of my work is suffering. I think I'm capable of still working and I would like to stay in my current position but I feel like my body is calling it quits on me and that's very distressing right now. I've been researching disability options and none of them are ideal.
Mel - hugs for you and your sister. I'm sorry you both are having to deal with a stage IV diagnosis.
This is probably better suited for the Steam Room for Anger but I find myself being furious at cancer. I don't have anyone to fairly direct anger at so I direct it there. It's one thing for cancer to effect our health but the life damage is so unfair. I was diagnosed at 40. I feel like cancer took my health, my confidence and now it's threatening my career too. It's just a lot of loss when I look at it in totality and so I usually don't. Trying to come back from this last round of radiation has really been rough. I felt really well in July, I was working full time hours, had energy and was generally doing about as well as I had in months. Now I'm barely getting through the day and it feels like I'm trudging through sand I'm so tired. The world just seems to have an extra gravitational pull on it. I've had worsening brain fog and I started losing larger clumps of hair so I am doing the buzzed look again and wearing hats. The only thing that changed between July and now was having radiation treatments. I thought I had done well with them but now that I'm a few weeks out from it I'm really struggling. Does that even make sense? I felt fine going through it and even for the first week or so afterward. If it's the radiation it has a very latent side effect this time around. I'm starting tomorrow with my scheduled three 12 hour shifts back to back. Last week I struggled and was only able to do one of the three. If I can't do this I might look at going on a medical leave a while longer until I can figure out what changed.
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Mel- a lovely painting! I'm sorry about your sister. I am hoping her treatment knocks it back.
Runor - I don't think it's shingles, I don't have a rash. And pain is only in my foot. I've actually never had chicken pox, had the vaccine though.
Emac and Sondra- my career is gone. I went on LTD the first of September because it was too much. I hope you both find something that works for you.
Emac - thanks for sharing your foot experience. Mine feels like I've been cut on the side. Can't tell if it's getting better or I'm just fighting through it. Gabapentin will have to build up a bit I thinkbefore I can tell if it’s working.
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Mel, I found it more difficult to deal with my friends diagnosis of cancer than I did my own,as you know what lies ahead for them. It must be even harder when it's your sister. I hope painting relieves some of the stress, the paintings are lovely. Love to you both.
Emac, I don't think anyone realises how long it can take to recover after a course of radiation. I only had 5 sessions and it took months to feel 'better', but never got back to 'normal'. I hope you can get through this difficult time and feel well enough to get back to work. I think we all understand the anger and loss we feel for our previous lives, keep on shouting here.
Runor, fires and dynamite, I would join in if I could. Shame about not getting the car shelter after all your hard work, is there space elsewhere on your plot?
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Emac, I get it. I was diagnosed at 41 and really enjoyed my work and team. However, after about 6 months of feeling a little lost and useless, I focused on new goals and things to accomplish. Retirement is pretty sweet now.
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Well, it’s going to be a rough winter for the pups. After just a few days of 40’s to 60’s temp, we’ve placed a radiant heater next to their kennel and had our electric blanket on for them when they wake up but pig still shakes. His brother Monkey does good to keep him warm but I think it’s time to get these boys some sweaters.
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Oh, poor things but thank you to monkey for keeping pig warm.
I am taking the day completely off, just doing mobile games for cash, not spending any of my cash though, just earning some and did some much needed laundry.
Breakfast was small but full of protein, an egg, 1/2 cup of beefless ground, sprinkle of cheese on top, heated in frypan. Added a bunch of steak seasoning, onion seasoning and peanut butter powder to up the protein. Added some wheat bran for the fiber. Used queso to bind everything, heated for 30 secs in microwave and dug in. I will say that although peanut powder might seem like it will alter the taste too much, I find it can be used to boost protein and by the time you use other seasonings, you cannot really detect it. Can add to just about everything unless you are intolerant (digestive enzymes would allow you to digest in this case) or allergic, easy way to add protein with a lower calorie hit.
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Mae, it is amazing how animals take care of each other’s needs. They instinctively know when they are needed. Have fun choosing sweaters. I can’t wait to see pictures.
Mara, As usually, you have come up with creative meals. Enjoy your Thanksgiving your own way. It will be nice to have the added bonus of some food fixins from your DB and SIL. Turkey dinner has always been my favorite meal. I think because it brings back memories of childhood holidays. I remember opening the doorvto my grandparents’ house and smelling the wonderful aromas of Thanksgiving dinner cooking. Yum!
Mel, I am sad that your sister received news that she is stage IV. I don’t know a lot about her type of cancer, but hopefully, her prognosis has some positives. I am sure things are weighing heavily on your mind. Lean in here when you need us.
It is a cool sunny day here. The air is crisp, the leaves are turning to their glorious fall hues, and all is well here. It is difficult to think of all the horrendous things going on in the world, but sometimes we just need to take a step away from it all.
Hugs and prayers from, Lynne
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Thank you 50's, I had the quasi dinner last night. I used the stuffing mix with celery salt, onion and canned turkey. Added baked black beans and corn on the side. Still have more for today. The dinner was filling and I promptly fell asleep after. A real turkey breast would have been better.
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Today my goal for myself besides getting more chores done are eating well. Think I will make some rice and black beans. Will bake the beans, take the rice and probably add shredded cheese. I should probably just grate bars of cheese as they may be cheaper, need to purchase another cheese grater as not comfortable using the one I grate laundry bars with.
Edited to add that the breakfast of the 1/2 beans and 1/2 cup rice with spinach and cheese was really good. I used my spice grinder to do up some chicken stock that went hard as well as some seasoning from a pasta seasoning as well to add to my meal. The rice was boiled in water with tons of garlic powder was delicious. Did put mayo ontop to blend everything of course. I always microwave the frozen chopped spinach as well to make sure it is cooked to ensure more vitamins as well.
For walking, I am simply going to get as close to 10000 as I can, this will be at home. Giving up the outdoor walks and will bus to where I need to go. Mall walking may suffice once it is not crowded with Thanksgiving shopping. Still going to look for at home strength training. If I do that on the regular, then may look into a gym but waiting. Trying out making some cat spray out of some dried catnip I have, so much less messy. Going to use boiled water, small amount of catnip, let it cool and use a meshbag to strain the dried cat nip. We will see if it works. I don't use a strainer for anything, no point wasting money on that at this time.
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Mara- I think you eat pretty good already! I eat like crap and know my diet has to completely change.
I want to wish my Canadian ladies a Happy Thanksgiving. Had a friend over yesterday for supper. Today I am on my own. Tomorrow will have special son out for turkey dinner.
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Mel - I really love the colors in your latest painting, those greens and blues and the subject are so soothing. I bet that was so relaxing to work on!
I spoke to manager on Friday in a debrief and calmed down - he is very supportive and cares (more from the delivery and stress angle, he doesn't know about the cancer) and told me not to worry, it wasn't worth the level of angst/tension that was in that room, which he also felt. There is too much to explain in terms of background going on here, but that amount of stress messed up my gastro equilibrium for a few days, which meant extra pills to get everything back under control. Its not fun seesawing between Big D and the Barfs (that sounds like an MBC punk band! or maybe a light jazz combo...), so Ill take it easier on myself, can the anxiety, and let things go. I was more than a little concerned Thursday that stress + lynparza would = a stroke or something (i mean, you never know. I think about Rabbit and how out of the blue that was).
Partner suggested we take a long weekend somewhere end of the month as he has to burn some days, so I think we are going to do that. No family stress, no uber planning stress, somewhere easy - throw some undies in a backpack and go level.
Emac - its so very hard to 'give in' this last bit to cancer, I get it. I really identify with work (just maybe not this job) and enjoy working and learning, but not if its coming at further expense of my health. A lot of my anger and frustration at work is seeing others promoted before me - I dont have time to wait on recognition or growth any more, or waiting for someone to make a decision. But then I wonder if it would be any better anywhere else and if its the type of work that causes this anxiety that isnt good and i should do something else completely. What I need is more information on options and from there I think I can decide.
Mae - I can't wait to see the fashion show!
Canadian ladies - Happy Tgiving to you, your tales of turkey and stuffing are making me both jealous and hungry!
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