2018 - February Surgery Support Group
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hi girls!
I too love coming in and checking on everyone. It is still a spot I feel security and safety. I check this site almost everyday and I miss the constant Conradery of each other, but LOVE the fact that we are walking through the journey STRONGER then before.
I’ve always marked my life, “before or after marriage” or “before or after kids”... I have a new marker... “before or after Cancer”. This spot on my life line has become a defining moment. I saw my own strength grow during this time, but I also witnessed everyone around me RALLY and step in close. Those feelings of being well taken care of and loved will never be forgotten. God marked this moment for me as a spot that refined me. I truly look at life differently and pray I never look through my old lense again. This new lense is much more focused on what is truely important in this life. I shed a layer of myself that was hindering me.
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Strengthandjoy —- that was so beautiful to read!! I think feeling that rebirth of ourselves is key in our healing. I check in daily too to see what’s going on with everyone. In a weird way miss that we’re not all right in the same place anymore but seeing where everyone is now is so good!
32b — I’m nearly 100% with arm motion, if I do anything too quickly it can be bothersome or I’ll feel it later
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Strengthandjoy - lovely
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Yesterday was 3rd TE fill and maybe one to go... maybe 2. Not sure when I will know when to stop.
Enjoy the weekend and try not to think about this stuff
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hi everyone!! I wanted to stop in and say hello too! I have 3 radiation days to go and then I finish:) I love reading how everyone is doing and I’m praying for those who’ve had challenges come up. This is certainly a group of women I admire and feel grateful we’ve been able to share our stories and still do.
I’ll have to resume fills to the side that got deflated for the rads and I’m glad its only about 3 I’ll need. Then I wait for about 6 months before I can have my exchange surgery.
Strength and joy - love what you wrote as I also feel Im looking through life with a new lense. My best to eveyone
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HopefulAC, congratulations on getting done with radiation! How great to put that all behind you.
It's nice to hear from everyone on here. I feel like I came out of this really well. I had no complications from any surgery and feel like I'm 90% recovered from my exchange surgery. I still have aches and pains at night and in the morning from trying to sleep with these implants but I can't complain too much. I have 1 more appt with my PS until he sets me free for the year.
I struggle a little bit with the fact that I've gone back to the way things were before cancer. At first after dx, I cherished moments with my kids more, didn't get upset over small things, spent more time with my family instead of doing the day to day tasks, etc. Now that time has passed, I feel like I'm back to the same old me who stresses about the house being a mess, yells at the kids when they leave their shoes all over, crabs about all the laundry, etc. I just feel like I should have had some epiphany or turned into this more peaceful, calm person after having cancer but I guess I didn't. Does anyone else feel like that? I know life has to go on, but part of me is a little disappointed in myself for not turning into a better person having been through this.
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I need a safe space today to let this out. Today I learned a friend with melanoma has relapsed after 4 years and started chemo again last week. I’ve cried for her all morning. And finally for myself too. There’s not even the right words for how awful and unfair cancer is. I hate that any of us are going through this. I hate that I feel better and that she thought she was. My heart just hurts today
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Nursepatient - I have felt impatient and irritated, too. To me, this seems like fallout from the most intense sucker punch I've ever had in my life. It feels almost like post traumatic stress syndrome, which is not really a surprise. The whole experience of being diagnosed, put through the paces, wading through the information in order to make decisions I was not ready to make, dealing with 5 or 6 new doctors, taking care of my everyday responsibilities, wondering if I were going to live or die from this, three surgeries, radiation, getting to and from appointments, dealing with insurance, dealing with HR, dealing with hospital administration, work, fear, gratitude, grace, vulnerability. It's a LOT to process and experience. I began to see everything through a different lens, learned to be more present in the moment, to let people help, to be vulnerable - to find the silver-lining. I've grown as a person. But PTSD is real, and if having cancer isn't stressful I don't know what is.
This is all to say, I hear you. Be kind to yourself. Being aware of a behavior that is affecting your life negatively is the first step in changing it. I'd recommend taking advantage of your hospital/medical resources. For example, I only recently became aware that I had a social worker available to me at Emory - she'd been available since January, when I could have really used her support. Not having access to resources for support was one of the frustrating issues I had (friends and family can only support so much, cancer is draining for everyone). The social worker got me involved in a peer partner program, in which someone (a volunteer) who has experienced my diagnosis is assigned on a one-on-one basis. I enjoy my volunteer, who is my age, a 20-year breast cancer survivor, etc. She's funny and uplifting - a reminder that normal life goes on.
I think people don't become a better person. I think they make a decision to be a better person ever day. I work on it, I succeed, I fail, I try again. I'm getting better.
You've been through a lot. Keep trying, one day at a time. Hope this helps.
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kaywrite, thank you for the response. I guess I never thought about PTSD. I know it exists with all this, just never consider myself being in that boat (just the same as never considering myself as having breast cancer). Either way, I appreciate your post. I guess if anything positive can come out of this, I do think about how I can improve myself. I want to live life to the fullest since now I realize more how quickly things can change.
Mountainmama, I am so sorry to hear about your friend. Cancer just plain sucks. One of my friend's sister recently got diagnosed with a blood cancer and I can tell how helpless she feels that she can't make it better for her sister. I don't understand how we haven't figured out what causes these cancers to occur yet. I will keep your friend in my prayers and that her treatments will go well and make her better.
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Nursepatient35 , I think Kaywrite really nailed it in her analysis and advice to you.
I also feel more impatient rather than less after this whole ordeal. I don't like having my precious time wasted by frivolous people or things, I guess. I would like to pretend that I've become more zen about things but I really haven't. After my last day of radiation on April 24, I shook it off as best as I could and grabbed my life back, good and bad habits and all. So far, it's worked in the sense that I don't think a lot of about cancer as I feared I might. I also yell at my kids and get aggravated sometimes but that's my normal and it's okay.
I'll tell you this, what has changed for me is that I will have that glass of wine if I feel like it and don't worry if I spend a little more money than I might have before. No sweating the small stuff.
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Hi ladies,
I hadn't check in for awhile and it's so nice to hear from you all. MountainMamma, I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. I hope she is responding well to treatment. This must be so scary for her.
The emotional aftermath of this ordeal is its own battle to fight. Thank you all so much for sharing your own thoughts about it and experiences with it. I have not been the same in my professional life since coming back to work. My heart just isn't in it, since so much of my job doesn't "matter" in the grand scheme of things. I feel bad that I'm not doing more "important" or "valuable" work, but then I also feel bad when I get impatient with my coworkers and don't give it my all. When I was diagnosed, all I wanted to do was get back to normal, but now that I have, I wonder if that's enough.
Have any of you changed your lifestyle in order to stay healthy? I know that junk foods and processed foods have been linked to cancer, and I have been making an effort to eat more healthfully and exercise more, but I worry that it isn't enough.
On a happier note, I just got back from a long weekend at a family friend's wedding in San Francisco, where I had never been before. I had a wonderful time. When I got the invitation for this wedding, I had my MX still in the future, and had no idea whether I would be able to go, or how healthy I would be. I'm so, so grateful that we in this group have come out on the other side of this together. There are still mental and physical struggles, but when I think of how I feel right now, compared to how I felt waking up in the hospital afraid to look at my scar, afraid to get the pathology report back, unable to even lie on my side because of those $%&* drains, I realize how fortunate I am.
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HopefulAC- glad that chapter can be closed on radiation.
32B - glad you got in some travel. I am hoping to get to Holiday World next weekend. I was a healthy triathlete before this and have added green smoothies into my diet as a change. I have ridden my bike 30-40 minutes in my hood and afraid to venture out due to fear of an accident with TE and what a mess it would be. I have walked up to 3 miles and added a few jogging intervals in that help me feel like I am doing better. I am doing my prescribed PT routine and see gains but not my presurgery strength yet. I am still staring at my bottle of Tamoxifen as well trying to make myself take it. I am afraid of it.
Nurse patient- maybe you need a promotion or job change? I understand life is different but I need my insurance badly now so I am still pretty driven. Things don’t upset like they used to after this. I am still healing and if I don’t rest enough I definitely feel some PTSD. Noises are louder and I do feel jumpy. Might need to stop caffeine again. I am also being less frugal in my spending and don’t feel I have lived enough life yet. What is Tamoxifen do to you?
Mountainmama- sorry about your friend. I had a friend die of skin cancer at 45 and that was just awful and she wasn’t an outside person at all!
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You girls really make my heart smile. It is so refreshing to hear people talk about EXACTLY what you are feeling. I have thought a lot about PTSD and wondered if some of the feelings I’ve had are linked to that. It makes sense to me.... but I can’t wrap my head around that I may have it. Most days I’m really good, but when I have down time and time alone- it sometimes hits me. Usually I feel sad or anxious. I also notice that I’m more forgetful of certain words or names. Things are on the tip of my tongue and that is weird to see in myself. I still feel so greatful that’s im “ok” and working past all of this- but looking back this was ALOT!
THank you for sharing your hearts on here. You have all made this journey so much better! Better together is definatelybhow I feel about all of you
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Hi all .. been keeping up with your posts as I prepare for my reconstruction surgery .. one more day .. yikes.. looking forward to moving forward but not to the whole recovery process. Again!
StrengthandJoy — I am with you on the tip of the tongue thing . I don’t know if that’s a side effect from the AIs or The anxiety of this experience! But so often I am resorting to google to help me out
ANYone else going with the exchange or reconstruction phas this month ?
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Hi ladies, sorry to jump into your thread but since you are a few more months out from surgery than I am I figured I’d ask here.
I had a NS BMX 13 days ago. My nipples have started to get a little scabby and flake off. I woke up this morning to a little blood on one of them, they are warm to the touch but not hot and nothing else’s is oozing. I’m assuming it’s just from the scabby skin falling off. I guess it’s also a good sign there is definitely blood flow!
Just wondering if anyone else had a NS mx and did your nipples have to go through a healing process? I have come across very few posts that said a little scabbing is normal but not many more details.
Thanks ladies
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Hello SLL101984! I had NS BMX on April 25. in the first week my nipples were black and i thought they could't make it, but when i went to my PS he said that it was just bruising from the surgery. They look exactly like you described yours but i don't know yet for sure. My PS said that they are ok, so hopefully they will survive. I had problem with skin necroses. Under my breast where the incision is i have the problem with my skin that died. I have been in surgery 3 time during this period. Hopefully i don't have do to any other surgery, because i have been in antibiotics the whole time and i can't take it any more. The antibiotics make me sick. Thank you all for sharing your experiences!
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Welcome SLL101! I had a non-nipple sparing SMX. I have a tiny bit of areola left that I'm very proud of. There was a tiny bit of scabbing at the incision site, but nothing major. Good luck to you! I really wish I could have kept my nipple. I hope yours are ok. Let us know how it goes.
Joy2, do you take probiotics with the antibiotics? I find they really help.
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We’re on our way to a family reunion. Stopped to see other family on the way and of course my health was part of the conversation. Prepping myself for the same thing 100 more times. Can I wear a sticker that says “thanks for asking, I’m fine now” to avoid it altigether
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so.... how was the family reunion Mountainmama406
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omg MountainMamma. If you get a t-shirt like that, get one for me too! I hope everything went ok.
Wanted to report that I am currently and for the first time wearing my new silicone stick-on nipple. There's a site where you can choose color, size, etc. either as a set, or to match your natural one. I'm pretty happy with the results. It doesn't match my existing one as well as I'd hoped, but I think if I didn't have that to compare it to, it would be great. The site is NaturallyImpressive.com if anyone is interested. There are a couple others out there. Definitely worth a Google. Just choose your keywords carefully, haha. Where is everybody else at in their reconstruction journey? I know some of you had LX with rads. Are you happy with the cosmetic look after radiation?
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good morning ladies! For those who had a BMX with TEs when were your weight restrictions lifted? I will be 4 weeks out from surgery Monday and I’m still on a 10 lb weight limit! I have a very active 2 year old and its getting frustrating having to make sure someone is always with us as I can’t lift her. I can’t run errands with her, have to bring someone with us or drop her off. This weekend is especially difficult since my husband is on call. He could sit home all weekend or be gone any given moment. I spent last night at my parents with her and she’ll go to my in laws tonight. Just want this lifted so I can get back to some normalcy! Ugh little rant over!
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Hi SLL101984,
We discovered as group while going through our recovery that each plastic surgeon is different. Mine wouldn’t let me move my arms past T-Rex style for at least 6 weeks. He never spoke about a weight limit and because he was so strict, I just assumed I couldn’t lift much of anything.
Right now it feels like a long time... but trust me before you know it you will be past this recovery time and you will look back on it and it will all feel fast!
Sorry I didn’t have a good answer for you. I would just ask your doctor.
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luckily not bad, I was too busy with my kids (husband couldn’t come) to visit with the intrusive relatives. The few that asked were pretty good at keeping it to “we’re just glad you’re okay
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In the waiting room at the doctor's office about to have more pictures taken in prep for my implant exchange. I hate the gowns at my PS office. They don't tie well on top and make me feel like I'm about to pop out.
Happy longest day of the year everyone! Trying to look on the bright side and enjoy some sunshine today!
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32b- how full are your expanders? What implant type and size have you decided to go with? I’m assuming by your name it has something to do with your size before surgery, we were similar so I’m curious where you’re ending up! Thanks!!! Hope everything goes smoothly!!!
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Hi SLL! Yes, my username is my bra size. I only had a UMX, so I'm just getting the foob to match the natural one I have left as best I can. I don't remember how much they filled my TEs. I think it was about 150 ccs. It's kind of funny because right now with the TE my foob is higher and perkier than the real one. The cleavage looks awesome, but I think they're going to lower it a bit to get a better match.
Where are you at with your reconstruction? Have you decided how big to go? Might be fun to go up a cup size if you can, although I'll warn you the expansion process did make my scar a little wider.
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Hi, nursepatient. My name is Lisa. I picked the discouraged name when I first joined this and I will change it as soon as I figure out how. (although I'm still a little discouraged at times)
I had a very hard time with feeling like I didn't respond the way the cancer patients in books and on TV did. I felt somehow defective, or not grateful enough, because the sun doesn't shine brighter for me each day. Initially, I just felt "lucky" that I caught it early enough that it wasn't going to kill me. I planned to gracefully move through my bilateral mastectomy and reconstruction. Then my reconstructions kept failing, I'll save that for a different post, and I no longer felt lucky. But I felt guilty for not being one of those people who felt blessed by cancer and the way it changed my life. Then I found a review of a book entitled, something like Cancer Wasn't A Gift and It Didn't Make Me a Better Person. Just reading the title made me feel better. I did also read the book, but it's the title that still pops in my head frequently when I'm feeling defeated by my reconstruction issues. So, I get it. Sometimes we're just lucky to get back to being who we were. So take it easy on yourself and know you're not alone.
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Discouraged, thank you for your response. I will definitely have to check out that book. I love that life is back to " normal" again. I just wish I saw more growth and improvements in myself from the experience. I'm sure there are some, I just don't always give myself credit for them. I think we all need to be kinder to ourselves. We each went through or are still going through a tough part of our lives. Everyone responds differently I guess.
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Hi Ladies!
How is everyone feeling these days? I'm definitely still getting a bit of the iron bra feeling. It almost seems worse recently, but it's probably all in my head as I've been thinking about wearing summer clothes, my next surgery appointment coming up, etc.
How's the summer treating you all?
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32b, are you going to be having your exchange surgery soon? I had mine April 24th. I'm feeling great. Everything is healed up. My only complaint is that sometimes I'll get an ache at the edge of my implants occasionally or at night if I lie on one side too long, I'll wake up with some aches but nothing's too bad. I've been using some mederma scar cream which seems to make no difference at all. I opted to not do any sort of nipple recon or tattooing. I just really don't care about those as much. I'm so happy to be done with all the surgery/cancer crap. Your iron bra feeling should go away when the expanders come out. Those are so heavy compared to the implants.
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