No treatments for me.

Carp...how r u,what happened?

Went for my first physio on my lumpectomy scar and arm. I have been waiting since last June. It hurt like hell but what a difference it has made. I can move my arm better and my scar tissue isn't hard or lumpy anymore. I love this woman !!

I told this woman she is the only person who has helped me and couldn't thank her enough. I will go for weekly physio and she told me she could help with the swelling in my hand.

Ali, wow! After one appt? That is so wonderful!!!



Looks like Cin was on the board a few days ago, so let's keep posting our notes to her! Hi Cin- my book comes out in a few weeks, I am sending you a signed copy!!

Carp not really and there are people worse off then me.....and I was just reading that....they are funny!!!

Cindy-Rose,

I've read many of your posts.  You are in my heart always.  You have been through so much in your life.  I'm praying with every molecule of my being that your cough lessens and that you have good days ahead.  Can you feel the love?  {{{hugs}}}

Julie

Cin thanks for checking in and you are so brave.....thoughts are with you everyday!!

Want to add my good thoughts and prayers to the others. 

Carp, hoping for good news on your results.

Cin, always thinking of you and sending you streams of peace and happiness and asking the angels to sooth and relieve your poor sore lungs....

love lorna

Cindy - sending hugs and prayers to you and your loved ones.  Your sense of humor is still shining bright.

My middle daughter's depression is getting worse and she took to hurting herself with a knife. She is under the hospital but the guy we see is on leave, I spoke to someone else and she spoke to my daughter. This person then said I think she is fine but hide your knife away. I told her thanks for nothing, then went to my GP who is our family doctor and know's us well.

He said she is worse and we all agreed to start a low dose of antidepressant. I don't know how I'm holding it together but I am.

ali,

I would strongly recommend that you make arrangements for closer monitoring of your daughter. Can she join a hospital day program? It may be advisable to have her hospitalized while she gets used to the anti-depressant. Sometimes anti-depressants cause people to become temporarily more suicidal. The reason for this is because initially, many people are too depressed to have the energy to kill themselves or even formulate a viable suicide plan. At the stat of treatment with many common anti-depressants, a person may begin to feel more energized but still depressed before they start to feel happier. That intermediate period of being energized without being happy is where some people may formulate or carry out plans for self-harm.

Whoever told you about the knife is, as you suggest, an idiot. Your daughter needs to be monitored medically. I do hope you have the wherewithal. Right now, the therapy is less important. She needs medically supervised care. You or any other person cannot do this by yourself. You need the institutional support of a hospital setting. I am not surprised that you feel overwhelmed.

Please get help, and keep us posted.

Hugs, and best to you and your cub.

I want her to go into hospital but they say she is not bad enough. My gp is great and will speak to the hospital on monday. She has terrible moods and when shes bad she sleeps in my bed.

Just got back from my week away, am catching up with everyone here.

Cin, so glad you were able to post a quick note.  I know how much energy that takes for you to do, and I am so grateful that you care enough about us to let us know how you are doing. Is your cough from fluid or from mass effect? If from fluid, draining it might help, but if from mass effect, it is much more difficult to help.  In either case, I am hoping your docs can find some relief for you. I am hoping you have enough energy to get outside and enjoy some fresh air.  I continue to be amazed at how much better I feel if I can spend time outside each day rather than cooped up in the house with computer and TV.

Ali, I concur with those above who encourage you to be persistent in seeking medically supervise care for your daughter.  The warnings about suicidality with the antidepressants should be taken seriously. Too many young people with significant illness are ingored because the health care providers are uncomfortable or unknowledgeable about how to deal with them, often chalking it up to "normal teenage" and "hormonal" changes. Indeed, many of these kids are going through "normal" developmental problems, but cutting and other behaviours you have described go beyond "normal" and should be taken very seriously and treated aggressively NOW so that she can get back on a more normal path. 

I am recovering from a very long trip, am totally exhausted and have a major pain flair today, which I am sure is from fatigue. It was a great trip, I got to talk to some important people who are involved in research, and I got to spend a couple days with my mother and DH doing some sightseeing in San Antonio.  The weather was fantastic, the city was crowded because it was spring break, but overall a wonderful trip. It may take me the rest of the week to rest up, so comments will be short, but I am still thinking of each of you, thankful for each of you, sending lovingkindness to each of you.

Ali, at least a fibroid is not the worst thing! I hope it can be managed with minimal disruption of your life as you deal with all the other issues.

I have been thinking of Cin and the concept of bravery. I think at some point we have no choice but to be brave; courage is moving forward despite fear. We have fear of recurrence, fear of pain, fear of death, fear of disability, fear of losing independence, fear of complications of the disease itself, fear of the treatments.... it goes on and on. And so if we choose treatment that is harsh and difficult, we are brave. And if we choose no treatment but rather the consequences of disease progression, we are also brave. We have no choice but to be brave in our actions. We need to celebrate our courage every day.

I also was thinking about a lot of other stuff, too much thinking today. I realized that we cannot avoid death, but we can avoid (eventually) pain through death.  I am thinking about how my pain experience can transform me: it can be positive or negative, it can make me more empathetic, more willing to help others, or it can make me bitter and angry and cranky and fretful. It certainly does have an effect on my attitude, and I am trying so very hard to keep loving thoughts in my mind and heart, loving words coming from my mouth rather than the whiney, complaining comments that so often greet DH when he arrives home.  I want him to love me, care for me, and if I become very negative, no one will want to be around me, and I don't even want to be around myself when I let that negative attitude prevail. Today has been particularly difficult with pain that has no end in sight, so I am trying to "breathe" through it today, as I have learned in mindfulness-based pain management, took a short walk for fresh air, and am offering prayers for all of you in pain today.  May you all have some relief, know that you are not alone, know that you are loved.

Cin, this is especially for you - more love coming your way tonight.

Sending loving thoughts and prayers to everyone on this board.  Linda, I pray your pain eases and you can recover some of your good spirits!

Prayers for you Cin, hoping the pain and breathing difficulties in your lungs ease.  And loving thoughts to your wonderful husband who must be going through his own hell because of watching you suffer like this.  And praying for all your family too.

love to everyone., lorna

Oh, Celine! Cracking me up!!!! I could dance the whole f***** day, too!!!! Would love to have ALL you ladies, including Cin and Elaine join in for a little dance number today!  Now I will be humming that tune all day!

Lorna, thanks for the well wishes - I think they worked.  I took pain pill and xanax, then spent about 14 hours in bed resting & sleeping, woke up feeling much better. If I could just not move my right arm at all I think the pain would be less as movement of my sleeve against my skin or even skin against skin seems to trigger the burning pain sensation.

Cin, I hope you are getting some relief from cough and pain today. I am sending you mental telepathy of the scene from my back porch: sunny day, brilliant clouds high in the sky, very cool breeze across my face, birds at the feeder and singing loudly in the surrounding trees. I am sitting here, soaking up the moment, breathing, grateful for the moment of beauty.  May you have as many moments of beauty today as possible, and know that you are loved.