Worst Thing Someone Said To You?
Comments
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Ya the time off is a blast I get to sit around and dwell on what I am going through and watch the dust grow..ughhhhhhhh sandi
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This was the "first" one I was told.......
Breast cancer will make you a better person !0 -
Oh yea! This was from a "very" good friend........
well we all have to die of something sooner or later.0 -
The worst thing I ever heard! hmm!!! Alway wanted to tell someone, thanks for the chance.
Two years ago, when I found my b/c metasticized to bone mets, my mother said to me "So what do you expect your sister and me to do about it". How dare you bother your sister with this, when you've never done anything for us".
It plays over and over in my head. My sister was floored by the comment and put my mother in her place.
I was just advised that chemo is starting Thursday and to this day, my mother wants nothing to do with me and my cancer.
Let me tell you, I'm a nice person. I never hurt her or my sister. Took me years to recogize this fact.
Okay, off the pity pot. Thanks for listening. Liz.0 -
Hi Liz,
I am really sorry to hear about what you have been through. Sometimes I think the hurt caused by family, especially parents, cuts the deepest. I am more than happy to listen and you are entitled to your pity pot sometimes.
Take care,
Sandy0 -
Quote:
On a personal note, I was glad to hear you say that the comment, "Oh, my aunt had that, she is just fine, you will be just fine, too" made you simmer with rage. I have been amazed that of everything people have said to me, it's the breezy assurances that I'm going to be "just fine" that make me mad. Not because I think I won't, but because I think somehow that trivializes the intensity and challenge of this journey. I haven't yet figured out how to tell them that and perhaps it's not important that I do. Ah, well.
I'm in "Biopsy Land" right now and that exact comment annoys me too. I thought of something I might say the next time I hear it, though I'm not sure if I could say it with a smile and in a nice tone (haha)... but that would be, "Oh, do you have your ball with you?" And when the person looks at me, confused... I continue on with, "You know, your CRYSTAL BALL, because I'd like to know the winning lottery numbers, too!"
I wonder how this would go over...
DogMother in Missouri0 -
Liz, I have a situation similar to yours. My family (mainly an in-law and a couple of nieces, although my brother won't say anything - it's his wife I'm referring to) doesn't think I "handled having cancer right." My dad passed away at the end of January . . . when I was recovering from chemo and being shuffled around to a new doctor and getting more tests run to make sure that I didn't have a gynecological cancer as well. I just didn't have it in me to deal with more than my stuff, so these folks are now down on me because I didn't call my dad before he passed. It hurts to know that family act this way.
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Liz,
That just sucks that someone, especially family, can even think to say something like that. I'm sorry to hear you've been dealt that blow.0 -
Liz,
So sorry to hear about what you've been through with your mom. Family can make you bleed big puddles of emotional mess better than anyone...
And thanks, Sandi, for the compliment on handling my boss (I think she is the REAL woman behind "The Devil Wears Prada" movie due out soon). I actually ran into her at a play a few months back. She told me her mom had just passed away after battling dementia for years. I sent the woman a sympathy card the next day. Perhaps she'll get the hint that most civilized folks do this - not berate, humiliate and question - when someone close is lost (but I doubt it)...
She actually taught me something about myself: If I can handle cancer, dealing with dad's death and her at the same time, I can handle ANYTHING, lol...0 -
This from my mom: "It's easy, they just stick a needle in and suck it all out then you're done with it!"
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A lady at work suggested we have a pool to see when my hair fall out...nice.
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Real nice Cyndie.
maybe you should start an office pool to see when her husband will leave her or when she will gain 10 more pounds or something
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Thanks guys for the support.
Tomorrow I start my chemo. Freaking right now! I told my 6 yr old niece that I needed a wig. She asked the usual questions. I made it fun, so she wants to shop with me and buy me a "rainbow" colored wig. What do ya think? Hey, it may look better than being bald.
Again, thanks to all, prayers and hugs. Liz.0 -
I think a rainbow coloured wig, to wear when you are with a child is brilliant!! Heck, never mind just wearing it when you're with a child, wear it when you feel like having a rainbow in your heart...when I was first dx'd I was reading a book by Linda Richman (Mike Meyers MIL)about humour in the face of adversity which I believe in totally. I took a tip from her -- when she's sad or has done something (like cut someone off in traffic!), she puts on a fake nose, glasses and mustache...as she said, putting that on and then looking at a driver who she's offended makes it pretty difficult for the driver to yell at her or give her the finger. And when she'd have a "pity party", she'd allow herself to cry for awhile and then put the glasses on and look at herself in the mirror...it's pretty darn hard to cry when you look like that (especially when you put them on and you're bald!!). I bought some for me, my husband and both my boys and whenever I'd be feeling really sorry for myself I'd put them on. Made me laugh in no time. I say, go for the rainbow Liz!!
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Humor is the only way to do this! Get a rainbow wig; heck... get a big nose and groucho marx glasses!
Enjoy and laugh, often.
*susan*0 -
I say start your own pool. You know when hair is comming out and they don't.
Use the win for something neat for yourself.
No, it's not cheating!!!!0 -
OK you all..... Today one of my colleagues said, "Are those red spots on your chest from radiation?" WHO says that??? I was wearing a V-neck (the last for a while!!) and after that I kept trying to cover up... What a dolt!
Pam 0 -
The starting the pool over losing the hair thing is just BAD!!! Although I did like Dotti's suggestion!
Also, PDGD, you should have asked the collegue if that extra 10 pounds they carried was from Ice cream or pizza! Ha!0 -
I guess I have a weird sense of humor - I think the office pool is funny!
But I'd rather have people laugh about my cancer than be afraid of it (or me).0 -
Having read these...so far I have NOT had encounters such as these...but I will remember them! Humor is always good! Someone asks me how I am I tell them that 'I am still on the planet, thank you!'
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Thanks Sherry, you definitely talked me into it. She will just love it.
Thanks again. Liz0 -
Dianne,
Sorry for ignorance. I guess you need the rainbow wig and grouho marx glasses. Let it go. They're clueless. Liz.0 -
Laughter is the key to life. I remember a few months back when i told some girls at work about my cancer they said well at least you will lose weight. I laughed i am maybe 20 pounds overweight now. The funny thing is i am gaining weight not losing , boy was she wrong. I find myself making fun at myself alot, it lessons the tension on how people react to you, kind of breaks the ice. Good luck to all
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Okay, okay, I finally had someone say something dumb to me on the phone today...she's a really nice lady though, and I know she had no idea what it was like to hear what she said...
When I told her I was having rads, she said..."Oh no, did "Susan" tell you about the horrible experience that "Marcie" had when she went through radiation???? (FYI, "Marcie" died a year ago of cancer).
LOL..I just said "oh yes, Susan told me" and changed the subject.
Other than that one comment, she was very nice...she had ovarian cancer in 1996 and had all her "Woman Parts" (capital W, capital P lol) taken out (I could just see her eyes get bigger and her lean into me conspiratorially when she said "Woman Parts" ).
People just don't stop to think about what comes out of their mouths!!
Peggy
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This has been said to me more than once:
"Oh, you have breast cancer? That's too bad, my aunt just died from that!" (In addition to aunt, it's been mother, sister, friend, etc.)
YIKES!
Laura0 -
Yeah, that one's the best. I hear it all the time. what are people thinking or (not thinking).
Liz.0 -
I think the worst phrase you can hear is "Think Positive". It's like saying that if you had been positive all along this would have never happened to you. It's all I heard when I was first diagnosed.
Then I had a mentor from the Canadian Cancer Society come and visit me and that was all she could say was" think positive". She went on to tell me that she had one client that was very negative and was sure she was going to die, and sure enough she did. Needless to say, I never asked her back again.
I since announced to all my friends that I would "bitch slap" the next person that said "think positive" to me. LOL
No one has said it since.
NJN Nancy 0 -
That's one of those things that has always bothered me. Whenever I hear about "'attitude is half the battle" or some such I just cringe. If it was true there would be a lot of great people with good attitudes people still alive.
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I was at a gathering the other night with friends. They were curious about the reconstruction process. I then explained about the expander I had and what was going to happen. The discussion turned to how "unfair" it was that I was getting a "free boob job" paid for by insurance and their breasts weren't perfect either and they had to put up with it. I told them I'd trade my breast cancer for their sagging breasts any day of the week. The whole room went silent!! And these are my friends!! Another friend said, "All in all this "cancer thing" hasn't been that bad for you has it?" I was speechless!! I must have made this look way too easy. And speaking of family member idiots...my own father hasn't spoken to me since I told him I had breast cancer! He said to me on the phone, "No one in this family has had breast cancer!" That was the last thing he ever said to me. He never even called to find out about my mastectomy. (It was in March.) Apparently I brought a black cloud over the family! What a jerk! Glad to have you guys for support!!
Patti0 -
immediately after the radiologist came in and told me that my mammogram and ultrasound were highly suspicious for a malignancy...while i was putting my top back on and in a daze...the technician told me not to worry about it; that one of their coworkers had just been diagnosed with breast cancer and that within 2 weeks she had had a bilateral mastectomy...that it was very quick and very easy.
i still can't get over that.0
